Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

TB Science Corner

via the Big Picture blog's Saturn: That Ringed Bitch series.

Because I'm tired of cataloging the ways in which our society moves backwards.

Third time’s a charm, Congress passes science act
Ho ho, finally Democrats figured out a way so that Congress could vote on a bill that creates growth, creates jobs, and provides much needed funding to science and technology, but also not prove they're all sex obsessed fiends who love government employees looking at porn. Because when it comes down to voting for scientific advancement in this country or voting against scientific advancement because some cheap procedural trick made you susceptible to "pro-porn" attack ads, our elected betters will always choose to hamper our future. At least they found a way around it... this time.

BP OK's test of Costner's oil-cleaning device

Yes, the celebrities will finally be allowed to save us. Costner's machine, which separates 97% of oil from water and can do 210,000 gallons of water a day, will be allowed to be tested in the Gulf. I think this marks the first cleanup attempt that will not involve spraying the most harmful chemicals, or improperly setting up booms, or pumping mud, trash, and golf balls into the sea in order to slow the oil. If you're counting at home, that makes it one outside idea that's being listened to. And why not, it looks like BP has a handle on this whole thing.

Hubble Watches as Star Slowly Devours Planet
And you thought the Hubble was just for science. No, it's for perversely watching the death of planets many, many light years away. In this case a sun slowly devouring a planet over 10 million years. Of course we won't get 10 million years of "Ahh, ahhh, we put our tip in the sun again", it'll just a few seconds of "Hey.... did the sun just get fifty billion times larger and start expanding this way at a rapid rate? No, I'm not fucking around." and then we'll be immediately incinerated. That is if our society can last for another couple billion years. It's not looking good. One century at a time, civilization, one century at a time.

What is the Air Force doing with space?
Without even reading the article, I'm going to guess... militarize it. Yup, *pumps fist* I was right. But the Bad Astronomy blog looks into the Air Force and the mysterious Mach 6 hitting X-51A and the even more mysterious X-37 B "Flying Twinkie". At least one of the sectors of government is committed to making the ship technology of Battlestar Galactica a reality.

Quantum teleportation achieved over 16 km
Good news if you're a photon and you need to get information to another photon 16km away. You can now teleport it instead of calling or e-mailing it. I going to take a wild stab at this and say we're literally a few weeks away from Verizon and Comcast handing out Quantum Entangled Particle cards for our cell phones and internet connections so we can text and download porn instantaneously.The future is here, people.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Stay classy, New York Post

Maybe you watch Dancing With the Stars and already knew this, but Professional singer and dancer Nicole Scherzinger beat Olympic Ice skating gold medalist Evan Lysacek for the prestigious crown. Yes, a show that is ostensibly about celebrities making asses out of themselves and learning to dance effectively had a final three (including ESPN reporter and former college cheerleader and Florida Gator dance team member Erin Andrews) that basically comprised three people that were as close to professional dancers as they could possibly be. Yeah, I bitter about the competitive purity of celebrity dance competitions. Whatever.

How do you think the New York Post decided to announce the pop singer beating the skating champion?Get it? Because all male figure skaters are giant homos. Hilarious. Nicely played. I'm sure it beats your original headline of "Jiggle tits beats faaaaaaaaaaaaag". Stay classy, Post.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Bull Durham will fix this Gulf thing

Who do we look to when environmental crises are afoot? Celebrities. No, I'm not kidding. In their efforts to be holier than thou on a range of issues, mostly on the environment and humanitarian needs, celebrities go the full nine in learning about an issue so they can get bonus points for seeming smart. And it works to humanity's benefit. Just look at Bono in Africa, Angelina Jolie for the UN and refugees, or Sean Hannity for the families of soldiers. Actually, discount that last one.

Hell, Jack Nicholosn was touting hydrogen cars and solar power three decades ago. We should have listened to him.

So now with the oil spill in the Gulf, no one clear on how much oil there is or where it's going, no one sure if the leak was even completely plugged, our betters largely acting as if they're unaware of underwater oil hazards, better oil dispersant technology going unused and tests being needlessly delayed, isn't it time we turned to Kevin Costner? No, seriously.

97%? If that's true and can be deployed large scale, I promise to buy two copies of Mr. Brooks and see that Coast Guard rescue movie that he made with *shudders* Ashton Kutcher. Apparently Costner has been funding this project for 15 years, which was spearheaded by his brother, who is a scientist.

So let's get Kev out there in with a pump on a semi-futuristic boat, have Dennis Hopper fire guns at him while chain smoking, and we'll call it Waterworld 2. It'll entertain and help clean up a large scale environmental disaster. Hey, Costner in a pontoon couldn't do a worse job than BP.