Expenses, expenses

During the season premiere of Mad Men, one Pete Campbell remarks that if a publicity stunt the ad agency were to hire hookers instead of actors, he could charge the cost to his expense account. Laughs abound. A humorous juxtaposition of the way things used to be when compared with contemporary social mores. Oh Mad Men, you've done it again.

But surely that was just how they did thing in the sixties, right? Well... unless you're a modern defense contractor.

DHB, which specialized in making body armor used by the military in Iraq and Afghanistan, paid for more than $6 million in personal expenses on behalf of Mr. Brooks, covering items as expensive as luxury cars and as prosaic as party invitations, Ms. Schlegel testified.

Also included were university textbooks for his daughter, pornographic videos for his son, plastic surgery for his wife, a burial plot for his mother, prostitutes for his employees, and, for him, a $100,000 American-flag belt buckle encrusted with rubies, sapphires and diamonds.

There's so much win and so much "AMERICA.... FUCK YEAH!" that it's hard to contain in one paragraph. That's just part on one man's story of fraud, insider trading, company-financed extremely tacky personal extravagance, and a weird obsession with mind erasing pills that don't exist.

But let's not get hung up on the illegal money wasting of one man, his fake titted wife and his pornography hound of a son. Can't we mention the legal money wasting of our own government?

A US federal watchdog has criticised the US military for failing to account properly for billions of dollars it received to help rebuild Iraq. The Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction says the US Department of Defence is unable to account properly for 96% of the money.

Out of just over $9bn (£5.8bn), $8.7bn is unaccounted for, the inspector says.
...
The funds in question were administered by the US Department of Defence between 2004 and 2007, and were earmarked for reconstruction projects. But, the report says, a lack of proper accounting makes it impossible to say exactly what happened to most of the money.

96%? I'm surprised it wasn't 100%. But then again, it's easy to account for the $300 million they spent on strippers and coke. "Yeah, if you're looking for the money, it's wither in a g-string or up my nose. Put that in your ledger."

I do like the notion that we have an explanation for the other near trillion or so we spent in Iraq. Oh sure, we have tanks, bombs, bullets, and paychecks to show us where that money went. But I'll be damned if I know what it is we bought with that cash.

Still, if you want to relive the glory excesses of the sixties or just have absolutely no accountability for what or how you spend vast, allocated sums of money... you could do worse than a warzone.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.09

From Buzzfeed's Annotated Guide To Images From The Anti-BP Movement

In We All Know This Intuitively news the AP has kindly revealed that 58% of all the judges in areas affected by the BP spill have financial ties to the oil industry. Seems low. Just wanted you to know that in case you were getting any ideas in your head about "They'll get theirs through the legal system." Nah, kid, nah.

Breaking from years of established US government and official New World immigration policy, Native Americans have been allowed a legal victory that will seemingly come without betrayal from the white man, smallpox blankets, mass slaughter, some horribly inhumane forced resettlement, or a cloying portrayal as cat people in a James Cameron movie. It seems some in the justice system have forgotten the principles this country was founded on: fucking over Indians at all costs. Hopefully this is stopped before they gain the sense and legal standing to get justice on all that other stuff we, by which I mean all the white people who were here before my ancestors immigrated here, did to them.

With all the reports of environmental calamity coming from the Gulf, it's hard not to consider the worst case scenarios for the entire region, economy, and wildlife. But what about considering the worst case scenario for BP? Thankfully Andrew Ross Sorkin goes through what might happen and the possible future is quite a theoretical delight. Bankruptcy, cleanup costs going over $20 billion, $15 billion in claims, billions in Clean Water Act fines, Tony Hayward being pushed into a wheat thresher and then having pig excrement rubbed in his wounds, endless litigation, an unrepairable reputation, and BP being forced to break itself up are all possible options. All of them might happen. I'm crossing my fingers for the wheat thresher one. Just keep thinking positive and they all might happen.

In Punishing the Whistle-blowers, Not the Criminals They Expose news, the US Intelligence analyst who exposed the video of helicopter gunmen essentially murdering innocent civilians was arrested. It's nice to know what our priorities as a country are: arrest people who expose wrongdoing; let the perpetrators who flagrantly breaks laws off scot free while continuing their illegal policies. We have an awesome country.

Rolling Stone has put up an article on the BP oil spill and the Obama response. It should essentially be titled The Shit You Should Actually Be Mad At Obama Over. It goes over the hiring of cronies, the failure to reform MMS, and all the other problems we pointed out before. It'd be a good place for our media to start taking a look. But instead we'll continue to get stories about whether Obama needs to get angrier, the crisis over Obama not showing enough anger, and now: did Obama show too much anger when he said "know whose ass to kick" on the TV? Like I said, our priorities as a country are just super.

In closing we leave you with a review of Willow Ufgood/Wicket's biography Size Matters Not.

Milestones

People, I'd just like to point out that we've now spent over one trillion dollars on our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. One. Trillion. Dollars. American. Not pesos or rupees or something. American dollars. As an additional milestone, Afghanistan either is or will shortly become the longest war ever fought by this country. Narrowly edging out Vietnam and the combined efforts of World War I and II.

Now some of you might ask what we've gotten for all the time and ridiculous amounts of money we've spent over there. I'll tell you: we got Al Qaeda's #3. Again.

The operational leader for Al Qaeda in Afghanistan was killed in an American missile strike in Pakistan’s tribal areas in the last two weeks, according to a statement the group issued late Monday that American officials believe is correct.

Yeah! Seems worth it to me.

I personally am just glad we didn't decide to take that one trillion dollars and spend it on something like universal health care, our infrastructure, our power grid, green technology, technology in general, sciences and education, or otherwise use it to try to improve and better our day to day lives. Nope, bombs and guns and war, for little visible benefit. Much better use of that money.

But we do have to ask: where's our thank-you note from the military industrial complex? We didn't expect flowers or a phone call, but something--something would have been nice. Eh, maybe they're still writing up all the ones from Nam. Maybe next Memorial Day weekend.

Hearts and Minds in Many Pieces

Yesterday morning Wikileaks released a long-anticipated classified US military video depicting the 2007 killing of approximately 12 Iraqi civilians -- including Reuters employees Namir Noor-Eldeen and Saeed Chmagh. Reuters filed a FOIA request for the video soon after the attack but was constantly rebuffed. Wikileaks credits several anonymous whistleblowers with providing the footage. A senior military official has confirmed the video's authenticity.

I've posted the 17-minute edited version below. The entire tape is available for research purposes at Wikileaks. This is not easy to watch.



For more information head to Wikileaks and Collateral Murder.

Explaining this stupid country

Congressman John Murtha died the other day and while it is official TB policy to mock the recently deceased (if at all possible minutes after their reported death) there really isn't much comedy to mine out of the death of an old hack politician croaking under semi-normal circumstances. Plus, he flared up the whole anti-Iraq war debate so there is residual appreciation.

But the man was an avowed money whore and never met a gaudy, expensive military boondoggle that he wouldn't support. In fact, his passing will probably do more to effect the bottom lines of defense contractors than anything short of a new war. Need proof? Thanks to TPM we have visual evidence of this full page ad in the Washington Post taken out by Lockheed Martin in order to thank Rep. Murtha for his years of service. I assume they meant to the country, but it doesn't really come across that way.


And you thought corporations didn't feel or have emotions just like regular people. That's why it's valid that the Supreme Court treats them like actual people. It was nice of them not to explicitly state that not only did they own Murtha, but that they'll own the next person from his district lock and stock, but I think they inferred it a little too heavily for a "In Memoriam" ad.

So vaya con diyos, Rep. Murtha. It's a shame we were too lazy to Photoshop a picture of you onto a rainbow bridge, but we were. Especially me. We would just like to offer our condolences to Johnstown. Mostly because Murtha's love for district pork and shady kickbacks comprised almost the entire Johnstown economy and now that he's gone the economy will just finish off what the flood and the Syracuse Bulldogs couldn't.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 02.03

Gates Makes $10 Billion Vaccines Pledge
Over the next decade the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will pour $10 billion dollars into the development, funding, and distribution of vaccines to the world's poorest countries. Why? Because apparently they base their scientific based philanthropic ideas on so-called science and not on the hankerings and notions of former Playboy models slash MTV dating game-show co-hosts. That's a mistake. I think all of Africa is going to have autism soon and I don't think Bono can write a song good enough to fix that problem. You've doomed the continent with your science and philanthropy, Bill and Melinda.

3 G.I.s Killed in Pakistan. Now Can We Start Treating This Like a Real War?
Hey, did you know we're essentially waging a secret ground war in Pakistan with special forces troops and air-strikes and all that good stuff? Well, 3 soldiers got killed in a battle inside the Pakistan border, that not only was in Pakistan and a Taliban stronghold (shocking), but had been declared to be free of militants/insurgents by the Pakistani military, so now you definitely know. Whoops! Much discussion ensues about when we can start admitting that this is an important front, probably the most important front, in the war on terror? Well, considering that we can't admit we're even there in a support capacity, I'm guessing those odds aren't good.

Iran Sends Mouse, Turtles Into Space
Here we are, cutting NASA's Constellation moon program and Iran is launching a mouse, two turtles, and a worm into space for what experts deemed "no scientific purpose." I think we know what the purpose is. With us seemingly abandoning our aim to return to the moon and Mars, Bitches! seemingly in flux, it seems that in the future America will rest it's head under a moon that is half Red Chinese and half Islamofacist. A Christmas themed satellite of terror and communism. This is our future, people: the moon has been ceded to our enemies. We beat everyone to the moon by 50 years and then spend the rest of that time ceding back that superiority in sad gasps.

Iraq war was illegal, Dutch panel rules
I know, what a surprise, but the Dutch have conducted their own inquiry into their own support of the war and have found the war not only to be inconsistent with Dutch government policies but with "no basis in international law". This to go with the ongoing UK Iraq Inquiry, which is finding generally the same thing, but just spent considerable time grilling former PM Tony Blair over his own conduct and complicity with Bush Administration lies. What are we doing? The sound you hear is crickets chirping because to take a look at the massive fuckup that was (and still is) the Iraq war, that would mean we were "looking backwards" and not "looking forwards". So we just have every other country on earth act like adults, review their and our conduct, and declare the whole thing a fraudulent sham that didn't improve anything, while we sit around and pretend everything is fine and don't even make our leaders answer basic questions about what happened. America, fuck yeah! We're adults.

Darfur Genocide Charge Being Reconsidered Against Sudan President Omar al-Bashir
Bad news for all you Omar al-Bashir fans out there. It seems that they might just add "killing a fuckload of people" and "concentration camp type stuff" back on to his arrest warrant. The only thing stopping them? No one could really seem to muster up the energy to care or even do something when the genocide was ongoing (and is still ongoing), so they're having the same kind of trouble mustering up the same kind of gumption it takes to add "and also for being a rotten, genocidal, murdering shit" onto the end of a warrant. Fair is fair. At least they're consistent. Here's hoping they can find the time to bother charging him with this and then trying him for it. I'm not really hoping for much though.

Depressing information about Iraq of the day

With lasts month's bombing attacks in Iraq that left 127 dead, an attack that killed 155 in October, bombings that killed 35 in August, and attacks over the weekend that killed at least 35, the question is asked "why don't Iraqis have better bomb detectors?" Well, they have the money, they just choose to spend it on fraudulent technology sold by monstrous crooks. Still.



$85 million was spent on this "technology" from a UK company that is now under arrest for fraud. But the "machines", car antennas hooked up to a device meant to detect department store theft, are still in use by an Iraqi government who still seems to think that they work.

So in case you were wondering why the security situation is still so unstable after this many years and why dozens of bombs seem to go off each month, just know that one of the pillars of our security strategy was hoping that magic detected car bombs. Don't worry though, I'm sure we'll get this figured out sometime in the next intervening decade we spend in Iraq.

It's a deal, it's a steal

You know it is our duty here at These Bastards to bring you news of any financial opportunities that cross our paths. So we would be remiss if we didn't tell you about the above ship, named the MacArthur, that Yachtworld is currently selling for the bargain basement price of $3.7 million. Don't take my word for it, look at the specs:

The "McArthur" is totally self-contained, makes her own water, and has satellite communications systems that provide for continuous broadband service and satellite telephone. The vessel has a two bed hospital and carries adequate stores of food and supplies to support her crew and 30 additional personnel for 45 days without re-supply. She has the ability to land and fuel small and medium size helicopters and store, launch and retrieve 3 small craft up to 15 tons and 36 ft. in length. She has temporary sheltering for over 100 survivors from disasters.

With those capabilities and at that price, I don't think it'll last long, so if you wan it you'd better move on it. Need any more incentive? Well, it was the boat Blackwater outfitted in order to take up the private-sector pirate-hunting business. But then those Somali guys stopped taking so many hostages, the 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movie was a bloated mess, and Blackwater's name became toxic, so there just wasn't a market for them to exploit.

$3.7 million. I can guarantee it was never used to temporarily shelter 100 survivors in a humanitarian crisis. No wear and tear. Maybe you can start your own extra-legal navy or just hold monkey-knife fights in international waters. Do whatever you want. Think about it.

Oh and don't get all teary eyed for Blackwater. They may have had a setback on their plans to buckle swashes and sail several seas, but on the other hand, they did get a big thumbs up on indiscriminately murdering 17 Iraqi civilians in a gun "battle". So they do have that going for them. Frankly this yacht sale just saves them the negative publicity that would have stemmed from their inevitable sinking an Iraqi fishing boat with 17 people on it.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 12.22

COP15: Climate 'scepticism' and questions about sex
Richard Black of the BBC takes a look at why those who are skeptical to downright hostile towards the notion of climate change are almost entirely men. He goes on to wonder why, if the opposition to climate change is such a rigorous and scientific deconstruction of flawed science, why Sarah Palin is the only woman who seems to have signed on. I'm sure it's because she's the only woman smart enough to realize what a hoax it all is. That must be it.

How to Slow Climate Change for Just $15 Billion
A look at how one of the most dangerous and destructive forms of carbon, black carbon, effects temperature and ice levels and how a simple investment in moving developing countries away from using open fires towards using clean stoves would dramatically slow climate change. On the other hand you do lose that "smokehouse" meat flavor that everyone loves, so I can see why no one is really eager to do this.

Uninsured and Dying Because of It
The Urban Institute decides to be dicks and interrupt all of our bitching about what was conceded and compromised in the health care debate to point out the terrible consequences (lower quality of life, increased morbidity and mortality, and higher financial burdens) of not having health insurance in this country. Way to ruin our pity party. Don't you know your dirty facts have no place in a health care debate?

Insurgents Hack U.S. Drones
Want to know how much it costs to hack the feed from a US Predator drone? $26 bucks. That's all it takes for Iranian backed Iraqi insurgents to attempt to subvert America's endless freedom mission. I know what you're saying: "We're still in Iraq?" Well, apparently we are and our military might can be derailed by one Jackson, one Lincoln, and one Dr. Wooden Teeth. Good to know that for all the billions we spend on these weapons systems, that insurgents might have to go to the trouble of borrowing five bucks from a buddy to beat them.

Titanic iceberg headed for Australia
I don't want to alarm any reader of this site who is a big fan of Aussie rules football, but you should be making peace with the fact that the sport you know and love will soon be deader than Dillinger. Also: everyone in Australia. Precious "scientists" might not agree with me, but that's the only end scenario I can envision when a rogue iceberg almost twice the size of Manhattan breaks off of Antarctica and careens towards a nation of criminals. I know what you're thinking: "Isn't this the only disaster idea that Roland Emmerich didn't put into 2012?" The answer is no, he also didn't have the moon crash into the earth. But maybe these two incidents can form the basis for a sequel.

Fed's approach to regulation left banks exposed to crisis
The Washington Post goes out of it's way to really take Ben Bernanke to the woodshed over his stewardship of the Fed both before, during, and after the global financial apocalypse. According to them, he's terrible at his job and couldn't foresee his nose in front of his face. But rest easy; sure he might have failed at the one part of his job he seems interested in and doesn't seem to give a shit about the "getting employment up" half of the Fed's job, but he'll still be reconfirmed to his position by an almost overwhelming margin. I know you were worried about that. Don't be.

Today in design

What is that? It's Sir John Chilcot standing in front of a nicely designed and official looking sign for the UK's Iraq Inquiry, the British Government's official attempt to find out what the fuck happened to drag the UK into our ill advised war. Serifs and a fancy 'Q' tail? Is that the ubiquitous movie poster favorite Trajan font? England you do know how to investigate a foreign policy disaster with style.

Will we have a nicely designed sign for our Iraq Inquiry? No, we aren't even going to have an inquiry, let alone a sign. No, looking into the run-up to Iraq would be "focusing on the past" and we have to many things in the future to look towards. Namely, not having an Afghanistan Escalation Inquiry.

Stay classy, Tony

For some people who supported the war in Iraq the whole run-up to and conduct of the war has caused them to reconsider what they advocated for, what they enabled, and what they did. Especially in the area surrounding the hyped up intelligence, WMD's, 'smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud' nonsense that preceded the war. Some people would be ashamed of that, how the war cost thousands of soldier's lives, hundreds of thousands of civilian's lives, destabilized millions, cost trillions, and has seemed to provide little tangible benefit in the end.

Tony Blair isn't one of those people.

"If you had known then that there were no WMDs, would you still have gone on?" Blair was asked. He replied: "I would still have thought it right to remove him [Saddam Hussein]".

Significantly, Blair added: "I mean obviously you would have had to use and deploy different arguments about the nature of the threat."

Obviously. But then again, "Some asshole is running his country in a despotic fashion" is less of a compelling argument than "OMGZ, you guys! We're all gonna die in an exploding hellfire of nuclear destruction! Think of the baby bald eagles!" Just ask the people in Rwanda, or Somalia, or the Sudan, or... actually, let's just say Africa and be done with it.

It's nice that when confronted with the cost of a war based on lies that resulted in nothing, the man will resort to the "Nope, still not convinced" defense while droning on and on about doing what he thought, in his heart of hearts, was right. You have to appreciate that commitment to narcissistic self-belief and self-regard. Plus he did get a kick-ass medal of freedom, and if you denigrate the Iraq war then you taint the integrity of that honored and legitimately bestowed award.

Stay classy, Tony.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 12.02

Blackwater's Secret War in Pakistan
Jeremy Scahill really wants to write about something other than all the shady shit Blackwater, nee Xe Services, does, but it's just they're given so many opportunities to do shady shit and it is so utterly shady that he's just forced to write about it. More or less, Blackwater is running a secret assassination/kidnapping ring at the behest of the CIA in a program so secret that the White House might not even know about it. Well at least the CIA is getting a handle on this "plausible deniability" stuff, you just kind of wish they wouldn't use the only American organization in the area with a worse reputation than themselves.

Sarah Palin, Israel and Armageddon
Hey, wouldn't it be great if Sarah Palin just started getting really crazy and started spouting off weird Israel related rapture buzzwords, started hanging out with evangelicals who openly promote pro-Israel policies in service of the second Exodus/second coming of Christ/Armageddon, and generally became more dangerous, Jesusy, and crazy? Well...good news then; you got your wish.

UK Iraq War Inquiry: Blair Was Told Iraq War Was Illegal, Decided On War In 2002
Ahh, the United Kingdom, you poor hopeless bastards. Let me see if I have this right: you not only investigated your involvement in the Iraq war, but you did so in a serious manner, and are releasing finding as the investigation goes on? Rookie mistake. The correct way to do things is to admit "mistakes were made", never authorize investigating those mistakes because "they were in the past and we're focused on the future", and then set about whitewashing everything and making the same mistakes, either on a whole new war or and golden oldie.

Capital in the Capitol: Total House Wealth Exceeds $1 Billion
Yup, humble servants of the people all. Plus, as a bonus, their actual net worth is probably more that twice that figure. It's probably even higher, on average, in the Senate. So now you don't have to wonder why no one in government ever seems to be concerned with the plight of regular "non-top 5% Americans". It's because none of them are one, and if they ever were one they've long since forgotten it. Perhaps we need to organize expeditions into America for our elected betters, so that they may study us "normals" much like Jane Goodall studied chimps. Perhaps then they can learn to understand us and learn that we aren't all that thrilled with massive corporate handouts, endless wars, and getting bent over various barrels of their choice.

The Bank Job
This time, it's Vanity Fair and Bethany McLean who decide to take the baton from Matt Taibbi and get in a good couple of shots at our money overlords at Goldman-Sachs. Did you know that ole GS pretty much never loses on the financial bets it makes, essentially has a license to print money because of securities "spreads", and ripped off it's own customers to the tune of $40 billion by selling them shoddy mortgage securities? Probably not, but I bet you could have guessed something equally shady and ethically questionable and been pretty close. I just hope when they're allowed to rewrite our regulatory laws, they throw some of all that excess cash on the nightstand and tell us they'll call us. We could use the ego boost.

Quote of the Day

It seems we all owe everyone in the Bush Administration a big apology. We've made sport of the poor sons of bitches for years now and it seems we've done so unfairly. See I was operating under the misapprehension that they were running the country from January 2001 to January 2009, as I'm sure you were as well, which caused me to believe that they were the cause of everything the government touched turning to some form of exceptionally noxious pig excrement. It turns out they weren't even in office at all. I know it sounds confusing, but perhaps I'm not explaining it right. Let Dick Cheney explain.

But Cheney rejected any suggestion that Obama had to decide on a new strategy for Afghanistan because the one employed by the previous administration failed.

Cheney was asked if he thinks the Bush administration bears any responsibility for the disintegration of Afghanistan because of the attention and resources that were diverted to Iraq. “I basically don’t,” he replied without elaborating.

See! The only other logical explanation is that someone else was in charge, otherwise it would simply be ludicrous to claim that you were in no way responsible for the results of a war you presided over for eight fucking years.

As for who is at fault for things like letting bin Laden waltz away? I don't know, as per tradition we'll have to find the nearest available goat to blame it on. But it definately wasn't the Bush Administration.

You don't say

I don't want to alarm you too much while you're still groggy from turkey consumption and the elbow you may have taken to the head on Black Friday while you trying to cut in front of some elderly pensioner to get a discounted blu-ray player, but there is shocking news of a revelatory nature to discuss. Yes, it seems that shortsighted planning, bad decisions, and political/military failures have taken a problem in the Middle East and turned it into an even bigger problem that dramatically affected the US and our foreign/military policy years after it took place. This is the first time that has ever happened.

The report asserts that the failure to kill or capture bin Laden at his most vulnerable in December 2001 has had lasting consequences beyond the fate of one man. Bin Laden's escape laid the foundation for today's reinvigorated Afghan insurgency and inflamed the internal strife now endangering Pakistan, it says.
...
"Removing the al-Qaida leader from the battlefield eight years ago would not have eliminated the worldwide extremist threat," the report says. "But the decisions that opened the door for his escape to Pakistan allowed bin Laden to emerge as a potent symbolic figure who continues to attract a steady flow of money and inspire fanatics worldwide. The failure to finish the job represents a lost opportunity that forever altered the course of the conflict in Afghanistan and the future of international terrorism."

The report states categorically that bin Laden was hiding in Tora Bora when the U.S. had the means to mount a rapid assault with several thousand troops at least. It says that a review of existing literature, unclassified government records and interviews with central participants "removes any lingering doubts and makes it clear that Osama bin Laden was within our grasp at Tora Bora."

Well, it's not like we didn't already know that, but it's nice to have a definitive account of how the Bush Administration completely shit the bed on capturing bin Laden by not devoting enough troops to the cause of finding him and then pulling what ones they did have to go to the new war they were starting in Iraq. And what wonders that war did for us all. As a bonus, the report was delivered by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and it's chairman John Kerry, who futilely tried to make that exact point all throughout the 2004 Presidential election he fucked up. He must feel very proud that this gets added to the list of things he was right about five years ago. Ask Al Gore, I'm sure that's almost as good as being President.

So let's see, I think that means that America pretty much fucked up every single thing possible in the aftermath of 9/11. Not only did we gut our laws at home and violate our Constitution, we violated them abroad with our rendition, detention, and torture policies, we started a war in a wrong country, half-assed the war in the correct country to a degree that not only didn't we defeat the Taliban, but we allowed them to regroup, come back stronger, and helped them play a part in trying to destabilize Pakistan. Oh yeah, and we let the guy who masterminded the attacks waltz away, have shown little interest in capturing him, and there's still nothing built where the Twin Towers stood. By "we", I mean "the Bush Administration", but then again, we couldn't even be bothered to pay attention until 2008. Meanwhile, our one attempt to prosecute some of the guys involved in the attacks can't be done without half our country wetting itself over the horrors that will befall us if we follow the laws of our country.

But hey, at least Zacarias Moussaoui is in jail. We didn't fuck that one up. Mark that in the 'Job Well Done' column with.............. uh........................ um........................... yeah.

They learn so quickly

There are moments where you have to stop and take pride in your sccomplishments. Especially when you see the fruits of your labor with those you have mentored. You take them from a life of hardship and show them a new way, you bring them up and teach them the way you know best, and when they take those first steps out into the world it just wells you up with so much joy. Our babies are all growed up!

Lawless Somalia remained the world's most corrupt country, followed by Afghanistan, Myanmar, Sudan and Iraq, Transparency International said in its annual Corruption Perceptions Index.
...
Afghanistan, which slipped to 179th place from 176th, has been dogged by corruption for years.
...
Karzai's inability or unwillingness to tackle cronyism and bribery the past five years has given Taliban insurgents another argument with which to win support from the Afghan people. Nations supplying troops and aid are running out of patience with his government.

Transparency said public-sector corruption is rampant in Afghanistan.

Our eldest child, Iraq, was all the way down at 176. Us? We're slipping. Only 19th this year. It's unfair really, most of our corruption is institutional, whereupon lawmakers are just expected to do what corporations want in return for relatively small political donations and favors. Frankly that's a flaw that needs to be rectified, so we can at least get credit for the immense systemic corruption that essentially neuters and ruins anything that goes through it. I demand a corruption ranking system that takes into account all the high tech and invisible ways in which we are damaging the well being of our own country in exchange for money! A corruption BCS. We're like Boise State over here; not getting the credit we deserve.

I mean look at those Iraq and Afghanistan rankings. I'm not saying they aren't corrupt, Lord knows that they are barely functioning states consumed by drugs and violence, propped up by us. But that corruption? It's mostly us. Things we allow, things we encourage, things we let go. Hell, we're the ones probably buying off most of the government to do things we want, getting people we want installed into different government positions, getting trade, land, and resource rights that we want. I mean they count that shit for Iraq and Afghanistan, but it really should be a part of our ranking. 19th? I mean our corruption affects things on a global scale. The financial crisis, climate change inaction, energy....hello, remember them much? What's Iraq's corruption effecting? Somalia? Do they even have a government?

Bah! This corruption list is corrupt. Get it fixed. I'll make it worth it. *wink* Brown paper bag, underneath the park bench, 5 o'clock. We'll see if we can't come to an "understanding".

Picture of the day

The UK's Shaun Clark, a former soldier in the the 8th Battalion Light Infantry Regiment, who, on Armistice Day, tattooed on his body the names of the 232 UK soldiers who died in Afghanistan. Luckily for him he wasn't an American, otherwise, at 232 names a body, would have needed 4 friends to join him in honoring those who died in Afghanistan. If he was an American who fought in Iraq, he'd need 19 additional friends to honor those who died in Iraq.

Of course, those are just the figures so far. Mr. Clark is unfortunately going to have to add more names to his body before everything is said and done, as will any of his American equivalents.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.11

Influential Players: How Six Big Stakeholders Shaped Health Care
In a follow up to today's big health care shocker, TPM looks at how several of the large health care stakeholders were able to shape the debate and get what they wanted. You know, to "help" the American people. Mostly it's a bunch of groups that got minor concessions in return for their support. Only PhRMA was able to weasel billions out of the government in return for slapping a $20 on the nightstand and promising to call tomorrow. Damn government and its low self esteem.

Falling Far Short of Reform
David Leonhardt of the New York Times decided to waste a good sized chunk of his day looking at the House health care bill and then analyzing where it falls short and providing suggestions for ways it could be made better. Oh bless his precious, dear, naive heart. He actually thinks there's a chance for improving this bill and that the best way to improve it is with reasoned analysis and serious, thoughtful suggestions. I don't have it in my heart to break it to him that any suggestion that doesn't start with killing/incapacitating at least 60% of the Legislative branch neuters any change of getting something intelligent passed.

Why Employment Might Not Fully Recover Until 2013
Happiness vampire Mark "Mr. Sunshine" Thoma of CBS Moneywatch doesn't want you to let all the recent great job news go to your head. He says that in addition to unemployment being 10.2% that it isn't likely to recover until 2013, around the time President Palin is sworn into office. The son of a bitch even backs it up with charts. Is there any reason to have hope? Well, the earth might explode in 2012, so there's always that. Try and tough it out until then.

Blackwater Said to Pursue Bribes to Iraq After 17 Died
America's dainty sweethearts, Blackwater, is being accused of handing out $1 million in secret payments to Iraqi officials in order to buy their silence over that whole shooting civilians thing. I think we should give them all a round of applause, bribing is much less nefarious behavior than indiscriminate civilian murder, weapons smuggling, murder conspiracies on US soil, and mob style hit squads. I think they've learned their lesson. Let's give them five or six more no-bid contracts.

Vanished Persian army said found in desert
You think we know how to stage an epic Middle Eastern quagmire, then you haven't heard about Persian King Cambyses II, who lost 50,000 soldiers in 525 B.C. in what was called an "cataclysmic sandstorm". Well duh, you don't lose 50k if it gets a little dusty out. This is a vindication of a story by historian Herodotus that many had thought was a fanciful myth because no evidence had ever been found. Finally I can take off my "Believe in Herodotus" shirt and put on my "Herodotus: Vindicated" shirt. Glad I had both made up.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.05

Goldman One-Ups Gordon Gekko, Says Jesus Embraced Greed
God bless Goldman-Sachs. At the very least they're going around claiming that He does bless them. Yes, America's favorite pillagers and looters are sending spokesman to churches around the world to speak on how Jesus would have loved the latest round of massive bonuses that they handed out. Tell me about it. What was it Jesus said? "Sure it's easy for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God, it's like trying to get a camel through the eye of a needle the size of the camel. It's fucking simple, now tell me how my stocks did." If there was any difficulty getting into Heaven it's probably because there'd be all these poor assholes standing at the gates (Jesus was a sucker for those destitute SOB's) asking the rich guy for spare change and he'd have a hard time knocking those peasant swine out of the way to get in.

Another View At Goldman's Trading Perfection And Statistical Improbabilities
It's Goldman-Sachs day on the Crutch, so we'll also point you to the Zero Hedge blog where a look at G-S figures finds they make $100 million in profit 3 out of every 5 days, their numbers challenge "not only all preconceptions of realistic trading, but also of statistical distributions", and those same figures are essentially comparable to a Ponzi scheme. I'm sure someone from the SEC will get right on it. Fuck it, why does God need to approve of Goldman-Sachs bonuses? God is obsolete. Goldman-Sachs is God; Money God. Let's worship them now.

The global climate change lobby: inside the battle to influence the most important environmental treaty of our lifetime
The Center for Public Integrity, crooked fuckers that they are, released a report today slandering innocent companies like Exxon Mobil, Peabody Coal and other energy and agriculture interests, for allegedly spreading fear and misinformation about the impact of emissions regulations in their attempts to neuter any proposed treaties that come out of the UN Climate Talks in Copenhagen. Just because they have numerous examples of energy companies in multiple countries using lies to drum up fear of any attempt to address climate change destroying everyone's job, doesn't mean it's true. They must be taking hundreds of events, the 5 lobbyists to every 1 member of Congress ratio, hundreds of millions of dollars spent fighting this, and a coordinated strategy out of context.

When antiscience kills: dowsing edition
The Bad Astronomy blog looks into dowsers, the completely bullshit practice of using Y-shaped sticks to divine water or gold, and how Iraq is spending millions, $85 million to be specific, on a "high-tech" version....as a way to detect bombs. To the point where they're phasing out bomb-sniffing dogs. Unsurprisingly the magic wands failed to detect two tons of explosives that ended up killing 155 people, yet the head of the Ministry of the Interior’s General Directorate for Combating Explosives refuses to switch to a different or more effective method citing his extensive knowledge of bombs. I.....you see.....uh.....WHAT THE FUCK? Good Lord, can we get the fuck out of Iraq already?

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.27

Auditor Faults Work on U.S. Embassy in Iraq
It's a shame that most of us will never be able to see the $700 million "monument to shoddy work and incompetent oversight" that the government built in Iraq. It seems like they put so much work into providing a stark metaphor for everything we did in Iraq that it hardly seems fair that only some members of the State Department will get to see it. Well, theoretically. It can't pass safety regulations and is "significantly deficient in multiple areas”, so I doubt many State officials will see it either. Perhaps we can just frame the bill next to the Iraq war authorization and hang it in a modern art museum.

House Democrats John Adler, Carolyn Maloney Move To Weaken Investor Protection Bill
It's nice to know that even after Enron, Worldcom, and the financial apocalypse that there's still people walking around that believe that Wall Street is over-regulated and investors are over-protected. I mean haven't we learned that making sure oversight is as ineffective as humanly possible all but ensures companies will follow the rules out of some duty bound respect for the public trust? I thought that was the clear lesson of The Day the Money Went Away. Keep on makin' us proud Democrats!

Revealed: Like McCain, Bush is ‘Jack Bauer kind of guy’
On the Surprise-O-Meter, what's the level of surprise you're registering over the fact that the man who ordered America to torture was an obsessive fan of 24, to the point where he harassed actors about upcoming plot points? I'm somewhere around -15. I'm surprised that this article didn't reveal that Bush had a back tattoo of Jack Bauer sticking a knife into a terrorist's head. I wonder if Obama is a fan of 24? That must be why he's not doing anything serious to combat Bush's torture and claimed national security and executive powers either.

Saudi female journalist sentenced to 60 lashes
Whew! I had forgotten there for a second that Saudi Arabia was an immensely backwards and oppressive state that represses, suppresses, and brutalizes its people. I appreciate the reminder. See what slips your mind when it's all IranIranIran, AfgahnistanAfghanistanAfghanistan, and PakistanPakistanPakistan 24/7? You forget about the smaller scumbags. Isn't that always the way?

Schumer: We Prevailed On White House That Public Option Was The Way To Go
Chuck Schumer gives a bit on a rundown of the process that finally ended up with Harry Reid putting the a public option into the Senate bill. It involved a stick of truth being effectively and publicly used to spank the behinds of non-believers, progressives actually making a stand and succeeding on the matter of a public option trigger, and a wacky ghost mystery that resulted in Reid falling through a revolving bookcase, finding the mummy's hidden gold and a spare spine. He doesn't talk about how the debate got so shoddy that a weak public option opt-out was viewed as a victory, but I think we know the answer to that. (*psst* the Senate is a stupid place)

This will never end

Hey, will you look at that? The United States is finally headed towards pulling out of Iraq. They've removed 23,000 soldiers this year with the plan to get down to 50,000 non-combat troops in an advisory situation to the Iraqi government. You know, I never thought that we'd ever actually get to a point where....what's that you say? Afghanistan? .......Christ.

President Obama announced in March that he would be sending 21,000 additional troops to Afghanistan. But in an unannounced move, the White House has also authorized -- and the Pentagon is deploying -- at least 13,000 troops beyond that number, according to defense officials.
...
The deployment of the support troops to Afghanistan brings the total increase approved by Obama to 34,000. The buildup has raised the number of U.S. troops deployed to the war zones of Iraq and Afghanistan above the peak during the Iraq "surge" that President George W. Bush ordered, officials said.

/ bangs head off desk

Well, there goes that. Oh, and we haven't even gotten to the part about whether McChrystal gets an additional 40,000-70,000 combat troops like he wants. Sure the war is being called a "lost cause", the Taliban is resurgent in addition to al Qaeda, we have to deal with Afghan/Pakistan conflicts in addition to the war we're fighting, and all for a "government" that not only just rigged an election, but despite the international community funding, protecting, maintaining, and supporting the "government", it views a look into said election rigging as some form of heinous international interference.

But trust everyone: escalating a war in Afghanistan is always a good idea. Plus they're going to try a new strategy: counterinsurgency. See...oh fuck, they haven't been doing a counter-insurgent campaign all these years? So glad we're deciding to get to all of this now. This all sounds like such a great idea. Excuse me there's a desk I need to bang my forehead off of.