Broken In Brief: Tolerable tourist spotted in Manhattan

NEW YORK--New York City Police, Fire and Emergency Medical personnel were dispatched to the intersection of Fifth Avenue and East 34th Street early this morning. This massive convergence of first-responders, initially thought to be a drill, was in fact conducted to positively identify, interrogate and, if possible, replicate a tourist who behaved like a decent, intelligent human being.

The tourist, whose name is being withheld for security reasons, was spotted just after 10 am on 5th Ave. snapping a quick photograph of the Empire State Building, according to Officer Dale McArdy, who was first on-scene.

"What got my attention was the way the person stood near the edge of the sidewalk, not right in the middle, while taking the picture. Then, right after taking a few shots, they politely re-entered sidewalk traffic and kept a normal pace. Didn't stop randomly and gawk. Made no sense."

According to the NYPD, the suspect, who was neither barrel-assed nor clad in an iconic "I (heart) NY" t-shirt, then proceeded to bypass not only a Wendy's, but several garishly themed chain restaurants designed to only appeal to tourists in favor of a local, family-owned deli. After eating their sandwich, the suspect then entered the Herald Square subway station without pausing right at the top of the steps and unfurling a MTA map.

"We are both surprised and thrilled by this discovery," announced Mayor Bloomberg during his Monday press conference. "I assure the people of New York that every attempt will be made to attract more of these strange creatures to our city."