Celebrity Waterboarding with "The Body"

Expert

Jesse Ventura was in Larry King last night to give his opinion on anything Larry had been told "the kids" were talking about. Of course the discussion soon moved to the torture/waterboarding debate, of which Ventura is somewhat familiar with, seeing as he was waterboarded as part of his Navy SEAL training. It was at this point he had a great idea:

KING: You were a Navy SEAL.

VENTURA: That’s right. I was water boarded, so I know — at SERE School, Survival Escape Resistance Evasion. It was a required school you had to go to prior to going into the combat zone, which in my era was Vietnam. All of us had to go there. We were all, in essence — every one of us was water boarded. It is torture.

KING: What was it like?

VENTURA: It’s drowning. It gives you the complete sensation that you are drowning. It is no good, because you — I’ll put it to you this way, you give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.

One flaw in this argument: Cheney may have actually committed the Tate murders. Otherwise, get this man some water, a camera, a retro-seventies stage and set, and some Jesse Ventura's Celebrity Waterboarding Dancers. First up is the Dickster, but then we can move on to Sean Hannity. He already said he'd do it for charity, but he welshed. Now maybe he can be persuaded with the promise of a $100,000 cash prize if he can outlast the Body's hose and questions.

Seriously though, if you're losing a torture argument to a guy who dressed in pink suits, dyed his hair pink, wore feather boas, and used to only provide commentary on steel chair cheap shots while sitting next to a guy named Gorilla Monsoon, then I don't think you have much of a leg to stand on. But keep fighting that torture fight. I mean Ventura's only about the hundredth guy who has been waterboarded to come out this year and say it was torture. No need to listen to that kind of experience. They're all probably lying.