Quote of the day

Mike Huckabee (R-Unemployed) expounding on all the deep thought he's done on gay marriage beyond "I think it's what the Invisible Man In The Sky wants".

"Male and female are biologically compatible to have a relationship. We can get into the ick factor, but the fact is two men in a relationship, two women in a relationship, biologically, that doesn't work the same." Huckabee said in a recent New Yorker profile.

Ah yes, the "ick factor". This is clearly an important reason to deny people legal protections and recognition that their relationships are second class: because you get the willies when you think about two men kissing... which is something you think about more than a gay guy would.

I believe it was God who said to Moses while he was appearing as a burning bush:

"Mo, I know I didn't make this a Commandment or anything, but make it clear to my people that I want it understood that things that make you get the willies in your gut when you think about them are also no-no's. Use that word: no-no's. I mean some things are just *shudders* weird, you know? Two dudes smooching and getting married is right out! Two ladies kissing? That's a party. So sayeth the Lord!"

I also believe it's in the Constitution. Something about "If in the course of events you find that the freedoms enumerated in this document are too much and are allowing for things that make you feel weird because you don't understand them, feel free to outlaw them. We are of course talking about James Madison and his 'manservant'. Ick."

I mean isn't that the standard by which things should be measured? If something makes an old Southern religious guy go "Ewwwwwww", we shouldn't allow it. I mean... dangling naughty bits... of the same sex..... touching? Ewwwwwww. Sorry gays, try to ask for legal rights in an area that doesn't make Mike Huckabee's testicles shoot up into his chest. And don't try to counter with some legal mumbo jumbo or a human rights type response. Huck is really wierded out by two men kissing, so you can't be allowed to marry. Obviously. Who can argue with such an intelligent defense of "traditional" marriage?

Your morning Bible verse

Oh gays, it's so cute when you think that pointing out things like logic, hypocrisy, and double standards in anti-gay marriage protests and the Bible makes a difference. As if this dispute was actually based on God's word.

Still, we do need to being this passage back into the limelight. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. It must have slipped through mine and Sean's sight during the weekly intensive Bible study group we lead.

Love is in the air

With Valentine's day fast approaching and the fact that These Bastards is the #6 site on the web for dating, marriage, and general romance advice (as voted in a 1996 poll by the citizens of Bolivia), it's time that we handed out some tips to prospective brides out there.

We know the lure to wed a state politician is high, what with the intoxicating thrill of state governance and the lure that someday you could be married to a state comptroller. But sometimes those starry dreams of state level political fame are tarnished by bizarre episodes involving Argentina and the Appalachian Trail, so it's best you might want to heed TB Romance Tip For Lovers #2 (#1: be wary of a man with a trunk full of Quicklime and shovels). Be aware of small signs on your wedding day that might presage future problems.

South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford recalls how she made the "leap of faith" to marry husband Gov. Mark Sanford even though the groom refused to promise to be faithful, insisting that the clause be removed from their wedding vows.

"It bothered me to some extent, but ... we were very young, we were in love," she said in an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters to air on "20/20" Friday. "I questioned it, but I got past it ... along with other doubts that I had."

Well, at least he was being honest and didn't want to violate any oaths he took. You can say many things about the man, but you can't say he didn't have foresight and a vision for the future.

Another tip for all you lovers out there: be wary of someone who seems to be trying to set a sort of cheapness world record. Not only isn't it a Guinness recognized world record, any organization that recognizes that achievement is going to be too cheap to spring for a plaque memorializing it.

"He drew me a picture of a half a bike, and then for the next birthday or Christmas I got the picture of the other half a bike, and then he delivered the $25 used bike," she recalled.

For another birthday, Mark Sanford gave her a diamond necklace, which she adored, but then he took it back.

A long term planner, doesn't make vows he doesn't plan to honor, handy with a visual aide, fiscally responsible, hiking enthusiast, and travels abroad; it's easy to see why the voters of South Carolina responded to Mark Sanford so well.

S0 ladies, if you follow our three tips (especially the one about avoiding being murdered with a shovel and buried in the woods), you'll be well on your way to finding that perfect man.

Chart of the day

From the New York Times. Now I'm sure the wags will all come out and decry the hypocrisy in barring gays from marrying while allowing first cousins to get hitched, but I think they're missing the point: If you live in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont or Jersey you can get gay married to that cousin you're so attracted to. That's progress.

Now if only this country could get some traction on polygamist gay cousin marriages we wouldn't even need rocket boots to claim we were living out humanity's dreams of a highly advanced future.

Just desserts

Let's say you're Texas, the state known for it's streak of independence and the fact that everything is bigger there. Because of that your laws have to be bigger and more independent than any other state in the union. So when one of the two things your state is most known for possessing (*psst*, it's the "and queers" part of "steers and queers") wants to get married against the wishes of God, then you have to create the biggest and most comprehensive law banning their unholy coupling. Yeah........how'd that work out?

Barbara Ann Radnofsky, a Houston lawyer and Democratic candidate for attorney general, says that a 22-word clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriages erroneously endangers the legal status of all marriages in the state.
...
But the trouble-making phrase, as Radnofsky sees it, is Subsection B, which declares:

"This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."
...
But Radnofsky, who was a member of the powerhouse Vinson & Elkins law firm in Houston for 27 years until retiring in 2006, says the wording of Subsection B effectively "eliminates marriage in Texas," including common-law marriages.

Whoops. All along we've been told that it was the gays that were going to destroy marriage. Turns out it was the Texas legislature with an assist from Texas citizens. I have to say that is quite a commitment to marriage and homo-shunning. I mean to just wall off marriage in a hermetically sealed container, never to be touched or used by anyone after 2005? That's dedication to the institution. Now no one can ruin it. Not the gays or all the politicians in Texas who are on their third wife. Hey, I have a great tourism slogan for you: "Texas: a great place for singles....because no one can ever get legally married here."

So I offer a hearty congratulations to the people of Texas. You didn't just go with the standard homo bashing that's good enough for most states, you went big with the fag-hatin', as is your custom, ...and now marriage doesn't count in your state. Point and laugh at Texas children, point and laugh. We all eagerly await your next comical folly in an attempt to strip people of rights and treat them as second class citizens. May I suggest a referendum on illegal immigrants that strips everyone in the state of their US citizenship? Ahh, I'm sure you've got something even better cooked up.

Stay classy, Catholic Church

While we certainly don't agree, I think we all understand that the Catholic Church has a certain doctrinal issues with the concept of gay marriage. Of course this stems from Jesus' well known Sermon on the Mount where he famously said "Gays......ewwwwwwww", then proceeded to giggle and make limp wristed hand gestures with Peter and James, son of Zebedee. So when gay marriage amendments and referendums pop up they are of course expected to pop their heads up, stick their fingers in their ears when you try to mention all the gay priests, and loudly proclaim "gays.....ewwwwwww." Still though, I didn't know their opposition extended to making threats about letting homeless people starve and children go unadopted if they don't get their way.

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Again this goes back to the Bible, specifically 'the Tale of Jesus and the Suspiciously Effeminate Stone Mason'. We all know the tale; it starts with a mason named Ezekiel wishing to extend same sex benefits to his employees and ends with Jesus dangling a turkey-on-wheat sandwich over a starving Galatian and proclaiming "Which is it Zeke? You want to give them homos rights or do you want this poor man to live?" I think there's also a bit with an ant and a grasshopper arguing about civil unions.

So congratulations Catholic Church, when confronted with the possibility that you might not be allowed to discriminate against gays on projects with which you were receiving city money, you chose the most Christ like of options: you threatened to close homeless shelters, kick people out on the streets, fuck with orphans, and dick around with people's health. And they wonder why more and more people don't feel any connection of any kind to the church? Oh well, stay classy!

Dan Savage on What Marriage Is

Skillfully done:



/via Mr. Sullivan

Your morning election round-up

Fatty Fat the Monty Python thief squeaked out a win against the deeply unpopular Jon Corzine for the Governorship of New Jersey. In the Virginia Governor's race, some Republican guy beat some unpopular Democrat who thought it would be a great idea to run against all the stuff Democratic voters like. What does all this mean? Largely nothing. Sorry, excuse me for a second, what I meant to say is THIS MEANS EVERYTHING AND WAS A DRAMATIC REFERENDUM ON OBAMA! Except that it wasn't. But what this does mean is that Republicans are back and look out everyone and hubba hubba hubba money money money, happy days are here again, the death of socialism has been signaled, strike a Heisman pose. Except that it isn't.

So that's that for all the mega important governor's races that were all about Barry, except for the parts where they were all about local politics. Did anything else happen? Why yes, Mayor Billionaire, despite outspending his opponent, the Honorable whoever he was, 20-1 to keep his grips on the reins of New York City, barely squeaked one out against that guy he was allegedly running against, who I'm sure dozens of people could name offhand. Also: Maine hates gays.

Well, I guess that's it. I don't think there were any other races that would have actual national significance in terms of passing laws or doing stuff. Well, I guess there was that House race in California where one of those odious Blue Dog Democrats was replaced by a progressive. Then there was that House race in New York where the preferred candidate of Palin and every nutbag right winger in existence, the creepy looking, Glenn Beck mentored Doug Hoffman, lost a district to a public option supporting liberal that hadn't gone to the Democrats since Ulysses S. Grant was destroying his liver with rot gut. Well done, right wing media establishment! You can't get a conservative elected! So let me see if I have this right......the House got more liberal? Let's clearly not mention this again.

No, the night was a story of how the rotten Obama, drunk off his Muslim ass with all the liberal policies he hasn't gotten passed, got told by the low turnout defeats of two unpopular men who were expected to lose their Governor's races. The Republican party is back! Just not in a way that can effect actual voting on national issues. Thankfully, they still have Joe Lieberman to help them out there.

Quote of the day

Philip Spooner, World War II vet, on the gay marriage debate currently going on in Maine.

I am here today because of a conversation I had last June when I was voting. A woman at my polling place asked me, "Do you believe in equal, equality for gay and lesbian people?" I was pretty surprised to be asked a question like that. It made no sense to me. Finally I asked her, "What do you think our boys fought for at Omaha Beach?" I haven't seen much, so much blood and guts, so much suffering, much sacrifice. For what? For freedom and equality. These are the values that give America a great nation, one worth dying for.

The quest to repeal gay marriage rights in Maine through the Question 1 ballot initiative is going to be voted on soon. And surprise of surprises the opposition to it is from the same groups that got Prop 8 passed in California. Numbers overlord Nate Silver of 538.com says the ban is likely to fail, but that it'll be close either way. I guess the question is do people in Maine hate freedom, liberty, veterans, World War II, the D-Day assault, the military, our victory against the Axis powers, and equality so much that they would overturn the rights of gays to marry and tacitly endorse Hitler's invasion into Poland and annexation of the Sudetenland? I guess we'll find out on November 3rd.

Oh that rascally Bush Administration

The Matt Latimer book on the end of the Bush Administration is coming up on its release date and boy does it look like a hell of a read. In previous installments we learned that Bush had no idea what the bailout bill was about and that he likes to talk shit on everyone that isn't himself. Now we're learning about all the numerous anecdotes, foibles, and shenanigans of the rest of the gang...shenanigans that led to a couple wars, a couple hundred thousand dead, a couple Constitutional violations, a bit of torture, a sprinkle of police state, and stewarding over the complete collapse of the economy. But at least we can look back and laugh.

Donald Rumsfeld had to be talked out of editing his own entry on Wikipedia, which he referred to as "Wika-wakka."

Oh, that Rumsfeld. This almost makes up for not planning out those wars. I think we can definitively state he spent more time trying to edit his own Wikipedia page that planning the Iraq invasion. But the fact that we can imagine him walking around his office raging about "the bleggers" on "the intertubes" smearing him on "the Wikka-wakka" before having to be physically pulled away from the edit page blunts that pain a little.

"Karl spread rumors through the White House that one of Obama's potential vice presidential running mates -- and a United States senator -- had beaten his first wife. 'Karl says it's true,' the president assured a small group of staffers. Then knowing Karl, he quickly added, 'Karl hopes it's true," reports Latimer.

I'm disappointed. This is such a rote and obvious depiction of evil. I guess I just had expected more creativity in the dark deeds Karl performed.

For a commencement address at Furman University in spring 2008, Ed Gillespie wanted to insert a few lines condemning gay marriage. Bush called the speech too "condemnatory" and said, "I'm not going to tell some gay kid in the audience that he can't get married."

See, this is only a partial quote. It ends with "...but if everyone in my party wants to and Karl wants to run a 2004 re-election campaign around it, who am I to stop them? Someone want to get me a pretzel?" I think that's the very definition of moral courage.

There's more, like Bush's reaction to Larry Craig, the Administration deciding to sleight Colin Powell by reminding everyone he used to work there, the unending petty war between Maine's senators, and the testimonial adventures of "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth." This is really going to be one of those "laugh....then slowly stop laughing as your rage boils up and you angrily throw the book down" kind of books.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.26

How America Lost the War on Drugs
Ben Wallace-Wells of Rolling Stone traces America's failure/loss in the War on Drugs. How did we lose? To make a long story short: by fighting it. Among the highlights: RAND researchers finding out 13 years ago that the best way to reduce drug usage was treatment and education, not South American bombing campaigns and guerrilla wars. The study has never been implemented. Good times.

Progressive Caucus Finds Itself In A Strange Place: Power
HuffPo looks at the strange new thing rippling through the Democratic party: progressives and liberals who are taken seriously by the party establishment. My God, the horror. Mainly it has to do with them sticking to their guns (for once) on the issue of a public health insurance option. If a decent health care plan gets passed (HA!!) these are going to be the dirty liberal sons of bitches to thank.

NFL targeting binge drinking among fans in new season
Oh NFL, this means war. First you pussy up the game with more judgment calls about intent and hitting hard, then you continue to subject us to the commercial torments of John Cougar Mellencamp, and now you have the nerve to try to fight our ability to get blackout drunk in a parking lot at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning or go to the concession stand in the 3rd quarter and come back with seven 28 ounce beers? Damn your evil eyes, Roger Goodell, damn them to hell. Hell is, incidentally, a Detroit Lions vs. Cleveland Browns week 16 match-up played over and over endlessly on a black and white TV.

Public Opinion and Gay Marriage
Some number crunchers have taken a look at gay marriage and have found out that not only has support for destroying Jesus' carefully written marriage laws becoming more popular, but that after gay marriage is legalized in a state it becomes even more popular. If we don't stop this menace what's next? Complete tolerance? No thank you, I already have enough weddings to go to.

Jeremy Scahill Slams Chuck Todd, Media, Congress Over Blackwater On "Real Time With Bill Maher" (VIDEO)
God bless you Mr. Scahill, three worthier targets for scorn could not be found. Mostly his outrage (outrage that is available in paperback) stems from the fact that no one in our pampered media elite or any of our elected betters seems to find it noteworthy or important that Blackwater is employed as a "Christian supremacist fighting force to eliminate Muslims and destroy Islam globally, and then they bill taxpayers again for this killing that they're doing and they're not held to the same standard as soldiers." That and they might also murder whistle-blowers on American soil. Chuck Todd's response: Waaaaaaaaaah. That's right dear media, everyone who thinks that extra legal mercenary fighting forces are bad are the crazy ones.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.19

At Least 75 Killed in Series of Attacks in Baghdad
Yeah.....remember Iraq? Still not a great place to live. Unless you're a real big fan of loud explosions, wailing women, smoke plumes, and sirens, endless sirens. This happened largely as Iraq has regained control over most of it's security as the US is now engaged in the process of laughing nervously and slowly backing out of the country. It will end with the US declaring everything fixed, and then running, no...sprinting, back home before something can explode again. Then when Iraq descends into chaos we all get to sit back and pretend to wonder "What happened? When we left everything was fine." Thanks again, George!

A Conservative’s Road to Same-Sex Marriage Advocacy
Ted Olsen, he of the Bush side of Bush v. Gore, discusses why he hopes to eventually legalize same sex marriage through an eventual Supreme Court hearing on a case he's helped file over California's Prop 8 fiasco. And it's not because he lost a bet to a liberal friend of his. The story involves Rob Reiner, a lot of awkward silences at conservative judicial and legal conferences, and a man who decided to actually apply his libertarian principles in all cases.

Blue Food Dye Treats Spine Injury in Rats
It turns out that the same dye that makes your tongue blue and gives Gatorade's Cool Blue Raspberry that same neon blue sheen that's found in raspberry's, also prevents nerve tissue damage. Prevents nerve tissue damage....while turning you blue. Win-win. Yes, that was the sound of loud cursing you heard from Christopher Reeve's grave. Guess he should have spent less time advocating for stem cells and more time eating the blue portions of his Superman suit.

Poll: Whites, Southerners, Republicans, Few Others, Trust Fox News
That was today's "No shit, Sherlock" poll of the day. It seems that basing your news strategy around stoking the fears and prejudices of white Southern Republicans makes you really popular among white Southern Republicans.

Actor's U.S. Airport Screen Roils India
Apparently India doesn't like the fact that we racially profiled and detained one of their more famous Muslim actors while he was on a trip to our country. What was he here to do? Promote a movie he made about America racially profiling Muslims after 9/11. C'mon customs, if you want to give a guy some real method acting experience you have to pull this kind of stuff before he films the movie.

Walmart, CVS, Best Buy, GMAC Among 8 Major Companies To Pull Ads From Glenn Beck Show
What? Large corporations don't like to see their brands tainted with the stink of Glenn Beck's weepy, aardvark humping insanity? This makes 20 companies that have pulled their ads from Beck's show. Wal-Mart is one of those companies. Let's see, Wal-Mart, OK with being associated with the cheap product making sweatshops of the world's largest communist country, not OK with being associated with this guy.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 08.11

In healthcare debate, 'reality' is in dispute
The LA Times looks at the extensive lengths supporters have to go to in order to fight opponents who question the very nature of truth and reality on a daily basis. They even had to create a website and videos to assure people that Obama wasn't going to garrote your grandmother at her weekly canasta game. He's much to crafty for that, he'll just order one of the car companies he now owns to give her defective brakes.

Newspaper Ad Revenue to Recover
If by recover you mean "rise slightly". 2.4%! With a chance that by 2014 ad revenue will increase by almost 8%! That's right, the print media barely gets to see its ad revenues rise with inflation and this is being hailed as the end of newspapers' slide. Sorry, it's just a longer than expected death rattle which at the end of you'll have to figure out a better plan than "fire all the experienced people", "curse Craigslist with every breath", and "hire more discredited neoconservative columnists".

How House Bill Runs Over Grandma
Investor's Business Daily, in their quest to discredit themselves as badly on health care as the preceding years have discredited them on investing and business, tries its hand at scaring you about your grandma's impending government sanctioned murder. The best example they have is the case of the UK's NHS and Stephen Hawking, who they claim wouldn't have a chance at survival in England's socialist health care system. This despite the fact that Hawking is English (that robot voice with the American accent does tend to confuse things), has lived with NHS care his entire life, and is, you know, still alive. Nice try though IBD, maybe next time.

‘Worse Than Doing Nothing At All’
Turns out the Justice Department may finally start prosecuting torture. But alas, in true American fashion, will only actually go after the lowest level operative who did it. Apparently they had no superiors who ordered them to do it after it had been made an official tactic by branch heads on the orders of the White House. Funny how that always turns out to be the case. It's always the grunts and only ever the grunts.

The Future Of Sushi: Farms?
Hope you don't like sushi, or really the entire species of bluefin tuna. Because they're pretty much going to be completely extinct in about 3-5 years unless some severely drastic measures are taken. It has something to do with the fact that fisherman overfish the stocks by three times the legal limit while no one does anything about it and that current fishing levels are about 4 times what they would need to be to not make the bluefin go extinct. Ah well, that Charlie Tuna character was kind of an asshole. He deserves this.

Amy's fairground attraction
You see what's happening, gay marriage advocates? You laughed at us for suggesting that gay marriage might lead us down a slippery slope towards marrying a dog, or two dogs, or sentient robots, or three dogs, or a robot dog, but know a British woman is going to marry a roller coaster. A roller coaster that may in fact be dog themed. Is this the perverse future you envisioned? Just keep your damned hands off Space Mountain, that sassy lady is mine.

Quote of the day

Pennsylvania State Sen. John Eichelberger (do I even need to tell you what party) on why gays should just shut up about this whole rights thing and be thankful for the things we haven't taken from them yet.

Leach: Should our only policy towards [same-sex] couples be one of punishment, to somehow prove that they’ve done something wrong?

Eichelberger: They’re not being punished. We’re allowing them to exist, and do what every American can do. We’re just not rewarding them with any special designation.

Ah, the old "we're letting them live" defense after he spends a few minutes vamping on how homosexuality is just like pedophilia & polygamy. Always wins arguments.

Sorry gays, you may not get the same rights as us, but we do let you breath the straight man's air....for now. There are bills working their ways through PA senate committees that require the LGBT community to breathe compressed air through a scuba apparatus when venturing outside. But remember: be thankful that you're allowed to live!

Quote of the day

Finally a Republican has made a non-Jesus based argument against same-sex marriage. Turns out it's still a bad idea because it makes the baby Jesus cry, but gay marriage is also a bad idea because it secretly enables gay couples to bankrupt the American business community. Teh gayz will steals all the moneyz!!

In a breakfast speech to delegates of the Georgia Republican convention, Steele put himself in the shoes of a small business owner having to pay for health care and life insurance for a same-sex couple.

“Now all of a sudden I’ve got someone who wasn’t a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for,” Steele said. “So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money.”

Makes sense to me. Of course there are those pesky studies that show things like gay marriage being able to pump something like $700 million into local businesses and $75 million into the state for licensing fees just in California alone, but I'll take Steele's word for it. The gays are gonna destroy small business.

Stay classy, Pat.

World leg press champion, gay puppet spotter, and wanna be Liberian gold dealer and Sierra Leone blood diamond merchant Pat Robertson decided to peep his head out from whatever rock he hid under when we elected the swarthy black Muslim Anti-Christ to office and opine on the swarm of gays that done homofied marriage and ate up all the crops.

Lee, we haven’t taken this to its ultimate conclusion. You got polygamy out there. How can we rule that polygamy is illegal when you say that homosexual marriage is legal. What is it about polygamy that’s different?
...
And what about bestiality and ultimately what about child molestation and pedophilia? How can we criminalize these things and at the same time have constitutional amendments allowing same-sex marriage among homosexuals. You mark my words, this is just the beginning in a long downward slide in relation to all the things that we consider to be abhorrent.

Why didn't I see it, it all seems so obvious now.

Maine Governor Baldacci: *kicking his feet up on desk* This feels really good. I never thought crippling the institution of marriage would make me feel this good.
Vermont House Speaker Shap Smith: You should have been there when we forced gay marriage past our Governor's veto. I swear, I literally had one of those four hour erections they talk about in Viagra commercials. I had to seek medical attention.
Baldacci: But what do we do for an encore?
Smith: What, you don't know? Obama's memo spelled it all out: We legalize polygamy, bestiality, and child rape.
Baldacci: *slapping forehead* Of course, it all makes so much sense. It's a slippery slope.
Smith: God, I hope after we pass the Obama/Hitler Legalize Child Rape, Polygamy, and Bestiality Act of 2009 that I'll actually get to see a vision of God looking down and weeping at what we've done.
Baldacci: That would be great.......if God even existed!!!!
*both laugh maniacally*
*the phone rings*
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: Hey assholes, stop gladhanding each other and pass the Obama/Hitler Act. I want to see if it shocks Pat Robertson to death. Besides I have four 5th graders and two dogs I want to mass marry and rape. The clock is ticking.
Baldacci: Yes master.
Smith: Yes master.

Now we know what is on the horizon. Thanks for the warning Pat.

New England almost totally gay

Good news LGBT community: you will not have to move to Iowa after all. Bullet dodged. In fact, you can just now throw a dart at a map of New England and probably hit a state that will not only fully recognize you as citizens with equal rights, but will also give you access to cheap lobster and let you live in a small town that was featured in a short story Stephen King dashed off over a hectic, drunken weekend so he could pay his bar tab. Maine welcomes you and the gay marriage license fees you will undoubtedly be paying.

Maine Governor John Baldacci signed Wednesday into law a bill legalizing gay marriage in the state. The move makes Maine the fifth state to allow gay marriage.
...
"Article I in the Maine Constitution states that 'no person shall be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law, nor be denied the equal protection of the laws, nor be denied the enjoyment of that person's civil rights or be discriminated against.'"

"This new law does not force any religion to recognize a marriage that falls outside of its beliefs. It does not require the church to perform any ceremony with which it disagrees. Instead, it reaffirms the separation of Church and State," Governor Baldacci said.

"It guarantees that Maine citizens will be treated equally under Maine's civil marriage laws, and that is the responsibility of government.

That's right God, if you want to punish the transgressors, you're going to have to take most of the original 13 colonies.

Quotes of the day

Fundamentalists reactions to the recent gay marriage Supreme Court ruling in Iowa, the Washington DC recognition of same sex marriages from other state, and the Vermont legislature overriding a veto to make gay marriage legal and the threats posed by all three.

Tony Perkins, FRC

"Same-sex 'marriage' is a movement driven by wealthy homosexual activists and a liberal elite determined to destroy not only the institution of marriage, but democracy as well."

Mathew Staver, Liberty Counsel

“By redefining marriage, the Vermont legislature removed the cornerstone of society and the foundation of government."

Concerned Women for America

“Vermont legislators’ futile attempt to replace God by vainly redefining marriage eerily follows how that first man and woman acted on the first temptation — and the root of all temptations — to act as if they were gods. That one decision by Adam and Eve to believe that they could ‘be like God’ separated them from God, destroyed the peace that they had experienced, and ushered in what some would call ‘unintended consequences’ of pain and destruction.”

Well, obviously. Just one question: is society/democracy/government going to be destroyed some time today or do we have to wait for the accumulation of gay marriages before the Earth is thrown off its axis, the streets turn to lava, and a thunderous lightening bolt from above cracks the Constitution in half? Because I have some errands to run today and I don't want to be caught out in God's retribution for gay marriage.

Hawkeye for the gay guy

Good new gay community, a state supreme court has ruled that same-sex marriage is legal. That state is....Iowa? Rural Iowa? Heartland Iowa? The Iowa that's in America? We are talking about that Iowa, right, not some French island of Iowa in the Carribean? Well I'll be damned.

In an unanimous decision, the Iowa Supreme Court upheld the right of same-sex couples to marry. The court, which was reviewing a district court decision allowing six gay couples to marry, found that “limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution”:

In a unanimous decision, the Iowa Supreme Court today held that the Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution.

The decision strikes the language from Iowa Code section 595.2 limiting civil marriage to a man and a woman. It further directs that the remaining statutory language be interpreted and applied in a manner allowing gay and lesbian people full access to the institution of civil marriage.

Iowa becomes the fourth state to legalize gay marriage and if the hysterical reactions of Iowa State Senate Republicans are any indication, it will become the second state to try to overturn that court ruling through a constitutional amendment. So there's that. But still, gay marriage and not civil unions or some such watered down version of rights, was viewed as constitutionally valid in a Midwest state's Supreme Court. Well done, Hawkeye State. We'll probably have to rescind the kudos after you codify discrimination into your Constitution, lest the gays take over the corn industry. But still, who would have thought? Iowa.

North Carolina will not stand for man/Roomba copulation

These Christian fundies in NC have discovered the true horror in gay marriage: human/robot hybrids. Battlestar Galactica shit, people! Cyborgs!

David Gibbs III, a lawyer who in 2005 fought to keep brain-damaged Terri Schiavo on life support, told rally participants gay marriage would "open the door to unusual marriage in North Carolina.

"Why not polygamy, or three or four spouses?" Gibbs asked. "Maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots."

What about Aibo? Those are pets and robots. Think of the horror! Skynet might not get destroyed because some poor bastard fell in love with it and married it. Thank God we have overly religious, fearful southerners out there brainstorming the potential pitfalls of gay marriage. It can't be man/man, woman/woman, man/R2D2, or woman/cylon, that way lies madness and scorn from the baby Jesus. Marriage is a sacred institution between a God-fearing man and his designated female property. So sayeth David Gibbs: No bots or gays allowed.