You're going to need to fill that form out in triplicate

What is the best way to fight terrorism? As Americans we know that it is by some combination of indiscriminate bombings, poorly conceived and executed wars, and enhanced interrogations that involve some for of simulating drowning, barking dogs, or perhaps drowning combined with barking dogs in diving bells. This much is clear.

But what if you're a state of limited intelligence, possibly with a potable water and angry dog shortage? Well then you have to 23-skiddoo an idea of the top of your cranium. What do you think about fighting terrorism with the bureaucracy?

SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES REGISTRATION ACT

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For the purposes of this chapter the following words, phrases and terms are defined as follows:

(1) "Subversive organization" means every corporation, society, association, camp, group, bund, political party, assembly, body or organization, composed of two or more persons, which directly or indirectly advocates, advises, teaches or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means;
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SECTION 23-29-60. Registration of members of subversive and foreign-controlled organizations.

Every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means, who resides, transacts any business or attempts to influence political action in this State, shall register with the Secretary of State on the forms and at the times prescribed by him.

And what should happen if your terrorist organization fails to file with the state and provide a list of members before it burns down a black church, bombs the statehouse, or attempts to fly a single engine Cessna into Myrtle Beach's third largest Stuckey's? Those terrorists are subject to "a fine of not more than twenty-five thousand dollars or imprisonment for not more than ten years, or by both fine and imprisonment"

So c'mon terrorists, it's only five bucks. That's pretty cheap. Besides, you don't want to add bureaucratic form and registration violations to the mass murder, beloved rest stop desecration, and explosion related charges you'll be subject to should your plans to attack the vital American state of South Carolina come to fruition. That's just adding insult to injury.

Failure to properly heed our bureaucratic obligations is the last refuge of the scoundrel. Don't be one of those terrorists.