Stay classy, Pat

With the disaster in Haiti that's going on right now, it was a mad dash to see who could be the most insensitive Christian fundamentalist right wing prick to be the first one out of the gate blaming some form of immorality for the destruction. Of course evangelical leg press world record holder Pat Robertson was able to get his chastising comments towards people dying in and earthquake out first, barely edging Rush Limbaugh at the line. He's a spry fuck for a rotten old bastard.

You see, it's that pact Haiti made with the devil. Not a pact they made because they allowed gays to exist or women to expose their ankles, no. A literal pact with a man in a red suit carrying a hayfork.

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

Robertson said that "ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other" and he contrasted Haiti with its neighbor, the Dominican Republic.

Classy as always. Good old Pat, always quick to blame people for their own suffering, like Jesus did.

If you'd like to actually do something to help and somehow don't feel like inventing stories about red devil bewitching the mud people quite does it, you can donate to Oxfam, Google has a page up for UNICEF and CARE, text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross and text "YELE" to 501501 to donate $5 to Yele Haiti's efforts, and Huffington Post has a larger link to all the non-profits running relief efforts and doing work on the ground.

Oh, we're also going to have to tolerate Wyclef Jean being back in the public eye for a while and I'm sure he'll have a charity single that we'll all have to pretend is good too. It's a burden, but we'll do it anyway.

Those choosing instead to just alter their Twitter of Facebook page will get their face mashed in by the first decent person that can be sent around to their place. Prayers for the death/humiliation/humiliating death of Pat Robertson can be offered to the heavens at any time.