Obama's new plot to infect the minds of our braindead, zombie youth

My confidence in the right wing outrage machine is fading. Sure they had a great week manipulating media anger and getting the Obama Administration to fire an innocent woman for made up reasons, but they're slipping on the little things.

I mean Rush or Glenn Beck should be on this, throwing a hissy fit as we speak. EA Sport put Obama into a video game! OH WON'T THESE SOCIALISTS STOP TRYING TO FORCE THEIR COMMUNISM DOWN OUR THROATS!!!! That's right, when you win the Super Bowl in the upcoming Madden 11, they have an expanded celebration sequence, complete with a digitally awkward Commissioner Goodell, a specialized speech by hyperactive scream machine Gus Johnson, and a team White House trip where digital players shake hands with a digital Obama and hand him a digital jersey, digitally warping the minds of the youth with 1's and 0's about upping the minimum wage, card check, and expanding the social safety net. WHY CAN'T THEY MEET REAGAN?

Virtual Obama greeting Madden 2011 Super Bowl winners @ Yahoo! Video

I'm not sure if this also will take into account the multi-season Franchise Mode. If I take my theoretical Steelers to the 2013 Super Bowl... who will be President then? Will it still be Obama, or has EA also put together a complex political matrix that analyzes candidates real time and slaps in a likely winner? Will digital Hines Ward be shaking hands with President Palin? I must know! Will the 2016 winners shake hands with Uncle Joe, replete with a fifth of whisky in his hand, or will they be shaking hands with a guerrilla leader amid gunfire and pile of tires on fire?

All I know is that a decent and respectably crazy Tea Party movement and Fox News establishment would have already declared this the end of civilization and deemed it a nefarious liberal plot to brainwash kids. Perhaps this is too cutting edge for them. Maybe they have to work their way from the Maypo kid saying something supportive about Woodrow Wilson on a Victrola recording to the Lone Ranger saying something vaguely supportive of the WPA on the radio, before making the jump to video games.

He's in our sporting video games.

I think I know the answer to this one

With the GOP basically filibustering everything that comes down the legislative pike, progress has essentially stalled on all manner of issues. Namely all of them. But especially the economy. And so this country stagnates.

That has lead a lot of conservatives to poke their heads out from under rocks, cup their hands to their mouth, and yell "Bet you wish Bush was still in charge, huh?". You know, the kind of statement that one basically has to ignore 8 years of Presidential and decisions that failures that led to this financial apocalypse to even say. But they still keep saying it. They even put up this billboard:


Hmm. Let's go to the tape. Scholars?

Today, just one year after leaving office, the former president has found himself in the bottom five at 39th rated especially poorly in handling the economy, communication, ability to compromise, foreign policy accomplishments and intelligence. Rounding out the bottom five are four presidents that have held that dubious distinction each time the survey has been conducted: Andrew Johnson, James Buchanan, Warren G. Harding, and Franklin Pierce.

Voters?

And despite the economic upheaval and political acrimony that have marked his term thus far, voters aren't pining for Obama's predecessor; they tapped Obama over George W. Bush by a 53%-33% margin.

Blame heaving, angry, pitchfork waving peasants?

A new poll released Monday found voters were twice as likely to blame President George W. Bush, rather than President Obama, for the nation’s economic problems.

When asked whether Bush or Obama was responsible for the recession, 53 percent of likely voters said Bush and 26 percent said Obama, according to the poll from Third Way, a think tank with close ties to centrist Democrats. Another 21 percent of respondents said they didn’t know.

Other angry poors?

The survey contained a batch of good news for both the President and Congressional Democrats, however. Asked to assign blame for the balky economy, 61% point to the Bush Administration, while 27% fault Obama.

I think that's everyone. So, the answer is: no, we don't miss Bush. But we do still hate him a lot. There's that.

How government works

Chairman of the House Appropriations Committee, David Obey (D-WI), explains how appropriations for the peasant class and budget negotiations work in this man's America. On education and government cheese:

We were told we have to offset every damn dime of [new teacher spending]. Well, it ain’t easy to find offsets, and with all due respect to the administration their first suggestion for offsets was to cut food stamps. Now they were careful not to make an official budget request, because they didn’t want to take the political heat for it, but that was the first trial balloon they sent down here. … Their line of argument was, well, the cost of food relative to what we thought it would be has come down, so people on food stamps are getting a pretty good deal in comparison to what we thought they were going to get.

Well isn’t that nice. Some poor bastard is going to get a break for a change.

And these are supposedly the liberal communist socialists who are going to drown the American ideal in a bathtub full of government handouts. Karl Marx scoffs at their contempt for the proles.

With battles like this against a Democratic White House, it's hard to see why Obey would want to retire. Oh, no wait, it isn't. This seems to be the kind of stuff that would erode your soul over the course of four decades in Congress.

Ah well, hopefully the next guy in charge of the House Appropriations Committee won't be so concerned with poor people in a lousy economy eating. Or education. Seeing as he'll probably be a Republican, I think we can safely assume that to be the case.

How government works

How government works: via Glenn Greenwald.

• Start as the Chief Counsel for the Senate Finance Committee in charge of health and entitlement issues.
• Leave job to move to health insurance giant WellPoint to serve as its Vice President for Public Policy and External Affairs, lording over their lobbying and other government-influencing activities.
• Once it looks like Democrats are actually going to get off their asses on health care, move back to Senate to become top aide to Democratic Sen. Max Baucus, the Senate Finance Committee Chairman who would oversee the drafting of the healthcare bill, after his top aide leaves to become lobbyist for health care industry.
• Effectively write the entire health care bill and fill it with all kinds of carve-outs and concessions to the insurance industry as well as killing the public option.
• Join the Obama administration to help implement the new law.

I'm not sure of the next step, as it hasn't happened yet, but I'm pretty sure it's "go back to Wellpoint to earn millions for the work you did for them."

Isn't it wonderful? Join us next time when we recount how this exact same scenario happens in the financial reform process with an executive who works for... probably Goldman Sachs. Yeah, Goldman Sachs.

Finally, some good news

After three months, billions of dollars spent on PR campaigns (with a little on oil cleanup as well), unprecedented media blackouts, and a couple of charred whales, BP has finally gotten around to capping that gushing plume of black death that was turning, whoops... TURNED, the Gulf into an open oil pit. Commence mild celebrations that things from this point forward can no longer get much worse.

BP said on Friday the early test results on its recently capped undersea well were heartening and there were no signs of fresh oil leaks, as the stricken well in the Gulf of Mexico held tight overnight and into the morning.

Kent Wells, a senior vice president at BP, told reporters on a conference call that the pressure inside the well had built up steadily, as engineers had hoped it would, and that engineers would continue to perform different analyses and scour video feeds from cameras to look for any underground leaks.
...
The oil stopped flowing from the well around 2:25 p.m. Thursday when the last of several valves was closed on a cap that the company installed at the top of the well last week, Mr. Wells said. Earlier in the week, Mr. Wells said that the longer the test continued, the better, because it would indicate that the pressure inside the well was holding and that the well bore was intact. On Friday morning, the live video feeds from nearly a mile undersea showed no burbling geyser of oil and gas — only cloudy blue waters and white specks floating across the screen.

Well done. What's the old saying? If you give a Brit 90 days and billions of dollars, he'll eventually be able to do something that would have seemed like the obvious solution months ago? I might be paraphrasing.

Though really, at this point, I wouldn't put it past BP to have rigged up a dummy site underwater and a fake feed showing no oil flowing. Then while everyone celebrates, they cancel their P.O. box, pack everything up, and move their offices five miles down the road. By the time we realize we've been had and that they faked us out yet again, they're gone and we don't know where to find BP or how to get in contact with them. You see, we'd never think to look five miles down the road.

So things are looking up for the oil soaked cuddly wuddly animals of the Gulf. Oh, and all those human creatures, what with their shattered lives, ruined homes, and crippled economy. Hey, we can all start giggling when people say "tar balls" again! It's not such a dire and serious situation anymore! TAR BALLS! Tee-hee-hee.

Anyone want to rain on this parade? President Sunshine?

In Washington, President Obama hailed the development but cautioned against concluding that the corner had been turned, noting that it was still possible for there to be complications that “could be even more catastrophic” than the original leak.

Christ, can't we get 15 minutes into a celebration without President Bring-down bringing us all down? This is literally the only thing that will get done in this country from now until the election, then after the election where Republicans win enough to keep filibustering everything or win outright and Democrats start filibustering everything, and on until the 2012 elections when we elect Sarah Palin and the Mayans hit the self-destruct button.

Give us this small victory, Barry. There's no more oil coming out. Plus, in 10,000 years all that oil will finally be cleaned up. Well, 10,000 years given a few massive technological leaps in our oil gathering and cleaning up technology. See, I'm feeling optimistic again.

That just about sums up the past year plus

As the election season starts to ramp up, so does the whoring for political money season. Not that prostituting yourself out for big business' nickels is ever out of season, it's just that most candidate's internal whoring meter switches from "barely concealing the obviousness with which they sell out the average American voter" to "openly exchanging votes for a large burlap sack with a dollar sign on it, handed to them by a man with a monocle and spats on."

But what happens to a political party when they've spent the better part of a year trying to maybe kind of rein in the parties responsible for causing the global financial crisis? Plus maybe telling insurance companies that they shouldn't be such complete money grubbing shits and attempting to hold an oil company responsible for a massive environmental catastrophe? Sure, all of these attempts were half-assed, concession filled, compromise riddled, and willing bent over and inserted loopholes for the very industries they were attempting to regulate, but Democrats had the audacity to maybe question their corporate masters.

How did this go over with their moneyed betters? Not well, according to the Washington Post. With the Democratic campaign committees flagging behind their GOP brethren in the "raising money from the Monopoly guy's buddies" category.

Now normally, this would be time for Democrats to asses the situation, see how they're being openly criticized by unpopular industries and business leaders, see how close said unpopular business are to the GOP, and decide to make a stand on "standing up for the little guy against the evil excesses of the business world" no matter how dishonest that statement is. But no, this is Washington 2010 and these are Democrats.

In a Thursday interview, White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel argued that rather than recoiling against Obama, business leaders should be grateful for his support on at least a half-dozen counts...
...
But, in the White House view, some business leaders listen only to Obama speeches being tough on BP or on the excesses of Wall Street and assume Obama is hostile to business across the board. “Rather than respond to atmospherics, they should look at policies where we have been supportive,” Emanuel said.
...
Obama administration officials also are quick to point out that Corporate America hasn’t done so badly under Obama -- according to the most recent data, corporate profits are up 34 percent from first quarter 2009 to first quarter 2010.

That's how you lick some boot. Why position yourself as some sort of champion of the people, fighting against the excesses of big business... of which there a a litany of examples with massively negative consequences? That actually might be popular and helpful. Good thing you didn't do that then, Rahm.

It explains so much.

Video of the day

The new Indonesian film sensation: Obama: The Mengteng Kid. By which I mean it is a film that they cranked out in order to cash in on the fact that our secret Muslim President lived there for a little bit when he was a kid and he's coming to Indonesia on a visit soon.

Anywho, it seems that little Obama's life was one of muted dialogue with loud generic music being played at full blast over it. He also seemed to live out some bizarre combination of the Karate Kid and Rocky.... only with what looks like a lot of gay overtones and a large Indonesian gay stereotype as a friend. At the end, Obama's birth certificate is taken by the government and put into a large wooden crate to be stored in a massive warehouse full of other nondescript wooden crates.

I knew we shouldn't have allowed Obama to use time travel

We often accuse the GOP and it's leadership of being wanton liars who are ignorant of history and who will spin a complete falsehood about anything at any time because... well... they are and they do. It's fairly straightforward. It's not so much an accusation as a "pointing out".

Which leads me to comical punchline in waiting, RNC Chairman Michael Steele. Not one to led a good media crisis about Afghanistan go to waste, he decided to cancel his book tour or speaking engagements or whatever it is he does when he's supposed to be running the RNC, to knock Obama for the McChrystal thing. But because he's Michael Steele and because he's incapable of making criticism based on actual evens, he decided to descend into a Little Nemo-like dream kingdom to criticize the fantastical history of that imaginary land.

"The McChrystal incident, to me, was very comical. And I think it's a reflection of the frustration that a lot of our military leaders have with this Administration and their prosecution of the war in Afghanistan," said Steele. "Keep in mind again, federal candidates, this was a war of Obama's choosing. This is not something the United States had actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in."

I think we all remember that sad day back in 2001 when President Obama burst out of a time-traveling DeLorean, knocked President Bush away from his podium during a n address to a joint session of Congress, declared his right as "Future Leader" to declare war on Afghanistan, declared war on Afghanistan, and then banged a nearby gavel making it all official and legally binding. OBAMA CHOSE THIS WAR AND REPUBLICANS HAVE ALWAYS OPPOSED IT!

Or, you know, was handed it about 8 years in, was told "I know we haven't paid much attention to this other war, but it's fostered the destabilization of Pakistan and could result in a failed nuclear state and a resurgent Al Qaeda. Well.... bye, I've got a BBQ to hit up in Crawford." And yeah, I think this is a war Republicans especially wanted prosecuted, because it was the war we engaged in to get revenge on that whole 9/11 thing. The war in Iraq was the one that this country wasn't fully on board with. Maybe, that whole "actively prosecuted" statement was a crack at how the Bush Administration completely ignored Afghanistan once they figured out they could start one in Iraq.

Still, I know I'll get accused of being part of the "Blame Bush" crowd, just because I point out the things he's responsible for, but yeah, he's the one that started up the war. Obama's continuing it because he thinks there's a strategic value in a stable Afghanistan and Paksitan... oh and because your party will call him a fag if he pulls one soldier out. Criticize that line of thought if you want to, but can we not invent an alternate reality where Bruce Wayne's parents lived, Hitler was killed in WWI, and Obama invaded Afghanistan? No? I'm going to have to hear this bullshit a lot from your side, right? I thought so. Carry on.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.30

Ron English on the Kellog's cereal drama. I know Apple Jacks usually gives you diarrhea, but it wasn't supposed to this time.

Matt Taibbi takes out his well worn indignation bat to beat Lara Logan, the establishment media, and the notion of today's media that it is their job to protect our political betters lest the peasants learn what they really think. It's over the Rolling Stone McChrystal piece. Taibbi nicely sums up everything that is wrong with most of our media, from their subservience to power to their galling contempt for people who aren't as cravenly sycophantic as they are. Glenn Greenwald also jumps in and throws a few elbows.

#374B in Things I Am Disappointed With the Obama Administration Over: An Ongoing Series. In this episode, the White House goes out of it's way to help banking sycophant Scott Brown insert loopholes into financial reform so that they could lighten the minuscule financial burden on large banks, remove it from hedge funds, and shift it onto small banks and the taxpayer. As one does. Funny, when it comes to something like a public option or, soon, cap-and-trade, the White House can never seem to muster the energy to make even the tiniest effort to push for it. But shift reform burdens from hedge funds to taxpayers? They'll work up a sweat for that. Bang up job.

The 4th of July is almost upon us and thus it is our duty as Americans to use cheaply made Chinese explosives to light up our skies, blow up frogs that couldn't get away fast enough, and remove fingers and/or hands. Except that due to the budget crisis that many communities are going through, firework celebrations are being cut. I hope you'll join us here at TB in celebrating the first annual Imagination Independence Day! It'll help us all work out the kinks so that Imagination Christmas will go off without a hitch.

With a hurricane bearing down on the Gulf oil spill, one asks God "Jesus fucking Christ, what else can you do to make this worse you bearded son of a bitch?" Would you be interested in a tsunami... caused by BP? That's right, the relief well that they're drilling that will totally fix everything for honests, may set of a "supersonic tsunami" by igniting all the trapped underground methane. Nice. After that, the BP Board will go door to door for face macing and groin kicks. It's the only way they know.

We've been a little hard on Barry recently, but we will commend him on one thing: before arresting a bunch of deep cover Russian spies, our President went out munching burgers with Russian President Medvedev as those commie spies were being rounded up. It takes a stone cold motherfucker to have burgers with the man whose spies you are about to have exposed and incarcerated in a massive international incident. More please.

Quote of the day

From an article depicting how Democrats and President Obama are willing to scale back and compromise on a scaled back, compromised, and largely ineffective (it's a like a running theme of the past year+) climate and energy bill.

But they said the president acknowledged that he could agree to a more limited climate and energy bill than any the senators had previously drafted.

“We believe we have compromised significantly, and we’re prepared to compromise further,” Kerry said.

Christ is there any more fitting epitaph that could be written on the Democrats' gravestone this November? I bet that phrase is on t-shirts they all wear underneath their suits.

Awkward silences

From the transcript of of yesterday's "Oh, you better believe your ass is fired, McChrystal"/"look at how manly and Presidential our manly Presidential President is" speech, as pointed out by Rachael Maddow:

"Mr. President, can this war be won?"

(No audible reply)

But man, did he fire his ass in the most Presidential way possible. Is the mission going to be worth it, can we win it, was it smart to remove him at this point for a media gaffe? No audible reply. But the media did get a hell of a moment.

Plus, this country and our elected betters were given even more of an opportunity to jizz ourselves over David Petraeus... which I didn't think was possible. So at least we have that.

Afghanistan: A short play

President Obama: You know Stan, I'm glad to have you running things in Afghanistan. As I've said many times publicly: your strategies, leadership, and vision are absolutely integral to any future success our mission in Afghanistan will have. Especially now that we're entering one of the most critical "make or break" times in our offensive campaign against the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Again, you are absolutely integral to our mission.


General McChrystal: Thank you Mr. President and let me say how honored I am to be leading this vital charge against the Afghan insurgency.
...
By-the-by, and this is just a little thing.... I may have given a tiny little interview to Rolling Stone where I maybe had a few too many Bud Light Limes and was maybe a little critical of your administration. Nothing serious, but maybe a few of my aides go a little too far in criticizing specific people in your administration. Not me, mind you, my aides. A little embarrassing? Sure. A little short sighted? Sure. Ripe for parody? Definitely. But nothing that would cause anyone to drastically reassess our geopolitical strategy vis-a-vis the war on terror and our counterinsurgency strategies and Afghanistan policies... right?


President Obama: ..............YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED!!!!!!

FIN

Nice to see that we won't let something like a war or a war strategy get dicked around over what amounts to an indelicate decorum gaffe combined with incessant, brainless 24-hour news outrage, right? Eh, at least we'll have those trillions from those Afghan minerals to spend soon.

Stay classy, Stevesy

Glenn Beck's 9/12 Project hasn't gone away. You know, that thing where we're all supposed to return to the mindset we had the day after 9/11: panicked, fearful, and willing to sacrifice virgins into volcanoes and gut our Constitution in order to feel a tiny bit safer. But apparently they've moved on from being a vague movement about feelings to teaming up with tea partiers to show their support for Arizona's "Walknig while Latino" law.

People inspired by the words of Glenn Beck and tea baggers joining forces to bag of Mexicans? I wonder who they would get to speak at that event? Turns out the answer is terminally retarded blowhard Rep Steve King (R-IA). What did he have to say? First he made the Jong-il like boast that he alone possessed fence technology to stop Santa Anna's new invasion.

King told the gathering of over 100 people that he could build a border wall that would ensure “not [even] a cockroach” could get across.

I think we know what "cockroaches" he's talkin' about. La cucarachas! HAW HAW HAW!

Any other bright ideas?

King said that under only one circumstance does he support amnesty for illegal immigrants: “Every time we give amnesty for an illegal alien, we deport a liberal.”

HAW HAW HAW! Then them liberals can go to their beloved Mexico which they love so much they are letting it assault our freedoms and pick the blossoming fruit of liberty for sub-minimum wages.

Of course after dropping those two Oscar Wilde-esque bon mots from in front of a Truck Nuts billboard, it was of course time for questions from the audience. Which means he was asked about some conspiracy theory. I wonder how he handled this?

QUESTION: I keep reading that Obama keeps bringing small quantities of Muslims into this country. Why can’t Congress stop that?

KING: You know, I don’t know what the basis is of that. I wouldn’t be surprised that that is the real factual basis. ... I appreciate you making the point. I will try to watch it.

Yup, President Hussein Obama X, the Last Imam hisself, is personally smuggling Muslims into this country. Probably on Air Force One, Sea Force One, or Hot Air Balloon Force One. Small quantities.. cells if you will... setting them up across the country... preparing them for the day after the UN black helicopters steal everyone's guns... then: The United Islamic Caliphate of America. OH I KNEW IT WAS COMING!

Most people would respond to an accusation that the PResident was smuggling Muslims into the country with a nicely placed "Shut the fuck up you crazy and don't get your deluded insanity secretions on me... I hear that's how you spread it" before casually flipping off the audience. Not Steve "Iowa's Pride" King. No, he does his best to confirm that's what he's heard as well and then thanks the person for bringing it to his attention and assures them he'll keep an eye on it. That's how turn crazy into votes.... a probably some future Ruby Ridge style FBI standoff.

Way to keep it classy, Steve. I eagerly await your House Special Committee on The President Who Done What Smuggled All Them Moozlams Into Our Fine Country.

Suddenly it all makes sense now

Via Accidental Penis

The conspiracy revealed

Now that we're two months into this oil spill thing, I think we can all be clear of one thing: it was a conspiracy. Shady forces colluding with even shadier forces to dump bazillions of barrels of oil into the gulf in order to further their goals. Yet no one wants to mention this for fear they'll be labeled an insane douchebag or as ripping off Rush Limbaugh's material. Thankfully we have North Carolina GOP congressional candidate and teabagger Bill Randall to make the case for us. Oh yeah, you knew it would be a teabagger.

"Personally, and this is purely speculative on my part and not based on any fact, but personally I feel there is a possibility that there was some sort of collusion. I don’t know how or why, but in that situation, if you have someone from a company violating a safety process and the government signing off on it, excuse me, maybe they wanted it to leak."

“But then it got beyond what was anticipated, and we had an explosion and loss of life. And, oh man, then we have panic. Is there a cover up going on? I’m not saying there necessarily is. But I think there’s enough facts on the table for people that (they) really need to do some investigative research and find out what went on with that and get a subpoena of records and everything else.”

He doesn't want to suggest there was a conspiracy or say that there's evidence of it, he just wants to suggest there was a conspiracy and say that there's evidence of it.

Well now that he's lifted the veil on this nefarious collusion, we here at These Bastards would like to offer up this suggestion of the way it all went down. We're not saying this is exactly how it went down, but this is just what we've transcribed form the tapes we have of the meeting.

Barack Obama: Listen, I've talked it over with the lizard people, the reploids, the Trilateral Commission, the Ruling Commission of the Bilderburg Group, and the Seven Jew Bankers in the bunker under Zurich... they agree: it's time to spill a shitload of oil into the ocean.

Tony Hayward: Agreed. While this would normally seem like a horrible idea that would both cripple our company financially, make us extremely unpopular, and hamper the future of offshore drilling as a whole, we thing this is a great step forward.

Obama: As do I, even though at first glance engineering a massive environmental catastrophe miles underground and starting the largest oil spill in world history would seem counterproductive to my goals and make me seem weak, this is clearly the best step forward. Because we all know what will happen if we spill an inconcievable amount of crude into the Gulf...

Both together: Profit! And power!

(both laugh maniacally)

Hayward: I'll call Halliburton, Transocean, the merpeople, and Bigfoot and we'll get this started.

Obama: I'll start counting the money and consolidating power.

Hayward: Wait, but what if some freedom loving patriot, caught up in the spirit of 1776, decides to expose this conspiracy during the election season?

Obama: Hah! It'll never happen! Our plan is too brilliant!

(both laugh uproariously)

Obama: Now let's talk about that slush fund...

This all makes so much sense. It was all so obvious. Thank God we have Bill Randall to light the way.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.09

From Buzzfeed's Annotated Guide To Images From The Anti-BP Movement

In We All Know This Intuitively news the AP has kindly revealed that 58% of all the judges in areas affected by the BP spill have financial ties to the oil industry. Seems low. Just wanted you to know that in case you were getting any ideas in your head about "They'll get theirs through the legal system." Nah, kid, nah.

Breaking from years of established US government and official New World immigration policy, Native Americans have been allowed a legal victory that will seemingly come without betrayal from the white man, smallpox blankets, mass slaughter, some horribly inhumane forced resettlement, or a cloying portrayal as cat people in a James Cameron movie. It seems some in the justice system have forgotten the principles this country was founded on: fucking over Indians at all costs. Hopefully this is stopped before they gain the sense and legal standing to get justice on all that other stuff we, by which I mean all the white people who were here before my ancestors immigrated here, did to them.

With all the reports of environmental calamity coming from the Gulf, it's hard not to consider the worst case scenarios for the entire region, economy, and wildlife. But what about considering the worst case scenario for BP? Thankfully Andrew Ross Sorkin goes through what might happen and the possible future is quite a theoretical delight. Bankruptcy, cleanup costs going over $20 billion, $15 billion in claims, billions in Clean Water Act fines, Tony Hayward being pushed into a wheat thresher and then having pig excrement rubbed in his wounds, endless litigation, an unrepairable reputation, and BP being forced to break itself up are all possible options. All of them might happen. I'm crossing my fingers for the wheat thresher one. Just keep thinking positive and they all might happen.

In Punishing the Whistle-blowers, Not the Criminals They Expose news, the US Intelligence analyst who exposed the video of helicopter gunmen essentially murdering innocent civilians was arrested. It's nice to know what our priorities as a country are: arrest people who expose wrongdoing; let the perpetrators who flagrantly breaks laws off scot free while continuing their illegal policies. We have an awesome country.

Rolling Stone has put up an article on the BP oil spill and the Obama response. It should essentially be titled The Shit You Should Actually Be Mad At Obama Over. It goes over the hiring of cronies, the failure to reform MMS, and all the other problems we pointed out before. It'd be a good place for our media to start taking a look. But instead we'll continue to get stories about whether Obama needs to get angrier, the crisis over Obama not showing enough anger, and now: did Obama show too much anger when he said "know whose ass to kick" on the TV? Like I said, our priorities as a country are just super.

In closing we leave you with a review of Willow Ufgood/Wicket's biography Size Matters Not.

If only

Stephen Colbert on BP, anger, Obama, fancy pants, and what should really happen to Tony Hayward.

You wouldn't like Barry when he's angry

Much of the anger directed at President Obama over this whole massive oil catastrophe has been over his perceived lack of tangible, screaming, shaking his fist at the sky anger. Because apparently they expected Obama's calm, measured... almost comatose behavior in the face of nearly any obstacle or event would somehow now change. But that's what we, as a country, have decided to get mad at the President over. You know, instead of that thing where he continued the policy of dangerous deference and hiring industry cronies to look after the industry they were meant to me regulating.

But now you may be getting your wish: competent regulation of the oil industry MAD OBAMA! Yes, the man has practically shown a tangible emotion. And that emotion is rage! Sure it's deeply buried under what almost seems like a medicated calm, but it's there. Obama is pissed.

"I was down there a month ago before most of these talking heads were even paying attention to the Gulf," Obama told NBC's Matt Lauer. "I was meeting with fishermen in the rain talking about what a potential crisis this could be."I talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers -- so I know whose ass to kick," the president said.

After that he dramatically put his sunglasses on, took the lit cigarette from his mouth, said something about the oil being as black as BP CEO Tony Hayward's heart, flicked the cigarette into the pool of oil that Hayward was standing in, and then laughed as the flames engulfed his tortured screams. Then as the President walked away slowly he cocked his shotgun and said he was coming for the CEO's of Transocean and Halliburton.

Oh no, he wasn't done yet. Barry then talked about how he would have fired Hayward after he made all those idiotic statements about "wanting his life back" and how the oil spill was small... when compared to the entirety of the water contained in the world's oceans. Obama then knocked BP's corner cutting safety measures and how he hasn't talked to Hayward because he's not interested in the CEO's cheap words... he's interested in action.

So there we are, the President is maaaaaaaaaad. It only took several weeks, but now he's using curse words on the TV. Soooooo... I guess everything is fixed now? No? But the news said he needed to get mad. Maybe he has to say "fuck" to Katie Couric, slug a Saudi sheik in the jaw, and go desecrate the grave of Edwin Drake. Then we'll be on the right track.

The shit people should be bitching at Obama for

Over the past few weeks there has been a lot of attempts by the right to label this oil spill Obama's Katrina or even Obama's 9/11 in an attempt to anchor it around his neck and use it to drag him down into the briny deep. This is a bit odd, because according to those same people, 9/11 and Katrina were handled expertly by Bush and in no way mistakes or examples of negligence/incompetence.

But there has also been lesser attempts by the media and commentators to get mad at Obama for.... something. Apparently he isn't mad enough, or too mad, or not doing enough, or doing too much, or something. I've found these to be a little shallow and reactionary. Frankly, what BP is attempting to do to seal up the leak is basically all that can be done. What, is Obama refusing to turn into Aquaman, swim down to the underwater leak, and use his magical Aquaman powers to seal it up? We know who you are, Barry, no need to protect that secret identity!

But because we're miserable bastards that can only find fault in things, that doesn't mean we can't pillory the President for making mistakes. Massive mistakes. And thanks to the blog Brendan Calling, we have good reason to. Mostly having to do with failing to clean up the scandal ridden Minerals Management Service and hiring an industry shill in Ken Salazar to head up the Department of the Interior.

Ken Salazar to the head the Department of the Interior.Salazar’s appointment was slammed by environmentalists, who said things like “It’s no surprise oil and gas, mining, agribusiness and other polluting industries that have dominated Interior are supporting rancher Salazar — he’s their friend.”
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Would you like to know what Mr. Salazar did about the corruption at MMS? NOTHING. In fact, last year Mr. Salazar appointed an eight-year BP executive to be the deputy administrator for land and minerals management, which makes Salazar’s promise, delivered yesterday, of a crackdown nothing more than a bad joke. Salazar should be fired immediately.

Obama has had nearly two years to clean up the MMS, and he did NOTHING.
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Deepwater Horizon moved into the Tiber oil field in September 2009, and Obama’s BP-staffed MMS exempted Deepwater horizon from an environmental impact study. Would that have happened under... an MMS purged of the scandal ridden staff everyone’s known about since at least 2008 (and maybe even as far back as 2005, 2006, 2007, as Ken Salazar admitted yesterday, in a defense that sounded more like an indictment of himself)?

I can’t answer that: what I can tell you is that no one can say “I didn’t know” because it’s a matter of record that MMS was mired in corruption. Allowing the same rotted people to run the agency amounts to negligence.

Yeah, that seems like a large string of bad decisions. You should really click the link and go read the full piece as it's full of damning excepts and news articles chronicling the bad judgment. The exempting the Deepwater Horizon from an environmental study and hiring a former BP exec to be the deputy administrator for land and minerals management seems quite bad. Glenn Greenwald makes a similar point about Salazar, shady industry ties, and negligence (including the Deepwater Horizon plan getting rubber stamped in less than 10 minutes and BP hiring the lobbying group owned by Obama transition chief John Podesta to lobby the White House) in his article on Salon.

So maybe instead of complaining whether the President is showing enough anger at the situation or yelling enough, maybe this is the kind of thing the media should look into. Though I will admit "Administration has close ties with industry" and "Corporations concerns given more weight than environmentalists' and non-moneyed sources" are hardly surprising stories. I'm sure the media will get right on it. Just like I'm sure revelations like this will result in our government not being so nakedly entwined with the interests it is supposed to be regulating.

This is a good idea, I'm sure of it

The President has officially named his National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling, which is empowered... to look at the BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill and offshore drilling. It's in the title. Of course this raises one important question: will the commission complete its work before the oil stops flowing into the Gulf? I vote no.

In naming the chairs for the commission, there's one interesting fact about the Republican co-chair. It seems he may be a man constructed entirely of oil.

President Obama today promised a full investigation into the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster. Obama said the administration will consider whether what has happened amounts to a crime and won't allow new offshore drilling until we know what went wrong.

As Obama spoke, he was flanked by the two co-chairs of the bipartisan National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling. The Republican co-chair, William K. Reilly, has spent a career in the industry he'll now probe. A former chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, Reilly currently serves on the board of directors of: ConocoPhillips; DuPont, which provides technologies for oil and gas extraction; and Energy Future Holdings, a Texas-based electric utility company.

Hey, I know we have to have a Republican co-chair to preserve the bipartisan circle jerk ethos that permeates Washington, but you really couldn't find a guy with a few less ties to oil companies? Sure, you have to select from the ranks of the GOP and finding a Republican free of ties to an oil company would probably need a bipartisan investigative commission of its own, but really, couldn't find a guy with only one extremely personally lucrative tie to a oil and oil related companies? You could only get a guy with three?

Whew, I was worried for a second. I thought a commission might go and put too much blame onto BP, Transocean , and Halliburton. Thanfully the American people will have a guy on there with a deep, personal financial interest in offshore drilling and oil, speaking for the oil companies. Bullet dodged, folks, bullet dodged.