It's a deal, it's a steal

You know it is our duty here at These Bastards to bring you news of any financial opportunities that cross our paths. So we would be remiss if we didn't tell you about the above ship, named the MacArthur, that Yachtworld is currently selling for the bargain basement price of $3.7 million. Don't take my word for it, look at the specs:

The "McArthur" is totally self-contained, makes her own water, and has satellite communications systems that provide for continuous broadband service and satellite telephone. The vessel has a two bed hospital and carries adequate stores of food and supplies to support her crew and 30 additional personnel for 45 days without re-supply. She has the ability to land and fuel small and medium size helicopters and store, launch and retrieve 3 small craft up to 15 tons and 36 ft. in length. She has temporary sheltering for over 100 survivors from disasters.

With those capabilities and at that price, I don't think it'll last long, so if you wan it you'd better move on it. Need any more incentive? Well, it was the boat Blackwater outfitted in order to take up the private-sector pirate-hunting business. But then those Somali guys stopped taking so many hostages, the 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movie was a bloated mess, and Blackwater's name became toxic, so there just wasn't a market for them to exploit.

$3.7 million. I can guarantee it was never used to temporarily shelter 100 survivors in a humanitarian crisis. No wear and tear. Maybe you can start your own extra-legal navy or just hold monkey-knife fights in international waters. Do whatever you want. Think about it.

Oh and don't get all teary eyed for Blackwater. They may have had a setback on their plans to buckle swashes and sail several seas, but on the other hand, they did get a big thumbs up on indiscriminately murdering 17 Iraqi civilians in a gun "battle". So they do have that going for them. Frankly this yacht sale just saves them the negative publicity that would have stemmed from their inevitable sinking an Iraqi fishing boat with 17 people on it.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.11

Influential Players: How Six Big Stakeholders Shaped Health Care
In a follow up to today's big health care shocker, TPM looks at how several of the large health care stakeholders were able to shape the debate and get what they wanted. You know, to "help" the American people. Mostly it's a bunch of groups that got minor concessions in return for their support. Only PhRMA was able to weasel billions out of the government in return for slapping a $20 on the nightstand and promising to call tomorrow. Damn government and its low self esteem.

Falling Far Short of Reform
David Leonhardt of the New York Times decided to waste a good sized chunk of his day looking at the House health care bill and then analyzing where it falls short and providing suggestions for ways it could be made better. Oh bless his precious, dear, naive heart. He actually thinks there's a chance for improving this bill and that the best way to improve it is with reasoned analysis and serious, thoughtful suggestions. I don't have it in my heart to break it to him that any suggestion that doesn't start with killing/incapacitating at least 60% of the Legislative branch neuters any change of getting something intelligent passed.

Why Employment Might Not Fully Recover Until 2013
Happiness vampire Mark "Mr. Sunshine" Thoma of CBS Moneywatch doesn't want you to let all the recent great job news go to your head. He says that in addition to unemployment being 10.2% that it isn't likely to recover until 2013, around the time President Palin is sworn into office. The son of a bitch even backs it up with charts. Is there any reason to have hope? Well, the earth might explode in 2012, so there's always that. Try and tough it out until then.

Blackwater Said to Pursue Bribes to Iraq After 17 Died
America's dainty sweethearts, Blackwater, is being accused of handing out $1 million in secret payments to Iraqi officials in order to buy their silence over that whole shooting civilians thing. I think we should give them all a round of applause, bribing is much less nefarious behavior than indiscriminate civilian murder, weapons smuggling, murder conspiracies on US soil, and mob style hit squads. I think they've learned their lesson. Let's give them five or six more no-bid contracts.

Vanished Persian army said found in desert
You think we know how to stage an epic Middle Eastern quagmire, then you haven't heard about Persian King Cambyses II, who lost 50,000 soldiers in 525 B.C. in what was called an "cataclysmic sandstorm". Well duh, you don't lose 50k if it gets a little dusty out. This is a vindication of a story by historian Herodotus that many had thought was a fanciful myth because no evidence had ever been found. Finally I can take off my "Believe in Herodotus" shirt and put on my "Herodotus: Vindicated" shirt. Glad I had both made up.

Who could have foreseen?

Remember that part in the health care debate where the President announced that he had the support of the leaders of pharmaceutical companies to tackle reform and that as a show of good faith they'd be willing to sacrifice $80 billion over 10 years in order to push for reform? In return they got concessions from the White House that everyone pretended weren't agreed to even though there were memos and legislation has essentially borne out that deal.

Wait for it.......it was all a bullshit scam! Who could have foreseen? In return for their pledge to sacrifice $8 billion a year and get their priorities enacted in any reform package, the pharmaceutical companies are going to net nearly $35 billion a year over the next four years....and it'll go up as the years pass. I am shocked. Seriously.

IMS Health, a company that supplies the pharmaceutical companies with sales data, predicts that new health reform legislation -- combined with a projected upswing in the economy -- will result in a net gain of more than $137 billion in total market sales over the next four years. The new assessment was contained in document obtained by the Huffington Post.

Back in March, that same firm projected a compound annual growth rate of -0.1 percent in the period of 2008 through 2013. In October, with the general outlines of health care reform clearly in place, it revised that number to a positive 3.5 percent for over the same period.
...
The structure of health care reform, as IMS goes on to note, will have benefits for the federal government, which could save an estimated $30 billion from 2010 through 2019. ...The real beneficiaries of reform, however, would evidently be the pharmaceutical industry.

Hey, a few nickels fell out their large sack with the dollar sign on it. Be grateful. Just tell yourself the additional 60% in costs we pay for drugs over Canada means we're getting 60% better medicine and getting 60% healthier. Same for the massive price differentials in Mexico. I know the statistics don't bear me out on that one, and its deeply depressing to find out that Mexico can wrangle cheaper drugs than we can, but if you don't this is all going to seem really infuriating.

That's right, pretend. We have good cheap health care in pretend America. Everything's alright in pretend America.

It's a deal, it's a steal

In this economy and with the cash for clunkers program having ended, one might find it hard to procure a vehicle to drive oneself for your daily trips to the bar and weekly trips to the unemployment office. But thankfully eBay and the City of Proctor, Minnesota have come forward to help you out. What if I told you you could have a vehicle with comfort, the green power of an electric motor, and a top speed of 40 MPH all for the low, low price of $39,310...so far. Doesn't sound great, does it? What if I told you it was used in a crime and was being auctioned by the police? No, still not worth 40 g's? Oh yeah, it's also a motorized La-Z-Boy. Now have I got your attention?

Vehicle Description
Known as the world famous DWI Motorized La-Z-Boy style Chair, year built unknown. This is a unique vehicle located in Proctor Minnesota. The vehicle has been obtained from a DWI forfeiture and has not been restored. Engine: Briggs and Stratton Model # 19070 Type: 5641 with electric start. Transmission type unknown and is sloppy. The vehicle has front lights, rear tag light, radio, cup holder, rear roll bars and other custom options, missing the seat cushion. Curb weight of vehicle is unknown, length is 52” and width is 45”. This is a great parade vehicle or a terrific business draw. Be the only one in town with a unique vehicle like this. This is not a street legal vehicle.

Q: Would you know if this chair could beat a Segway in the 1/4 mile ? My best friend is a Mall Cop and says that his Segway can spank this Chair in the 1/4 ... I intend to bid to win.
A: Was told it could reach close to 40 mph. It also has a wheelie bar in the rear for poppin wheelies. Unknown what max speed is and we will not be running any test runs.

Auction is only open for a little while longer, so if you want it you'll have to act fast...you're going against a guy who's bidding to win!

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.28

Dominick Dunne’s Quarter-Century
Lost in all the hubbub over some Senator dying was the passing of Vanity Fair journalist Dominick Dunne. While he wrote on many subjects he was most known and most acclaimed for his work looking at how celebrity and high society interacted with the judicial system. From Claus von Bulow to OJ to Phil Specter he covered a hell of a lot of rich crooks. Vanity Fair has been kind enough to put up links to his greatest hits. Good read.

An Emptied Flask Makes for Empty Promises
As if you didn't already know, science has come out and definitively proven that all that shit you claim you're totally going to do when you're drunk (take a swing at your old man, ask that pretty girl out, better yourself, stop taking shit from people, pulling your life together) are all just drunken bullshit. They even coined a term for it: alcohol myopia. But don't worry, after a couple more shots and a few more beers you'll show those fucking eggheads who'll do what, you'll show everyone.

Small Midwestern States To Be Hit Hardest By Climate Change: Report
Ahh Life, it's your small ironies that give you such great flavor. See it turns out that some of the states most opposed to global warming and climate change legislation will hilariously see their parcels of land most resemble an ultra-hot, skin melting frying pan. Oh sure, we'll all fry, but they'll fry a little hotter and burn a little crisper. Now if only all the coal states were within flooding distance for when the icecaps melt....

California Garage Sale: State Holds Giant Garage Sale To Raise Funds
If you were in the market for a giant state seal with a bear on it it or perhaps some stuff Jerry Brown forgot to take out of his gubernatorial storage locker, the state of California, comically reaping the bitter harvest of electing Arnold Schwarzenegger and their idiotic ballot measure system, have been reduced to hawking their goods in an attempt to pay for stuff like schools. If you buy over $500 worth of stuff, Arnold will personally deliver it to your house and say whichever catch phrase of his you want to hear.

War in Darfur is finished, claims UN commander
You know what I think tipped the tide: the hipsters with their Darfur t-shirts. But still, you see all the good that can happen when you just let a despotic government genocide itself out? By strategically doing nothing we made sure that they'd eventually fall into our trap of getting tired of ethnically cleansing the countryside. Well done, international community!

This is what deal making gets you

So this is what the Pharmaceutical industry's big $150 million dollar as push is going to look like. You know the one, where the drug companies said that they had cut a deal with the White House to cap the savings they had to make at $80 billion over 10 years, then spent the next week backtracking in tandem with the White House to assure everyone that no such deal had been made, and then it turns out that yes that exact deal had been made?

Sounds like a good deal: cut some rote cookie cutter ad about puppies --> avoid having to make any real concessions for your entire industry. $150 million to save billions. Well done, drug industry. For us, we don't get any opportunity to import drugs, have the government negotiate for drug prices, or do things that actually make drugs cheaper. And in return we get one less industry screeching about death panels and still have complete uncertainty on whether we'll even get a watered down bill passed. Doesn't really seem worth it.