Friday, June 18, 2010

Hello NoKo

As I type this, the USA is down 2-0 at the half to Slovenia... SLOVENIA OF ALL COUNTRIES! The people from their country who emigrated here chose to live in Cleveland... isn't that enough to explain why they need to be beaten? But as I am in a World Cup mood, I wanted to put up this little story about North Korea's Cup team.

When last we left the Dealmaker and his plucky squad of future defectors, they were having China dress up its citizens as NK supporters because no one in North Korea could either afford to go to South Africa or, more importantly, be allowed by the government to go to South Africa. But his absence hasn't kept Kim Jong-Il from keeping in contact with the head coach of the NK side... through magic.
It's been suggested that North Korea leader Kim Jong-Il gave the coach advice on how to reach the World Cup. Kim Jong-Su, the general secretary of the North Korean FA, has said the 'Dear Leader' gave "in-depth guidance" on how to develop the game in the country and the coach himself has claimed he received regular tactical advice during matches, apparently using mobile phones that are not visible to the naked eye. Jong-Il is said to have developed the technology himself.
That's right, Kim-chee designed and intended the world's first invisible phone. It's one thing to build a quality cellular device, but to invent invisibility? That's why he's the Dear Leader. I heard he's working intently on the invisible vuvuzela.

Man, I know it's a communist dictatorship and all, but isn't it nice to live in a place where our leaders haven't had to go to extreme lengths to pretend that they're something they're not in order to nakedly grasp for popularity?

Oh... right.

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