Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Nice to see you back from vacation, Michele

Last night, during the President's insubstantial, maddeningly vague, afraid to take a serious position on energy legislation, wet fart of a speech he did offer up one concrete idea: BP sets aside billions to a third party who can quickly and competently deal with paying out claims to those disaffected people of the Gulf who inexplicably still fucking love offshore drilling.

To most people this sounded like a smart idea. BP isn't a claims handling service, so let some entity that is properly equipped to do so handle that task and let BP get back to what it does best: blocking media access to oil spill areas and not fixing an undersea geyser of oil. But to Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, this is a clear sign of one thing and one thing only: the icy black hand of Stalin.
"The president just called for creating a fund that would be administered by outsiders, which would be more of a redistribution-of-wealth fund," said Bachmann. "And now it appears like we'll be looking at one more gateway for more government control, more money to government.
"But if I was the head of BP, I would let the signal get out there -- 'We're not going to be chumps, and we're not going to be fleeced.' And they shouldn't be. They shouldn't have to be fleeced and make chumps to have to pay for perpetual unemployment and all the rest.
That's right, a third party entity paying out legitimate claims to the thousands upon thousands of people BP fucked over is just a Trojan horse for teh socialisms and teh government control! Tea baggers unite! And as an added bonus she offers a warning to BP not to let them get pushed around by big bad government and all those assholes who think they're entitled not to starve just because BP took away their means of making a living.

Nicely done Michele, way to look out for the little guy. It's heartening to know that even in the midst of a serious environmental and corporate malfeasance crisis, you've bravely hewed to socialist conspiracy theories and the idea that BP is in danger of being the victim here. Those lazy peasants and their complaints about the oil killing all the shrimp. Don't they know BP has dividends to pay out? Stay classy.

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