Nice to see the kid doing well

When last we left former President Bush we were all exhaling in relief as he finally left Washington for good, frantically reassuring each other that there was no way he could still enact legislation anymore. But we all wondered what he would get up to in his post-Presidential years. Would he try to become a large scale player on the international humanitarian field like Bill Clinton and his Clinton Global Initiative? Would he build houses and try to act as a foreign policy conscience like Jimmy Carter? Or would he do one of the things we all hoped he do, like get arrested and prosecuted for all the shit he did while he was President, or, even better, get rabies during a possum hunting trip?

None of the above. No, after finding that people didn't want to hear him on the lecture circuit, he found something more on his level: stealing gigs from 3rd string Dallas Cowboys running backs from the eighties, ex-Texas A&M linebackers who found God, and fifth tier Tony Robbins' wannabes on the motivational speaker circuit.

Yesterday, he spoke to nearly 15,000 people at the “Get Motivated!” seminar in Forth Worth, TX. He mostly focused on “lighter topics such as picking out a rug design for the Oval Office that reflected his ‘optimism.’” The Dallas News reports that for this 28-minute speech, Bush received at least $100,000 — a rate of $3571 per minute:
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It was a rousing, upbeat celebration of positive thinking and conspicuous success. Speakers were introduced with peppy music, confetti drops and bursts of pyrotechnics exploding from each corner of the stage (but not for Bush – Secret Service orders).

Oh a rousing time was had by all. There was even a greatest hits recap from his Presidency as a protester with an "Arrest Bush" sign was forceably removed from the proceedings so that the boy former-king wouldn't have to see it. Hell, even Terry Bradshaw was there throwing out "Pigs for Jesus" wristbands, promoting a nonprofit slaughter operation that benefits children. Seriously. That actually happened. So you can see why an ex-President would want to be involved and make plans to do another: the prestige. Just kidding, it's obviously the money. $100,000 smackeroos just for bullshitting about the Oval Office rug and justifying your massive unpopularity to an underwhelmed audience. Nice to see him cash in at his own intellectual level. He's earned it.