Fuck you, moon

I don't want to alarm you, but we are mere days away from the start of Earth's war against the Moon, or Moon War as history will call it. Sadly we are not all being outfitted with spacesuits and rockets to go fight this necessary battle. No, we are dealing with the moon the way the Allies dealt with Dresden: we are bombing the fuck out of it.....for science!

The LCROSS (Lunar CRater Observing and Sensing Satellite) mission will send a missile traveling at twice the speed of a bullet to blast a hole in the lunar surface near the moon's South pole.

Scientists expect the impact of the Centaur rocket to be powerful enough to eject a huge plume of debris from the moon. The moon dust should even be large enough to be seen from earth through telescopes 10-to-12 inches and larger, says NASA.
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Scientists intend to examine the debris from the blast for traces of water ice or vapor. Discover Magazine explains how it works:

Detecting that water is tough. Radar results have been inconclusive, with some people saying there's lots of water, and others saying there's none at all. By impacting a probe there, any ice located at the impact site will be shot up above the lunar surface, where sunlight will break it up into O+ and OH- molecules, which can be detected.

Once we know if there is water up there we can better make plans for an invasion, seeing as it's cost prohibitive to constantly rocket water up to the moon to sustain an occupation army. They also hope that it may reveal other vital necessary resources like oil/rocket fuel, fancy cheeses, and money to fund NASA.

So hopefully this would teach us some vital information as to what extent and at what speed humankind (mostly Americans, no Chinese allowed. We will not stand for a commie moon) can begin colonizing the moon. What will this teach the moon? That the moon is earth's satellite, not the other way around! Also, stop fucking with our tides!