Monday, May 3, 2010

Broken in Brief: Local Cop Walks Away Slowly as Something Explodes Behind Him

CHICAGO—Earlier today, tormented outlaw cop Jack Murphy was seen walking away slowly as most of the warehouse district exploded behind him.

“Yeah, there was this huge shootout between him and like two dozen Colombians,” said Walter Fields, a bystander who hid behind a stack of boxes while the epic battle was occurring.

“Murphy shoots them all in a pitched gun battle --without reloading-- and then I see him talking to the one Colombian he had left remotely alive. I couldn’t hear what Murphy said, but I bet it was gritty and embittered. He then flicked a lit cigarette into a pool of gasoline that had appeared and walked away as the man screamed "You'll pay for this, Murphy" and the building exploded. From reports I've heard, Murphy has already paid. Dearly.”

Murphy, a rouge officer with the Chicago police, has been waging a long and bloody battle with area drug cartels for the past few months. Blaming them for the death of his family, he has engaged in outlaw tactics that local citizens have deemed “the coolest shit they have ever seen in their lives”, ranging from various shootouts that would be killer to see in slow-mo, several exciting car chases, an incident where he was hanging from a helicopter as it spun out of control over the Sears Tower, and several mano-e-mano gun duels which ended with Murphy snarling out a terse, vindictive one liner before coldly shooting his prone opponent to death.

“After the initial fire raged, Murphy turned around and asked ‘Hot enough for you, Mendoza?’ before the building exploded even bigger than before,” finished Fields.

“It was the coolest shit I had ever seen in my life.”

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