Stay classy, Miss Beverly Hills

You know what makes our country great? That even low level beauty queens get a chance to partake in our national dialogue on gay rights in the most hateful and violence advocating ways possible.

I'm sorry, I meant to write "You know what makes our country awful?" I don't know what has come over me, that's been happening a lot recently.

Anyway, let's hear from Miss Beverly Hills 2010 Lauren Ashley, who is vying to become the next Carrie Prejean, in both right wing circles and on the pageant circuit. Only hopefully without so much lying, nudity, and lying about nudity, and much more Christian fundamentalism and Old Testament violence.

“The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, ‘If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.’ The Bible is pretty black and white,” Ashley told Pop Tarts.

“I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.”

First off, thanks to the magazine Pop Tarts for getting into the down and dirty, nitty gritty of the fundamentalist religious beliefs of our rich, white beauty queens. No one believed me when I told them you were America's finest journalistic institution, but you've done good work here.

And just in case anyone is wondering; like everyone else who says offensive shit about gays, she totally has gay friends and they're totally cool with the fact that she thinks they all need to die because they're gay.

But she's right. God's like not only an awesome author (He's like two or three Dan Brown's put together), He's totally like the foremost scientist in the world about life. So even though Leviticus says a lot of shit that no one takes seriously or listens to, along with other things the Bible says about women and sex and marriage, we really need to single out the gay stuff, because eww. Expertly argued. A graduate level religion thesis.

At the very least, when you don't win the Miss California pageant this will set you up nicely for a cash-in tour among evangelicals, conservatives, and Fox News, where you can decry the gay influence and how it kept you from your divine right to become a beauty queen and maybe hook-up with a failed, former first round Ravens QB. Isn't that what faith, God, and religion are all about?