Broken in Brief: G20 Spouse luncheon turns catty

LONDON--An otherwise cordial opening to this week's G20 summit quickly turned sour as a luncheon for spouses of member country leaders held at London's famous The Fat Duck grew tense and eventually descended to outright catty.

According to a member of the waitstaff who requested anonymity on the basis of retaining gainful employment, the spouses of the world's most powerful leaders barely lasted through the soup course. "Soon as 'at French bird refused the beef and truffle stew, the temperature in the place must've gone down ten degrees," said the server in a clear reference to Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, songwriter, former model, and wife to French President Nicolas Sarkozy.

"Once 'at happen, the Souf' American lady [Cristina Frenandez de Kirchner, wife of Argentinian President Nestor Kirchner] and the Spanish lass [Sonsoles Espinosa, married to Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero] started whisperin' to each ova in Spanish and all gigglin' loike."

Added the anonymous server, "I suppose 'anorexic ancient rock star cum dumpster' is pretty much the same in every language, yeah?"

It was at this point that Bruni took umbrage and commented on the size of both her assailants' hind quarters, using their native tongue. Ms. Bruni then allegedly employed English -- a common language between the three -- to refer in a less-than-diplomatic manner to the Moorish influence on Spanish DNA.

Soon thereafter, America's First Lady, Michelle Obama, removed her earrings and stood up from the table, yelling, "Will you ignorant-ass bitches please shut the fuck up?" before being sandwiched and restrained by Margarita Zavala, Mexico's First Lady, and Laureen Harper, wife of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

Sources report that Joachim Sauer, husband to German Prime Minister Angela Merkel, watched these entire proceedings contentedly, a large decortive beer stein in one hand and his other resting almost motionless in his lap.