Broken In Brief: Canadian Heard to Say "Fuck"

MOOSE KNUCKLE, SASKATCHEWAN--Canadians across the nation recoiled in abject disgust as word spread that local resident Frank Morrison, 51, was observed screaming "Fuck" during last night's Men's Olympic Hockey game against the US team.

While the first Canadian Olympic hockey loss to the US since the 1960 games in Squaw Valley left the host country deflated, most post-game attention was focused on Morrison's obscenity, believed to be the first dropping of an F-bomb in anger since Quebec's last secession attempt in 1997.

"I've always been so proud to be a Canadian," said Marie Lockland, a Canadian. "I just hope the rest of the world doesn't assume all of us are such nasty pottymouths."

In a hastily written statement, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper apologized for the incident, calling it "The most vulgar and disgusting Canadian action in decades." Harper assured fellow Canadians, and indeed the world at-large, that disciplinary legal action would be "both swift and, unlike Mr. Morrison, appropriate."

The Canadian legal system is loath to punish anyone beyond giving them "a stern talking to," as is prescribed in their constitution. However, with the world's focus trained on their country for the Olympic games, more punitive measures are under consideration.

These range from adding 20 hours of community service to the 100 hours a month that Morrison, as a Canadian, already does; washing his mouth out with maple syrup; two stern talking-tos; and a blanket ban on attending live curling events for a period not to exceed one week.

Sources close to the Prime Minister suggested the situation would be addressed immediately following Tuesday's qualifying game against Germany.