Headline of the day

Florida legislature fails to outlaw sex with animals

Sadly, I'm not sure whether that headline is supposed to be written with a normal period or five exclamation points. I guess it depends on which side of the debate you fall on: normal Americans who don't have or want to have sex with animals... or the Florida legislature.

Why didn't the bill pass this time? Well, they say it's because someone tried to tack on a shady rider for guns and fertilizer, which killed the bill. I say it's because most of the Florida legislature enjoys the sexual thrill of when a wild gator goes into a death roll mid-coitus.

Lest they be accused of supporting sex with animals, the Florida Legislature quit trying to pass this bill because they claimed that they didn't want to be accused of wasting time by addressing this issue. But, as Think Progress points out, they were able to waste time addressing banning gays from adopting or marrying.

So, if you sleep with a member of the same sex, Florida has all the time in the world to meddle in your business. If you sleep with a member of another species, Florida can't be bothered. It's as God intended.