Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.10

Glenn Beck loses 'raped and murdered' arbitration
In a strike for first amendment rights, comedy, and questions over whether or not Glenn Beck did rape and murder a young girl in 1990, the World Intellectual Property Organization ruled that is was well within the rights of satire to ask question about what Glenn Beck may or may not have done to that poor girl on a dark day in 1990. Good thing Beck sued, otherwise this story wouldn't have blown up into a huge internet meme. Maybe next time he'll try to hush up his raping/murdering (alleged) a little better.

Teacher Claims Fingerprinting Is ‘Mark of the Beast’
Sweet Jesus Texas, I'd sell you back to Mexico if they'd take you. Yes Texas, where an evangelical schoolteacher is suing the state over a law that requires her to give fingerprints as part of her teaching permanent record. Why is she afraid? Did she rape and murder a young girl in 1990? No, fingerprinting is the "mark of the beast" that Satan will use to blah blah blah. Not so much the fingerprints or the ink and paper, though those a good candidates for the Devil, no the mark of the beast is the computer hard drive that stores those fingerprints. What are you willing to bet she teaches science?

NASA on a crusade to debunk 2012 apocalypse myths
Since NASA doesn't have anything better to do, like fly space missions or go to the moon, they've taken to cobbling together their nickels in an attempt to drill reality into conspiracy theorists heads that a giant hidden planet called Nibiru isn't going to smash into the Earth in 2012 and the Mayans didn't know dick. Because nothing convinces conspiracy theorists like hard science, facts, and evidence from a government organization. As a last ditch effort NASA is planning on locking these people into a screening of the film 2012. Then, when the horror is over, mockingly ask them "Seriously, that's what you fucking believe in? John Cusack outwitting the earth in a limo?" Shame and the forced viewing of a terrible movie is the only way these people will learn.

FBI Interrogators Argued in 2002 That ‘Enhanced’ Interrogation Techniques Were Illegal and Ineffective
Well what do you fucking know, the FBI knew what pretty much everyone else knew about "enhanced interrogation": that it didn't work, led to false confessions, and violated a myriad of US and International laws. But, of course, they're only the FBI, so what the fuck do they know? Not as much as Dick Cheney, the Pentagon, and the CIA, that's for sure. Still though, I find it hard to believe that the Bush Administration deliberately ignored the opinions of the best trained and most experienced people in the government about interrogations. That just doesn't seem plausible. I'm sure they never got the memo. That must be why they had to torture.

What's 'V' really about?
Were you curious about the new show "V", but didn't think you could plausibly graft a conspiratorial right wing theory about Obama and health care onto the plot? Well you aren't as smart as the New York Post. I don't know if I should trust the Post on this one. I mean if it was this obvious, shouldn't Glenn Beck have sniffed this one out and shouldn't the pilot at least have inspired a few tea bagger signs at the Super Bowl of Freedom? It's a shame that Obama's government issue, appendix eating nanobots have sidelined him or Beck would have had this all diagrammed out on a chalkboard by now. Until then, I'll just avoid it until half a season has passed and we can all be sure that it isn't harboring a liberal agendas, like all TV.