Good news everyone. If you had money in the stock market it got to experience the wonders of...........TIME TRAVEL. An early morning hundred point dive took your life savings into the quirky and exotic time period of ~1997~.
The Dow hadn't traded below 7,000 since Oct. 28, 1997, and last closed below that mark on May 2 of that year. The credit crisis and recession have now slashed half the average's value since it hit a record high over 14,000 in October 2007.Your money, even as we speak, is mourning the death of Deng Xiaoping, Jimmy Stewart, Princess Di, some nun, and Gianni Versace. It is enjoying the historical significance of Newt Gingrich getting disciplined for ethical misconduct, Toyota unveiling the Prius, Tim McVeigh returning to Apple, and Steve Jobs' execution. Wait, reverse the last two. It is listening to Radiohead's OK Computer and watching Titanic.
Investors are again fleeing stocks in response to bad news about financial companies. The government said it would give American International Group Inc. another $30 billion in loans, in addition to the $150 billion it has already given the insurer. AIG also said it lost $61.7 billion in the fourth quarter.
Meanwhile, HSBC PLC reported a 70 percent drop in 2008 profit and said it needs to raise $17.7 billion and cut 6,100 jobs.
So don't fear for your money, be happy, and just imagine all the things it's seeing. Someday it will return to 2009. Possibly. OK, it probably won't even get to 10,000, let alone 15,000, for years and years....if ever. But if you just keep thinking about things in futuristic time travel ways, it'll lower the urge to kill yourself because you're bankrupt now.
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