Thursday, April 23, 2009

Summers Slumbers, or, Lie to me, Larry! Lie to me!

We've all been there: Big meeting in the middle of the day right after a late night vandalizing John Boener's office, urinating in the capital rotunda, prank-calling the Secret Service, or whatever it is high-level government officials do to get their shriveling white rocks off. These things happen. As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain these are the precise conditions under which Joe Biden helped write the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act. Aside from Biden being a seven-time Senator from the great tax haven state of Delaware.

That said, White House economic adviser Larry Summers has to step it up. Today was Barry's big meeting with the executives of all those credit card companies who seem genuinely worried that when our elected betters champion a new era of corporate responsibility, that era might actually come to pass. This is child's play, Larry, and not the last you'll see of it. You react to public outrage at the rich & powerful by sitting down with the rich & powerful. Wag the finger, wink the eye, and it's time for lunch. Note: It never hurts to have a bunch of cameras present.

But this was a problem for Larry, who couldn't seem to stay awake through the meeting. Why was this a problem? There were a bunch of fucking cameras present.

The real tragedy here is that this was all so easily preventable. Take heed, Lawrence. The next time you're headed into a meeting room crammed with media, take thirty seconds and swing by Rahm Emanuel's office. Find something that looks like THIS. It's full of pure cocaine. You'll get a lot of work done that day, I promise. And more over, you won't make an utter ass of yourself in front of a badly broken country during a meeting whose express written purpose is to help un-break said country.

...awful jackass.

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