Dream big, Bron Bron

We all have big dreams, whether they're finding a bag of money, seeing Glenn Beck completely lose his mind on live TV (I think we're two weeks away!), living long enough to see the Pirates put together an 82 win season, or finding a bag of money. Celebrities and athletes are no different. So when Maxim magazine got a chance to distract LeBron James from flipping through New York real estate listings long enough to answer a question about his dreams, he did not disappoint. He dreamt big.

[INTERVIEWER]: If there was one guy on the planet you could dunk on, who would it be? That teacher?

[JAMES]: If it doesn’t have to be a basketball player, George W. Bush. I would dunk on his ass, break the rim, and shatter the glass.

I can get behind this. So listen, White House, Congress, and Justice Department. If you aren't going to prosecute anyone in the Bush Administration for all those war crimes, Constitutional crimes, and other various and sundry laws they broke (and we know you aren't) then how about this proposition: pass a law decreeing that your basic murderer's row of Bush Administration crooks (Bush, Cheney, Rove, Gonzales, etc...) instead has to stand six feet from a basketball rim and take the full brunt of LeBron James wheeling down the court at top speed and powering down the lane to dunk the fuck out of a basketball. Maybe a Hurricane Katrina survivor can alley-oop it to LeBron. Whatever, it's his choice. If the Bush officials move or try to flop in an effort to not take the full brunt of King James' fury, then they have to get dunked on again...in a dress. If they can strip James of the ball or block the shot, they get one free Constitutional violation.

I'd act on this fast, because I want part of the punishment for them to be that they have to travel to Cleveland to get dunked on. If you wait until LeBron signs with the Knicks or Nets then you lose that aspect of the punishment package. Hold it at the Cavs arena, sell tickets, put it on PPV and I think we can raise enough money to pay for health care. Oh, one last thing: LeBron has to do it either dressed as Uncle Sam or as one of our more iconic Presidents. Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, whoever.