World Health Organization Raises Swine Flu Alert LevelThe World Health Organization raised the alert level of the fast-spreading swine flu virus on Wednesday afternoon, indicating that a “pandemic is imminent,” on the day that a Mexican toddler who had been hospitalized in Houston became the first person to die from the disease on United States soil.
Dr. Margaret Chan, the director general of the organization, said that the “phase 5” alert out of a possible 6 levels signified that at least two countries have spread the virus by human to human contact, and that the highest phase 6 was probably imminent.
“It is really all of humanity that is under threat during a pandemic,” Dr. Chan said. “We do not have all the answers right now. But we will get them.”
For those of you playing at home, the
six alert levels are:
- Phase 1: Ma, the animals are coming down with something!
- Phase 2: I think I done got what Bessie and the livestock done got
- Phase 3: Quit whining and wipe your nose, it's all under control
- Phase 4: Oh...uh *tugging at collar nervously* I didn't expect the disease to jump countries so fast
- Phase 5: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Wereallgonnafuckingdie!
- Phase 6: The Stand
Yeah, so uh, really good news. I wish you all the best as you try to fight this...near pandemic...of.....killer...I WON'T DIE LIKE THE REST OF YOU!!!!!
*sound of frantic running, large vault door opening, large vault door closing and hermetically sealing, and muffled weeping*
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