Important climate question

Hey, I'm so science weather expert, but I was wondering something. Is it a good thing or a bad thing when the temperature goals that scientists are trying to achieve with the recent round of climate talks in Copenhagen are still filled with scenarios like this:

2C – The temperature limit the scientists want

The heatwaves seen in Europe during 2003, which killed tens of thousands of people, will come back every year with a 2C global average temperature rise. Southern England will regularly see temperatures around 40C in summer. The Amazon turns into desert and grasslands, while increasing CO2 levels in the atmosphere make the world's oceans too acidic for remaining coral reefs and thousands of other marine lifeforms. More than 60 million people, mainly in Africa, would be exposed to higher rates of malaria. Agricultural yields around the world will drop and half a billion people will be at greater risk of starvation. The West Antarctic ice sheet collapses, the Greenland ice sheet melts and the world's sea level begins to rise by seven metres over the next few hundred years. Glaciers all over the world will recede, reducing the fresh water supply for major cities including Los Angeles. Coastal flooding affects more than 10 million extra people. A third of the world's species will become extinct as the 2C rise changes their habitats too quickly for them to adapt.

Might I remind you that it's this 2C temperature rise that our own government and most every other government on earth is dramatically failing to meet or even take any kind of real action on. No, it's more and more likely that we'll see 3C or even 4C temperature rises over the next few decades. What do those scenarios look like?

4C - Possible with an extremely weak deal

You mistakenly leave your hermetically sealed climate bunker with your family in some fit of malnutrition induced insanity. The sun instantaneously cooks the brain of your wife inside her skull, lobotomizing her. As you look up to the sky and plead for mercy from a God that either never existed or has long since stopped caring about humanity, your eyeballs char and explode as your children are swept away by the unruly tide that laps at the edge of your oceanfront property in Green Bay, Wisconsin. As you hear their cries and erratically attempt to grope for their flailing limbs, you start to think that maybe you shouldn't have placed so much faith in the scientific integrity of oil companies.

Man, you don't even want to see the 5C scenarios. Suffice to say "Mesquite smoked humans" become the only remaining race and the scuba industry is the world's most dominant economic force.

But I hope you're prepared for that eventuality, because even phrases like "half a billion people will be at greater risk of starvation", predictions of persistent coastal flooding, dramatically increased malaria rates, and the extinction of 1/3 of all species can't even persuade leaders to act. So start using BBQ sauce as a sunscreen, invest heavily in scuba manufacturing and you'll be sitting pretty for the future. It's really the only option.

Quote of the Day

The Copenhagen conference is over with a weak, toothless, non-binding, low target, do little climate agreement as our elected world betters (stop me if you've heard this one before) failed to heed obvious warnings, listen to experts, or take necessary action due to short term political calculations. The US Senate was blamed, China was blamed more, Gordon Brown claimed the talks were "held to ransom", Banksy unleashed snarky art, and Thom Yorke was apoplectic. Hope you like a Radiohead album full of melting arctic ice references and climate statistics.

But still, in Copenhagen we found out that there were still things we can learn from our European brethren that could be applied back here in the States. Oh, not about climate change. No, we're all fucked horribly. No, I'm talking about the way their press deals with horridly regressive and embarrassing climate change deniers like Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) who went to the Copenhagen conference to enact his "one man truth squad" and ended up bumming around Copenhagen for about two hours, before calling a press conference and getting heckled by the few press that bothered to even cover him.

A reporter asked: “If there’s a hoax, then who’s putting on this hoax, and what’s the motive?”

“It started in the United Nations,” Inhofe said, “and the ones in the United States who really grab ahold of this is the Hollywood elite.”

One reporter asked Inhofe if he was referring to California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Another reporter — this one from Der Spiegel — told the senator: “You’re ridiculous.”

Ouch. That cold shoulder was so cold that might have proved that global warming is a hoax... if the snow in Copenhagen during the summit didn't already prove that global warming was a hoax.

So, American press, would it be too much to ask that when a crazy person starts yelling bullshit about science that you'd speak up and go "You're ridiculous"? Or are will still doing that whole "Some people say that they have facts, figures, numbers, decades of research, and scientific analysis, while others say they have a notion about what God will or won't allow the planet to do. Who can say who is right?" thing? Ah well, thanks Germany for shaming Inhofe, however little his capacity for shame is. Thanks for treating him like a buffoon. Here he's treated like an important man with considerable power... which he is. It's incredibly sad.

No one can do anything right

Well what do you know, the World can't get its shit together either. We spend so much time here chronicling the failures of our own government to do things that other industrialized nations did 4-5 decades ago, that it's nice to see that they have the same problems we do on the issues of today. Shame it's going to kill us all. Ah well, at least I live far enough in from the coast to avoid drowning.

I'm speaking, of course, of the Copenhagen climate conference. With proceedings being described as an "elaborate sham" and the possibility of any deal getting done dramatically in question, today we learn that even the measures they were preparing to sign off on were woefully inadequate.

The emissions cuts offered so far at the Copenhagen climate change summit would still lead to global temperatures rising by an average of 3C, according to a confidential UN analysis obtained by the Guardian.

With the talks entering the final 24 hours on a knife-edge, the emergence of the document seriously undermines the statements by governments that they are aiming to limit emissions to a level ensuring no more than a 2C temperature rise over the next century, and indicates that the last day of negotiations will be extremely challenging.

A rise of 3C would mean up to 170 million more people suffering severe coastal floods and 550 million more at risk of hunger, according to the Stern economic review of climate change for the UK government – as well as leaving up to 50% of species facing extinction. Even a rise of 2C would lead to a sharp decline in tropical crop yields, more flooding and droughts.

Worldwide action needed, experts all saying the same thing, consensus reached on solutions, but leaders can't seem to do anything other than pass half-measures and paens to the industries that caused the problem in the first place. Where have we heard this before? At the very least, people are saying that this isn't America's fault; it's China's. America, on the other hand, is being described as helpful and "pulling things back from the brink." Weird to hear that, I know. Hell, Obama even took to trying to shame and put pressure on those who were trying to hold up a deal. A nice attempt, but still a little hollow knowing that anything the Copenhagen conference agrees to and Obama wants to sign on to will still have next to no chance of passing the US Senate.

But as we approach the end it seems that our world leaders have come up with one concrete plan of action: work their asses off to draft a weak, face saving agreement with which they can use to pretend something was done. Because what you want in a comprehensive climate agreement is a draft that has the words "ought to", "scout's honor", "Totally promise", "It would be nice if...", and "let's hope and pray" prominently featured. So as the world shows us how to fail on a global scale, we in America can take solace in a few things: this time it wasn't our fault, we tried to help, and anyway it's the developing countries that are going to be most negatively affected by the temperature changes. We win again.

Pictures of the day

The various police beatings, country targeted protests, Greenpeace demonstrations, an dirty, dirty hippies that are in Copenhagen to watch the world fail. 230 people were arrested yesterday as clashes got serious and an attempt was made to rush the summit and occupy the floor of the negotiations. How is that Pittsburgh was the one city that was able to handle a major world summit without shit getting too emotional?

But as we learn at all climate summits: a consensus on action may be hard, but everyone can always agrees that beating up hippies is carbon neutral.

People who will be waiting a very, very, very long time

Coming soon to a rapture near you. God will have a little higher production values though.

America paying it's debts. Hilarious joke, protesters, hilarious joke.

It's about to get a lot warmer

If there's a silver lining to our impending governmental foray into climate legislation it's that whatever gets passed won't be some woefully inadequate response to any agreements and goals set at the Copenhagen Conference. How do I know this? Because they aren't going to have an agreement coming out of Copenhagen, because the talks are collapsing. I know that doesn't exactly sound like good news, perhaps I'm explaining it wrong.

Talks to save the planet from catastrophic climate change were on the brink of collapse this morning as officials from the three main blocs – rich countries, major developing economies, and small island states – said they had given up on getting a substantive deal.

Even as 115 world leaders began arriving to put their personal imprint on a deal, the summit hosts were admitting they had failed to broker an agreement.
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The sense of despair from the Danes comes after nine days of working negotiations which has seen increasing acrimony and distrust between rich countries and poor countries, and industrialised countries and the rapidly emerging economies.

Isn't that always the way? Poor and emerging countries want to grow and not be in so much abject poverty, low lying and equator countries want to not fry and drown to death, and the developed nations want to be able to not take minor political hits, pass complex legislation, and make difficult decisions. It's impossible to weigh one set of goals against the other. At least the developing countries got to keep the Kyoto accords and get US support for a climate fund.

However, China is talking about "no possibility of achieving a detailed accord to tackle global warming", anything the President signs will not be listened to by our Legislative branch, the President of the Maldives has practically resigned himself to the fact that his country will resemble Atlantis soon, African countries are crying out that they're being railroaded and held hostage by countries that provide them aid, and the Danes have shown a perceptible emotion that one could construe as displeasure. So buck up, you may think that your own country is the height of political mismanagement and duty shirking, but it merely pales in comparison to when you gather the entire world together. Feel better?

By the by, you probably should have asked Santa for scuba gear, SPF 10,000 sunblock, and a boat this Christmas. You'll need all of them.

Broken In Brief: After questioning the "warming" and "science" behind global warming science, skeptics question the "global" part

COPENHAGEN—After spending the better part of the last few decades attacking the validity of scientific reports on carbon emissions and temperature trends, not to mention the basic assumption that the planet was warming, today climate change skeptics declared war on the very concept that this problem was happening worldwide.

“Yeah, so, like, if we don’t go after the ‘global’ part of ‘global warming science’, we’re conceding a full one-third of the argument,” argued Cal Hennings, spokesman for the Association of Climate Skeptics Who Are Only Partially Funded by Energy Conglomerates.

“I’m not sure how we’re going to do it, but it did take us years to hone in on the right argument to discredit warming temperature trends. Who can forget the majesty of ‘But it’s cold out right now, how can things be warming’? Maybe something like ‘It’s cold out right now at this particular geographic location, so how could this be happening globally’? We’ll hash it out later.”

They were also quick to note that if the environmental community persisted in its commitment to the phrase “climate change” that they were already committed to trying to discredit the basic meaning of the word climate.

“What does ‘climate’ even mean, anyway?” snorted Hennings. “Hmmph. Elitist scientific classifications.”

Dance, Tuvalu, dance. We are displeased!

The Copenhagen Summit has certainly been an entertaining event. I mean where else can you see God strike down climate change denier Henrik Svensmark with a pacemaker malfunction... on live TV? Sorry Henrik, that rejection of science is going to have to include all science, including medical science. The Lord doth command it.

Or how about Africa standing up to developed countries to preserve the Kyoto protocols? Just for that we're going to ignore the next three genocides, you guys.

I mean where else are you going to get to witness a country beg for it's life?


Tuvalu delegate Ian Fry:

It appears that we are waiting for some senators in the U.S. Congress to conclude before we can consider this issue properly. It is an irony of the modern world that the fate of the world is being determined by some senators in the U.S. Congress.

Quit bitching. If you didn't want Joe Lieberman and Ben Nelson to control whether your and other low-lying island nations slowly drown to death or not, then you shouldn't have elected them Global Climate Overlords. Frankly what have you offered them other than an impassioned plea that "The fate of my country rests in your hands"? That talk doesn't fill up campaign coffers with cash.

Call us when you get some people, Tuvalu. But because we are generous and benevolent in our negligence, we have requisitioned some very nice life-vests for you in the likely event the Senate fails to act. You're welcome.

Funny joke of the day

Copenhagen draft accord reached

A draft accord presented by the chair of a working group at the key U.N. climate conference in Copenhagen suggested Friday that developed countries as a whole should aim for a maximum reduction of 45 percent in their greenhouse gas emissions compared with 1990 levels by 2020.

The draft, a copy of which was obtained by Kyodo News, stipulates that industrialized countries will undertake actions to mitigate climate change with a view to reducing their collective greenhouse gas emissions by at least 25 to 40 percent, or in the order of 30, 40 and 45 percent levels. The figures are bracketed, indicating these are pending.

Good one, scientists. That's hilarious. I'm sure everyone will take your studied expertise, your extensive calculations, your climate modeling, and your projections seriously and really move forward on seriously addressing this problem in a way that was laid out by the world's foremost experts. LOLerskates.

Get a load at the Senate bill Kerry is proposing: 17% percent cuts. And that's the absolute best case, "oh my God, it's a miracle", how did that happen, shoot the proton torpedo into the exhaust port, one in a million scenario. It actuality it will be much less. If fact there's a greater that 17% chance that the bill will include a provision to burn all of America's spare tires on the Mall in Washington.

So we're sorry, Copenhagen scientists, we really are. I know this is largely our fault and you're trying to come up with serious ideas an plans, but we're just going to have to pass. Who has time to think about the future when the naked political calculations of today have to be made? Good luck at the next conference though, I'm sure you'll come up with another scientifically valid set of numbers that we couldn't possibly implement. Can't hardly wait.

The future framework for failure

With the Copenhagen conference well underway, Democrats in the Senate have taken the opportunity that an increased focus on climate change by the media (more specifically: Sarah Palin's ideas on climate change by the media) to release their own framework for a climate bill. Sure, we could discuss what's in it, from 17% greenhouse gas cuts to government loans for nuclear reactors, but why waste time when the whole damn thing will be changed by the time it's passed? No, instead we'll focus on yet another example of Democrats not understanding how the Senate works, the basic concept of negotiations, or just how badly they've set themselves up for failure.

"We would like to underscore the fact that the framework we are releasing today is a starting point for our negotiations going forward," said Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass.
...
Kerry has for weeks been working with Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn., on broadening the Senate bill in hopes of gaining more Republican support.
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But the three acknowledged they are nowhere near getting the votes needed to overcome a certain GOP filibuster threat on any climate legislation. "We don't have 60 votes," said Lieberman.

Graham said the commitment to expand nuclear energy and open new opportunities for new oil and gas drilling both on shore and on the Outer Continental Shelf is hoped to attract additional support from Republican senators.

Christ John, you fell for it again. You actually thing this bill you released is a starting point for negotiations? No, this bill you outlined is the best this bill will ever look. Things will not move forward, they will move backward. You already admit you don't have the votes and already weakened your position in any future negotiations by crafting a bill that already starts off as a massive compromise and will still yet have to be compromised in order to pass. Why? Because you wanted Republican support. Because apparently you haven't been paying attention to the past couple of years. You magically got Graham on board and your only other two options come from Maine. The rest of the Republicans will vote against anything you propose based on general principle.

So let's see here, we have an optimistic Democrat introducing massively important legislation that absolutely has to be passed in order to stave of a giant problem that has been ignored for decades. Because he actually thinks that the other side can be bargained with he starts off by offering huge compromises in order to marshal bipartisan support that will never come. Remind me again, how did this plan of action work out for bailouts, the stimulus, financial reform, and health care? Ah, good 'ole Democrats: fool them once, no offense taken; fool them twice, no worries, you can just keep on foolin' them. I can't wait to see how this all unexpectedly blows up in Kerry's face. I'm sure it'll really surprise him when the has to whittle away this bill into nothing.

This pretty much explains it all

What with the Copenhagen climate conspiracy conference going on Al Gore is back in the news again, doing interviews, making speeches, and doing whatever he can to increase the millions of dollars he secretly earns from promoting doing something about all that climate change.

In a post describing how Gore is now taking a harsher, no-nonsense approach to climate change denialists, the Washington Monthly's Steve Benen uses a sentence to segue into a quote from a second Gore interview that perfectly sums up the state of modern politics, our modern media, the way experts and activists are treated in the media, and the way the problem of climate change and science in general is addressed by our political and media elite. Yup, all of 'em.

This morning, Gore appeared on MSNBC, where Andrea Mitchell read from Sarah Palin's Facebook page to ask the former vice president questions about climate change.

*dusts hands off and walks away* Yep, that about sums it all up. Enjoy running the world, China. I hope you learned from our mistakes.

Broken News: Scientists reluctantly admit global climate change conspiracy

COPENHAGEN—Citing the recently uncovered Climategate controversy and heavy consciences, the world's scientific elite gathered today at the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen to formally admit the decades long conspiracy to trick the world into believing the science behind climate change and global warming was, in fact, real.

“Our bad,” announced the Chair of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Rajendra Pachauri, to the stunned silence of those gathered.

“Uh yeah,” he continued, sweating profusely and tugging nervously at his shirt collar. “We just wanted some attention. None of you care about climate science or anyone who does research in the field. Hell, TV weathermen get more respect than us.”

Clearing his throat, Pachauri added, “We also really hated industry and spitefully wanted to cripple economies for no good reason,” before sheepishly walking off the stage, his head drooped low.

As the pained cries of “No!” went up around the surrounding area and mixed with the joyful yelps of “I knew it!”, those in attendance at COP15 struggled to understand how such a vast conspiracy was hatched and held together.

Offering up his own explanation was Dr. Eric Wenham, a now discredited climate scientist working in the field of marine ecologies, who was huddled with a group of other scientists off to the right of the stage.

“Well, Mr. Pachauri was right. We all felt extremely unpopular and taken for granted,” he said, awkwardly digging his toe into the ground.

“I know why I got into measuring carbon concentrations in oyster and clam shells: for the fucking glory! It drove me right up the wall when I wasn’t getting the prestige and fame that a life in climate science was supposed to get you.”

The other scientists in the area agreed, with one in the back shouting “Actually, I got into climatology for the money.”

"And the women!" shouted an unidentified researcher.

“Well, we’re all in it for the money and women,” Wenham laughed. “I mean, we all know how much a top level climate scientist can pull down. Billions!“

As the day went on, this group of scientists went on to diagram how and why they became part of the greatest scientific hoax since the moon landing.

“For me, I first heard about it in hushed tones; people telling me that if I really wanted to make the big money I just had to mention that all my research showing increased carbon levels was somehow going to kill the world,” revealed Dr. Tashahiro Fumigato MIT. “A completely ludicrous proposition, by the way.”

The surrounding scientists nodded in agreement. Which begged the question, if carbon levels were actually rising, then wasn’t that a problem?

“Of course not!” Fumigato roared, practically doubled over with amusement. “We breathe CO2 out, so how dangerous can it be?”

Other scientists joined in the laughter with one asking how something could be bad if God made it.

“So,” Fumigato continued. “We just concocted a story about warming, rising oceans, bad weather, melting icecaps, and gussied it up with tales about sad polar bears and fuzzy kittens. Then all that money began rolling in.”

Everyone nodded and held up various bejeweled canes, diamond Rolexes, keys to Bentleys, and fat wads of sweaty $100 bills.

“I just want to be clear here,” Wenham chimed back in. “We also really hated industry and capitalism. I can’t stress that enough. We wanted to damage it for no other reason than our own personal amusement.”

Again everyone nodded, with several augmenting Wenham’s words with extra “really’s”, before they eventually grew disinterested in their own conspiracy and started to disperse into the crowd.

With this global conspiracy revealed and the climate "scientists" finally exposed for the frauds they are, few are sure what will happen next. Apart from Al Gore's imminent arrest and execution, most of the climate science field will revert to relative anonymity of a comparatively unrewarding upper-middle-class lifestyle.

For now, most observers are pointing to this hoax as evidence that people need to be more skeptical towards all science and especially scientists. On this point Dr. Fumigato agrees wholeheartedly.

“People just need to realize that scientists occasionally lie for no good reason and get other to join them in their lies, also for no good reason. Sometimes it really is best to listen to corporations and energy conglomerates that might not seem credible because of the colossal financial stake they have in discrediting science that doesn’t say what they want. Most times, they’re telling the truth. More so than us scientists, that’s for sure.”

Broken In Brief: Climate Change Conference takes step toward gaining ground on making strides

Above: Pretty much everywhere in a few decades

COPENHAGEN--Delegates from around the world hailed a major step forward in the international climate change talks currently underway in Denmark. Several sources have confirmed that, pending a final vote that would authorize a secret ballot initiative that is likely to approve floor discussion of a measure aimed at constructing a platform for civil discourse, headway is likely to be made.

"We are extremely excited by this chance to maybe consider debating the wisdom in further discussing the likelihood of meaningful action," gushed host country representative, Sven Bjerregaard.

While many warned that such unbridled optimism at the prospect of the world's industrialized nations agreeing on marking actual progress as their goal, others enthusiastically cheered the notion that the participants might forge ahead, perhaps even in the general direction of increased improvement and the betterment of momentum.

Said one representative, on condition of probable conditional immunity, "I, for one, laud this consideration of the otherwise outlandish idea that, once ratified, might well lead us to deliberating the conditions under which we may all potentially come together and enumerate many of the concerns we share about the wisdom of discussion."

Some skeptics noted that while they were tentatively wary of possibly forming any premature opinions on the future attainability of any proposed possibilities for conceivable scenarios, that they would be waiting for a full report from the Committee on Viable Alternatives for Proceeding Forward on Covering Ground before making any concrete decisions.

"We just want to make sure we've done our due diligence on our dotting the i's and crossing the t's over our meticulous vigilance on the capacity for effective action on the potential of reachable ideals," said Josef Gustavsson, mopping his brow and looking up at the sun. "Christ is it hot out here, or what? Isn't it, like, December? Ah well, back inside. I hear the Dutch have an interim proposal on the viability of exploring corner-turning."

Get a job

Jobs are on the agenda again. Why? Because it's either talk about jobs, talk about the disappointing Senate bullshit going on with health care, talking about future disappointing Senate bullshit with regards to Copenhagen and climate legislation, or talk about Sarah Palin's book. Clearly jobs are the only recourse for retaining some level of sanity.

President Obama is concerned about jobs, which is why he's going to give a major speech today outlining help for highways and small businesses, bridges and energy-efficient homes as avenues for action, funding avenues, using leftover/repaid funds from the surprisingly efficient TARP fund to pay down the debt or small business lending, and other various options for maybe getting unemployment under 10% sometime before we have to stop trying to come up with a grouping name for this decade (the aughts?) and come up with one for the next decade (the teens...plus some others?). But don't worry, dear readers, Obama isn't the only one concerned about jobs, the GOP clearly has an alternative and concrete plan for success that they want you to know about. They unveiled it at the Economist's World in 2010 Conference.

DANIEL FRANKLIN: What is the big idea? “Jobs” is not an idea.

ERIC CANTOR: The big idea is to get, to get, to produce an environment where we can have job creation again. And see, that’s where the Obama administration’s agenda so clearly disadvantages the Democrats in this upcoming election in eleven months and advantages us.

Stupid guy from the Economist, saying 'jobs' is a plan and saying 'produce an environment where we can have job creation', perhaps through magic, is a specific plan. They're for 'jobs', what more do you want? For them to actually support job creating plans like the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act or a newer, more specifically targeted towards jobs plan? For them to stop openly relishing the fact that poor jobs numbers a year from now and the complete stalling of any attempted action will benefit them politically? Madness.

So don't worry, Jobless-Americans, Eric Cantor has a notion that jobs are important and that you should probably have one. That idea won't move any further than that, so I hope that his positive thoughts on that and a good economy helped you find work.

Climate action?

The climate talks in Copenhagen are underway and after months of buildup, what I'm sure will be hundreds of speeches from scientists presenting information and begging action, and consensus that something needs to be done, I'm sure the elected betters of the world will agree....then walk away with no concrete goals or action before returning home to give some speech to their country about buying better lightbulbs.

But with the conference happening, scientists and research organizations have taken the time to release finding after finding in the hopes that facts and figures can spur our world leaders to action the way seemingly only war and bailouts to billion dollar corporations can. Like the report from the World Meteorological Organization that confirmed, yup, that climate change is still a problem. To that end, our own EPA announced that they were going to take the initiative to regulate the emissions of greenhouse gases. This decision to meet a universally recognized problem with clear action from a regulatory agency with the power to do something was, of course, met with bitching and complaining from our elected betters.

"The stick approach isn't going to work. In fact, Congress may retaliate," said Mark Helmke, a senior adviser to Sen. Richard G. Lugar (R-Ind.). "They could stop the funding, and they could change the law."
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Some senators who environmental groups hope might vote for a climate bill also said they were unhappy. Sen. Olympia J. Snowe (R-Maine) called the move "regrettable." And Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.), chairman of the Senate Agriculture Committee, said in a statement that she is concerned that the move "will create burdens on American industry without providing any significant environmental benefits."

"I strongly urge EPA to wait for Congress to find a solution," Lincoln said.

Which is to say, Blanche Lincoln wants the EPA to wait until the sun burns out, or perhaps until our great grandchildren are treading water in our new global ocean, wondering how it was all those people in the movie Waterworld were able to build atolls to live on.

Of course the announcement was riddled with statements from the EPA saying how this was a measure of last resort and how they really preferred Congressional action over doing it themselves. I'm not so sure about that one, EPA. The House is the best chance for good legislation and even their bill, Waxman-Markey, is littered with loopholes and bad compromises. Just imagine what the Senate will do. No, their hearts lie with the Chamber of Commerce, who is shrieking about "top down command and control regimes", and the American Petroleum Institute, who declared this action a threat to every American family and business.

But thank you EPA for taking a necessary step to actually do something. I know it'll end up with the Senate attempting to pass some terrible, industry beholden half-measure, but hopefully this will allow for progressive Demcorats to negotiate with the position that "Hey, we don't care what you want, we'll block this bullshit and let the EPA take care of it". Of course they probably won't do that and this whole process will be driven by the whims of Ben Nelson and coal state Democrats, but it's nice that I can dream about a scenario where some good might occur. That possibility is usually ruled out before things ever start.

Video of the day

H2oil animated sequences from Dale Hayward on Vimeo.

What with our eminent Copenhagen related disappointment on the horizon, today we bring you an environment themed animated sequence about America's biggest oil supplier: Alberta, Canada. And you thought it was the Muslims! Edmonton's hockey team isn't called the Oilers for kicks.

More specifically this video is about the Athabasca oil sands and all the glorious side effects of oil that you tend to forget about when you're just thinking about oil and the burning of it. The video is from the documentary H2Oil, which is about oil, water usage, NAFTA, politics, trade, and human costs surrounding what is going to be one of the biggest industrial projects...ever. And you probably never heard of it.

Climate witchcraft

I guess the big news today is that President Obama is going to the Copenhagen climate conference next month. And why not? I'm sure it'll be a grand old time discussing substantive ways to cut pollution, emissions, and investment in green technologies. Sure, once someone turns to him during the talks and says "So...you can get this passed through Congress...right?", he'll have to fake a seizure to avoid telling some poor leader that the only thing he could get through the Senate is a bill encouraging people to eat more coal. Perhaps he can get a bill through the reconciliation process that calls for 28% of the populace to be beaten with a scientific journal. Why? America got dumber again.

The percentage of Americans who believe global warming is happening has dipped from 80 to 72 percent in the past year, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, even as a majority still support a national cap on greenhouse gas emissions.

The poll's findings -- which also show that 55 percent of respondents think the United States should curb its carbon output even if major developing nations such as China and India do less -- suggest increasing political polarization around the issue, just as the Obama administration and congressional Democrats are intensifying efforts to pass climate legislation and broker an international global warming pact.

The increase in climate skepticism is driven largely by a shift within the GOP. Since its peak 3 1/2 years ago, belief that climate change is happening is down sharply among Republicans -- 76 to 54 percent

A hearty round of applause for the energy industry, folks! It takes a lot of lying, money, lying, money, and lying to drive down those numbers. Real shocker about those GOP numbers. Actually, those Republican support numbers are about the same as the ones for people who believe that ACORN stole the election for Obama. I guess climate change sounds like too much of a conspiracy theory for some, just enough of a conspiracy theory for others. But, who am I to argue with the arguments put forward by Republican voters in the article? I mean they range all the way from "Al Gore is fat" to "I don't think the science says what the scientists say it says." Eat that, U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change!

On the bright side, by a margin of 53-42, Americans support cap-and-trade legislation. Hell, just look what popularity did for the health care reform bill. See...wait, why are you crying? It's the holidays, cheer up!

Let's see: a good idea that substantively reduces our carbon footprint and emissions, is popular with scientists and large swaths of Democratic legislators, and is also popular with the American people. Sounds like something that can't ever be allowed to pass. Coal state Democrats, you start joining with Republicans while the Blue Dogs and other "moderates" can start larding up the bill with a few billion down the money hole for clean coal and corn ethanol. After a few weeks we can knock cap-and-trade out of the bill and everything will be up to the legislative standards of the United States Congress. Get to work boys, that thing isn't going to fuck itself up.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.05

Goldman One-Ups Gordon Gekko, Says Jesus Embraced Greed
God bless Goldman-Sachs. At the very least they're going around claiming that He does bless them. Yes, America's favorite pillagers and looters are sending spokesman to churches around the world to speak on how Jesus would have loved the latest round of massive bonuses that they handed out. Tell me about it. What was it Jesus said? "Sure it's easy for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God, it's like trying to get a camel through the eye of a needle the size of the camel. It's fucking simple, now tell me how my stocks did." If there was any difficulty getting into Heaven it's probably because there'd be all these poor assholes standing at the gates (Jesus was a sucker for those destitute SOB's) asking the rich guy for spare change and he'd have a hard time knocking those peasant swine out of the way to get in.

Another View At Goldman's Trading Perfection And Statistical Improbabilities
It's Goldman-Sachs day on the Crutch, so we'll also point you to the Zero Hedge blog where a look at G-S figures finds they make $100 million in profit 3 out of every 5 days, their numbers challenge "not only all preconceptions of realistic trading, but also of statistical distributions", and those same figures are essentially comparable to a Ponzi scheme. I'm sure someone from the SEC will get right on it. Fuck it, why does God need to approve of Goldman-Sachs bonuses? God is obsolete. Goldman-Sachs is God; Money God. Let's worship them now.

The global climate change lobby: inside the battle to influence the most important environmental treaty of our lifetime
The Center for Public Integrity, crooked fuckers that they are, released a report today slandering innocent companies like Exxon Mobil, Peabody Coal and other energy and agriculture interests, for allegedly spreading fear and misinformation about the impact of emissions regulations in their attempts to neuter any proposed treaties that come out of the UN Climate Talks in Copenhagen. Just because they have numerous examples of energy companies in multiple countries using lies to drum up fear of any attempt to address climate change destroying everyone's job, doesn't mean it's true. They must be taking hundreds of events, the 5 lobbyists to every 1 member of Congress ratio, hundreds of millions of dollars spent fighting this, and a coordinated strategy out of context.

When antiscience kills: dowsing edition
The Bad Astronomy blog looks into dowsers, the completely bullshit practice of using Y-shaped sticks to divine water or gold, and how Iraq is spending millions, $85 million to be specific, on a "high-tech" version....as a way to detect bombs. To the point where they're phasing out bomb-sniffing dogs. Unsurprisingly the magic wands failed to detect two tons of explosives that ended up killing 155 people, yet the head of the Ministry of the Interior’s General Directorate for Combating Explosives refuses to switch to a different or more effective method citing his extensive knowledge of bombs. I.....you see.....uh.....WHAT THE FUCK? Good Lord, can we get the fuck out of Iraq already?

The new disappointment

With the health care debate largely over and only the scope and size of the public option left to get to get blindingly angry about, the choice of whether to allow people access to it was successfully fobbed off onto states (states rights, bitches! eat it Lincoln!), and the spectacle of largely conservative, right wing states enacting a hilarious process of screwing their own citizens on health care with the tacit tea bagging approval of those citizens, Congress now moves on to a new debate for us all to get immensely worked up over inevitably leading to anger and disillusionment in government as intelligent plans based on science and research are diluted and made terrible by the dumbest and most politically craven members of the Democratic Senate caucus: the environmental debate! The Senate Environment and Public Works Committee starts public hearings on climate change bills! Whooo!

With a clearer picture on health care, the Obama administration and Congress today are pivoting toward climate change legislation.

The Senate Environment and Public Works Committee began hearings this hour on Chairman Barbara Boxer's bill, with President Obama's Green Cabinet expected to testify.
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With just over a month before climate change negotiations begin in Copenhagen, environmental advocacy groups have been pressuring the White House and Congress to take action so world leaders have a framework to build upon.

Administration officials have stressed for weeks they are comfortable with negotiators using the House-passed bill as a starting point, but the activists closest to the issue say that's not enough.

Sorry activists, hope you like getting less than what's in the House bill you think is inadequate. Hell, I hope you like getting less than what's in the Kerry/Boxer Clean Energy Jobs and American Power Act (S.1733) that the hearings are going to be about. Because the lesson around here, and we try to impart it on a daily basis, is that the Senate is a stupid place and legislation only goes there to be made worse. The climate bill has been ordered to pass through the land of wind and ghosts and we can only hope that it emerges from the other side in a manner that doesn't worsen climate change, only fails to inadequately and effectively address it and fails to help set up the American economy to grow and expand into green technologies.

It matters not that people support cap-and-trade measures by a 60% to 37% measure and that the numbers are even higher for people under the age of 50. They felt the same way about a robust public option and we all saw the bruised, battered, and dismembered body that is still trying to drag itself out of the US Senate's shame basement. No, the future of America is clearly coal, so coal state Democrats (and God there are more of them than the ones who opposed a strong public option) will make sure that climate change legislation reflects the wishes of the coal industry that will fuel our economy into the 22nd century. Get ready, we've found the next Country Polarizing Thing To Hate that everyone on both sides can get angry about: climate change legislation! Get your teabags and haikus about Mother Earth ready.

We commend your balls

With the world's leaders gearing up for the international negotiations over climate change at Copenhagen in December, many ideas, plans, numbers, alternatives, and solutions are being offered up as ways to combat the problem. But it isn't only developed and developing nations trying to come up with solutions, the OPEC nations have one of their own: any attempt to combat global warming should also include large sacks of money to be given to them because of lost revenue.

Saudi Arabia is trying to enlist other oil-producing countries to support a provocative idea: if wealthy countries reduce their oil consumption to combat global warming, they should pay compensation to oil producers.

The oil-rich kingdom has pushed this position for years in earlier climate-treaty negotiations. While it has not succeeded, its efforts have sometimes delayed or disrupted discussions. The kingdom is once again gearing up to take a hard line on the issue at international negotiations scheduled for Copenhagen in December.
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“It is like the tobacco industry asking for compensation for lost revenues as a part of a settlement to address the health risks of smoking,” said Jake Schmidt, the international climate policy director at the Natural Resources Defense Council. “The worst of this racket is that they have held up progress on supporting adaptation funding for the most vulnerable for years because of this demand.”

C'mon world leaders, what's more important: combating global warming or keeping Saudi profit margins up? I mean after all if an emissions treaty is signed that means that OPEC nations will only make $23 trillion dollars from 2008-2030. That's a drop of 16%! How are you supposed to build the world's tallest skyscraper, build underwater hotels, create giant sand islands, or fund a decent mujaheddin with a measly $23 trillion? Hell, their women might even start learning to read if they don't have enough money to stop it.

I think with the revelation of this information and the fact that the Saudis view this as a "make or break" provision means we have to do the right thing. We have to scrap any meaningful emissions or climate change actions until such a time as we can adequately address the needs of rich shieks. In the rush to take necessary action for the common good it seems we forgot about the billionaires and oil conglomerates. I mean isn't that always the way? For shame.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.28

As Seen On TV! Birthermercial Asks, Where Was Obama Really Born?
I kind of wish I thought of this. No, not the "Obama is a Kenyan, show us the birth certificate" conspiracy. As you can see from our Broken News and Broken in Brief pieces, Sean and I aren't that creative. No, the part where I create a bullshit infomercial about it and then charge suckers $30 for a bumper stickers and a fax to 50 state attorney generals and Eric Holder. Though this might create a problem where state attorney generals are just being forwarded a list of the craziest individuals in America with disposable incomes and free time. At least that's helpful to the rest of America.

Tea Party Founder Announces: "A Huffington Post Of Our Own"
You people do not disappoint. Now I'm not going to have to read up to 10 different sites to keep track of all the bizarre conspiracies that the government is involved in. Now I can get my crazy content aggregated. If I can also get some critiques of red carpet fashions, a site runner with an accent, and video of stuff that happened on TV, I can just jettison the HuffPo entirely.

France, Poland want Polanski released on bail
Just a word of advice to any French cultural ministers, actors, film buffs, and the two HuffPo bloggers that already have decried Polanski's arrest: stop wasting my time with bullshit about how he's the real victim, and sure rape is bad but everyone else affiliated with the case is worse, and "isn't being forced to live abroad as a millionaire director punishment enough?". Just say "Rosemary's Baby and Chinatown were really fucking good, I don't care how many 13 year-olds he drugs, rapes, and sodomizes" and be done with it. It's a lot easier than going through 700 words to find out that's what you really wanted to say anyway.

A Presidential Olympic Bid
Hey, I don't have any real idea of the Presidential schedule, but doesn't Barry have better things to do than to fly over to Copenhagen to push for Chicago's Olympic bid? I mean sure, I hate the time delays as much as anyone, but really, a special trip? Is Chicago in dire need of a world class diving arena? Ah, what the hell, it's Yom Kippur, government's probably shut down. You go get Chicago that cycling velodrome its wanted, Barry. You go get it.

New Cheney Taking Stage for the G.O.P.
Whew! I was worried for a while that this country would have to go on for too long without the amoral, crooked, grunting spawn of the hellbeast lying to the American public from a position of influence within the GOP. If only some state would bless us with Liz Cheney in the House of Senate, I think I could die happy....in whatever nuclear conflict she'd invariably provoke us into. C'mon, doesn't George H.W. Bush have any ignorant grandkids we could pair her up with?