Ugh

I'm going to go die now. Regards.

Roy Blunt cares about you

Ever since health care passed and most Republicans got past the grieving stage and the panicked looks to the sky expecting it to fall, they moved right to forcefully declaring that they were going to repeal this bill. I know, I know, how are they going to get a bill repealing "Obamacare" past the Presidential veto of Obamam? It's best not to break that reality to them.

But then the question was raised "So they think that running on allowing insurance companies to again be able to deny people for pre-existing conditions and rate jack people is a good campaign strategy?" When that part of the strategy was pointed out to many GOP members, their reaction was a muttered "Right... fuck" before they scrambled to say that not all parts of the bill were bad and they were just going to repeal the parts that sent the postman round to shiv your grandma in the spleen and gave Barry total control over your health.

But even the minor concession that some parts of the bill were good was too much for some people. Like Roy Blunt of Missourah.

Rep. Roy Blunt (R-MO)--who's running to replace retiring Sen. Kit Bond (R-MO) in this year's midterm elections--has a position on health care reform that may prove unpopular, even with conservative voters. Blunt says adults with pre-existing conditions should not be prevented from suffering discrimination at the hands of insurance companies.

"Access for kids who have pre-existing conditions, who would be against that?" Blunt asked a group of health care professionals in Springfield, MO. "But access for adults who've done nothing to take care of themselves, who actually will have as I just described every incentive not to get insurance until the day that you know that you're going to have medical expenses--that's a very different kind of story."

That's a hell of a campaign strategy: Vote for me and I'll make sure it's easier to deny you health care coverage. Maybe I'm judging that wrong. Maybe people with congenital heart defects, someone with cancer, someone who has suffered an on the job accident, someone who has just been the victim of domestic violence, turned 18, or someone who had a documented case of the sniffles once, aren't very sympathetic figures. Maybe the natural reaction to those kinds of people who have fallen ill is "Screw them! They should have known better than to get a genetically pre-disposed condition or an illness they could have done little to prevent." I've often thought that Lou Gehrig got what he deserved for not taking care of himself.

So congratulations to Rep. Blunt for setting a lower bar in our health care debate. Obviously some people deserve to die or be bankrupted by illness. We call those people "Whoever the insurance companies say they are". Good luck with that strategy, it's the kind of people first populism that's sure to rally voters around you.

God and health care

You thought that just because the Senate health care debate was over that the time had finally passed where you could read a paper or watch TV without seeing some asinine plea to God or biblical allegory told for why you should oppose health care reform? Stuff like Chuck Norris intimating that Mary wanted to abort Jesus but didn't because she couldn't find an easy and cost effective way?

Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?

You thought that stupid shit was over? You dumb bastards. You forgot about the lamentations over the voting.

Huckabee says the vote on health care reform is a pivotal moment in American history, and he took Nebraska Sen. Ben Nelson to task for deciding to support the measure.

Huckabee went so far as to compare Nelson to Judas in the biblical story of Jesus' betrayal. He said the last time a deal like the one Nelson negotiated with Democratic leaders was when "30 pieces of silver exchanged hands."

Hell, you forgot the calls to pray that some Democrat drops dead on the way to the health care vote.

Speaking against the health care bill on the Senate floor just moments ago, Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) expressed his hope that a Senator of the majority caucus would not be able to make the vote:

"What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight. That’s what they ought to pray."

There's no confirmation to reports that various GOP Senators were hiding behind pillars and coat racks in hopes of jumping out and yelling "Boo!" as the 92 year-old Sen. Robert Byrd passed by. I would just like to let Sen. Coburn know that we here at These Bastards would like to extend the same "drop dead" courtesy to you. If you wish to be struck down by lightning or trampled by a rampaging elephant we are amenable to those ideas, though we would instead prefer the scenario "Afflicted by a rare debilitating virus, dropped from health insurance, forced into medical bankruptcy, and finally dropping dead."

I'm sorry to report that even though you thought our elected betters, pundits, and bearded karate superstars had moved on from simplistic scaremongering and Jesus invoking on health care and were merely awaiting the next legislative priority to invoke all sorts of new simplistic scaremongering and Jesus invoking, well, they haven't. You still are supposed to pray that any attempt to make your health care scenario a little easier be defeated and if you don't, you'll be killed by the New Herod or branded as the greatest betrayer in human history. Apologies abounds, but we're still stuck on stupid on health care. It'll be a few more weeks before we can move on to hearing the reasons why Jesus doesn't want the government to act on jobs or the environment. I await it eagerly.

Who could have foreseen?

Human swine Joe Lieberman (I-CT)

Lieberman told reporters today that he would in fact filibuster any health care bill he doesn't agree with--and right now, he doesn't agree with the public option proposal making its way through the Senate.

"I told Senator Reid that I'm strongly inclined--i haven't totally decided, but I'm strongly inclined--to vote to proceed to the health care debate, even though I don't support the bill that he's bringing together because it's important that we start the debate on health care reform because I want to vote for health care reform this year. But I also told him that if the bill remains what it is now, I will not be able to support a cloture motion before final passage. Therefore I will try to stop the passage of the bill."

My oh my. Of course he wouldn't want a public option, I mean it's not like he ever argued for making health care cheaper and try to strive for universal coverage, especially when he was running for re-election as an Independent after he lost the Democratic primary.

What I’m saying to the people of Connecticut, I can do more for you and your families to get something done to make health care affordable, to get universal health insurance.
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MediChoice to allow anybody in our country to buy into a national insurance pool like the health insurance pool that we federal employees and Members of Congress have. ...It will cover 95% of those who are not covered now, and it will reduce the pressure on rising costs for all the millions of others.

Wait, he argued for expanding and creating more single payer government health care plans in 2006 but feels an even more watered down public option is much too generous and expensive for the peasants in 2009? Not to mention that all the reasons he gives for opposing a public option now are utterly without merit. God, I command you to smite this fuck with a flaming sky rock.

Who could have ever foreseen this waffling, spineless fuckup would to try to stop important Democratic priorities that elections were won on, like health care reform, by not even allowing it to be voted on? Oh, Rachel Maddow:



So glad all these Democratic efforts to placate this spoiled, self-centered egomaniac have engendered such stunning and obvious benefits for the American people.

Broken In Brief: Tolerable tourist spotted in Manhattan

NEW YORK--New York City Police, Fire and Emergency Medical personnel were dispatched to the intersection of Fifth Avenue and East 34th Street early this morning. This massive convergence of first-responders, initially thought to be a drill, was in fact conducted to positively identify, interrogate and, if possible, replicate a tourist who behaved like a decent, intelligent human being.

The tourist, whose name is being withheld for security reasons, was spotted just after 10 am on 5th Ave. snapping a quick photograph of the Empire State Building, according to Officer Dale McArdy, who was first on-scene.

"What got my attention was the way the person stood near the edge of the sidewalk, not right in the middle, while taking the picture. Then, right after taking a few shots, they politely re-entered sidewalk traffic and kept a normal pace. Didn't stop randomly and gawk. Made no sense."

According to the NYPD, the suspect, who was neither barrel-assed nor clad in an iconic "I (heart) NY" t-shirt, then proceeded to bypass not only a Wendy's, but several garishly themed chain restaurants designed to only appeal to tourists in favor of a local, family-owned deli. After eating their sandwich, the suspect then entered the Herald Square subway station without pausing right at the top of the steps and unfurling a MTA map.

"We are both surprised and thrilled by this discovery," announced Mayor Bloomberg during his Monday press conference. "I assure the people of New York that every attempt will be made to attract more of these strange creatures to our city."

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.07

Nobel Winners Isolate Protein Behind Immortality, Cancer
Oh, is that all they did? Amateurs. Seems that there's this enzyme called telomerase which, when activated, allows cells to divide without any limits, making them effectively immortal. One problem, and I'd hesitate to even call it a problem: the cells will eventually become cancerous. So they aren't completely immortal. But this is leading to new discoveries about how to fight cancer by impeding the production of telomerase. I still believe putting a scientific team in a submarine, shrinking it down and injecting into the blood is the best way to fight cancer...and all disease. But does anyone want to try that or give me a Nobel for that?

Anthem BCBS Of Maine Proclaims Entitlement To Profits, Demands Government Guarantee 3 Percent Profit
Just when you thought there wasn't a way you could love insurance companies more you see one argue that not only are they entitled to a 12% premium increase rate for providing the same level of coverage, but see them claim in court that it was the government's legal duty to ensue they made at least a 3% profit. Right...I don't think we need any kind of public option to compete with these guys. They seem to have a handle on things and provide useful coverage at reasonable prices.

E. Coli Path Shows Flaws in Beef Inspection
Have you wanted to be utterly disgusted by the supposed cleanliness of and health risks within the meat industry but felt that Upton Sinclair's the Jungle just wasn't relevant to 21st century meat packing? Well the NYT has news for you: it is! But what does a little e.coli matter anyway? It's curable. The real problem is the mad cow disease we all almost assuredly have.

Right Stuff, Wrong Sex: NASA’s Lost Female Astronauts
Wired takes a look at NASA's early forays into using female astronauts. The idea was that since the ladies are lighter than the fellas, they'd be cheaper to rocket into orbit. Women are also less prone to heart attacks. The women they chose for preliminary tests not only had a higher clearance rate than the men, but also scored comparably to the men in testing. But the plan was eventually scrapped due to a preference for experimental test pilots. Also there would concerns towards space menstruation (seriously) and estrogen fouling up the instruments (not seriously).

Archaeologists unearth 17th century bottle used to scare off witches
I think that speaks for itself. No one from the team has stepped forward to mention if the bottle still works or if evolution has produced a stronger breed of witch that is impervious to magic jugs and containers. If you are looking for a place to store all your unused nail clippings, hair, bellybutton fluff, pins and iron nails and are also mortally terrified of witches, may we suggest putting them in a bottle and burying it near your house.

Preexisting conditions

In case you needed one last nudge into thinking health care needs a smidge of reform, the Washington Post is here to give you a rundown on the insurance industry practice of not insuring people with "preexisting conditions." Sure, we know that practice would include people with serious diseases like cancer, but did you know it affected people with Firefighter's Disease? Symptoms of which include feeling the need to work and earn a living as a firefighter. There's more.

A proposal to make preexisting health conditions irrelevant in the sale of insurance policies could help not just the seriously ill but also people who might consider themselves healthy, documents released Friday by a California-based advocacy group illustrate.
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A PacifiCare "Medical Underwriting Guidelines" document from 2003 lists under "Ineligible Occupations" such risk-takers as stunt people, test pilots and circus workers -- along with police officers, firefighters and migrant workers.

Uninsurable conditions included pregnancy, and being an "expectant father" was grounds for "automatic rejection." So was having received "therapy/counseling" within six months of the application. There was also this more general disqualifier: "currently experiencing/experienced within the last 12 months symptoms for which a physician has not been consulted."

The full Consumer Watchdog study shows that other uninsurable jobs include public utility workers, people who have landed on the Water Works or Electric Company spaces during a regulation game of Monopoly, and war correspondents. Yeah, fuck you too Michael Ware. Also, don't ever think of having a baby, those little shits cost insurance companies money and the practice of procreation needs to be stopped immediately. If you were taking medications like Zyrtec for your allergies or Lamasil for your yellow toenails, had acne or sought therapy, meant that you didn't deserve coverage. I shudder to think about what will happen to the coverage of all the people using Latisse for their insufficient eyelashes or those who have stubbed their toe in the last six years.

Yeah...so I'm think maybe we shouldn't wait until the insurance companies have figured out a way to work the actuary tables to figure out how to insure only those who will never get sick/injured or been given sufficient time by our elected betters to consult on ways they could better weaken proposed legislation.

These are the people who will help destroy healthcare

Want to know why the best case scenario for comprehensive health care reform is a shitty watered down bill that will most likely not have public plan and thus moist likely won't do anything? I mean other than because of the idiots we elect. You guessed it: lobbyists. The Health Care Industry, in it's valiant quest to spend more money lobbying against reform than it could ever possibly lose if it passed, has decided to take the nation's job woes on its shoulders and hire anyone that used to work in Congress to lobby everyone who still does.

The nation's largest insurers, hospitals and medical groups have hired more than 350 former government staff members and retired members of Congress in hopes of influencing their old bosses and colleagues, according to an analysis of lobbying disclosures and other records.
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The hirings are part of a record-breaking influence campaign by the health-care industry, which is spending more than $1.4 million a day on lobbying in the current fight, according to disclosure records. And even in a city where lobbying is a part of life, the scale of the effort has drawn attention.

That's always a good sign, when lifelong political hacks are even staggered by the size and effort of a lobbying campaign. One must applaud the scope of it too. For every member they want to lobby the Health Care Industry seems to have about 4 or 5 of that representative's former high level staffers on the payroll to do it. Heath Care companies need to talk to finance chair Max Baucus? They get his last 2 Chiefs of Staff. Chris Dodd? Get his former Subcommittee Director who only worked for him on matters of health care and pharmaceuticals. Or just hire a former Senator or Rep to do it. Do you want to talk to a Finance Chair or an influential Senator about how better health care would help you out? Write a letter and hope an intern reads it and deigns to send you a form letter in return.

The article is good for a couple of humorous quotes about people tut-tutting the revolving door between Congress/lobbying and then a few choice words about "how just because they hire former staffers doesn't mean those staffer get preferential treatment with their old bosses." Which is why I guess the Heath Care Industry spends all that money in record levels: because it doesn't work. So don't worry, what the spirit of "bipartisanship" and "compromise" doesn't make bad enough in the final bill will be made worse by lobbyists. At least we know there was something helpful to citizens in the public plan proposals, otherwise a large industry wouldn't be trying to smother it in the crib. Rest easy America, the adults have stepped in to tell us what's best.

Oh, you thought this threat was over?

You had forgotten about Pig AIDS. Thought Pig AIDS was blown out of proportion. Thought Pig AIDS didn't have the stones to kill all of humanity. That's just what Pig AIDS wanted you to think. It's back baby and this time it means business. Level 6 business.

The World Health Organization told its member nations it was declaring a swine flu pandemic Thursday -- the first global flu epidemic in 41 years -- as infections climbed in the United States, Europe, Australia, South America and elsewhere.

In a statement sent to member countries, WHO said it decided to raise the pandemic warning level from phase 5 to 6 -- its highest alert -- after holding an emergency meeting on swine flu with its experts.

The long-awaited pandemic decision is scientific confirmation that a new flu virus has emerged and is quickly circling the globe. It will trigger drugmakers to speed up production of a swine flu vaccine and prompt governments to devote more money toward efforts to contain the virus.
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On Wednesday, WHO said 74 countries had reported nearly 27,737 cases of swine flu, including 141 deaths.

It's clear now: we're already dead and we don't even know it. Even now as we speak a Bruce Willis from the future is traversing our great land trying to find the source of the virus so he can help humanity retake the Earth and move out from the underground cities they've constructed. Captain Pig Trips has won, its time to accept our fate.

Though really WHO, devote more money towards Pig AIDS? It's a waste. We're all gonna die regardless of money spent. Besides, we don't even have the money. Frankly if Pig AIDS wants what money we do have, Pig AIDS better start manufacturing shitty cars or bankrupt itself making credit default swaps on mortgages. we only bust out the scrilla for things that weaken our economy, not our immune systems.

So just in case you thought we dodged a swine flu bullet and were eagerly awaiting a monkey flu or avian flu epidemic: too bad. The global pandemic is here. I'll see you in the mass graves.

Health Care gauntlet thrown down

President Obama, the American Hospital Association, the American Medical Association, PhRMA, AdvaMed, America's Health Insurance Plans, the SEIU, the Greater New York Hospital Association, and the California Hospital Association are all going to come together to announce a comprehensive plan to save this country $2 trillion dollars over the next decade. That plan: To somehow make doctors pay back all the money we gave the bankers. But if that plan can't pass, they have a backup: to lower costs through greater care coordination, lower administrative costs, and the bundling of payments among health care providers and recipients. This in turn will grease the skids for a public health care plan that will be the dawning of the Fourth Reich and the end of commerce as we know it. My daily Michelle Bachmann e-mail alerts swear this is true.

So the plan has some big language, fancy plannin', large numbers, and a group of heavy hitters. Seems serious. I'm also certain it's a good plan and a necessary step. How do I know this? Because there's a concerted effort to sink it by the huge assholes who brought us the swift boat attacks and the "Harry and Lousie" ads.

The television ads that began airing last week feature horror stories from Canada and the United Kingdom: Patients who allegedly suffered long waits for surgeries, couldn't get the drugs they needed, or had to come to the United States for treatment.
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Scott, a multimillionaire investor and controversial former hospital chief executive, has become an unlikely and prominent leader of the opposition to health-care reform plans that Congress is expected to take up later this year. While disorganized Republicans and major health-care companies wait for President Obama and Democratic leaders to reveal the details of their plan before criticizing it, Scott is using $5 million of his own money and up to $15 million more from supporters to try to build resistance to any government-run program.

The campaign is being coordinated by CRC Public Relations, the group that masterminded the "Swift boat" attacks against 2004 Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry, and is inspired by the "Harry and Louise" ads that helped torpedo health-care reform during the Clinton administration.

Seriously, Republicans are waiting until they know something before they criticize it? Good one. So on one side we have a hilariously named group (Conservatives for Patient's Rights) backed by the Swift Boaters saying do nothing, we don't have a plan. On the other side we have the Obama Administration, a bunch of health care heavy hitters all saying it's time to do something and here's our idea. An idea which made a jubilant Paul Krugman pump his fists and proclaim it "the best policy news I've heard in a long time." Sounds like we should do nothing. I mean after all, someone somewhere in Canada (or the UK, I forget) once had a bad experience one time. Our system is flawless and everyone loves it, we should not poison it with this socialism. The Swift Boaters said so.

Well, at least he's honest

There is one honest man left in Washington. To bad it's the guy with the ethics of a 1900's robber baron. Ben Nelson, a man who strives every day to make everything he touches worse, is opposing any plan to make health care public and universal. Why? Because if that happens, he can't seem to find a way for insurance companies to sensually cover him in honey and then roll him through a pit of non-sequential hundreds. It's about the principle. Whither the poor insurance company?

Nelson's problem, he told CQ, is that the public plan would be too attractive and would hurt the private insurance plans. "At the end of the day, the public plan wins the game," Nelson said. Including a public option in a health plan, he said, was a "deal breaker."

As he so often does, Nelson said, according to CQ, that he planned to form a "coalition of like-minded centrists opposed to the creation of a public plan, as a counterweight to Democrats pushing for it."

Nice of him to decide that protecting insurance companies is preferable to making health care cheaper and more widely available. We can't have it because it would work too well and cover too many. It's nice to know that he at least admits that any public plan will be massively superior to anything the private sector deigns to put together. Negating your own position and openly stating you're in it for the money, that's Debating 101, tight? Nice that he can also scrounge up a few attention seeking "centrists" (Evan Bayh and Olympia Snowe probably hav eincoherent speeches already written up) to grub for insurance money.

Just wanted to help you identify one of the two brilliant arguments that will undoubtedly kill health care. "But what about those poor private insurers" and "Waaaaaah socialism", possibly with a "This is what those dirty Frenchies do" thrown in for good measure. We are ruled by adults, that is why you can't have decent health care.