Above: Morning call to prayer at Yankee StadiumOBAMERICA--Millions across the nation were constitutionally barred from gathering today to mark the 364th day of unending darkness brought about by the ascendancy of the iron-fisted Kenyan Islamofascist Socialist dictator Barack Hussein Obama (praise be unto him).
Tomorrow will mark the one-year anniversary of His Righteousness' (bless his name) illegal seizure of the great nation formerly known as [name redacted by Ministry of Information], as well as the summary execution of all peaceful, God-fearing Americans.
"I'll never forget where I was on that fateful day," remarked one anonymous denizen of this troubled land. "It was just after morning prayer. I was engaged in some routine free market capitalism when I stopped to clean my gun in front of the television..."
This brave ex- [former nationality redacted] fought back tears as s/he recalled the S.S. (Socialist Squad) kicking down the door and conducting the standard Obamanization protocol with which we are all now familiar.
"I... I just don't understand why they had to use a shampoo bottle. What's the symbolism there?"
Given the laws, enacted on the same day as the inauguration of Obama (God's love be upon him), outlawing public assembly, free speech and the worship of any deity who is not our Supreme Leader (blessings to his name and testicles), no rallies were scheduled or media campaigns enacted.
Despite all of this, there seems to be some small sliver of Hope (TM) amongst those who wish for nothing other than a safe place to raise, arm and educate their children. A small online community hosted on offshore servers has sprung up. With close to two dozen members, the organization represents the largest challenge to-date of Supreme Leader Obama's (smiles and ass-ticklings of the afterlife all over his sweet, sweet ass) uncontested power.
Speaking from an undisclosed location, Rahm Emanuel, Director of Ideological Oneness, seemed unconcerned with this perceived threat.
"Our fearless and peerless Leader, may the heavens rinse and gargle before tonguing his taint, has long known of these nonbelievers. Rest assured, this battle station is now the ultimate power in the universe."
"But perhaps I've alluded to too much," he grimly intoned, pressing the button on his Blackberry that activates the anal electroshock implants in government opponents, as per the statute secretly added to the Cash for Clunkers program.
Despite all the feckless wailing of those who will soon be crushed by our President (oh, how he walks among us like a sex God amongst infertile ants), most have come to recognize the necessity of such actions.
"It has been 'explained' to me and I have now come to realize that these measures are for my own benefit," observed Barack HX77A1NR-B Obama, retrained and renamed in accordance with Operational Directive 6-C at the Pert Plus Re-education and Knowledge Camp in Atlanta.
But while these sparse vigils, which the government notes are like the buzzing of flies to our leader (may his hair continue to retain its shine, thickness and avoid any daily build-up), mark the last vocal remnants of opposition to the unending darkness, we are Constitutionally required to claim that everyone else is in full accordance with the New Ways.
"Yes... things are better now than was ever before conceived of by humanity," said an unidentified human female, who asked that her name and any identifying descriptions be withheld in case she had not praised the government sufficiently in accordance with the Tolerance Protocols.
Human female was quick to note the fun surrounding the mysterious disappearance of the bones of everyone who worked at Fox News, the banning of tea bags, and how Noam Chomsky had replaced Dora on Dora the Explorer as some of the many positive boons of the New Ways.
"I still don't understand why they had to do that whole shampoo bottle bit to a cartoon character. No one has ever really explained that," she finished.
In the end, these vigils are merely blips on the radar of the Kenyan's (oh how we are unfit to even praise Him) continued glorious subjugation of the free people of the former [redacted]. Sources close to the government declare that forces are moving to deal with these "blips" before morning prayers are blasted from the spiral minarets that have been erected in each local commune and that they will soon be just another fast-fading memory.
Oh praise be unto His unending reign.
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