#bpcares

BP has a message for you, the small chattering masses of people that seem like ants from the big fucking office at the top of the big fucking skyscraper: BP cares about you. You personally. You specifically.

BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg: "I care about the small people. I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care, but that is not the case at BP. We care about the small people."

Now stop fucking causing their stock to plummet YOU UTTER FUCKING PEASANT INGRATES! Sorry, that just slipped out.

Thankfully he used the term "small people" to let all of us know exactly who we were and didn't confuse us with "Big people' like him. Of course they care about the small people; those are the people that drive their company cars, fly their private planes, nanny their children, work their rigs, clean up the oil spill (DON'T TALK TO THEM), and have so expertly made their way of life dependent on oil. And that Gary Coleman guy was hilarious. Small people: good.

Here's a hint, BP: if a Swedish billionaire with a hyphenated name has to come out after two months of the worst ecological disaster in world history and reassure the teeming masses of people that hate him that their faceless mega-conglomerate cares about "the small people".... then it's all become pretty clear that you don't care about the small people or people in general. And we prefer to be called "the unwashed masses."