Stay classy, Catholic Church

While we certainly don't agree, I think we all understand that the Catholic Church has a certain doctrinal issues with the concept of gay marriage. Of course this stems from Jesus' well known Sermon on the Mount where he famously said "Gays......ewwwwwwww", then proceeded to giggle and make limp wristed hand gestures with Peter and James, son of Zebedee. So when gay marriage amendments and referendums pop up they are of course expected to pop their heads up, stick their fingers in their ears when you try to mention all the gay priests, and loudly proclaim "gays.....ewwwwwww." Still though, I didn't know their opposition extended to making threats about letting homeless people starve and children go unadopted if they don't get their way.

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Again this goes back to the Bible, specifically 'the Tale of Jesus and the Suspiciously Effeminate Stone Mason'. We all know the tale; it starts with a mason named Ezekiel wishing to extend same sex benefits to his employees and ends with Jesus dangling a turkey-on-wheat sandwich over a starving Galatian and proclaiming "Which is it Zeke? You want to give them homos rights or do you want this poor man to live?" I think there's also a bit with an ant and a grasshopper arguing about civil unions.

So congratulations Catholic Church, when confronted with the possibility that you might not be allowed to discriminate against gays on projects with which you were receiving city money, you chose the most Christ like of options: you threatened to close homeless shelters, kick people out on the streets, fuck with orphans, and dick around with people's health. And they wonder why more and more people don't feel any connection of any kind to the church? Oh well, stay classy!