For reasons beyond my comprehension, an otherwise skilled and professional AP journalist occasionally contacts me for comment on whatever the news cycle is gnawing on that particular day. This week it was, naturally, Porcine AIDS ("Swine Flu" to you nonbelievers) and so my take was buried somewhere around the tenth paragraph of this wire piece and published.
The thing is, they cut all of my Texas jokes. And while the Associated Press is held to certain standards of accuracy and decorum, Matthew and I have no such reservations. Thus, we can publish the redacted material here, below the fold. Why? Because we're self-promoting shills. Why else? Because Fuck Texas, that's why.
JN: I am wondering if you have any thoughts about living in NYC during this emerging swine flu threat. Are you changing your habits at all? Avoiding crowds? Public transportation? Washing hands more? Or not. Any thoughts would be appreciated. You can email me or call (I’m writing it today). Hope to hear from you!Seriously, what's wrong with any of that? Loosen up, AP.
SM: Pleasure to hear from you. I hope all is well with the AP now that they're in the business of suing content aggregation outfits, apparently without irony.
[All the stuff that made the cut was here]
And it's not as though I needed a new excuse to avoid the apparent epicenters of the outbreak: Texas, Ohio, all the hot spring break spots in Mexico... oh, and Queens.
Not that it wouldn't be interesting to watch Texans encounter a pig they couldn't barbecue, deep fry, sodomize, or deport. Think there's any truth to the rumor that if you live in Texas and contract swine flu, your life expectancy actually increases?
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