Balls: a history

With that kicky footy game in full swing over in the place with all the black people, Americans, nigh unfamiliar with the game beyond it being the thing they have to watch their sons and daughters play until the children realize there is no financial future in it, need an education in the history of the sport. With that in mind, the New York Times has provided a history of the soccer ball.

This is the ball that was used in the second half of the 1930 Uruguay v. Argentina final. This was the ball Uruguay brought, having played the first half with the ball Argentina brought. That's how things worked back then. The Uruguay ball was bigger and firmer and made with the skin of political dissidents. Their resistance to government commands translates to a resistance of wind... resistance.

The classic soccer ball as we know it. It debuted in 1970 at Mexico. The design was meant to be more visible on TV and the hexagonal shapes were meant to ward off evil Mayan spirits who were set to disrupt the game.

The current ball. Comprised of the fewest panels ever, 8, the ball is almost a perfect circle... as confirmed by circle experts and roundnessologists. The decal design on the ball was created after an extensive research session with the family and ex-girlfriends of England goalkeeper Robert Green, with the specific goal of confusing him when it was in flight. The inscription on the ball, "Jabulani", means "devil orb", a reference to South African end times prophecy where a giant horned Satan will appear and kick the Earth into an oversize outer-space net/black hole.