Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.02

Zombie Meat. For when you want a blue peppered jerky snack that makes it seem like you're eating the flesh on a re-animated dead body.

In America Has An Awful News industry news, Adam Serwer goes into detail about how waterboarding moved from being "clearly torture" to "erm..... *clears throat, tugs at collar* a matter.... of.. debate?" in the New York Times during the Bush Administration because of politics and GOP messaging. It turns out that high level journalistic arts requires giving credence to both sides of an issue, even if there aren't two sides and one is just craven ass-covering.

Think Progress compiles a list of Senators who not only have successfully blocked extending unemployment benefits, pretty much the least thing we can do to combat the bad job market, but have also essentially helped block doing anything substantial about jobs. What's so great about this list? They all come from states with double digit unemployment that is much higher than the national average. Hey, when you're trying to sink the economy further to help your electoral prospects in November, you can't be concerned with little things like people or people who elected you.

Now we know why Arizona had to enact that Walking While Latino law. Apparently there are roving gangs of crazed illegal immigrants decapitating law abiding citizens. So says Governor Jan Brewer. Some liberals, media types, Latino groups, and people with common sense say that this is a completely fabricated lie intended to scaremonger about the Mexicanos, but I don't know; illegal Latin guillotine gangs sounds so plausible. Maybe this is a new breed of Mexican coming here searching for a job and a head (or cabesa as they call it). No dice, Pablo, those jobs and heads are ours.

Scientists believe they have found the earliest known form of complex cellular life: weird scallop things that are 2.1 billion years old. Do you know how they figure out how old the organism was? It was carrying an ancient bible and they just added up all the ages of the people inside it.

The Amazing Kreskin has offered up his services to the Pittsburgh Pirates, saying that unless they hire him they'll continue to lose for at least two more years and he'd offer his help to stop their 18-year losing streak. Unless Kreskin can go a solid 7 every five days and keep his ERA under 3 or has some serious gap power, I don't think he can do much for us. Unless he has no ethical qualms about hypnotizing Bob Nutting into committing suicide. Plus, the Bucs would never hire him; they can't lowball him in arbitration or trade him for several middling mentalist prospects.

In Rich People Have Too Much Money news, a Russian billionaire has commissioned an Australian goldsmith to create a $21,000 golden diamond encrusted vuvuzela. *dusts hands off* God, send the meteors, I think we've clearly bottomed out as a society.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 03.31

Up In Smoke: How Marijuana Ruined States’ Chances Of Invalidating Health Care Law In Court
The passage of health care set off a rash of frivolous lawsuits from state AG's with hopes for higher office and a penchant for wasting the money of cash strapped governments in times of economic crisis. Will they succeed? No. But that inevitability isn't so much interesting as why they will fail to succeed, besides the basic "not understanding the Constitution" thing. Essentially the Supreme Court, and Antonin Scalia in particular, recently ruled in a marijuana case that the government had a right to regulate interstate non-economic activity as a part of regulating interstate commerce. So unless Scalia totally reverses his opinion for political means, any challenge that makes it to the Supremes isn't likely to even pass muster with the conservative wing. Actually, that sounds incredibly likely. Still, marijuana: is there anything it can't do?

Beijing to sweeten stench of rubbish crisis with giant deodorant guns
For some countries a sensible response to a garbage crisis would be better collection and disposal methods, moves to make sure less waste is produced, or even recycling programs. Not China though. Instead of actually responding to their crippling garbage crisis they've just decided to buy a really big can of Axe body spray and just drench their trash in it so people don't have to smell it. Efforts are already underway to paint the trash to look like land and convincing people to ignore it. I think we may have to admit that China may be taking the lead away from us in the Ignoring Potentially Disastrous Environmental Problems category. Ouch. We really seem to cherish that one too.

Art of the Steal: On the Trail of World’s Most Ingenious Thief
What if you were a savant. And not one of those crappy ones who is only good at something like math, the viola, or counting toothpicks that Charlie Babbitt dropped on the floor. No, a savant at stealing shit. Such is the skill of one Gerald Blanchard, a man with the preternatural ability to seemingly exploit any flaw in security. Wired tells his story and how he was caught by two Winnipeg cops.

The most dangerous drug isn't meow meow. It isn't even alcohol...
Charlie Brooker, the man who did this, explains how newspapers, especially newspapers covering drugs, are the most dangerous mind destroying drug on the planet. And he's talking about British ones too. I imagine if he ever had to read an American one or watch American 24 hour news, he'd take his own life.

New Study Estimates Mass Deportation Of Undocumented Immigrants Would Cost $285 Billion
In a tremendous blow to Mexican hating everywhere, it turns out that if we decided everyone in the restaurant, service, farming, and labor industries it'd cost close to $300 billion, or $922 in tax dollars for everyone in the US. Everyone American that is. Not to mention it would completely depopulate California and force white people to get their hands dirty while laboring... and maybe completely cripple US economic growth. Plus who would militias and border state Republicans and Southern Republicans and most Republicans hate then? The Polish? On the other hand, if you put undocumented workers on a path to legalization, it could add nearly $1.5 trillion to GDP over the next decade. I think we know the clear and obvious path here. You start rounding up Mexicans and I'll go door to door collecting $922 a person.

Good morning, this is why we keep Alabama around

Headline of the day

Top Cartel Kingpin Killed In Shootout With Mexican Navy

This is exactly how I want to die, even down to the exact navy that guns me down in a blaze of glory. I don't even have to be a cartel kingpin, I just want people to talk about my passing in these terms: "Oh you didn't hear about Matt? Yeah, tragic shit. He was shot to death in a firefight with the Mexican navy. They gunned him down, man... in cold blood. ...Fuckin' Mexican navy, they don't fuck around."

All in all, what with the frozen shark drug bust, it's been a banner year for the Armada de México.

Quote of the Day

Ex-TV host and current xenophobe Lou Dobbs is currently mulling a White House bid. But, thanks to those assholes in Washington and their precious 15th Amendment and 1965 Voting Rights act, Mexicans and other various Latin races are able to vote in Presidential elections. Lou, being the smart and educated man he is, realizes that this, as well as all the other groups he's pissed off, might cause problems for his completely irrational and borderline delusional dreams of being President. So he's gonna get pro-active.

DOBBS: And for the first time, I’m actually listening to some people about politics. I don’t think I’ve got the nature for it, but we’ve got to do something in this country, and I think that being public arena means you’ve got to part of the solution. By the way, I’m reaching out right now to Latino groups, to the Chamber of Commerce, the Business Roundtable — all of the groups with whom I’ve been in an ongoing debate, to try to bridge some of these conflicts and try to create solutions. And I think we’re well on our way to doing that.

"Ongoing debate". Well that's certainly an interesting way to put it. When you were out accusing Mexicans of bringing leprosy and the plague into the US in between your fantastical rants about armies of Latin criminals invading the US to reconquer it, I'm not sure those "Latin groups" thought you were engaging in an ongoing debate. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the source of all your "conflicts" with them and the "solution" is probably somewhere in the realm of "stop being a virulent racist."

But good luck in your ongoing quest to get Mexicans to like you so they'll vote for you. I'm sure they'll ask you to stop talking absolute shit about Latin immigrants, you'll counter with an agreement to make eye contact with your gardener, and in no time you'll have patched things up and be well on your way to getting 0% of the Latin vote. Dobbs 2012!

Fare thee well, fat man

As you may have heard, you won't have Lou Dobbs to kick around anymore on CNN. Of course this is a tremendous blow to all our TV watching habits. Well, strike that, I don't know anyone who even watching a minute of his broadcast, even as a joke or on a dare. But this is a tremendous blow for...I don't know, our ability to get annoyed about what some TV blowhard said about Mexicans? But Lou wants you to know why he's leaving. No, it's not because he's an increasingly embarrassing liability to CNN. No, because he's bound and destined....for greater things.

“Over the past six months, it’s become increasingly clear that strong winds of change have begun buffeting this country and affecting all of us,” Dobbs said. “And some leaders in media, politics and business have been urging me to go beyond my role here at CNN and to engage in constructive problem-solving, as well as to contribute positively to a better understanding of the great issues of our day. And to continue to do so in the most honest and direct language possible.”
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But in his farewell, Dobbs noted that major issues today are “defined in the public arena by partisanship and ideology rather than by rigorous empirical thought and forthright analysis and discussion” and vowed to work to "change that as best as I can."

How will he fight partisanship and ideology in his quest to engage in constructive problem solving? Probably by signing with Fox News by the time you get to the end of this sentence. But there is that hint that he is juuuuust deluded enough to try and make a run at politics on the national level, either in Congress or his much fantasized about presidential run. Well Dobbsy, you think your weird birth certificate theories combined with an abiding hatred of all things swarthy and Spanish makes you unique? We already have one of those guys: his name is Tom Tancredo. Also, Pat Buchanan. Actually, just about any Republican that represents a border state or is southern and really bent out of shape about blacks no longer being the socially accepted race to hate. Lou, you wouldn't even stand out from the pack.

Unfortunately Lou Dobbs thinks he is so smart and thoughtful and has so many great ideas and is going to solve partisanship with fanciful tales about how two Mexicans brought the ills of ideology over on a donkey, that he feels we deserve more of him in a more important role. Well, good luck to him. I hope it blows up in his face as badly as I think it will. My only hope is that CNN will find a sufficient replacement that coaches all his alleged business commentary with racist diatribes against Mexicans. Maybe they'll switch it up and give us a guy who really hates Asians and Indians (dot or feather). One can dream.

Letter of the day

With this being Veterans Day, which originally got it's start as a remembrance of the armistice that ended World War I, Letters of Note has up the telegram that some credit with getting the US to enter that war. I am of course referring to the Zimmerman Telegram, in which the German Foreign Secretary asked the German Ambassador to Mexico to ask the President of Mexico about his thoughts on the early work of Bob Dylan......and also if he wanted to invade America for the greater glory of Germany.


23638 18222 6719 14331 15021? Hilarious. Man, that German Foreign Secretary sure was a cut up. Oh sorry, can't you read decoded German communiques? You make me sick.

Nr. 130, 13042, Foreign Office has telegraphed on 16 January, No. 1. Strictly secret decode yourself. We intend to begin unrestricted U-boat warfare on February first. Effort will be made notwithstanding this to keep the United States neutral. In the event that we should not be successful in this, we propose alliance to Mexico upon the following basis: to make war together; make peace together; generous financial support; and agreement on our part that Mexico shall reconquer the formerly lost territory in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona. Arrangement of details to be left to your honor. You should disclose the foregoing to the President in strict secrecy as soon as outbreak of war with the United States is certain and add the proposal invite Japan to immediate spontaneous concurrent effort and at the same time use his good offices between us and Japan. Please call the President's attention to the fact that the ruthless employment of our U-boats offers the prospect of forcing England in a few months to peace. Acknowledge receipt. Zimmermann.

Mexico wisely turned them down, preferring instead to slowly invade, assuming all our low paying service industry jobs, and reclaiming the land we stole from them in a bid they call Reconquista! For Aztlan!

Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.10

Big Food vs. Big Insurance
With the health care debate about to come to it's depressing conclusion of "making the least helpful reforms and improvements possible" some people are out there still trying to point out that one big reason we have large health care costs is our diet. One of those people is author Michael Pollan. He has taken to the pages of New York Times op-ed page to remind us all that we also need massive reform in the area of food subsidies and agribusiness regulation. Because if there's one thing to do that easier than health care it's getting farm state senators to turn off the free money spigot to their constituents and biggest contributors.

Bolivian Preacher Says God Wanted Him To Hijack Aeromexico Jet
It's nice to see that God and Jesus are finally branching out from their standard "appearing in a tortilla, appearing on a wall, or making a statue/little boy's eyes bleed" Mexico behavior. Why only let Muslims engage in dangerous and deadly plane behavior in the name of God? Spread that ability around to people of all faiths. What did the preacher do this for? He wanted to warn Felipe Calderon about an earthquake "like none there has ever been." Well, he's been warned. I just think the preacher is going to be a tad disappointed when Mexico isn't ripped in half by a 10.0 earthquake. Hell, I know Pat Buchanan and Tom Tancredo will be.

U.S. Forest Service warns against campers drinking Tecate beer, eating tortillas, and playing Spanish music.
If you had asked me which governmental branch was most racist against Mexicans I think I, and really all of us, would have said "border patrol" without even thinking. Who knew it was the forestry service? That said, they just wanted to warn people that if they heard signs of Mexican activity that they were not to engage them, tie their food up in a tree, and retreat to their car. While it might just be Mexicans in a national park, the forestry service feels that it's more likely a sign of armed marijuana growers or possibly....the dreaded ranchero bear. Be forewarned.

Top 10 political hecklers
In light of Joey Wilson's little outburst, the Times Online has decided to give us a rundown of the 10 best political heckles during a speech. As 9 out of the 10 examples are from British lawmakers (the final one being Bubba), they show considerably more wit, humor, and acidity than grunting out "You lie!" to an objectively true statement.

The 10 Best Jack Nicholson Summer Vacation Photos
Since summer is nearly over (weather wise), Popeater decided it was time to celebrate the season's last gasp with a series of nearly nude Jack Nicholson photographs. If one thing is for sure he definitely likes hisself a hoagie, smokin' and a swimmin', and beaching himself on land. Enjoy.

Last Days of Big American Physics: One More Triumph, or Just Another Heartbreak?
Wired Science takes us through Fermilab's last desperate attempts to conjure a Higgs boson particle before CERN can come back online. I'm of two minds. One: it would be really great if the USA!USA!USA! was able to deliver a $6 billion groin kick to Europe with our outdated particle accelerator that is not only ice cooled but involves scientists having to hand throw the particles into each other. Two: Despite that, I'm not so sure I prefer God to be murdered and a black hole to be opened on American soil. Let the Franco-Swiss border be destroyed first. Still this does raise one important question: in their last ditch attempt to prove the superiority of Fermilab, did US scientists sabotage the LHC's superconducting bending magnets? I'm not saying I could prove anything, but.....

Headline of the day

Mexico cocaine 'hidden in sharks'

Drug sharks > drug mules.

Blame Mexico

I'm surprised it took a week to put together clips of the right wing media blaming Mexicans and illegal immigrants (in conjunction with the Council of Evil Wizened Pigs) for waging a bioterrorism attack against us. Maybe this was just the stuff they said on Monday. We're through the looking glass people, flu zombie armies are being sent across the border because they hate our freedom. Why couldn't we have listened to Michael Savage and Neil Boortz when we had the chance?

That little son of a bitch

J'Accuse!!!!!!

The health professionals in the US, Mexico, and at the WHO have finally given us the one thing we need to know during this potentially deadly flupocalyse: a scape pig goat. No, not a large multi-national farming concern with large pig herds producing rivers of shit right near villages, it was all the demented, devious plan of a four year old boy. Probably. They've narrowed it down to the boy and Smithfield.

A Mexican village whose inhabitants were overwhelmed by an outbreak of respiratory illness starting in February has emerged as a possible source of the swine flu outbreak which has now spread across the world.

The state government of Veracruz in eastern Mexico has confirmed one case of swine flu in the village of La Gloria with the sufferer named locally as a four-year-old boy, Edgar Hernández Hernández. The federal government said tonight that he tested positive for the same strain of the virus which has claimed lives in Mexico.
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"The sample of one of the cases, that of a four-year-old boy, was kept," said federal health minister José Ángel Córdova. "It was among the samples sent [to labs abroad] and that came back confirmed."

What a little shit. He comes down with the earliest known case of swine flu and doesn't even have the decency to inform everyone.

The piece also goes into the Mexican investigation of Smithfield on the premise that the kid's village, the 60% infected, and the proximity to a pig farm are somehow related. Smithfield says that none of it's pigs are sick, mostly because they've pumped them so full of antibiotics the pigs are legally classified as four legged penicillin, but that they are willing to work with health organizations to clear up this convergence of timelines, geography, names, outbreaks, and series of unrelated coincidences that all happened around their "farm". Everything is a coincidence.

By the by, if you happen to be in Veracruz and notice the smell of BBQ in the air, that is in no way the disposal of evidence. Smithfield is just having a massive BBQ to celebrate the fact that they've exonerated themselves. No further need to look into things. Just stop by and have a free rack of ribs. On the house.

I see no connection

Enemy combatant

What would you say if the largest and earliest concentration of the swine flu came from a village right smack dab next to one of the largest US owned factory farms for pigs?You'd probably say "I'm sure that's just a massive coincidence that one of the most unsanitary type of mass production farms replete with rivers of pig shit, disease carrying insects, and Mexican food production standards was right next to the place where 30% of villagers came down with a disease called swine flu, noted for it's similarity to a disease found in pigs." If you said that, you're probably part of the American media.

Is Smithfield Foods, the world’s largest pork packer and hog producer, linked to the outbreak? Smithfield operates massive hog-raising operations Perote, Mexico, in the state of Vera Cruz, where the outbreak originated. The operations, grouped under a Smithfield subsidiary called Granjas Carroll, raise 950,000 hogs per year, according to the company Web site.
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From what I can tell, the possible link to Smithfield has not been reported in the U.S. press. Searches of Google News and the websites of the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal all came up empty. The link is being made in the Mexican media, however. “Granjas Carroll, causa de epidemia en La Gloria,” declared a headline in the Vera Cruz-based paper La Marcha.
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According to one community resident, the organic and fecal waste produced by Granjas Carrol isn’t adequately treated, creating water and air pollution in the region. I witnessed—and smelled—the same thing in Hardin County, Iowa, a couple of years ago, another area marked by intensive industrial hog production. The article goes on to say that area residents have long complained of “fetid odors” in the air and water, and swarms of flies hovering around waste lagoons. Like their counterparts who live in CAFO-heavy U.S. areas, they also complain of respiratory ailments. Now, with 30 percent of the area’s residents now infected with the virulent flu bug, people are demanding that state and federal authorities inspect hog operations there. So far, reports La Marcha, the response has been: nada.

The Mexico City daily La Jornada has also made the link. According to the newspaper, the Mexican health agency IMSS has acknowledged that the original carrier for the flu could be the “clouds of flies” that multiply in the Smithfield subsidiary’s manure lagoons.

Seems to me that it would be some sort of news that Mexican authorities were looking at US owned factory farms as the source would be some sort of news. Or note that with the Mexican health agency pegging the source as the fly ridden shit rivers, that Smithfield is one of the biggest polluters on earth and has generated some of the largest fines in EPA history. Doesn't this seem like a lead that should be pursued or at least mentioned? Another byproduct of factory farming and lax environmental regulations that isn't so great? Maybe it isn't to blame, but shouldn't we...rule it out? No? Fine. I'll see you in the hospitals after I come down with this totally random flu that just appeared out of nowhere.

Good morning, we're all going to die

Here we were thinking this financial/economic crisis was going to bring the world to it's swift end. Nope. Should have seen the classic the Stand superflu angle coming down the pike. Who's to blame? Mexico, Mexican pigs, and Mexicans who kiss sick pigs on the mouth. Swine flu. It sounds funny and it'll kill us all.

Governments are racing to find and contain pockets of swine flu around the globe, seeking to stem both the threat of a pandemic and public panic.

"We're preparing in an environment where we really don't know ultimately what the size or seriousness of this outbreak is going to be," U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said Sunday.

In Mexico, the outbreak's epicenter, soldiers handed out 6 million face masks to help stop the spread of the novel virus that is suspected in up to 103 deaths.
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There is not a global pandemic yet, but waiting until scientists know if the new virus is going to spread rapidly and easily would be too late.

It's not a pandemic....yet. Everyone says not to panic.....yet. But the signs are there. We've declared a public health emergency, the WHO is talking about "pandemic potential", and Europeans are being urged to avoid North America lest they get caught up in an EU backed mission to wall up the continent and burn everything inside. It's already spread to NYC, Texas, Canada, and California, and by the end of summer the remnants of society will be collecting in Boulder or Las Vegas to wage apocalyptic battle against one another.

If there's one silver lining it's that the flupocalypse has distracted is from financial Ragnarok. In fact, we can even blame plunging markets on flu fears. This should even provide a boost to our flagging newspaper and fear mongering industries. I can already smell the thousands of "How to Save Your Loved Ones From the Pig Virus", the "PANIC!!!!!", and "Don't Panic!!!!!!" articles churning up. The other silver lining? I made money on a bet that our flu based end would be mammal related, not avian. So, you know, I'll be pretty well of as I try to rebuild society early next year. Which is nice.

Pictures of the day

The Big Picture blog brings us scenes from Mexico's ongoing drug war with the cartels.

Broken News: Mexican drug cartels falling into trite Scarface stereotypes

JUAREZ—With the Mexican drug war entering yet another bloody month as the government and drug gangs fight over a multi-billion dollar illegal empire, there are increasingly signs of strife within the cartels. The impasses stem not from the escalating body counts, open war with the police and military, or the daily threat of impending death. Rather, sources say mid-level operatives are concerned that the extravagant lifestyle and machismo of the narcotics business has prompted cartel leaders to devolve into shopworn stereotypes of criminal culture.

“I’m walking around the pool of El Jefe’s mansion last month and you know what I see?” says a man identified only as Santino, a supplier for Baja’s El Guapo Sydicate. “A fucking Bengal tiger on a chain over by one of the palm trees. We’re out there trying to lay out distribution schedules and pickup dates and there’s a man eating animal on a flimsy looking chain in the corner. How can somebody concentrate with that 10 feet from you?"

He continued. "Jefe keeps getting up and giving these self-important speeches about money, power, and loyalty, strolling around in front of the tiger making these grandiose gestures. Finally his men bring out a guy they said betrayed the cartel and, after a long speech about betrayal, throws him to the tiger. Except the tiger isn't hungry and we waste the entire meeting trying to coax it into eating the guy. Finally Jefe just let us shoot the man. How can you run a business this way?”

Santino went on to provide detailed accounts, photographs, and expense reports of some of the more arcane expenditures. Included amongst the expenditures were the tiger, 1980’s style speed boats and Ferraris, gaudy faux-Italian marble statues, wide lapelled flowered shirts, and a multi-tiered plan to hunt and kill both Robert Loggia and F. Murray Abraham.

“The worst is the desk covered in blow,” said former gang member Savio Calderon, currently in prison. “It's gotta have a street value of at least $2 million to even look like a big pile and my boss had a fucking sand castle on his desk. He didn’t even do drugs, but he’s like ‘Savio, I’ve got an image to keep up here’ and going on and on about what people will think. I’m like ‘sell this and make some money.’ That is what we’re here to do, right?"

"The worst is when someone opens a door to come in, then the wind gusts and coke goes everywhere. You ever get cocaine in your eyes? It fucking stings.”

Others within the industry are quick to point out that the Scarface phase is preferable to the Godfather phase, where ultra-violent retribution and financial excess are replaced with Machiavellian scheming, backstabbing, infighting, Shakespearean drama, and interminable speeches about family.

“Ever have to sit through a 20 minute monologue on ‘way things used to be’ after a betrayal or murder over what amounts to pennies? It’s unbearable,” notes Carlos Vega, a member of the Cholo Bros. Cartel of Tijuana. “It really sucks all the fun out of being a drug dealing gangster.”

Most place the blame on the limited film libraries of the major cartel leaders as well as the lack of penetration of lesser known crime films into the Mexican pop culture consciousness. While films and TV shows like Traffic, Goodfellas, and The Sopranos haven’t made it across the border, the American rap industry, replete with its worship of Scarface and the Godfather, has been a mainstay for years.

“Here’s my brilliant idea,” Mr. Vega says. “How about the next time someone in this industry excitedly picks up a copy of Scarface, we slap it out of his hands? Maybe we start reading about building a high yield agri-business. How about we buy the Departed? That’s a good movie about gangsters, why don’t we watch that? If I have to hear one more ‘I’m the bad guy’ or ‘I’ll make ‘em an offer he can’t refuse’ speech I’m going back to contract killings for the CIA.”

Until that shift happens the drug war will rage on, enacting a horrible toll on the film tastes and originality of those who are swept up by it.

Quote of the day

Conservative columnist and former bearded kick machine Chuck Norris, with an assist from Mike Huckabee.

And the question that keeps coming back to my mind is: How is it that we can militarily overthrow a tyrant like Saddam Hussein in Iraq, yet we can't keep illegals from crossing our borders? As Mike Huckabee says, "If the government can't track illegals, then let's outsource the job to UPS or Fed Ex." It's true. If they can track a lost package anywhere in the world within minutes, they can certainly track down and keep track of illegals.

Yes, this is clearly the solution to everything related to illegal immigration. Give UPS or FedEx the contract and then set about installing GPS chips into everyone in Mexico (in secret so they don't find out and take the chips out) so that UPS can somehow magically track who comes over the border and where they go.

Someone has told Chuck that UPS and FedEx are able to keep track of packages because of the fact that they control where and when the packages go, right? It's a complex system of barcodes, scanners, and planes held together by the fact that people pay them to deliver and track the packages, not some system where they wrangle loose packages that they stumble across, right? There's not some elaborate electronic net over the world that allows then to keep tabs on everything made of cardboard. Nor does it have a setting that can be switched over to "Mexicans". He does know this, right?

Finally we're giving back to Mexico

U.S. Is Arms Bazaar for Mexican Cartels

The Mexican agents who moved in on a safe house full of drug dealers last May were not prepared for the fire power that greeted them.

When the shooting was over, eight agents were dead. Among the guns the police recovered was an assault rifle traced back across the border to a dingy gun store here called X-Caliber Guns.

Now, the owner, George Iknadosian, will go on trial on charges he sold hundreds of weapons, mostly AK-47 rifles, to smugglers, knowing they would send them to a drug cartel in the western state of Sinaloa. The guns helped fuel the gang warfare in which more than 6,000 Mexicans died last year.

Mexican authorities have long complained that American gun dealers are arming the cartels. This case is the most prominent prosecution of an American gun dealer since the United States promised Mexico two years ago it would clamp down on the smuggling of weapons across the border. It also offers a rare glimpse of how weapons delivered to American gun dealers are being moved into Mexico and wielded in horrific crimes.

Mexico: we don't want your damned people walking over here and doing our menial labor in the fields and restaurants of America.....but if you want sneak over here just for the purpose of buying guns from us and slaughtering each other and innocents in a fevered drug war? Be our guests, pesos spend as good as any currency. Cash overrides fear of Aztlan any day.

Unsurprisingly the cartels do this because not only are our gun laws waaaaay looser than Mexico's (thank you Chuck Heston) we also don't care if you're clearly not a citizen when you buy enough guns to arm a militia. We only care that you're not a citizen if you are trying to cook food, pick food, work construction, or clean someone's house. What will we do about it? Probably nothing, because then we'd be infringing on the 2nd Amendment, which in addition to covering terrorist suspects probably also covers Mexican drug cartels.

If you're interested in just what exactly our weapons are fueling this time, I urge you to click over to the LA Times series on Mexico's drug war, a near daily account of violent murders, shootouts, and street wars.

Antonio Vazquez Alba: The Face of Truth

All this time, we were wrong. Progressives around the world, and especially here at home, have been railing against the excesses of American military might permitted under Bush's doctrine of preemption. Many of us were uneasy about Afghanistan. Most of us fought to prevent Iraq. We've criticized policy decisions and pistol whipped the Bush administration at every turn, convinced that daddy issues were simply not justification enough for the losses in blood, treasure, and international goodwill.

We were misled:

MEXICO CITY (AP) — Mexico's self-proclaimed "Grand Warlock" says the United States will pull troops out of Iraq in 2009 and send them to the border with Mexico in an attempt to expand its territory.

We need to regroup, focus our energies. The campaign against this colonial effort will surely be long and brutal. But we have moral authority, god, and a fucking warlock on our side and we will not be defeated. Join us!

Above, Antonio Vazquez Alba, level 70 Mexican Warlock

Cheap Blogging Crutch 12.5

The recount is (almost) complete; Franken camp claims four-vote lead
As the Minnesota recount crawls mercifully to a close and primes for the circus sideshow that is the challenge process, Al Franken is claiming a 4 vote lead. No one else is though, soooo yeah. The key metric Franken is using is that he is counting all the challenged ballots by their ruling recounters made before the ballot was challenged and is assuming that those will be upheld by the canvassing board. Norm Coleman on the other hand, picked a random number out of a hat a claimed he lead by that number. Good news for Nate Silver, it doesn't look like Franken will win by 27 and I won't have to burn him as a witch. Matt Taibbi has a nice little article on the recount as well.

Analyst: Use Lasers on Pirates (and Everyone Else)
James Jay Carafano, PhD and homeland security analyst has a solution for the pirate problem: shoot the shit out of them with lasers. If shooting lasers at pirates (which was probably the childhood fantasy of 75% of boys) doesn't put the juice in your shorts he also wants to shoot lasers at Russia and Hezbollah. And sharks and bigfoots and sharkfoots. Shoot lasers at everything. Laser based defense. We need to listen to this man, we need to develop the necessary technology, and then we need to use it to shoot pirates.

Obama: "I Can't Grow Facial Hair"
Any hopes you had of P-E Obama growing some sort of Castro-esque beard, or perhaps going for a sartorial scholar look like Cornell West, or perhaps the hipster-indie follicles of Kyp Malone are going to see those hopes dashed on the rocks of despair. See, Obama says he can't grow a beard, not even a saucy mustache. Unless he changes this policy, Benjamin Harrison in 1888 will have been the last US President with a ballin' chin warmer. No bearded man has run since 1916, no mustacioed man since 1948.

Robbers in drag steal $100M in jewel heist
Four robbers, fully armed with weapons yet also disguised as women, jacked Harry Winston for €80 million (U.S. $101 million) in under 15 minutes. You had the fully automatic weapons and you still went with cross dressing for a 15 minute heist? Doesn't really sound like the cross dressing was too integral to the heist. There were no barons to be charmed, critical information need to be gleaned from a randy guard, and no sexytime shenanigans, it was a simple smash and grab. Someone just wanted to dress like a pretty lady.

Mexico Under Siege: The drug war at our doorstep.
Probably the biggest story you haven't heard about. If you want to read up on the massive Mexican drug war, the LA Times has a phenomenal series covering it. Essentially the President declared war on the cartels, the cartels declared war back, and it's like the heist scene from Heat 24/7. Bodies dumped at schools, gun battles, kidnapping, brutal killing and torture, gun fights in hospitals, pretty much open street warfare between rival gangs and battles with the cops and Feds. Nearly 7,000 drug-war related deaths since last year, and it's all taking place in Baja California and Chihuahua, sometimes spilling over the border. Both completely horrifying and worth your time.