The Bible (Expurgated version)

Have you ever picked up your Bible (the one you have steadying a wobbly end table or the one you're hiding your rock hammer in) and just thought to yourself "Christ almighty, this Christ almighty guy won't stop with the liberal bullshit!"? You aren't alone, the folks at Conservapedia think so too.

Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations.
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As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
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4.Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms
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7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
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10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness
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Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians.

*stands up and applauds* Truly this is the final stupid culmination of the meshing of evangelicals with right wing Republicans. God is too much of a liberal socialist pussy for them, so they must "edit" Him.

Now far be it from me to criticize selective belief of the Bible. I was raised Catholic and we are notorious pickers and choosers of our faith. As part of my belief system I have chosen not to follow the parts of the Bible where the words are put onto paper and then bound in between a front cover and a back cover. But if the holy Jeebus has failed you as a Conservative icon, why not just worship a new deity? May I suggest money and Reagan. Hell, they already tell plenty of horseshit stories about Dutch ending communism, just add in a leper getting healed, trickle down economics working, and one where Ronnie casts Jimmy Carter from the temple.

It just seems to me that would be easier than trying to hammer a 2000 year old text into conforming with whatever it is the far right believes in this week.