President Norris

I may run for president of Texas
by Chuck Norris

On Glenn Beck's radio show last week, I quipped in response to our wayward federal government, "I may run for president of Texas."

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government.

Don't let me stop you Chuck, please, do go on.

How much more will Americans take? When will enough be enough? And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution?
...
"If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country...Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.
...
For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon. Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation.

There are times when I think that the satire pieces we run are just taking natural events within the GOP and tweaking them slightly out of proportion. Then Chuck Norris goes and declares attempts to save the economy as totalitarianism, advises secession and a possible second Civil War over the neutered measures the government is taking, and half jokingly vows to run for President of Texas.

Then SC Gov. Mark Sanford declares the US is Zimbabwe and Obama is Mugabe, right after he fucks his state's school system for $700 million, because the government passed a stimulus and he doesn't understand economics. It's about that time I realize that satirizing the GOP has essentially been reduced to just passing on what they did, while trying to comically/mentally blunt the repercussions of their actions.

President Chuck, please secede. You run Texas, I'll run the Islamic Caliphate of Mattsylvania. Start up your new awesome country based around the teachings of Glenn Beck. I promise not to miss Texas (maybe I'll miss Austin) if you promise to take Oklahoma, Kentucky, and most of the South with you. You can live in your tax cutting, Mexican skull busting, symbolic tea party paradise of New Freedonia and we don't have to let you drag us down with you. Go. Faster. Before the icy hand of health care is at your throat.