Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.20

Roman Polanski birthday cards. $5 or give 'em some champagne and quaaludes and see if you can get it for free.

Matt Taibbi pauses from pointing out financial reform vote buying and various Senate charades surrounding credit card reform to point out a new study from Maplight.org on contributions to our elected betters from our corporate masters during the financial reform process. The final tally: 38 Senators who opposed the bill received an average of $103,266 in campaign contributions from commercial banks, the 60 Senators who were yea votes took an average of $76,759. The amount of people surprised by this revelation: near zero.

In case you were wondering what exactly it was the Republicans planned to do if they got back in power this November, they held a meeting with corporate businesses, trade groups, lobbyists, and other black robed figures to hash it all out. Let me blow your mind here: they want more deregulation, strip out everything that was done over the past few years, lower taxes for rich people and corporations, cut capital gains taxes, no inheritance taxes, and they probably want to name something after Reagan. Whew, I was worried they might want to pause from repeating the same list of shit they've wanted for the last 5 decades to actually look at the state of the country and start addressing that. No? Same shit you always say no matter what the state of the country? OK.

What is the driving force behind our electoral process? I mean besides rage, bullshit stagecraft replacing any discussion of meaningful issues, and the misguided notion that we have two functioning political parties. Sports sports sports sports SPOOOOOOOOOOORTS! According to the National Academy of Science, Division I College Football wins within a week of an election can swing incumbents extra support. Other interesting facts reveal that windmill dunks are likely to increase support for more strict zoning and land use permits and Dan Marino refused to win a championship because he was afraid that it would lead to Floridians supporting development of endangered marshlands. The man did love himself some swamp fan-boating.

While you were out getting melted by the sun, science rendered a verdict on that whole Climategate thing. You know, when a bunch of right wing blowhards and oil shills accused a guy of fabricating climate data, thus proving climate change wrong once and for all? Turns out the guy didn't do anything wrong, it was a bullshit story pushed by dishonest brokers, and was a giant nothing story. Except for the part where it helped anti-science fruitcakes and industry bagmen push a fraudulent meme which the media ate up, helped misinformed people, and helped damage climate legislation. Surprisingly they don't seem to be eating up this "it was all bullshit" thing. Ah, who cares? I'm sure everyone will come around about a decade after it's too late to do anything.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.30

Ron English on the Kellog's cereal drama. I know Apple Jacks usually gives you diarrhea, but it wasn't supposed to this time.

Matt Taibbi takes out his well worn indignation bat to beat Lara Logan, the establishment media, and the notion of today's media that it is their job to protect our political betters lest the peasants learn what they really think. It's over the Rolling Stone McChrystal piece. Taibbi nicely sums up everything that is wrong with most of our media, from their subservience to power to their galling contempt for people who aren't as cravenly sycophantic as they are. Glenn Greenwald also jumps in and throws a few elbows.

#374B in Things I Am Disappointed With the Obama Administration Over: An Ongoing Series. In this episode, the White House goes out of it's way to help banking sycophant Scott Brown insert loopholes into financial reform so that they could lighten the minuscule financial burden on large banks, remove it from hedge funds, and shift it onto small banks and the taxpayer. As one does. Funny, when it comes to something like a public option or, soon, cap-and-trade, the White House can never seem to muster the energy to make even the tiniest effort to push for it. But shift reform burdens from hedge funds to taxpayers? They'll work up a sweat for that. Bang up job.

The 4th of July is almost upon us and thus it is our duty as Americans to use cheaply made Chinese explosives to light up our skies, blow up frogs that couldn't get away fast enough, and remove fingers and/or hands. Except that due to the budget crisis that many communities are going through, firework celebrations are being cut. I hope you'll join us here at TB in celebrating the first annual Imagination Independence Day! It'll help us all work out the kinks so that Imagination Christmas will go off without a hitch.

With a hurricane bearing down on the Gulf oil spill, one asks God "Jesus fucking Christ, what else can you do to make this worse you bearded son of a bitch?" Would you be interested in a tsunami... caused by BP? That's right, the relief well that they're drilling that will totally fix everything for honests, may set of a "supersonic tsunami" by igniting all the trapped underground methane. Nice. After that, the BP Board will go door to door for face macing and groin kicks. It's the only way they know.

We've been a little hard on Barry recently, but we will commend him on one thing: before arresting a bunch of deep cover Russian spies, our President went out munching burgers with Russian President Medvedev as those commie spies were being rounded up. It takes a stone cold motherfucker to have burgers with the man whose spies you are about to have exposed and incarcerated in a massive international incident. More please.

Quote of the day

God love Michelle Bachmann. She's easy on the eyes and just a constant font of all kinds of bizarre conspiracies, juvenile legal theories, and homespun lunacy just like crazy mom used to make. What's she up to today? Well she's just trying to explain that she doesn't mean to offend when she claims large sections of this country are giving aid and comfort to some nebulous enemy.

BENNETT: Are you kind of surprised with even the media’s disgust with the procedures?

BACHMANN: Well, I’m amazed that they actually were willing to be shocked. Because for most of the time they have been, and you know, I don’t mean any disrespect, but they’ve been treason media. They haven’t been telling the whole story.

I don't mean any disrespect, I'm just saying you want America to fail and a series of legal procedures ending in your execution should be enacted for you actions. No disrespect intended. And, I don't want to offend you further, but I just think that your mother exchanges sexual services for cash and that your father acts as some sort of broker for these transactions. I don't mean anything bad by that, I'm just stating that charges of pimping and prostitution should be brought up in court... on your parents. I also think you molest children, but don't get all bent out of shape about me saying that.

Well done, Michelle. It's that extra sugary coating of fluffy bunnies and sunshine that our reckless accusations of treason have been missing in the past. If only Joseph McCarthy had baked sugar cookies that said "I think you're a commie" and handed them out with a smiling kitten card, we might not have such negative connotations associated with McCarthyism. Keep up the good work.

Blah blah blah Al Gore

Last night, before going to bed, I declared the supposed second snowpocalypse storm, which at that point had only dumped a piddling amount of snow on the ground and devolved into a weak drizzle of rain, to be a weak ass bitch ass storm for week-kneed little sisters that wasted my time with dreams of a new ice age. So imagine my surprise when during my slumber (and dreams of money and zombies) the sneaky bastard shat down a couple of more inches during the night, re-crippling a mid-Atlantic that has apparently never dealt with snow before.

Of course we all know what this torrent of winter weather means: global warming is a hoax, Al Gore is fat, and climate change is a myth. And as if on cue, our betters in the right wing media (like always) along with a couple of our more extra ignorant elected representatives, and dimwitted newspapers have chimed in right on cue with those sentiments. Hey, Al Gore is really fat.

But because we love you and we get a tasty percentage cut from Gore for any reader we're able to trick into buying into the global conspiracy and scientific con game that is climate change, here's an actual expert from Climate Progress opining on how "It's cold here right now, thus science is wrong" isn't as scientific as it sounds.

It's long and sciencey, but it basically comes down to a few simple points: climate isn't weather you dimwitted oafs, these major snow events are simultaneously happeneing during some of the warmest winters on record, how there have been two "100 year storms" in two months and how that isn't good, how Al Gore is merely big-boned, and how climate change driven record moisture levels are responsible for these storms and future storms.

Here's MSNBC's Dylan Ratigan making the case. Ratigan is notable for being the only guy on TV who wants to use the snow storm to discuss science. Liberal hippie freak.



Not as convincing as Dr. Hannity, Climate Scientist, but it'll have to do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go collect a check from Science. I can assure you it has nothing to do with helping to perpetrate a large scale hoax on the populace.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.09

Iranian student dares to criticise Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to his face
An Iranian student totally clowned an Ayatollah the other day, taking an opportunity he was given to ask Khamenei a question and turning into a 20 minute diatribe about all that stuff Khamenei has done. Of course the Ayatollah responded to this by saying "Nuh-uh" and leaving, making sure to give a press release saying they totally allowed him to ask that question because of freedom and stuff. Meanwhile, the student, Mahmoud Vahidnia, gets to dodge literal and figurative bullets because he chose to do it in such a public, televised place. Well done, sir. It's going to be such a shame when we find out you committed suicide by beating yourself to death with multiple police batons.

Hany Farid, Dartmouth Scientist, Says Controversial Oswald Rifle Photo Real
As if the past few days weren't weird enough, how does this strike you: that Oswald photo of him with the rifle that everyone says is fake...is real. So says an expert. Hmmm, so maybe Oswald did do it. It's all well and good, with so many conspiracies about things that are going on now and think it's time we put to bed some of the old classics. Unless Glenn Beck comes up with a way that Oswald shooting Kennedy ties into Barack Obama becoming President, perhaps through ACORN or Oswald himself planting fake birth announcements in Honolulu papers to legitimize our Kenyan sleeper agent President, then I think we might have to move on.

Gadgets and Ideas to Revolutionize Healthcare
Wired Science gives us a look and the TEDMED conference and some of the revolutionary ideas and gadgets that were shown, including wireless medical monitors, the chemical compound resveratol, and tissue engineering, that some see as the future of health care. Sadly no one at the conference had invented the one device that would revolutionize health care the most: a robotic whirling dervish or chainsaws, weedwhackers, and blowtorches that would be used against our elected betters in an attempt to make them pass single payer health care. Though one scientists from MIT did unveil a prototype device that would administer a 50,000 volt shock to Joe Lieberman's anus any time he got a "notion" about getting himself on the TV more.

A media orgy of rumors, speculation and falsehoods
Salon's Glenn Greenwald chronicles the latest failure of the TV media to provide accurate, relevant, and informed coverage on a breaking story, this time the Ft. Hood shootings. From numerous mistakes involving the number of shooters, to the fate of the shooter(s), to the background of Hasan, to the weapons used, to all sorts of other unverified miscellaneous claims, anyone actually watching the coverage would have struggled to even understand anything other than the fact that a shooting happened. Greenwald goes on to discuss how damaging this kind of thing is in creating false zombie narratives and dimwitted conventional wisdom that shpes public perceptions. But hey, who cares if it's all misinformation, it made for some damn fine TV. And isn't that the whole point of TV news?

Exclusive: I Was Kidnapped by the CIA
With the recent in absentia conviction of CIA agents in Italy for their rendition and torture program, perhaps it's best to actually take a closer look at what it was they were accused of. Mother Jones was prescient enough to have a full account of the case of the man, Abu Omar, that the CIA agents were convicted of rendering and torturing for their March/April 2008 issue. Congratulations America, this was done in your name! I hope you like it.

Shaming

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) is quickly becoming one of my favorite elected representatives in the health care debate. He fights for a robust public option, seems to understand obvious truths, tries to humiliate and shame liars in public forums, makes a hell of a lot of sense on the issues, stays within the realm of fact, and his last name is Weiner, which is of critical importance to someone as childish as myself. Now, he's also getting into the 'shaming Republican hypocrites' business, which is admittedly easy, but he still does a good job of it.

WEINER: It’s more another way of looking at this debate, this discussion about the public option, to put it in focus. We went, just out of curiosity, looked at how many members of Congress get the public option. And I know a lot of people have said, “Well under the new bill, how many of you members of Congress would choose the public option?”

Well there already is one; it’s called Medicare. And we found 55 Republicans and 151 members of Congress are on Medicare right now. So they’re already getting the same type of public option that we’d like people who are without insurance to be able to get. And I guess the purpose of this list was to kind of point out some of the hypocrisy of this debate.

Yes, he's done his own study, naming names on who is full of it on the health care debate. These 55 oppose a public option while they themselves not only have a public option, while they not only have government run health care, but are using single-payer government run health care in the style of the Socio-fascist League of Homosexual European Freedom Haters that they despise so much.

Now there is one critical flaw in Weiner's plan: he is trying to point out hypocrisy in politicians and shame leaders who have no capacity for acknowledging hypocrisy and had their sense of shame removed in a procedure paid for by Medicare. Plus he's doing it in a media environment that can't find time to give srious proponents of the public option interview time, but can find time to let Overlord McCain warble on and on about nothing for the millionth time. And why not, Gramps won so convincingly a year ago. Still Mr. Weiner (tee-hee), the effort is appreciated. Maybe next time you'll want to accuse the 55 leeches of seeking to kill health reform because they want everyone's grandmother to die bankrupt. It's pretty much the only way to get on TV nowadays. Unless you've got a precocious kid who is willing to hoax the media about a balloon mishap. Don't know how you'd tie that into the health care debate.

Chart of the day

A study of last week's most covered stories from The Pew Research Center's Project for Excellence in Journalism. Which really should be changed to Project for "Excellence" in "Journalism". It found that while health care was the big story of the week, balloon boy came in a strong third ahead of Afghanistan and Pakistan in our intelligent national discourse. On the other hand Falcon Heene, or "That little lying shit" as we all know him, was the week's second most covered "newsmaker". Placing second to the most powerful leader in the world, who also coincidentally got stuck in a balloon, but was able to extricate himself with the help of the Secret Service, Sasha, Malia, and a pointed stick.

I know some of you are angrily saying "I can't believe it was ahead of the two areas we're about to escalate a war in the week lots of big news comes out about it!" I think the better question is: Only third place? I think that had a function to do with the fact that the balloon boy story happened on a Thursday and therefore wasn't given a full week's worth of coverage like that health care bullshit was. I'm sure if that family pulled that hoax on a Monday or Sunday evening, we would have seen some serious media abdication of journalistic responsibilities. As such, real news was actually allowed to break through during the week, though thankfully not on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and most of Sunday.

Sadly, I think we're going to have to suffer through real news on a national level for most of this week. Hopefully some kid gets caught adrift in a homemade catamaran or falls down a well or something so we don't have to hear about health care or any of our old wars on the evening news.

Oh media, you irrepressible scamp

There's a lot of talk about the effectiveness and the methods of the media going around, particularly in respect to the way the media is covering the health care fight. It started a bit when Walter Cronkite died and there were numerous snarky comments about how the newspeople covering his death and trying to honor his contributions don't seem to be able to perform the basic functions of their job in the way that Cronkite did. But the discussion has started up again as we see more and more polls showing that large sections of the public believe various lies about death panels and new polls showing that despite all the coverage of health care, people still don't understand what is being discussed.

Ahh, but then the media doesn't actually cover the substance of health care debate, it covers the politics. As Paul Krugman points out in the Times: all the media does is partake in horse race reporting. Why? Short answer: they aren't smart enough to cover the policy parts. Long answer: they aren't smart enough, it's easier to do politics, they're lazy, making factual assertions is scary. But then again this isn't surprising, the media has long reduced coverage of everything to horse race politicking and actual knowledge has to be sought out through the labyrinthine tubes of the intarwebs. This is the profession where a professor can be heralded as a genius for opining in print that the solution to the types of problems is that maybe, just maybe, newspapers should fact check a little harder, and maybe, just maybe, that they shouldn't print the lies in the first place. Use "news judgment."

But maybe the media just isn't good at getting the facts right and should stick to opinions about who won what political battle and how the success of a bill lies not in its content but in who conceded the most and who can claim victory. I mean just look at what happened when the Times tried to speak factually about Cronkite:

This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:

An appraisal on Saturday about Walter Cronkite’s career included a number of errors. In some copies, it misstated the date that the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed and referred incorrectly to Mr. Cronkite’s coverage of D-Day. Dr. King was killed on April 4, 1968, not April 30. Mr. Cronkite covered the D-Day landing from a warplane; he did not storm the beaches. In addition, Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon on July 20, 1969, not July 26. “The CBS Evening News” overtook “The Huntley-Brinkley Report” on NBC in the ratings during the 1967-68 television season, not after Chet Huntley retired in 1970. A communications satellite used to relay correspondents’ reports from around the world was Telstar, not Telestar. Howard K. Smith was not one of the CBS correspondents Mr. Cronkite would turn to for reports from the field after he became anchor of “The CBS Evening News” in 1962; he left CBS before Mr. Cronkite was the anchor. Because of an editing error, the appraisal also misstated the name of the news agency for which Mr. Cronkite was Moscow bureau chief after World War II. At that time it was United Press, not United Press International. An appraisal on July 18 about Walter Cronkite’s career misstated the name of the ABC evening news broadcast. While the program was called “World News Tonight” when Charles Gibson became anchor in May 2006, it is now “World News With Charles Gibson,” not “World News Tonight With Charles Gibson.”

Yeah.......stick to the horse race stuff. Just...just...yeah.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.26

How America Lost the War on Drugs
Ben Wallace-Wells of Rolling Stone traces America's failure/loss in the War on Drugs. How did we lose? To make a long story short: by fighting it. Among the highlights: RAND researchers finding out 13 years ago that the best way to reduce drug usage was treatment and education, not South American bombing campaigns and guerrilla wars. The study has never been implemented. Good times.

Progressive Caucus Finds Itself In A Strange Place: Power
HuffPo looks at the strange new thing rippling through the Democratic party: progressives and liberals who are taken seriously by the party establishment. My God, the horror. Mainly it has to do with them sticking to their guns (for once) on the issue of a public health insurance option. If a decent health care plan gets passed (HA!!) these are going to be the dirty liberal sons of bitches to thank.

NFL targeting binge drinking among fans in new season
Oh NFL, this means war. First you pussy up the game with more judgment calls about intent and hitting hard, then you continue to subject us to the commercial torments of John Cougar Mellencamp, and now you have the nerve to try to fight our ability to get blackout drunk in a parking lot at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning or go to the concession stand in the 3rd quarter and come back with seven 28 ounce beers? Damn your evil eyes, Roger Goodell, damn them to hell. Hell is, incidentally, a Detroit Lions vs. Cleveland Browns week 16 match-up played over and over endlessly on a black and white TV.

Public Opinion and Gay Marriage
Some number crunchers have taken a look at gay marriage and have found out that not only has support for destroying Jesus' carefully written marriage laws becoming more popular, but that after gay marriage is legalized in a state it becomes even more popular. If we don't stop this menace what's next? Complete tolerance? No thank you, I already have enough weddings to go to.

Jeremy Scahill Slams Chuck Todd, Media, Congress Over Blackwater On "Real Time With Bill Maher" (VIDEO)
God bless you Mr. Scahill, three worthier targets for scorn could not be found. Mostly his outrage (outrage that is available in paperback) stems from the fact that no one in our pampered media elite or any of our elected betters seems to find it noteworthy or important that Blackwater is employed as a "Christian supremacist fighting force to eliminate Muslims and destroy Islam globally, and then they bill taxpayers again for this killing that they're doing and they're not held to the same standard as soldiers." That and they might also murder whistle-blowers on American soil. Chuck Todd's response: Waaaaaaaaaah. That's right dear media, everyone who thinks that extra legal mercenary fighting forces are bad are the crazy ones.

Health care pollings

There's a new NBC News Poll out on the health care debate. The conclusions? That if you lie to Americans loudly and for a long enough time, they will start to believe what you say no matter how wrong it is.

So to be clear: 45 percent think that Joe Biden is waiting in the bushes to murder grandma with a machete, 55 percent think them Mexicans is gonna steal our health care, 54 percent think the government is going to run the health care that those Mexicans steal, and 50 percent think that this plan will result in the resurrected Jesus getting aborted. In fact, none of these are true, although funding abortions, not rejecting anyone who comes in for care, and a single payer or government run system would largely be good ideas. Other bad news? Obama is creeping towards 50 percent disapproval on his health care performance, but Republicans are already over 60% disapproval, even though the public largely believes 3 out of their 4 biggest lies. Well done, Republicans. You deployed your arguments like true kamikazes, killing yourselves in the process.

In another unsurprising part of the poll it turns out that the people who are most uninformed about these four things are......Fox News viewers, of whom all four of the above distortions in the 70% belief range. The numbers are in the 30's and low 40's for CNN/MSNBC viewers. Those are some overwhelming numbers for Fox News, I really hope the health care industry is cutting them a check or something because that is some valuable toadying and lying. Excuse me, I mean fairing and balancing. So kids, what did we learn today? We learned that the truth fights like a coma patient and that TV news is actively destroying this country in so many different ways. But don't worry, we have the Democratic party and they'll plow though all this nonsense to make sure they pass something good because it's the right thing.......we're fucked aren't we? Right. See you in the breadlines after all our medical related bankruptcies. That is, if we all survive the Swine Flu.

Broken In Brief: Twitter creator sorry that Twitter has given Ashton Kutcher additional fame

SAN FRANCISCO—Twitter creator Jack Dorsey publicly apologized today for the popular micro-blogging site's role in helping Ashton Kutcher retain his meager position on the outskirts of the public eye. The announcement, made in short 140 character bursts on Dorsey's personal Twitter feed, made it clear that he did not envision such a diabolical use of his invention when it was created.

“i would just like to aplgze 2 those who thought that punkd was the last they’d ever hear about kutcher,” Dorsey Tweeted through his personal account. “thought we were free and clr 1ce 70’s show canceled and movies bombd. was wrong. horrrbly wrong. 3,231,393 followers. no god. repeat: no god. had high hopes 4 this thing. now dashed on rocks of despair. @AplusK: stop, just stop. yr killing me.”

In a later press release, Twitter noted that it was sorry for promoting a “follower” battle between Kutcher and CNN, that it knows what it did was wrong, but that CNN shared most of the blame for devoting actual news time to the battle, getting caught up in the feelings of relevance it hadn’t felt in years, and treating the publicity stunt as though it were a news story of actual value.

“Again, we apologize, but we are not solely to blame, as at least 3 million people are complicit in this atrocity,” said the press release. “Can’t we all just forget about Kutcher and remember the good times Twitter has had? What about the Iranian thing? Wasn’t that great when we were being used as a news gathering and communication device for a revolution? What happened with that anyway? Please, our service can be used for so much more than the rampant promotion of a guy I'm not sure anybody even likes all that much. Seriously, think about it.”

Blame Mexico

I'm surprised it took a week to put together clips of the right wing media blaming Mexicans and illegal immigrants (in conjunction with the Council of Evil Wizened Pigs) for waging a bioterrorism attack against us. Maybe this was just the stuff they said on Monday. We're through the looking glass people, flu zombie armies are being sent across the border because they hate our freedom. Why couldn't we have listened to Michael Savage and Neil Boortz when we had the chance?

I see no connection

Enemy combatant

What would you say if the largest and earliest concentration of the swine flu came from a village right smack dab next to one of the largest US owned factory farms for pigs?You'd probably say "I'm sure that's just a massive coincidence that one of the most unsanitary type of mass production farms replete with rivers of pig shit, disease carrying insects, and Mexican food production standards was right next to the place where 30% of villagers came down with a disease called swine flu, noted for it's similarity to a disease found in pigs." If you said that, you're probably part of the American media.

Is Smithfield Foods, the world’s largest pork packer and hog producer, linked to the outbreak? Smithfield operates massive hog-raising operations Perote, Mexico, in the state of Vera Cruz, where the outbreak originated. The operations, grouped under a Smithfield subsidiary called Granjas Carroll, raise 950,000 hogs per year, according to the company Web site.
...
From what I can tell, the possible link to Smithfield has not been reported in the U.S. press. Searches of Google News and the websites of the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal all came up empty. The link is being made in the Mexican media, however. “Granjas Carroll, causa de epidemia en La Gloria,” declared a headline in the Vera Cruz-based paper La Marcha.
...
According to one community resident, the organic and fecal waste produced by Granjas Carrol isn’t adequately treated, creating water and air pollution in the region. I witnessed—and smelled—the same thing in Hardin County, Iowa, a couple of years ago, another area marked by intensive industrial hog production. The article goes on to say that area residents have long complained of “fetid odors” in the air and water, and swarms of flies hovering around waste lagoons. Like their counterparts who live in CAFO-heavy U.S. areas, they also complain of respiratory ailments. Now, with 30 percent of the area’s residents now infected with the virulent flu bug, people are demanding that state and federal authorities inspect hog operations there. So far, reports La Marcha, the response has been: nada.

The Mexico City daily La Jornada has also made the link. According to the newspaper, the Mexican health agency IMSS has acknowledged that the original carrier for the flu could be the “clouds of flies” that multiply in the Smithfield subsidiary’s manure lagoons.

Seems to me that it would be some sort of news that Mexican authorities were looking at US owned factory farms as the source would be some sort of news. Or note that with the Mexican health agency pegging the source as the fly ridden shit rivers, that Smithfield is one of the biggest polluters on earth and has generated some of the largest fines in EPA history. Doesn't this seem like a lead that should be pursued or at least mentioned? Another byproduct of factory farming and lax environmental regulations that isn't so great? Maybe it isn't to blame, but shouldn't we...rule it out? No? Fine. I'll see you in the hospitals after I come down with this totally random flu that just appeared out of nowhere.

Our horrible media

If you want to wonder why leaders in our country will torture and engage in Constitutionally criminal activities with seemingly little thought, then after Congress gets its fair share of blame for always being willing to grease the skids and then cover it up, you have to give our terrible media it's due as well.

Here we have our media betters clucking and wondering if we really need to talk about all this nasty torture business and try to prosecute all these lawbreakers. In fact this segment heaps more complaints on Obama for releasing the torture memos than it does for people who authorized and carried out torture. As did most media commentary since the memos were released. But that's what they do, always an excuse for their fellow elites, as long as the rule breaking is legally and Constitutional based in nature and not having to do with something really important like hookers or possibly gay hookers.

So give them all a round of applause, they've assured that no pressure or scrutiny will come from our nation's news establishment and thus no force will be brought to bear on those who tortured or those who just want to sweep it under the rug. It's better if we don't address these serious breaches of our legal structure. You know, for the good of the country.

Paparazzi oppress those who actually deserve it

If there's another benefit to the financial collapse, and we are examining the silver linings today on TB, it's that paparazzi have moved their oppressive coverage, swarming locust masses, and constant video scrutiny to people who actually deserve it: crooked CEO's. It seems as the crisis worsens people want to see coverage shift from attempts to create eating disorders, traffic violations, and street level up angle crotch shots, to, well the same things....but focused at people who have stolen from us and bankrupted us instead of entertaining us.

The celebrity Web site TMZ and TV shows like “Extra” and “Inside Edition” are expanding their coverage of starlets and Hollywood break-ups to include billion-dollar business scandals and the economic collapse.
...
TMZ, a Web site better known for unflattering paparazzi shots of Britney Spears and Rihanna, drove mainstream coverage and Congressional outrage with a blog post late last month that exclaimed, “Bailout Bank Blows Millions Partying in L.A.” The site reported that Northern Trust, a bank that received $1.6 billion in taxpayer money, had hosted hundreds of clients and employees at a golf tournament and a series of parties in Southern California. “Your tax dollars, hard at work,” the site wrote.
...
Harvey Levin, the editor of TMZ, who called the story “the most important thing we’ve ever done,” knows his readers don’t come to the site for a dissertation on mortgage-backed securities. “It’s hard for people to wrap their heads around $800 billion in bailout money. It’s too big a thing,” he said. “It’s much easier to understand paying for a Sheryl Crow concert.”

“Britney is fluff,” said Rory Waltzer, a photographer for TMZ, “but the stories about Northern Trust and Madoff and politicians in D.C. really have an impact on the country.”

You just found that out now? You needed financial Ragnarok to let you know that driving Britney Spears to an emotional meltdown over a period of years wasn't actually important? One thing though, stop trying to claim a Sy Hersh/Murray Waas level of investigative journalism. You aren't actually trying to cover these stories as news, you just cover them the way you cover/humiliate Octomom or Paris Hilton. It's just that you're trying to get a shot of Madoff's bulge as he gets out of a car this go around. All you're doing is providing the maximum level of discomfort the law provides until they're convicted. Which is exactly what we want this time. We've moved from wanting to see our idols be dragged down to our level to seeing crooks get fucked with.

When this is all over you'll still be back covering Joaquin Phoenix's latest meltdown, not diving into the balance sheets of Fortune 500 companies to discover the next crisis. Stop confusing yourselves with Woodward and Bernstein and go fuck with Mrs. Madoff, she's still hoarding that stolen money.

Spoon Jesus

The year in local news reporting of Jesus based apparitions in food products/utensils, clouds, walls, and anything our Lord can and will appear in. Eat it rest of the world, Jesus only appears in the Cheetos of the world's one superpower. I'm sure that's just an affirmation of our greatness and not some horribly illuminating example of the state of our country.

The sporting event of the year

Now that we know who the best dancer on the field is, that Brian St. Pierre throws like a third string girl, and who the world's scariest transvestite is, we can all sleep soundly. Be Sunday already.

Quote of the day: what the fuck?

From Joe the Plumber, aka Edward R. Pipesnake, on his journalism tour of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. His conclusion? Abolish that pesky media, lest they try to cover a war.

I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what’s happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it’s asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you’d go to the theater and you’d see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for’em. Now everyone’s got an opinion and wants to downer–and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers.

I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you’re gonna sit there and say, “Well look at this atrocity,” well you don’t know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it.

Video horrorshow here. You are looking at your 2012 VP candidate. Palin/Plumber in '12. This is what the Mayans were warning about.

Karl Rove is a whiny baby

Karl Rove is pissed off. Not over the burning shambles of the country he helped set ablaze, but because mean people who don't like his buddy George. He's gonna write a book about it. About all those ingrates who were unwilling to accept the constant and unceasing partisanship from Rove and the Bush White House.

Much of Washington, Rove said, never accepted Bush as a legitimate president and "acted accordingly."
...
Also reserved for between the covers of Rove's book is his checklist of the "great many of the political actors in this town (who) never accepted him as a legitimate president."

"I've got behind-the-scenes episodes that are going to show how unreceiving they were of this man as president of the United States," Rove said, adding: "I'm going to name names and show examples."

Oh great, 400 pages of "And this guy totally wouldn't talk to me at a cocktail party and then this other asshole totally went to the media to complain about my total politicization of government." Quit bitching, you largely got everything you wanted, enacted everything you wanted to enact, especially after 9/11 when you went on a concerted campaign to tar anyone with even the mildest opposition with being anti-American and 'not supporting the troops'. Or electing Democrats would guarantee terrorist attacks.

That you got everything you wanted and then proceeded to ruin this country with it is not the fault of some guy at some think tank who thought you were doing irreparable harm to the country, some Democrat who didn't like being called a terrorist appeaser, or some reporter who reported on the myriad of crimes and clusterfucks you watched over. But I guess I shouldn't be talking to you like you're an honest man trying to sort things out on the level. Here's a tip: since you can't actually put the names of 70%+ of the country into a memoir, put your enemies list/obstructors/people who stood in your way name namery up on the web so people can see if they are on it or add their name to it. I want my credit for standing in the way of your 'permanent Republican majority'. It's still funny to remember you said that.

Oh Christ, Senator Hardball

Perhaps my pleas for a crazy actor senator or governor were too much. I didn't really want Governor Jeff Goldblum, Jesus. I was joking! It seems we Pennsylvanians might get a TV host instead. Chris Matthews, deranged Hardball host and liberal media elite on the teevees, is seriously considering a run for the senate in 2010. As a Democrat. In my state.

Chris Matthews is dead serious about running for the Senate in Pennsylvania - and shopping for a house in the state and privately discussing quitting MSNBC as proof of his intense interest, according to NBC colleagues, political operatives and friends.

Even so, some NBC insiders think it’s all simply a negotiating ploy to jack up his contract.

The garrulous host of the show "Hardball with Chris Matthews" has already picked out a home in Philadelphia to establish residency in the state, according to a Democratic operative in discussions with him about a potential candidacy. Over Thanksgiving weekend, at his vacation house in Nantucket, Matthews’ family gave him their full backing.

Please be a cheap contract ploy, that's all I ask of you Lord. I don't need to see Arlen Specter railing against a liberal media interloper while he runs out of context clips of Matthews yelling at people on Hardball in political ads asking "Is this the kind of man Pennsylvanians need? Re-elect Senator Magic Bullet." Judging from the ads that got run against a comedy writer, I would think that someone with years of constant television coverage would come off slightly better than Stalin. I am already dreading this campaign.

If crazy right winger Pat Toomey challenges Specter in the primaries and the Republicans deem Arlen not right wing enough (which almost happened last time) then Matthews wins in a walk. Hell, he already has a shot against ASpec. People, get ready. Senator Hardball from the great state of Pennsylvania.