Billy Mays would never hit a woman

When last we saw Vince the Shamwow guy, he had just begun his ascent up Mt. Popeil on a bed of extra absorbent rags. Furthermore he was using his new found fame and money to do what any of us would do: wage ceaseless and unending war against Scientology because they backed out of funding our Kentucky Fried Movie/Naked Gun ripoff. Such a heartwarming story. Hey, I wonder what he's doing now?

Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.
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After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported.

Turns out selling the Shamwow and SlapChop on late night TV doesn't get you knee deep in South Beach Latin ass. Meth fueled rage, anger at the fact you're the Shamwow guy and your expensive hooker is biting your tongue,  or Scientology set up? All we know is Billy Mays has no sympathy and knows how to keep his hooker beatings on the down low. 

It was a nice 15 minutes you had Vince, we'll miss you. In a few years you'll enter the urban myth lexicon. If you're lucky the story will get exaggerated to "had his face eaten off by cannibal prostitute" and passed on by impressionable fifth graders everywhere in between stories about the Life cereal kid's stomach exploding after mixing PopRocks/Coke and the Richard Gere gerbil thing. It's not a great life, but well that's what happens when you fuck with Tom Cruise's belief system.