Broken In Brief: Oil prices climb on news of butterfly fart

NEW YORK--A sudden and unanticipated spike in crude oil futures sent shares on Wall Street plummeting late today, as word of a butterfly issuing from its tiny, slender thorax a fart representing less that a cubic centimeter of gas sent shockwaves through the financial industry. Oil prices had dropped sharply earlier in the day on word that everything in the world, for once, was kind of not really all that bad at the moment. But fears that declining crude prices might cut into the profit margins of such noble social institutions as Exxon Mobil and Chevron sent Certified Financial Experts clamoring for a reason to reduce themselves and everyone around them to a cadre of frightened, jabbering lunatics convinced that the global economy was but one shallow misstep away from total ruin. That reason was provided at approximately 10:15 GMT, when a Swallowtail butterfly resting on an olive tree branch approximately 17 miles southeast of Venice emitted what experienced finance reporters referred to as a "squeaker." An Industry Insider operating from Inside the Industry's Insides championed the move as, "a great way to get my idiot ass on CNBC anywhere from 3-22 more times this month."