Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.29

WWII... exactly as it happened.

When you look at the financial crisis, the BP oil spill, and various problems over the last decade, is the problem you see one of too much government regulations? If so, get checked for a concussion or some other form of massive brain bleeding. On the other hand, you'll be really receptive to the GOP platform. John Boehner is proposing what he calls the REINS Act (Regulations from the Executive In Need of Scrutiny), which effectively subjects every regulatory action that costs over $100 million to Senate filibuster. I mean a Senate vote. Which effectively means any decent regulatory structure will be tied up in an unending morass of Senatorial hubris. But on the bright side, allowing industry to run unchecked hasn't resulted in a major catastrophe in the last week. That's got to be some sort of a record. Good luck, GOP.

I'm going to have to get up off the fainting couch, but I'm fairly sure our government actually made a semi-progressive and intelligent step forward in the farcical War on Drugs. Finally noting and changing the sentencing disparity between crack and powdered cocaine and realizing how that affected sentencing disparities between blacks and whites, poor and rich. It must have been purely accidental on the part of lawmakers and I'm sure they'll get around to correcting it once someone explains to them what they did. Now, if we can just get them to accidentally make progress on marijuana laws and the entirety of the War on Drugs....

So our appointed better, the Pay Czar, has taken a look at the wanton cash grabbing and money fights our corporate masters have been getting into and has deemed their pay practices lacking. So let's see, he finds that 17 financial firms that have been bailed out are also engaging in pay practices that are "ill-advised" and "exhibited bad judgment". So what's he going to do? Nothing, of course. Theorizing that going after such money would have been contrary to the public interest. Of course. So... all you're telling us is big financial giants are fucking around and getting rich off our dime? We already knew that! The point of a Pay Czar was to find out to what extent and do something about it. Oh sorry, he offered up some voluntary guidelines that they may or may not choose to follow. My bad. Everything's fixed now. Sorry to sound like I was complaining.

In the fight over immigration, many have been appalled at some of the tactics that states like Arizona have taken and the lengths to which supporters of Arizona's laws have gone to justify them. But that's before we learned one important fact: the Bible is for busting in the heads of Mexican interlopers. Yea and the Lord said unto Zedekiah "Them fucking' Mexicans are taking our jobs. Roust them the fuck out of here." It's in Paul's Letters to the Thessalonian John Birch Society. Sure, but what does God think about excessive government regulation?

In This is Kind of Interesting News, Chicago Mag has a story by Myra Daniels on her husband, sixties ad man Draper Daniels, the inspiration for Mad Men's Don Draper. While it does provide a good look into how the ad business worked back then, there's no word if Daniel's life and emotional state oddly synced up with the prevailing political and historical changes of the time. I'd like to read about the proto-Sterling, but that man probably drank himself to death in the fifties.

The sham that is Glenn Beck and those phony buy Gold/"Gold coins are the only way to protect yourself from the black President's inflation" companies... in graphic form. This is why I store my money under my mattress. Or I would if I had any money. Or a mattress.

For the child at heart: photoshops of the Pope in a hat.

The plot thickens

Look, we all know that Arizona had to get it's border in order by arresting anyone who is suspected of enjoying Tecate and Corona unironically. I mean after all, these Mexicans are not only almost all drug mules, but they're beheading each other in the desert in scenes that would make Cormac McCarthy grimace. So says AZ Governor Jan Brewer, who sticks by her story no matter how many media outlets say she tells insane lies or that she's an insane liar.

But Brewer has only uncovered the tip of the Latino spear. Rep. Sue Myrick (R-NC), the ranking GOP member of the House Intelligence Subcommittee on Intelligence Community Management who would become the chairwoman if Republicans take back the House, has found an even more sinister plot. By "found" I do mean "imagined". But the thought of it did give her the vapors so hard that it's practically the same as the truth.

MYRICK: Well the thing that concerns me, and you mentioned this briefly, Iran is working with Venezuela. And they’re transiting through Venezuela, taking Spanish for maybe six months. They’re getting the false documents that they need, coming up through Mexico and if they’re stopped, they just say well I’m Spanish. And it, oh I mean Mexican...
...
And the other thing that we’re seeing, and we’re seeing it in your state in particular in the prisons is Farsi tattoos. Farsi is basically a Persian language, which Iran is, and we know we’ve seen Arabic tattoos in our prisons for a long time, but we haven't seen Farsi tattoos in a long time.

That cinches it! Iran and Venezuela are working together to subvert our borders and fill up our prisons! Those prisons are for black people, Iran and Venezuela, not fake Mexicans with Farsi tattoos!

Once these Iranian agents learn the secret of our prisons, our fruit and vegetable picking operations, how to get building work standing out in front of the Home Depot, and low paid child care... my God, they'll be unstoppable. You know, as long as their obvious Farsi tattoos (that probably say "secret agent" in foreignese) don't blow their secret status. But Rep. Myrick is on to you, Iranezuela Global Conspiracy!

I think it's clear what we need to do here. 100 foot wall across the border? Sure. But we need to fear the Latino! When they aren't beheading people to steal the drugs they're smuggling, they're stealing our freedom and sending it back to Mexico, and engaging in terrorist conspiracies with Muslims. Fear the Hispanic. And, for good measure, the Gypsies, Homosexuals, and the Jews. But mostly the Mexicans and fake-Mexican Venezuelan Iranians. It's the only way we'll be safe from the imaginations of Republican border governors and Republican Intel Committee members who should both theoretically know better.

Electric earth

Gophers. I hate them, you hate them, we all hate them. Tunneling in here, taking our jobs. By gophers I mean Mexicans. They tunnel in here too, right? I'm not sure. I think I may have mixed up a racist metaphor here. Maybe I need Rand Paul to explain other similarities between underground dwelling tunneling mammals and Mexicans looking to cross the border, otherwise his new suggestion for the border doesn't make much sense.

Republican Senatorial candidate Rand Paul wants to build a fence along the U.S.-Mexico border. It's a rather ho-hum proposition in the larger context of conservative ideas -- except that Paul wants that fence to be electric and he wants it built underground.

Among the variety of proposals to stem illegal immigration along the southern border, the construction of an underground electrical fence appears to stand alone on the extreme. ... Indeed, when approached in the halls of Senate several weeks ago and asked about the idea (though not told who proposed it), National Republican Senate Committee Chair John Cornyn (R-Tex.) assumed it was a joke.

"I have not heard that," the Texas Republican said. "Underground? What would happen? How would that work?"

That's actually a good question and one that Paul's campaign won't answer. His website says only the following: "My plans include an underground electric fence, with helicopter stations to respond quickly to breaches of the border." The details of how it would be built, what it would take to make it work and how much it would cost are left unanswered.

Surely this is all just a massive misunderstanding over a typo. Surely he means an electronic fence. Something that monitors the border... electronically. Not some sort of fence that shocks people if they touch it... only buried underground. No? He repeatedly mentions it on his website and in public? Whoo boy.

Alright, I'm no electrical expert. I'm only tangentially related to a couple of electricians (father and brother). But the way I understand electricity, other than the fact that it involves high tech lighting bolt capture and that elves force it out the magic holes in our walls, is that it involves this concept called "Grounding". Wherein there are means and methods employed to prevent contact with dangerous voltages if electrical insulation. There are many ways to "ground" an electrical system, but they all stem from the fact that the physical ground, aka dirt, is a zero voltage conductor that can absorb an near limitless amount of current. In other words: you can't fucking electrify the ground no matter how many fences you bury underneath it.

You would think a doctor, no matter if it is one who certified himself, would understand this. Nope. He wants to spend at least a billion dollars building the underground electrical fence in the hopes that the pure force of his libertarian ideals will electrify the ground.... or in effort to stop what he must assume are a large number of Mexicans that tunnel in to this country.

Eh, I'm for it. It'll be a less egregious waste of money than most of the stuff we do. Plus it'll give us the moment where a bunch of technicians explain to Rand why his plan to bury fences and pump volts into the earth hasn't seemed to work on anything except the Southwestern Border Gopher and the moment where he rushes over to Google, types in "electric" then "electronic", slaps his forehead, and then says something like "Maybe.... we should.... increase the.... watts?" That's worth a billion or two, right?

Stay classy, Stevesy

Glenn Beck's 9/12 Project hasn't gone away. You know, that thing where we're all supposed to return to the mindset we had the day after 9/11: panicked, fearful, and willing to sacrifice virgins into volcanoes and gut our Constitution in order to feel a tiny bit safer. But apparently they've moved on from being a vague movement about feelings to teaming up with tea partiers to show their support for Arizona's "Walknig while Latino" law.

People inspired by the words of Glenn Beck and tea baggers joining forces to bag of Mexicans? I wonder who they would get to speak at that event? Turns out the answer is terminally retarded blowhard Rep Steve King (R-IA). What did he have to say? First he made the Jong-il like boast that he alone possessed fence technology to stop Santa Anna's new invasion.

King told the gathering of over 100 people that he could build a border wall that would ensure “not [even] a cockroach” could get across.

I think we know what "cockroaches" he's talkin' about. La cucarachas! HAW HAW HAW!

Any other bright ideas?

King said that under only one circumstance does he support amnesty for illegal immigrants: “Every time we give amnesty for an illegal alien, we deport a liberal.”

HAW HAW HAW! Then them liberals can go to their beloved Mexico which they love so much they are letting it assault our freedoms and pick the blossoming fruit of liberty for sub-minimum wages.

Of course after dropping those two Oscar Wilde-esque bon mots from in front of a Truck Nuts billboard, it was of course time for questions from the audience. Which means he was asked about some conspiracy theory. I wonder how he handled this?

QUESTION: I keep reading that Obama keeps bringing small quantities of Muslims into this country. Why can’t Congress stop that?

KING: You know, I don’t know what the basis is of that. I wouldn’t be surprised that that is the real factual basis. ... I appreciate you making the point. I will try to watch it.

Yup, President Hussein Obama X, the Last Imam hisself, is personally smuggling Muslims into this country. Probably on Air Force One, Sea Force One, or Hot Air Balloon Force One. Small quantities.. cells if you will... setting them up across the country... preparing them for the day after the UN black helicopters steal everyone's guns... then: The United Islamic Caliphate of America. OH I KNEW IT WAS COMING!

Most people would respond to an accusation that the PResident was smuggling Muslims into the country with a nicely placed "Shut the fuck up you crazy and don't get your deluded insanity secretions on me... I hear that's how you spread it" before casually flipping off the audience. Not Steve "Iowa's Pride" King. No, he does his best to confirm that's what he's heard as well and then thanks the person for bringing it to his attention and assures them he'll keep an eye on it. That's how turn crazy into votes.... a probably some future Ruby Ridge style FBI standoff.

Way to keep it classy, Steve. I eagerly await your House Special Committee on The President Who Done What Smuggled All Them Moozlams Into Our Fine Country.

Razing Arizona

If you've been wondering how Arizona could get even classier and find a way to top its "HEY! YOU LOOK MEXICAN!" law, they're here to tell you they've finally thought of it. You know how we all hate the Constitution? You're in luck, Arizona does too.

Buoyed by recent public opinion polls suggesting they're on the right track with illegal immigration, Arizona Republicans will likely introduce legislation this fall that would deny birth certificates to children born in Arizona — and thus American citizens according to the U.S. Constitution — to parents who are not legal U.S. citizens. The law largely is the brainchild of state senator Russell Pearce, a Republican whose suburban district, Mesa, is considered the conservative bastion of the Phoenix political scene.
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But the likely new bill is for the kids. While SB1070 essentially requires of-age migrants to have the proper citizenship paperwork, the potential "anchor baby" bill blocks the next generation from ever being able to obtain it. The idea is to make the citizenship process so difficult that illegal immigrants pull up the anchor and leave.
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But that was 1868. Today, Pearce says the 14th Amendment has been "hijacked" by illegal immigrants. "They use it as a wedge," Pearce says.

Ah yes, the quintessentially American state of mind that causes us to see our laws and way of life as under an imaginary threat ("The Mexicans is takin' over illegally!") and then go about dismantling those freedoms, undermining that way of life, and violating our laws in order to "protect" ourselves. This time that onerous 14th Amendment has to go. Just who does that legal document outlining the supreme law of the United States think it is?

So head back to Mexico illegals and take your US citizen children with you. The Governor says so. Stop plaguing us with the "wrong" and "immoral" ways in which you situation confiens to our Constitution. What did your children do to deserve to be citizens anyway? It's not like they did what Governor Brewer and Rep. Pearce did to become citizens: be born white and then act with a smug sense of entitlement that they "earned" their natural born citizenship.

So eat it, Mexicans and the Constitution. Mexicans, sure, your US born kids might be US citizens, but consider this your first lesson in the way American works: our laws usually have tons of wiggle room when it comes to "the tans" and "the darks". Teach your kids that... from Guadalajara. And to the Constitution, sure we may bleat on and on about how you're the supreme law of the land, but that's only when you don't piss off right wing white people and their attempts to demonize minorities for naked political purposes. Then you're an onerous burden. Shape up or we'll start ignoring you on even more stuff besides the 14th amendment and all the war on terror/spying stuff. Get it straight.

TB Vacation Guide

It's summer! And with the ball sweltering heat comes weddings for couples who are inconsiderate to the plight of people in suits standing outside on a 90 degree day. Maybe you're one of those couples. So of course the question arises "Where should we spend out honeymoon?" or, if you're a true blooded American, "Where should me and the boys go for the bachelor party?" Well, have you ever considered a trip to beautiful Arizona? What will you do there? Would you be interested if I said "Whomp on fuckin' beaners who try to sneak over the border just because they want a better life for their families!"? Of course you would. Luckily there's a contest you can enter for this dream vacation.

In response, a local radio station launched a contest to send a listener to Phoenix to “spend a weekend chasing aliens“:

610 WTVN would like to send you where Americans are proud and illegals are scared, sunny Phoenix, Arizona! You’ll spend a weekend chasing aliens and spending cash in the desert, just make sure you have your green card!

Good luck and I hope it's the trip of your dreams. If you're down there, can I ask you keep on the lookout for this Dora character? She claims she's an "Explorer" but that's just an excuse to traipse across our border. And that monkey she pals around with has gotta be all kinds of fucking illegal.

Keep on staying classy, Arizona

Pop quiz, hotshot. How do you know someone is a fierce advocate for Constitutional rights?

Well, for one, they're probably shouting it at the top of their lungs. Secondly, if they're a lawmaker, they're shouting it right in the moments before they try to do something grossly and nakedly unconstitutional.

In this case, our example comes from the Great State of Arizona. "Great" being infused with all the sarcasm and bile I can possibly muster, which is considerable. You remember Arizona, right? In order to protect themselves from Santa Anna's new covert invasion and protect the Constitution that Jesus died writing, they passed a law basically saying they could stop anyone for anything and then demand they prove citizenship or face jail and deportation. You know, like our founding fathers intended.

They followed that up with an attempt at some small bore racism against Mexicanos by prohibiting ethnic studies classes and proclaiming that people with accents couldn't teach English classes. Because I think that they think what you learn in High School English is actually how to speak English and not how to get by without fully reading the ultra-gay books of Salinger, Shakespeare, and Chaucer.

So it's with those two laws in mind that the architect of the immigration one deciding that in order to protect the United States of Freedom and the Constitution, he had to declare war on America's newest enemy: babies. Freeloading babies.

A Phoenix news station (KPHO) is reporting that the state Senator behind Arizona’s new immigration law, Russell Pearce (R), does not intend on stopping at SB-1070. In e-mails obtained by the local CBS affiliate, Pearce said he intends to push for an “anchor baby” bill that would essentially overturn the 14th amendment by no longer granting citizenship to the children of undocumented immigrants born on U.S. soil.
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KPHO obtained a troubling email from one of Pearce’s constituents who is encouraging him to pursue the “anchor baby” legislation. KPHO reports:

One of the e-mails written by someone else but forwarded by Pearce reads: “If we are going to have an effect on the anchor baby racket, we need to target the mother. Call it sexist, but that’s the way nature made it. Men don’t drop anchor babies, illegal alien mothers do.” [...]

Pearce said his new idea is not only legal but constitutional. “It’s common sense,” Pearce said.

This law that he says is Constitutional is otherwise known as completely violating the 14th Amendment. You know, the one where it says you're a citizen if you're born here. Who can be bother with reading the fine print on an Amendment? There's Mexicans tunneling under the border to pick strawberries! Our way of life is being threatened!

But I think we all understand where Pearce is coming from. I mean these Mexican babies haven't done all the hard work to be an American that Pearce and his fellow Arizona GOP members did when they were born: namely being born white. I mean if these Latino babies were smart and truly worthy of being Americans, they would have known better than to have been born Latino. It's common sense.

So congrats to Arizona. You've moved beyond merely violating the spirit of the Constitution to assuage your right wing rage at the brown people and gone straight to picking out specific amendments you wish to violate. Well done. Toss those babies over the border, no matter what that 14th Amendment say. If it was meant to be taken seriously they would have placed it higher than 14th. Keep on stayin' classy.

Los blowback

It's Cinco de Mayo today. What does that mean? More irritating ads for Corona beer. But it also means that Latino are really going to catch some shit from Arizona cops. Hell, some police might go into catatonic shock there will be so many people walking about that look suspicious and need to have their papers checked.

But the holiday is also a place for opponents of the state government's new found racism to make their own statement. And that includes the Phoenix Suns, currently embroiled in the NBA playoff contest against the Spurs. The team announced it would be wearing its "Los Suns" jerseys tonight and came out against the law.

The frustration with the federal government’s failure to deal with the issue of illegal immigration resulted in passage of a flawed state law. However intended, the result of passing this law is that our basic principles of equal rights and protection under the law are being called into question, and Arizona’s already struggling economy will suffer even further setbacks at a time when the state can ill-afford them.

Suns PG and all around decent human beingSteve Nash even came out with a statement:

"I think the law is very misguided. I think it is unfortunately to the detriment to our society and our civil liberties and I think it is very important for us to stand up for things we believe in," Nash said of the bill. "I think the law obviously can target opportunities for racial profiling. Things we don't want to see and don't need to see in 2010."

Well done, gentlemen. Though while I am no Spanish scholar, I do think the correct translation of "The Suns" into Mexicanese would be "Los Soles". The Spurs announced regretfully that they weren't informed in time to bring their own "Los Spurs" jerseys, so it will be a one team tribute. Again... "The Spurs" would be "Las Espuelas".

Poor translating aside, nice to see that large Arizona entities with important ties to the community are willing to take a stand. Unfortunately this will result in Canadian Nash, Argentinian Manu Ginobli, and Frenchman Tony Parker all being detained and deported before tip-off. Still, a stand must be made. Good luck, much success, and I hope the Suns can still run and gun with Nash being tossed over the Saskatchewan border with orders to never let his freewheeling passing, play-making, and clutch shot-making taint Arizona again. Fucking foreigners.

Quote of the day

How racist is Arizona's new "You look Mexican, prove to me you're a citizen" law? Pretty racist. So racist in fact that it's making noted over the top Mexican hater Tom Tancredo ask the state to dial it back a notch. Tom "Our President is a socialist black elected by illiterate Negros" Tancredo. Tom "We need a new Jim Crow style poll tests" Tancredo. Tom "Sonia Sotomayor is part of the Latin KKK" Tancredo. "Tom "I see brown people" Tancredo. That guy thinks Arizona went too far.

But he questions how police can stop people for any reason. “I do not want people here, there in Arizona, pulled over because you look like [you] should be pulled over,” says Tancredo.

He suspects police in Arizona will only pull people over for breaking the law. But they could already do this before the new law.

Tancredo added that Arizona’s law is what happens when the federal government fails to act. “States eventually get to the point where if things get bad enough, they’ll take matters into their own hands,” he said. “They’ve taken what we can call an extreme measure.”

When your "bash the Mexicans"/hate immigrants/"We want to wrench the racism title away from the deep south" law makes even Tom Tancredo question the lengths it goes to, then you've traversed a racist bridge too far.

On the other hand, you do have people smearing refried bean swastikas onto the state Capitol's window, so maybe Arizonans don't feel the law goes far enough. Refried bean swastikas? Once again, America has proven it has no need for outside political satire of the kind practiced here, the country is doing quite fine providing its own.

Arizona gets right to it

Arizona immigration enforcement wasted no time in hunting down those menacing dirty illegal Mexican immigrants American citizens with drivers licenses and social security cards who just happen to have dark skin.

Abdon was told he did not have enough paperwork on him when he pulled into a weigh station to have his commercial truck checked. He provided his commercial driver’s license and a social security number but ended up handcuffed.
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A representative at U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) returned 3TV’s calls after researching the incident and she said this was standard operating procedure. [ed. emphasis]

And that's what worries me.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 03.31

Up In Smoke: How Marijuana Ruined States’ Chances Of Invalidating Health Care Law In Court
The passage of health care set off a rash of frivolous lawsuits from state AG's with hopes for higher office and a penchant for wasting the money of cash strapped governments in times of economic crisis. Will they succeed? No. But that inevitability isn't so much interesting as why they will fail to succeed, besides the basic "not understanding the Constitution" thing. Essentially the Supreme Court, and Antonin Scalia in particular, recently ruled in a marijuana case that the government had a right to regulate interstate non-economic activity as a part of regulating interstate commerce. So unless Scalia totally reverses his opinion for political means, any challenge that makes it to the Supremes isn't likely to even pass muster with the conservative wing. Actually, that sounds incredibly likely. Still, marijuana: is there anything it can't do?

Beijing to sweeten stench of rubbish crisis with giant deodorant guns
For some countries a sensible response to a garbage crisis would be better collection and disposal methods, moves to make sure less waste is produced, or even recycling programs. Not China though. Instead of actually responding to their crippling garbage crisis they've just decided to buy a really big can of Axe body spray and just drench their trash in it so people don't have to smell it. Efforts are already underway to paint the trash to look like land and convincing people to ignore it. I think we may have to admit that China may be taking the lead away from us in the Ignoring Potentially Disastrous Environmental Problems category. Ouch. We really seem to cherish that one too.

Art of the Steal: On the Trail of World’s Most Ingenious Thief
What if you were a savant. And not one of those crappy ones who is only good at something like math, the viola, or counting toothpicks that Charlie Babbitt dropped on the floor. No, a savant at stealing shit. Such is the skill of one Gerald Blanchard, a man with the preternatural ability to seemingly exploit any flaw in security. Wired tells his story and how he was caught by two Winnipeg cops.

The most dangerous drug isn't meow meow. It isn't even alcohol...
Charlie Brooker, the man who did this, explains how newspapers, especially newspapers covering drugs, are the most dangerous mind destroying drug on the planet. And he's talking about British ones too. I imagine if he ever had to read an American one or watch American 24 hour news, he'd take his own life.

New Study Estimates Mass Deportation Of Undocumented Immigrants Would Cost $285 Billion
In a tremendous blow to Mexican hating everywhere, it turns out that if we decided everyone in the restaurant, service, farming, and labor industries it'd cost close to $300 billion, or $922 in tax dollars for everyone in the US. Everyone American that is. Not to mention it would completely depopulate California and force white people to get their hands dirty while laboring... and maybe completely cripple US economic growth. Plus who would militias and border state Republicans and Southern Republicans and most Republicans hate then? The Polish? On the other hand, if you put undocumented workers on a path to legalization, it could add nearly $1.5 trillion to GDP over the next decade. I think we know the clear and obvious path here. You start rounding up Mexicans and I'll go door to door collecting $922 a person.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 03.12

Waterboarding for dummies
We all know that waterboarding was like a gentle dunk into a lavender and lemon scented bath. Not only that, but Guantanamo is literally like a day spa. But some people, like those who read internal documents outlining our nation's waterboarding practices, want to claim that the procedure was brutal, involved the special design of torture tools, and a liquid diet so that the detainees would not choke to death on their own vomit and lose consciousness. They also devised the use of a special saline solution to drown people with, because the volume of water being forced down the brown people's throats was so great that they were in danger of ultra-rare hyponatremia. You know, frat house prank stuff. Stick out that chest with pride America, it was all done in your name to little discernible benefit.

Nebraska Prenatal Bill Stirs Fight Over Immigration
The typical sarcastic jibe towards pro-lifers is that "life begins at conception and ends at birth", noting how many right wing "life" advocates try to fuck those kids medically, socially, economically, and politically the second they are born. But in Nebraska we're seeing another new strain of pro-life advocacy: the fetus is a life... unless it's a Mexican one, then who gives a fuck? It's part of the Nebraska legislatures new attempt to deny prenatal care to poor, pregnant immigrants. Seriously. I guess it's biblically valid, Jesus weren't no Mexicano.

Did Focus On The Family Board Force Dobson Out?
James Dobson has been pushed aside by Focus on the Family. He founded the organization in 1977 as a vehicle to explain to Americans how gays were causing earthquakes and tornadoes, and has now been removed from the chairmanship of the group and forced to give up his radio show. The reason is presumably that the board doesn't want their organization to bee seen as hatefully crazy and that some have even broached the idea that people who don't vote Republican might be legitimate humans. So they're attempting to modernize and court Democrats. Yeah, I just shuddered at that last sentence too. Anyway, they point is that James Dobson is out of work. So if you happen to have some gays in your neighborhood that need shouted at or some sluts that need shamed... you could do worse. Give him a call.

Church Abuse Scandals 'Creeping Ever Closer' To The Pope
For those of you who like watching the Catholic Church collapse under the wight of it's own crimes, cover-ups, and inability to actually follow the teachings of that beard guy with the holes in his hands, you might want to take note at the recent goings on at the Vatican with Pope Versace I. Yes yes, gay prostitution scandal, but must you focus on the tawdry? There's an actual physical abuse scandal... that involves the Pope's brother. Okay, there's allegations of sexual abuse too, but the man has already admitted the physical abuse charges. At least they're branching out, keeping things fresh.

Health Care Close After Democrats, White House Meet
Are you ready to get your hopes up one last time? It seems that House Democrats, Senate Democrats, and the White House are thiiiiiiis close to hashing out a compromise to get the fuck over themselves and pass a goddamned health care reform bill. Again. You'll note that this is totally different from the last time they all announced they were thiiiis close to hashing out a compromise and that they were going to move on health care soon. And it'll probably lead to another situation where they announced that they have moved even closer to hashing out a compromise to pass a reform bill. If only they had the same conviction for voting on a health care bill as they had for announcing that they were close to voting on a bill, well, we'd have a bill passed. But don't worry, they're getting to it. They promise. Just a few more months. They're close.

Good morning, let's go toss whitey out on his ass

Please listen to one "Robert Erickson", who gave this speech at a Minnesota Tea Party. He has a few choice words to say about the immigrants who are ruining this country.



See, you can get anyone to go along with anything you say, as long as they first think you're slandering Mexicans. Why no, it isn't completely frightening that these people can vote and own guns.

Department of sensible racism ideas

If there's one thing that we can all agree on hating, it's that stupid little idea that just because you were born here that makes you a citizen. I mean what asshole wrote that? James Madison? Abe Lincoln? Senator Jacob M. Howard of Michigan? Citizenship is earned, either through the military means of the movie 300 that I half remember or through the military means of Starship Troopers that I half remember. Service means citizenship or something, I think there was also some large wolf based fighting. Whatever. At least one smart man agrees with my DVD catalog: U.S. Rep. Nathan Deal. His solution? Fuck the Mexicans.

U.S. Rep. Nathan Deal, a Republican candidate for governor of Georgia, has proposed changing the long-standing federal policy that automatically grants citizenship to any baby born on U.S. soil, a move opposed by immigrant rights advocates.

Supporters of Deal's proposal say "birthright citizenship" encourages illegal immigration and makes enforcement of immigration laws more difficult. Opponents say the proposed law wouldn't solve the illegal immigration problem and goes against this country's traditions of welcoming immigrants.
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"This is a sensible, overdue measure that closes a clause that was never meant to be a loophole," said Bob Dane, spokesman for the Federation for American Immigration Reform, which seeks tighter immigration restrictions.

Under Deal's proposal, babies born in the U.S. would automatically have citizenship only if at least one of their parents is a U.S. citizen or national, a legal permanent resident of the U.S., or actively serving in the U.S. military.

Meant to close a loophole that was never supposed to exist?

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Seems pretty cut and dried to me. But then I'm no Constitutional scholar. Deal also has a plan to change the inscription of the Statue of Liberty from "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" to "Hey you, pregnant foreigner! Don't even fuckin' think about going into labor here! Hold it in!" I just think that's it's nice to know that in this day and age someone has the guts to demonize the Constitution, infants and people wishing to become American citizens through a law solely intended to target one race. The people of Georgia are so lucky to have this man running for Governor.

Quote of the day

Conservative columnist and former bearded kick machine Chuck Norris, with an assist from Mike Huckabee.

And the question that keeps coming back to my mind is: How is it that we can militarily overthrow a tyrant like Saddam Hussein in Iraq, yet we can't keep illegals from crossing our borders? As Mike Huckabee says, "If the government can't track illegals, then let's outsource the job to UPS or Fed Ex." It's true. If they can track a lost package anywhere in the world within minutes, they can certainly track down and keep track of illegals.

Yes, this is clearly the solution to everything related to illegal immigration. Give UPS or FedEx the contract and then set about installing GPS chips into everyone in Mexico (in secret so they don't find out and take the chips out) so that UPS can somehow magically track who comes over the border and where they go.

Someone has told Chuck that UPS and FedEx are able to keep track of packages because of the fact that they control where and when the packages go, right? It's a complex system of barcodes, scanners, and planes held together by the fact that people pay them to deliver and track the packages, not some system where they wrangle loose packages that they stumble across, right? There's not some elaborate electronic net over the world that allows then to keep tabs on everything made of cardboard. Nor does it have a setting that can be switched over to "Mexicans". He does know this, right?