Good morning, let's go toss whitey out on his ass

Please listen to one "Robert Erickson", who gave this speech at a Minnesota Tea Party. He has a few choice words to say about the immigrants who are ruining this country.



See, you can get anyone to go along with anything you say, as long as they first think you're slandering Mexicans. Why no, it isn't completely frightening that these people can vote and own guns.

Monkey news

Yo ugly ass momma, evolutionarily speaking

Oldest "Human" Skeleton Found--Disproves "Missing Link"

Scientists today announced the discovery of the oldest fossil skeleton of a humanLucy, the iconic early human ancestor specimen that walked the Earth 3.2 million years ago (interactive time line: how the new discovery changes human evolutionary theory).
...
The fossil puts to rest the notion, popular since Darwin's time, that a chimpanzee-like missing link—resembling something between humans and today's apes—would eventually be found at the root of the human family tree. Indeed, the new evidence suggests that the study of chimpanzee anatomy and behavior—long used to infer the nature of the earliest human ancestors—is largely irrelevant to understanding our beginnings.

I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that God, in conjunction with the baby Jesus, has decided to up his game in regards to providing convincingly plausibly lies to get heretics to believe in evolution and not in the Bible. He's getting serious. Not content just to bury dinosaur bones, God has upped his game: burying evidence He faked that purportedly shows Man's earliest known, 4.4 million year old evolutionary fore-bearer and also scientifically disproves the "missing link" theory, knocking out the notion that we somehow branched off from chimps.

I think we all know what to do now. I'll bury myself in Bible studies, you call Fred Phelps, and we'll go to Tim White and Berhane Asfaw's labs (the two who made the "discovery" and worked out the "science") to laugh at how the scientific community has once again fallen for one of His practical jokes. The punchline is: everyone burns in hell. So believe in your precious fossils, carbon dating, and beloved maths and sciences. We enlightened types know that the earth is 6,000 years old, Jesus rode a Triceratops into Jerusalem, this "evidence" of "evolution" is a hilarious practical joke, and the only good use for math is adding up the ages of everyone in the Bible to provide a timeline of the Earth. Meet me at the creation museum if you want to further discuss how hilarious this is or Kirk Cameron's own scientific work into disproving evolution.

Broken News: Protest banners usher in new era of peace, prosperity

The protest banner many are saying ushered in a new era of global action and political responsibility

NEW YORK—In what has been a surprising addendum to last week's G20 summit in Pittsburgh, many of the Presidents and Prime Ministers who attended the global forum gathered today at the UN to announce that for once they were going to act on all the promises that were made and start making serious progress towards reforming many of society’s ills. But what was most surprising about today’s events was the reason these dignitaries and leaders gave for deciding to finally make that change: the widespread protests, riots, and demonstrations that again accompanied a gathering of the world’s elite.

“I think it was when I saw that large banner unfurled on one of Pittsburgh’s many bridges,” observed Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, referring to the Danger: Climate Destruction Ahead sign hung by Greenpeace. “I mean sure, we all knew that climate change was a serious issue. But when the problem was so succinctly summarized in a sarcastic banner made to look like a warning label, it was then I knew that action needed to be taken.”

“Plus,” he added, as other leaders nodded in agreement. “I’m a big fan of bridge rappelling as a device for social and economic change.”

It was at this point that others stepped forward to tell what protest moment had personally touched them.

“For me, it was when I saw a guy wearing a black mask and looking like he just got out of ska band practice wave around a sign that said 'Abolish Money',” said German Prime Minister Andrea Merkel. “Instead of thinking it was perhaps the most sad and pathetic thing I’d ever seen or how the man probably had his parents buy him a plane ticket and drive him from his upper class suburban residence to the airport to be able to come here and protest, I thought about how we had failed to make economic fairness a big enough priority. Thank you, Abolish Money guy, we just never thought of it before.”

Prime Minister Merkel's sentiments were common amongst the world leaders. Several confessed that many of the placards, banners, and angry chants contained ideas that no one in government at any level had ever thought to consider before.

“I mean, ‘Don’t bailout fat cats’?” an exasperated Gordon Brown of the UK asked. “It had just never occurred to me! Brilliant! Same goes for the suggestions that we increase regulation and oversight. I mentioned it to President Obama and he seemed dumbstruck. Furthermore, as we’re finding out, it seems that getting these new laws enacted and passed is a relatively simple matter, seeing as there are no competing political ideologies within our countries, nor any feuding economic or social interests with our legislators in their pockets.”

“Unbelievable,” Brown said, laughing as if he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized all of this. “Governing really is as easy as all these protesters seem to believe it is.”

For others, it was the violence of the weekend that made the greatest difference.

“When I saw how willing the protesters were to bust out the windows of an Arby’s, recklessly destroy property, and deliberately provoke and attack police, I knew they were serious about their beliefs,” said Prime Minister Recep Erdogan of Turkey, still clearly moved by the events.

“I mean sure, some cynical people might say they were just selfish egotists deliberately destroying things and getting themselves arrested in order to head back to their liberal arts colleges and talk about ‘how real shit got at the G20’ to their classmates. Or that their naive and dimwitted political philosophies wouldn’t be fit to run a country larger than a parking lot grilled cheese stand at a Phish concert, but I know differently. I saw the Arby’s storefront."

Added Erdogan, "With my own two eyes, man.”

The press conference ended when one reporter asked if the G20 would be bringing in some of the protest leaders to help formulate policies and strategies and the world leaders, bursting at the seams, broke out into what seemed to be long contained and stifled laughter.

“Fuck no,” cried out Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, doubled over with laughter, tears streaming down his cheeks. “It was all useless posturing that changed nothing. The world is a complicated place and it’s difficult to get things changed on a large enough scale when you don’t have half-wits outside getting tear gassed while you make an honest attempt to do so. We suggest they all grow up.”

President Obama smiled and pointed to the assembled media “God, ‘protests changing something’” he guffawed. “Admit it, we totally had you fooled. I can’t believe you bought that bullshit. Now if you’ll excuse all of us, we have to go run the world according to the way it really works. Which is almost too depressing to think about. Fuck off.”

Health care pollings

There's a new NBC News Poll out on the health care debate. The conclusions? That if you lie to Americans loudly and for a long enough time, they will start to believe what you say no matter how wrong it is.

So to be clear: 45 percent think that Joe Biden is waiting in the bushes to murder grandma with a machete, 55 percent think them Mexicans is gonna steal our health care, 54 percent think the government is going to run the health care that those Mexicans steal, and 50 percent think that this plan will result in the resurrected Jesus getting aborted. In fact, none of these are true, although funding abortions, not rejecting anyone who comes in for care, and a single payer or government run system would largely be good ideas. Other bad news? Obama is creeping towards 50 percent disapproval on his health care performance, but Republicans are already over 60% disapproval, even though the public largely believes 3 out of their 4 biggest lies. Well done, Republicans. You deployed your arguments like true kamikazes, killing yourselves in the process.

In another unsurprising part of the poll it turns out that the people who are most uninformed about these four things are......Fox News viewers, of whom all four of the above distortions in the 70% belief range. The numbers are in the 30's and low 40's for CNN/MSNBC viewers. Those are some overwhelming numbers for Fox News, I really hope the health care industry is cutting them a check or something because that is some valuable toadying and lying. Excuse me, I mean fairing and balancing. So kids, what did we learn today? We learned that the truth fights like a coma patient and that TV news is actively destroying this country in so many different ways. But don't worry, we have the Democratic party and they'll plow though all this nonsense to make sure they pass something good because it's the right thing.......we're fucked aren't we? Right. See you in the breadlines after all our medical related bankruptcies. That is, if we all survive the Swine Flu.