The attorney general's office began its investigation in January, and Mr. Corbett said Mr. Robinson's drug organization was distributing $228,000 worth of cocaine each month. Mr. Robinson and his associates discussed their drug dealing activities through coded references, often using using sports references.Aww yeah. This city can't even deal copious amounts of blow without running rampant with Stillers pride n'at. Just one word of warning for these guys: watch out in those prison showers, some of those guys love you fresh fish and can be packing anywhere from a Brister to a Bradshaw.
For example, a 7-gram quantity of cocaine was ordered by asking for a "Ben Roethlisberger jersey."
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
How we deal drugs in Pittsburgh
Cocaine ring busted, attorney general says
Broken News: America doomed as Obama Administration insists on following so-called “laws”
WASHINGTON—Today, in a hearing in front of the Senate judiciary Committee, Attorney General Eric Holder confirmed that the collected group of callow, appeasing assholes known as the Obama Administration were going forward with a plan to try terrorism suspects in federal courts, dooming the country to chaos and quashing hopes that the announcement earlier in the week had just been a grim practical joke.
“No, we were totally serious,” Holder said, to the astonished, pearl-clutching gasps of those in attendance. “It appears that it states in the Constitution or the Pledge of Allegiance or something that it’s probably legally required that we put on trial those we’ve accused of crimes in an actual court of law, with an actual judge and stuff. Otherwise it just seems like we’re taking Muslim hostages.”
“So it is with this announcement that we take the final official step of reclassifying these men as ‘prisoners’ instead of ‘guys who are just on a really, really long prison tour’, which had been their former designation,” Holder finished.
As Holder gathered his things and left the hearing, those who had heard this announcement heralding the end of America could only stand slack jawed at the ruinous future that awaited this country if the Obama Administration was going to prosecute terrorists according to internationally and federally established guidelines on justice.
Lawmakers were quick to agree with that assessment.
“Now no one is going to accuse me of any deep understanding off the Muslim, his beliefs, or the mystical incantations of his devil-religion that gives him his America destroying powers,” observed House Minority Leader John Boehner, still hyper-ventilating while he struggled to raise himself from his favorite fainting couch.
“But I believe that it was the mystical properties of Gitmo that kept their superhuman strength at bay. Now that they’re being allowed to leave, how will we ever be able to contain their vast powers?“
Indeed it is the unique rock and mineral compounds of Guantanamo Bay and their effects on followers of Islam that initially drew the Bush Administration to build their terrorist holding center there in the first place. But with no such facilities in the contiguous United States, it is expected that these terrorists will be able to break free of their shackles and rampage loose in the country only hours after they touch down on American soil.
“Our federal prisons are fit to hold the worst murderers, serial killers, minorities, rapists, gang members, minorities, kidnappers, jaywalkers, minority non-violent drug offenders, and terrorists caught on American soil that society has to offer. But these terrorists that are caught on foreign soil? We don’t have the capacity to deal with them,” reminded Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, while taking large breaths of oxygen from an air tank.
“They’re fueled by hatred of America! They feed on being afforded protections under US law. It only increases their super strength, powers of flight, freeze breath, and cat like reflexes. What are they thinking?”
But fears of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed bending the bars of his prison cell and, after growing to a gargantuan size as Constitutional protection and America-hate empower him, scaling the Empire State Building to swat at airplanes, have not motivated the Obama administration to reconsider their reckless adherence to the law, leaving pundits to wonder what exactly motivates the 44th president of the United States.
“Unless [Obama is] trying to create a new jobs bill by allowing terrorism back in New York then this is insane,” observed Texas representative Louie Gohmert, implying that the Obama Administration is actively looking for ways to open up New York to another terrorist attack.
“I would also like to add that the statement above is not satire or parody in any way. I actually said that and meant it,” he finished.
When asked to comment on the fact that due process and using our justice system for what it was designed for would cause irreparable damage to the country the Center For Midwesterners and Southerners Who Will Never Be Attacked By Terrorists responded that it couldn’t offer any comment, as its members were too busy hiding in bomb shelters in advance of assured attacks, but were preparing a statement that dictated what they thought areas that would be subjected to terrorist attacks should do.
Similar sentiments were echoed in a joint statement by the Organization of People Who Are Pants-Wettingly Scared of Terrorism and Muslims and the Society for the Sacrificing of American Ideals, who announced that not only had they wet themselves, but were all for ripping up the Constitution if someone official looking promised them it would protect them from terrorists and all men with beards.
“Look, we just feel that we have to, you know, follow the laws of this country,” a perplexed Holder said in a press conference, following the hearings.
“Nah, just kidding,” he said, bursting out in laughter. “With our socialist agenda stalling in the Senate, we felt this was the fastest way to undermine America and bring about the ruin of its inhabitants.”
Holder then walked away, chuckling as he described how great it was going to be to see a 300-foot Khalid Sheikh Mohammed bite off Rudy Giuliani’s head as he irradiated the Bronx with his laser heat vision.
“No, we were totally serious,” Holder said, to the astonished, pearl-clutching gasps of those in attendance. “It appears that it states in the Constitution or the Pledge of Allegiance or something that it’s probably legally required that we put on trial those we’ve accused of crimes in an actual court of law, with an actual judge and stuff. Otherwise it just seems like we’re taking Muslim hostages.”
“So it is with this announcement that we take the final official step of reclassifying these men as ‘prisoners’ instead of ‘guys who are just on a really, really long prison tour’, which had been their former designation,” Holder finished.
As Holder gathered his things and left the hearing, those who had heard this announcement heralding the end of America could only stand slack jawed at the ruinous future that awaited this country if the Obama Administration was going to prosecute terrorists according to internationally and federally established guidelines on justice.
Lawmakers were quick to agree with that assessment.
“Now no one is going to accuse me of any deep understanding off the Muslim, his beliefs, or the mystical incantations of his devil-religion that gives him his America destroying powers,” observed House Minority Leader John Boehner, still hyper-ventilating while he struggled to raise himself from his favorite fainting couch.
“But I believe that it was the mystical properties of Gitmo that kept their superhuman strength at bay. Now that they’re being allowed to leave, how will we ever be able to contain their vast powers?“
Indeed it is the unique rock and mineral compounds of Guantanamo Bay and their effects on followers of Islam that initially drew the Bush Administration to build their terrorist holding center there in the first place. But with no such facilities in the contiguous United States, it is expected that these terrorists will be able to break free of their shackles and rampage loose in the country only hours after they touch down on American soil.
“Our federal prisons are fit to hold the worst murderers, serial killers, minorities, rapists, gang members, minorities, kidnappers, jaywalkers, minority non-violent drug offenders, and terrorists caught on American soil that society has to offer. But these terrorists that are caught on foreign soil? We don’t have the capacity to deal with them,” reminded Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, while taking large breaths of oxygen from an air tank.
“They’re fueled by hatred of America! They feed on being afforded protections under US law. It only increases their super strength, powers of flight, freeze breath, and cat like reflexes. What are they thinking?”
But fears of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed bending the bars of his prison cell and, after growing to a gargantuan size as Constitutional protection and America-hate empower him, scaling the Empire State Building to swat at airplanes, have not motivated the Obama administration to reconsider their reckless adherence to the law, leaving pundits to wonder what exactly motivates the 44th president of the United States.
“Unless [Obama is] trying to create a new jobs bill by allowing terrorism back in New York then this is insane,” observed Texas representative Louie Gohmert, implying that the Obama Administration is actively looking for ways to open up New York to another terrorist attack.
“I would also like to add that the statement above is not satire or parody in any way. I actually said that and meant it,” he finished.
When asked to comment on the fact that due process and using our justice system for what it was designed for would cause irreparable damage to the country the Center For Midwesterners and Southerners Who Will Never Be Attacked By Terrorists responded that it couldn’t offer any comment, as its members were too busy hiding in bomb shelters in advance of assured attacks, but were preparing a statement that dictated what they thought areas that would be subjected to terrorist attacks should do.
Similar sentiments were echoed in a joint statement by the Organization of People Who Are Pants-Wettingly Scared of Terrorism and Muslims and the Society for the Sacrificing of American Ideals, who announced that not only had they wet themselves, but were all for ripping up the Constitution if someone official looking promised them it would protect them from terrorists and all men with beards.
“Look, we just feel that we have to, you know, follow the laws of this country,” a perplexed Holder said in a press conference, following the hearings.
“Nah, just kidding,” he said, bursting out in laughter. “With our socialist agenda stalling in the Senate, we felt this was the fastest way to undermine America and bring about the ruin of its inhabitants.”
Holder then walked away, chuckling as he described how great it was going to be to see a 300-foot Khalid Sheikh Mohammed bite off Rudy Giuliani’s head as he irradiated the Bronx with his laser heat vision.
Picture of the day
From the Bad Astronomy blog and German amateur astronomer Bernhard Christ comes this look at the the International Space Station crossing the face of the Moon.
I'd advise anyone, be it it the International space community, science bloggers, or amateur German astronomers, to keep their grubby mitts and eyeballs off of the moon. It belongs to Sean and myself. We called dibs the second we heard there was water on it. That's right, we're going to bottle it and sell it to rich idiots. You think Fiji water is pure? How about the purity of water from the vacuum of space? Moon aquifer, bitch.
Yeah, we'll be billionaires soon, so just stay away from the moon. We have stabbing implements and we know how to use them.
I'd advise anyone, be it it the International space community, science bloggers, or amateur German astronomers, to keep their grubby mitts and eyeballs off of the moon. It belongs to Sean and myself. We called dibs the second we heard there was water on it. That's right, we're going to bottle it and sell it to rich idiots. You think Fiji water is pure? How about the purity of water from the vacuum of space? Moon aquifer, bitch.
Yeah, we'll be billionaires soon, so just stay away from the moon. We have stabbing implements and we know how to use them.
Everything's OK now
I know some of you are worried about the state of the economy, the jobs market, and the rampant inequalities and failings within our system of government, oversight, and regulations that allowed banks and financial giants to set fire to everyone's money. But that's all better now. Why? No, it's not because someone invented a time machine to go back and kill Phil Gramm and it's definitely not because things got fixed and the economy a job markets are back on track. No, the Chairman and CEO of Goldman-Sachs toddled up to the front of the class and apologized like a big boy. Everything's OK now.
I'm just glad that the apology is the only thing he's doing. I mean of course he's not going to actually give back the close to $50 billion he ratfucked out of our pockets during this whole post-apocalypse period, and he's certainly not going to think of not paying out the billions in bonuses to the people who helped set everyone's money on fire, nor is he going to renounce all the billions upon billions that they raked in while they were ensuring a global economic collapse, nor the billions they made betting on the housing crash while they simultaneously boot people out of their homes. They're keeping that money and you'll have to live with all the damage they helped cause, but he's sorry.
And while he isn't promising they won't do it again, you can rest assured that they help toilet the economy again, you'll get another nice apology. So go away and stop bothering your money emperors with your "complaints" about their "deeply unethical business practices."
Lloyd Blankfein, chairman and chief executive officer of Goldman Sachs Group Inc., apologized for the firm’s role in some of the activities leading to the financial crisis.Are you happy now, America and Matt Taibbi? Do you see what you've reduced this man to? He's apologizing for the things his company did and enabled! It's sickening that this country is so vindictive that we'd actually ask that of our financial betters.
“We participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret,” Blankfein, 55, said at a conference in New York hosted by the Directorship magazine. “We apologize.”
I'm just glad that the apology is the only thing he's doing. I mean of course he's not going to actually give back the close to $50 billion he ratfucked out of our pockets during this whole post-apocalypse period, and he's certainly not going to think of not paying out the billions in bonuses to the people who helped set everyone's money on fire, nor is he going to renounce all the billions upon billions that they raked in while they were ensuring a global economic collapse, nor the billions they made betting on the housing crash while they simultaneously boot people out of their homes. They're keeping that money and you'll have to live with all the damage they helped cause, but he's sorry.
And while he isn't promising they won't do it again, you can rest assured that they help toilet the economy again, you'll get another nice apology. So go away and stop bothering your money emperors with your "complaints" about their "deeply unethical business practices."
You should probably watch this
The New Yorker's James Surowiecki interviews chairwoman of the Congressional Oversight Panel for the Troubled Asset Relief Program, Elizabeth Warren. You may remember her as the woman who has no judicial of legislative authority to actually do anything about what she sees, but still is willing to go and and scream till she's blue in the face about how, say, we won't ever know where TARP funds went or how they were used, that this crisis has largely assaulted on the middle class, all of our efforts were geared towards rescuing the top of the system while leaving the bottom to fend for itself, the inconsistencies in the Detroit/Wall Street bailouts, and why there needs to be a Consumer Financial Protection Agency with real power to do something.
That is largely the point of this interview, not only why we should have a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, but what regulation is necessary to move forward with as little of the "world collapsing financial crises" as possible.
Well said. Perhaps she should run for higher office.
That is largely the point of this interview, not only why we should have a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, but what regulation is necessary to move forward with as little of the "world collapsing financial crises" as possible.
Well said. Perhaps she should run for higher office.
We are ruled by adults
There are people who actually can't conceive of the health care debate sinking lower than it already has. Really? I mean John Shadegg was waving around a baby that wasn't even his. You think they can't think of new ways to take a debate that should have been about the best ways to improve a system that fails tens of millions of Americans and make it about tedious minutiae, cheap stunts, and lies? Just look at Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) & Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.). Apparently they're 13 year old boys who somehow got elected to the House and to show how radical they are they're going to TP old lady Pelosi's House to show her that it's a bad idea to pass health care reform and that she stop handing out apples on Halloween.
But I guess the point they were trying to make was....what? That the health care bill is really long? So they think that a bills that covers giant chunks of this economy, deals with several different business fields, that impacts the lives of every American in an attempt to overhaul thousands of laws, create a new regulatory and oversight structure, and reform the way health care is done in this country....should be 2-3 pages tops? And these are the people that are allowed to make and vote legislation? *shudders*
Early Friday afternoon, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) announced his intentions to wrap the Capitol building in a massive copy of the 1,900-page health bill. "Let's do it," he proclaimed. "Let's wrap the building."My my my, if that isn't an apt metaphor for Congress I don't know what is. Legislators attempt to do something to address a problem they see, are told it's too hard and complicated, then give up, leaving a giant mess behind that someone else has to clean up.
A security guard urged them not to try ("You can't do that sir, you can't do that.") but King was determined. King and his partner Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) don't appear to have made it all the way around the Capitol, but they did climb the steps and create a giant mess of paper.
But I guess the point they were trying to make was....what? That the health care bill is really long? So they think that a bills that covers giant chunks of this economy, deals with several different business fields, that impacts the lives of every American in an attempt to overhaul thousands of laws, create a new regulatory and oversight structure, and reform the way health care is done in this country....should be 2-3 pages tops? And these are the people that are allowed to make and vote legislation? *shudders*
It begins
Today is the final steps in the Senate's health care legislation are taking place. This afternoon there should be a CBO score. Tonight, Harry Reid will unveil the bill to the Democratic caucus, strutting it around the room, making sure it meets everyone who'll stab it in the back. So finally, America moves one step closer to having slightly improved health care options, coverage, reduced costs....what's that Majority Whip Dick Durbin?
Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin isn't inflating anybody's expectations about Harry Reid's chances for passing a health care bill with a public option on the Senate floor. On MSNBC last night, Durbin said it would be a hard slog.*sighs* Well, maybe in the end you'll finally get them to be able to come around...you have something to add Sen. Tom Carper (D-DE)?
"We're working on it, struggling," he said
"We're concerned that a number of centrists aren't prepared to vote for a national public plan, even with an opt-out," Carper said in response to a question from TPMDC. "We're trying to find something that addresses their concern about government run, government-funded, but still addresses the need for the affordability needs and the need for more competition in states that don't have it."*sighs* How about showing them that the public option wouldn't be government funded, but by premiums people payed....like with insurance, and that the thing wouldn't be directly government run according to reports. Would that work? Would that get it through their thick skulls? See..
“I think we ought to begin a dialogue on this and see where it leads,” said Senator Evan Bayh, Democrat of Indiana, adding that this position was no guarantee he would support the measure in the end.But...
When asked if Lincoln would vote to break a filibuster aimed at preventing the debate from starting, a Lincoln aide said she “has not committed her vote to anyone,”Jesus Chr...
Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.): Landrieu may have just won reelection, but she consistently positions herself in the middle of her caucus — and is now “very skeptical” about the Reid plan. She refused to say whether she would even vote to begin debateRotten fuck...
Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.): Perhaps the most conservative Democrat in the Senate, Nelson said Tuesday that it’s “too soon” to say how he’ll voteAlright, so we're not even committed to maybe discussing the possibility of voting for a bill that reduces costs and makes coverage more accessible. God, I hate Senate Democrats. So, in actuality it's not so much the beginning of the last stage in the battle to pass health care, it's the beginning of the last stage where "moderate Democrats" kill the bill and shoot themselves in the foot in one tandem shot. Why is there any reason to believe they won't screw this up completely?
Bill Kristol: "I think the health care bill, which is another sign of being out of touch, and trying to impose a massive ideological agenda on the American public, I think it will fail in the Senate in the next month."America's Worst Pundit/the Wrongest Man in the World is convinced this will fail? Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I feel optimism about health care in the Senate. Though really, this is going to test the limits of time and space. What happens when the Democrats well honed ability to screw up anything good comes into conflict with Kristol's preternatural ability to get everything wrong. Democrats can't screw this up and have Kristol be wrong. It's like the irresistible force vs. the immovable object. All I'm saying is that it may well end up destroying the world.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Your window into the sense of entitlement of our financial betters
From a New York Times article on the TARP inspector general Neil Barofsky's scathing report on the decision to pay off AIG's creditors in full.
What's it that Taibbi said about Goldman-Sachs? "The world’s most powerful investment bank is a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money"? He was being too kind.
Just two days before the New York Fed paid A.I.G.’s partners 100 cents on the dollar to tear up their contracts with the insurance giant, one bank volunteered to take a modest haircut — but it never got the chance.Those are some balls on display. First by UBS, agreeing to take 98 cents on the dollar instead of 100 cents and pretending it is some grand compromise when their assets were worth 40 cents on the dollar, and then by Goldman-Sachs, who claimed that it would be illegal if they didn't get all their money in full. Thankfully they all got every penny that was owed to them. Why? Because Tim Geithner knows how to treat his old bosses. Is there a position higher than Treasury Secretary we can put him in?
UBS, of Switzerland, alone offered to give a break to the New York Fed in the negotiations last November over how to keep A.I.G. from toppling and taking other banks down with it. It would have accepted 98 cents on the dollar.
But UBS’s good-faith gesture was quickly drowned out by Goldman Sachs and the top French bank regulator. They argued, with others, that it would be improper and perhaps even criminal to force A.I.G.’s trading partners to bear losses outside of bankruptcy court.
What's it that Taibbi said about Goldman-Sachs? "The world’s most powerful investment bank is a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money"? He was being too kind.
Quote of the Day
Rep. John Shadegg (R-AZ) on how he has already seen the future, and doesn't like how the terrorist trials has turned out for the Bloomberg family.
One also has to appreciate the way he brings up the kidnapping of one of Mayor Bloomberg's daughters as if it is the only logical endpoint of holding trials. Hell, the imaginary terrorists are future raping both the Bloomberg daughters as we speak, in a hover apartment two blocks from Madison Cube Garden in New New York. It is an assured outcome that wouldn't otherwise be possible if Barack Obama didn't want to appease terrorists so much. Hell, it's probably what the new season of 24 is about.
But bonus points must be handed out for the "political correctness run amok" remark. Usually that phrase is just reserved for bitter old white men who are just pissed off because they can't tell racist jokes in public, openly stereotype different races, and have to let blacks into their country club. I never knew that "political correctness" involved due process and using the justice system of this country to prosecute criminals according US and international law. The GOP teaches you something new every day.
Ah well, I can only hope that Shadegg can stop shaking in fear at the thought of trials to imagine a scenario where the imaginary Bloomberg hostages are rescued from the imaginary terrorists by Jack Bauer...and say....Huckleberry Hound. Can you do that Johnny? For their sake?
"I saw the mayor of New York said today, 'We're tough. We can do it.' Well, Mayor, how are you going to feel when it's your daughter that's kidnapped at school by a terrorist?" Shadegg said.Boy, don't you just love it when when red state blowhards who live as far away as possible from a terrorism target tells New York how to run things? I mean, how come they aren't as pants wettingly afraid of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed as he is? Plus he's more or less calling the NYPD a Keystone cops organization, our prison system unfit to handle uneducated opium farmers, and that our Federal justice system unable to handle something as complex as a trial. It's impressive, really.
"How are you going to feel when it's some clerk -- some innocent clerk of the court -- whose daughter or son is kidnapped? Or the judge's wife? Or the jailer's little brother or little sister? This is political correctness run amok," he continued.
One also has to appreciate the way he brings up the kidnapping of one of Mayor Bloomberg's daughters as if it is the only logical endpoint of holding trials. Hell, the imaginary terrorists are future raping both the Bloomberg daughters as we speak, in a hover apartment two blocks from Madison Cube Garden in New New York. It is an assured outcome that wouldn't otherwise be possible if Barack Obama didn't want to appease terrorists so much. Hell, it's probably what the new season of 24 is about.
But bonus points must be handed out for the "political correctness run amok" remark. Usually that phrase is just reserved for bitter old white men who are just pissed off because they can't tell racist jokes in public, openly stereotype different races, and have to let blacks into their country club. I never knew that "political correctness" involved due process and using the justice system of this country to prosecute criminals according US and international law. The GOP teaches you something new every day.
Ah well, I can only hope that Shadegg can stop shaking in fear at the thought of trials to imagine a scenario where the imaginary Bloomberg hostages are rescued from the imaginary terrorists by Jack Bauer...and say....Huckleberry Hound. Can you do that Johnny? For their sake?
Get out your crayons
Sarah Palin is out there flogging her new book, Going Rogue, reminding us all just how incredibly petty and quick to blame others she is, driving Andrew Sullivan insane, and showing us how she'll pretty much just lie about anything no matter how small. It's something we're all going to have to endure for the next week or two....or 104.
Now of course a bound collection of paper with words and sentences written on it in ink is probably too much of an intellectual hurdle for most of the Palin '12 crowd. Oh, I know most of them will buy it, not read it, and then take Sarah's word that accurately quoting the book and then attempting to compare her claims to reality is some sort of vicious slander. But, where will they be able to receive Sarah's written message in a venue more suited to their reading "talents"?
Enter Julie Sigwart & Micheal Stinson, authors of Going Rouge: The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring and Activity Book
It's like listening to her, but with things to color in.
Now of course a bound collection of paper with words and sentences written on it in ink is probably too much of an intellectual hurdle for most of the Palin '12 crowd. Oh, I know most of them will buy it, not read it, and then take Sarah's word that accurately quoting the book and then attempting to compare her claims to reality is some sort of vicious slander. But, where will they be able to receive Sarah's written message in a venue more suited to their reading "talents"?
Enter Julie Sigwart & Micheal Stinson, authors of Going Rouge: The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring and Activity Book
It's like listening to her, but with things to color in.
We missed you, Glenn
Glenn Beck is back from his medical hiatus. He was either getting his appendix removed or he had the logic and decency centers of his brain completely removed, I forget which. But he's back and he's making up for all those lost weeks he wasn't on the air spewing crazy. Yeah, it's about health care, but with a rape twist.
Though I do want to dispute the analogy. Sure, I'll agree that health care reform is almost indistinguishable from rape or the rape of a child. But comparing Democrats to Roman Polanski? Polanski was respected, criticially acclaimed, and viewed as competent; adjectives that cannot be applied to the 2009 Democratic party. And cowering in France? Sure, that's what Polanski did, but no matter how hard the Democrats rape America, it's not something we'll be doing. No, France actually has universal, government run health care. Most people would probably prefer to cower in France, at least if they were sick.
Irregardless, welcome back Glenny my boy. Look forward to hearing how climate change legislation is like Andrea Yates killing her five kids or the Zodiac murders.
"America has spoken clearly, consistently; 'We don't want this.' For the first time in history we don't think it's the government's place to give it to us."Well done, sir. I'll ignore the basic lie about Americans not wanting health care, I know every poll disputes it, but it's the kind of bog standard Glenn Beck lie we're all used to. But to compare the quest to make health care more affordable and more accessible to drugging and raping a child? Despite your own dalliances in that field in, say, 1990? That's some quality crazy. I'm certain we've entered the Golden Age of Glenn Beck.
...
"We are -and excuse this analogy, but I feel like it's true- We're the young girl saying, 'No no! Help me!' and the government is Roman Polanski. In the end I think we're all going to be cowering in France."
Though I do want to dispute the analogy. Sure, I'll agree that health care reform is almost indistinguishable from rape or the rape of a child. But comparing Democrats to Roman Polanski? Polanski was respected, criticially acclaimed, and viewed as competent; adjectives that cannot be applied to the 2009 Democratic party. And cowering in France? Sure, that's what Polanski did, but no matter how hard the Democrats rape America, it's not something we'll be doing. No, France actually has universal, government run health care. Most people would probably prefer to cower in France, at least if they were sick.
Irregardless, welcome back Glenny my boy. Look forward to hearing how climate change legislation is like Andrea Yates killing her five kids or the Zodiac murders.
They learn so quickly
There are moments where you have to stop and take pride in your sccomplishments. Especially when you see the fruits of your labor with those you have mentored. You take them from a life of hardship and show them a new way, you bring them up and teach them the way you know best, and when they take those first steps out into the world it just wells you up with so much joy. Our babies are all growed up!
I mean look at those Iraq and Afghanistan rankings. I'm not saying they aren't corrupt, Lord knows that they are barely functioning states consumed by drugs and violence, propped up by us. But that corruption? It's mostly us. Things we allow, things we encourage, things we let go. Hell, we're the ones probably buying off most of the government to do things we want, getting people we want installed into different government positions, getting trade, land, and resource rights that we want. I mean they count that shit for Iraq and Afghanistan, but it really should be a part of our ranking. 19th? I mean our corruption affects things on a global scale. The financial crisis, climate change inaction, energy....hello, remember them much? What's Iraq's corruption effecting? Somalia? Do they even have a government?
Bah! This corruption list is corrupt. Get it fixed. I'll make it worth it. *wink* Brown paper bag, underneath the park bench, 5 o'clock. We'll see if we can't come to an "understanding".
Lawless Somalia remained the world's most corrupt country, followed by Afghanistan, Myanmar, Sudan and Iraq, Transparency International said in its annual Corruption Perceptions Index.Our eldest child, Iraq, was all the way down at 176. Us? We're slipping. Only 19th this year. It's unfair really, most of our corruption is institutional, whereupon lawmakers are just expected to do what corporations want in return for relatively small political donations and favors. Frankly that's a flaw that needs to be rectified, so we can at least get credit for the immense systemic corruption that essentially neuters and ruins anything that goes through it. I demand a corruption ranking system that takes into account all the high tech and invisible ways in which we are damaging the well being of our own country in exchange for money! A corruption BCS. We're like Boise State over here; not getting the credit we deserve.
...
Afghanistan, which slipped to 179th place from 176th, has been dogged by corruption for years.
...
Karzai's inability or unwillingness to tackle cronyism and bribery the past five years has given Taliban insurgents another argument with which to win support from the Afghan people. Nations supplying troops and aid are running out of patience with his government.
Transparency said public-sector corruption is rampant in Afghanistan.
I mean look at those Iraq and Afghanistan rankings. I'm not saying they aren't corrupt, Lord knows that they are barely functioning states consumed by drugs and violence, propped up by us. But that corruption? It's mostly us. Things we allow, things we encourage, things we let go. Hell, we're the ones probably buying off most of the government to do things we want, getting people we want installed into different government positions, getting trade, land, and resource rights that we want. I mean they count that shit for Iraq and Afghanistan, but it really should be a part of our ranking. 19th? I mean our corruption affects things on a global scale. The financial crisis, climate change inaction, energy....hello, remember them much? What's Iraq's corruption effecting? Somalia? Do they even have a government?
Bah! This corruption list is corrupt. Get it fixed. I'll make it worth it. *wink* Brown paper bag, underneath the park bench, 5 o'clock. We'll see if we can't come to an "understanding".
Good morning, let's go toss whitey out on his ass
Please listen to one "Robert Erickson", who gave this speech at a Minnesota Tea Party. He has a few choice words to say about the immigrants who are ruining this country.
See, you can get anyone to go along with anything you say, as long as they first think you're slandering Mexicans. Why no, it isn't completely frightening that these people can vote and own guns.
See, you can get anyone to go along with anything you say, as long as they first think you're slandering Mexicans. Why no, it isn't completely frightening that these people can vote and own guns.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.16
G.M., Citing Progress, Reports Loss of $1.15 Billion
Uhhhh, congratulations? Looks like you'll be able to afford to fund a couple more rounds of those Howie Long "That's a nice truck....for a homo" ads. Even better, you're going to start paying back those government loans...five years ahead of schedule. You know, not that I want to be negative about your success, after all, losing $1.15 billion is great news, but do you maybe want to wait for a year without the cash for clunkers program pumping business your way before you declare your business fixed and start using your cash reserves to pay back loans? No? Well if history has proven anything to us, it's that Detroit knows best.
Health bill foes solicit funds for economic study
With the job market still very rough we like to take the opportunity to pass on any job opportunities we can find to you, the consumer. So if you're an economist, the honest men and women at the Chamber of Commerce have a job for you. All you have to do is severely damage your reputation as an economist in order to author a BS paper about how health care reform will destroy the economy, kill jobs, and grope everyone's mother while she shops for American flags at the Wal-Mart. This or picking up roadkill off the highway are the only two jobs left, so pick one and take it. No, you're right, picking up roadkill lets you keep your dignity.
The Worst is yet to Come: Unemployed Americans Should Hunker Down for More Job Losses
Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini is here to disabuse you of any notion you have of the labor market getting better. Don't think the labor market is getting better? Well he's also here to disabuse you of the notion that the labor market is anything less than an apocalyptic clusterfuck. On the bright side he says that it can be made better if the government mans up and takes some bold policy actio...HA, I can't even finish typing that. No, we're fucked, we're all fucked royally.
God, the Army, and PTSD: Is religion an obstacle to treatment?
The Boston Review takes a look at PTSD in the war on terror and how the Bush Administration made it more difficult for soldiers to get help for it because several officials in charge of the VA and DOD assumed that most instances were hoaxes and the ones that were real could be solved by some combination of faith and Jesus. You thought you knew about every rotten asshole in the Bush Administration? You didn't, because you didn't hear of guys like Paul Sullivan. As Atrios put it, "It's like the job recruitment process [in the Bush administration] involved advertising for 'the worst people ever born in the history of the universe.'"
LHC to Finally Start Next Week, Again
That's right, we're back on schedule to murder God/create a black hole in Europe. They've fixed the pipes, re-magnetized the magnets, cooled everything down, unclogged all the particles from the various particle holes, and are ready to shatter all religion or collapse the earth into a singularity. On the bright side, the coverage of this and the recent success of 2012 should give Roland Emmerich an idea for his next "destroy the world" movie.
Uhhhh, congratulations? Looks like you'll be able to afford to fund a couple more rounds of those Howie Long "That's a nice truck....for a homo" ads. Even better, you're going to start paying back those government loans...five years ahead of schedule. You know, not that I want to be negative about your success, after all, losing $1.15 billion is great news, but do you maybe want to wait for a year without the cash for clunkers program pumping business your way before you declare your business fixed and start using your cash reserves to pay back loans? No? Well if history has proven anything to us, it's that Detroit knows best.
Health bill foes solicit funds for economic study
With the job market still very rough we like to take the opportunity to pass on any job opportunities we can find to you, the consumer. So if you're an economist, the honest men and women at the Chamber of Commerce have a job for you. All you have to do is severely damage your reputation as an economist in order to author a BS paper about how health care reform will destroy the economy, kill jobs, and grope everyone's mother while she shops for American flags at the Wal-Mart. This or picking up roadkill off the highway are the only two jobs left, so pick one and take it. No, you're right, picking up roadkill lets you keep your dignity.
The Worst is yet to Come: Unemployed Americans Should Hunker Down for More Job Losses
Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini is here to disabuse you of any notion you have of the labor market getting better. Don't think the labor market is getting better? Well he's also here to disabuse you of the notion that the labor market is anything less than an apocalyptic clusterfuck. On the bright side he says that it can be made better if the government mans up and takes some bold policy actio...HA, I can't even finish typing that. No, we're fucked, we're all fucked royally.
God, the Army, and PTSD: Is religion an obstacle to treatment?
The Boston Review takes a look at PTSD in the war on terror and how the Bush Administration made it more difficult for soldiers to get help for it because several officials in charge of the VA and DOD assumed that most instances were hoaxes and the ones that were real could be solved by some combination of faith and Jesus. You thought you knew about every rotten asshole in the Bush Administration? You didn't, because you didn't hear of guys like Paul Sullivan. As Atrios put it, "It's like the job recruitment process [in the Bush administration] involved advertising for 'the worst people ever born in the history of the universe.'"
LHC to Finally Start Next Week, Again
That's right, we're back on schedule to murder God/create a black hole in Europe. They've fixed the pipes, re-magnetized the magnets, cooled everything down, unclogged all the particles from the various particle holes, and are ready to shatter all religion or collapse the earth into a singularity. On the bright side, the coverage of this and the recent success of 2012 should give Roland Emmerich an idea for his next "destroy the world" movie.
We missed you, Joe
It took a few months, but it finally seems that Vice-President Joe Biden has built up a sufficient tolerance to the horse tranquilizers that Rahm Emanuel grinds up and puts in his eggs every morning. That's right, Joe Biden is out talking in public again.
Rahm, you're going to have to switch to elephant tranqs or start dosing his soup at lunchtime.
[The Vice-President] encouraged attendees to get involved in politics to "bend the arc of history -- literally, bend it."He continued, "You may think that I don't understand the meaning of the word literally. I do. I meant to say 'literally'. The arc of history is outside, I saw it, and it looks to be a tungsten carbide alloy. I inspected that fucker and it isn't bent to my liking. Get out a crowbar and start bending that arc. Literally leave this auditorium and bend it. Now." He then finished by handing out some of the prybars and crowbars that he brought in a suitcase.
Rahm, you're going to have to switch to elephant tranqs or start dosing his soup at lunchtime.
Broken In Brief: Dobbs, O'Reilly to declare love live tonight
NEW YORK--Fresh off being bribed to leave his amicable departure from CNN, Lou Dobbs will be a featured guest on tonight's episode of The O'Reilly Factor. While the official network line claims that Dobbs will be there to discuss the circumstances surrounding his resignation with a sympathetic ear -- O'Reilly has repeatedly defended Dobbs -- TheseBastards has learned that the two cable news heavyweights may have ulterior motives.
"They are over the moon for each other," gushed a high-level Fox News source, on condition of anonymity for fear of inducing vomit. "When they met a couple years ago at a Minuteman fundraiser/book burning in Arizona, it was love at first sight."
Apparently, the two were very moved by last week's episode of Oprah wherein Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi professed their love for one another. Given the abrupt nature of Dobbs' departure from CNN and O'Reilly's exclusive access to the portly xenophobe, the parties believe that this is the ideal moment to show the world just how deeply and passionately they respect each other over and over and over again.
Among the things they reportedly hope to pledge to each other tonight are a vow to defend the borders "standing back to back, shotguns in hand as the Mexicans stream over the fence," a solemn pledge to never stop trying to couch their elitist, right wing proclamations with the veil of working class populism, and to officially sign off on a schedule that designates which one of them is the "power bottom" over alternate two-week periods.
"It's just going to be so beautiful," the same source said, their eyes welling up with tears.
If the Dobbs/O'Reilly commitment ceremony goes off as well as hoped, it is expected Fox News will soon announce that a similar love jubilee will take place on Friday night between pundit Sean Hannity and a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself.
The source would neither confirm nor deny any amorous plans for Glenn Beck.
"They are over the moon for each other," gushed a high-level Fox News source, on condition of anonymity for fear of inducing vomit. "When they met a couple years ago at a Minuteman fundraiser/book burning in Arizona, it was love at first sight."
Apparently, the two were very moved by last week's episode of Oprah wherein Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi professed their love for one another. Given the abrupt nature of Dobbs' departure from CNN and O'Reilly's exclusive access to the portly xenophobe, the parties believe that this is the ideal moment to show the world just how deeply and passionately they respect each other over and over and over again.
Among the things they reportedly hope to pledge to each other tonight are a vow to defend the borders "standing back to back, shotguns in hand as the Mexicans stream over the fence," a solemn pledge to never stop trying to couch their elitist, right wing proclamations with the veil of working class populism, and to officially sign off on a schedule that designates which one of them is the "power bottom" over alternate two-week periods.
"It's just going to be so beautiful," the same source said, their eyes welling up with tears.
If the Dobbs/O'Reilly commitment ceremony goes off as well as hoped, it is expected Fox News will soon announce that a similar love jubilee will take place on Friday night between pundit Sean Hannity and a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself.
The source would neither confirm nor deny any amorous plans for Glenn Beck.
Picture of the day
The UK's Shaun Clark, a former soldier in the the 8th Battalion Light Infantry Regiment, who, on Armistice Day, tattooed on his body the names of the 232 UK soldiers who died in Afghanistan. Luckily for him he wasn't an American, otherwise, at 232 names a body, would have needed 4 friends to join him in honoring those who died in Afghanistan. If he was an American who fought in Iraq, he'd need 19 additional friends to honor those who died in Iraq.
Of course, those are just the figures so far. Mr. Clark is unfortunately going to have to add more names to his body before everything is said and done, as will any of his American equivalents.
Quote of the Day
Today we are enlightened by Sarah Palin, from one of the many brilliant excerpts from her book Going Rogue. This time, America's dumb rural aunt is opining on evolution.
In other news, we're sad to report that Steve Schmidt had to be hospitalized after he had a re-occurrence of the "wincing and raising eyebrows" repetitive stress disorder that manifested in the '08 campaign after Palin was added to the ticket. We can only hope that he recovers and that no one reads him further excerpts from the book.
The New York Times reports in its review:Baby Jesus, can you tell her to write a second book? Not just one where her petty vendetta to blame everyone else for the problems she caused and her litany of lies are put out there to be easily debunked by any organization with Google. No, a series where she writes her beliefs on scientific theories on how the world works. Palin on gravity, Palin on climate science, Palin on string theory, Palin on quantum mechanics; a sort of "...for Dummies" version of science for the Palin supporter. I'd buy 'em.
Elsewhere in this volume she talks about creationism, saying she "didn't believe in the theory that human beings -- thinking, loving beings -- originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea" or from "monkeys who eventually swung down from the trees."
In another section she recounts a debate John McCain's campaign manager, Steve Schmidt, on the issue:
"But your dad's a science teacher," Schmidt objected. "Yes." "Then you know that science proves evolution," added Schmidt. "Parts of evolution," I said. "But I believe that God created us and also that He can create an evolutionary process that allows species to change and adapt." Schmidt winced and raised his eyebrows. In the dim light, his sunglasses shifted atop his hear. I had just dared to mention the C-word: creationism. But I felt I was on solid factual ground.
In other news, we're sad to report that Steve Schmidt had to be hospitalized after he had a re-occurrence of the "wincing and raising eyebrows" repetitive stress disorder that manifested in the '08 campaign after Palin was added to the ticket. We can only hope that he recovers and that no one reads him further excerpts from the book.
God bless you, captains of industry
When last we left our precious pharmaceutical companies they were valiantly sacrificing $8 billion a year in profits in support of health care reform....in order to make $35 billion a year. *sniff* Always trying to help us out they are. But as if that noble "sacrifice" wasn't undermined enough my vast sums of money they stood to gain, we find out that their plan to help reduce drug costs had one catch: it was going to be preceded by a massive increase in drug costs.
No, thankfully they still have a license to print money, thanks to the US and our inability to even attempt to address costs in a serious way and a political party that wanted one days worth of headlines saying pharmaceutical companies supported health reform and were going to cut costs, and didn't care that the pledge to cut costs was coached in the knowledge that the only type of reform our idiot government could pass would mean they'd get back 4 times what they pledged to cut. Oh and that cut would be further undermined by a price increase so large that their pledge to cut prices would still result in a net price increase. I think we should all be glad they didn't pledge to cut costs more, otherwise only the wealthiest sheiks in the world would be able to afford Lipitor.
So in case you were worried about the plight of the poor pharmaceutical mega-conglomerate; don't be. They figured out a way to fuck your wallet on the front and back ends. I'm sleeping easier knowing that. Isn't that what health reform is all about?
Even as drug makers promise to support Washington’s health care overhaul by shaving $8 billion a year off the nation’s drug costs after the legislation takes effect, the industry has been raising its prices at the fastest rate in years.My God, it's like prices for medicine and medical care in America often bears no relation to actual market costs or conditions. I'm just so glad that this whole health care reform is working out for pharmaceutical companies. I was worried for a second there that they might have to get by with the meager billions in profits they get from those countries with *shudder* socialized medicine.
In the last year, the industry has raised the wholesale prices of brand-name prescription drugs by about 9 percent, according to industry analysts. That will add more than $10 billion to the nation’s drug bill, which is on track to exceed $300 billion this year. By at least one analysis, it is the highest annual rate of inflation for drug prices since 1992.
The drug trend is distinctly at odds with the direction of the Consumer Price Index, which has fallen by 1.3 percent in the last year.
No, thankfully they still have a license to print money, thanks to the US and our inability to even attempt to address costs in a serious way and a political party that wanted one days worth of headlines saying pharmaceutical companies supported health reform and were going to cut costs, and didn't care that the pledge to cut costs was coached in the knowledge that the only type of reform our idiot government could pass would mean they'd get back 4 times what they pledged to cut. Oh and that cut would be further undermined by a price increase so large that their pledge to cut prices would still result in a net price increase. I think we should all be glad they didn't pledge to cut costs more, otherwise only the wealthiest sheiks in the world would be able to afford Lipitor.
So in case you were worried about the plight of the poor pharmaceutical mega-conglomerate; don't be. They figured out a way to fuck your wallet on the front and back ends. I'm sleeping easier knowing that. Isn't that what health reform is all about?
Stay classy, Dave
The "Dean of the Washington Press Corps" David Broder of the Washington Post, making the case that it's he, not Bill Kristol, is the most awful columnist in America:
Classy. Though it's not as if the Obama Administration is actually debating a course. I think they've pretty much decided to do exactly what McChrystal wants and the only debate is over whether 39,999 troops makes it look like they got their way more than 40k does. But irrespective of that, dumping 40k soldiers into the area requires a lot of logistical planning, especially when you have to co-ordinate with other nations with armies there, the corrupt Afghan government, and are trying to make sure that Pakistan doesn't fuck you over. All of this is actually difficult and takes time. I know, organizing doesn't give you a war boner. Still, it's a much better plan than killkillnownowdiemuslimdiekillbloodwarejaculatekill. Just think of it this way: he's coming up with a plan to kill more brown people for the taxpayers dollar. Does that get you hard? I think I see your pants tenting. Alright Dave, keep up the good work.
The more President Obama examines our options in Afghanistan, the less he likes the choices he sees. But, as the old saying goes, to govern is to choose -- and he has stretched the internal debate to the breaking point.That's right, a man is openly arguing in a national newspaper that President Obama needstomakeadecisionrightfuckingnow on Afghanistan and that he doesn't care if that decision is wrong as long as a decision is made. Wow. Sure, the wrong decision will costs untold billions, thousands of lives of soldiers, ten of thousands of lives of Afghan civilians, and completely destroy any influence and ability to shape critical interests in one of the most important areas of the world, but David Broder has decided that he's tired of waiting to hear in what new way brown people are going to be blown up, he just wants to see them blown up NOW.
It is evident from the length of this deliberative process and from the flood of leaks that have emerged from Kabul and Washington that the perfect course of action does not exist. Given that reality, the urgent necessity is to make a decision -- whether or not it is right
Classy. Though it's not as if the Obama Administration is actually debating a course. I think they've pretty much decided to do exactly what McChrystal wants and the only debate is over whether 39,999 troops makes it look like they got their way more than 40k does. But irrespective of that, dumping 40k soldiers into the area requires a lot of logistical planning, especially when you have to co-ordinate with other nations with armies there, the corrupt Afghan government, and are trying to make sure that Pakistan doesn't fuck you over. All of this is actually difficult and takes time. I know, organizing doesn't give you a war boner. Still, it's a much better plan than killkillnownowdiemuslimdiekillbloodwarejaculatekill. Just think of it this way: he's coming up with a plan to kill more brown people for the taxpayers dollar. Does that get you hard? I think I see your pants tenting. Alright Dave, keep up the good work.
Good morning, go see 2012
Yes, go see 2012. "It looks terrible" you say. "It is terrible" I say. But it's that magical kind of terrible that never offends or insults too badly, entertains the entire way, provides enough spectacle and unintentional humor to counterbalance the lack of any real drama, has John Fucking Cusack and Woody Goddamn Harrelson in it, and will lose any sense of spectacle, grandeur, or point if watched on anything less than a giant movie screen. Go see 2012, it is a 10,000 foot monument to scientific mumbo jumbo, ethnic stereotypes, plot contrivances, epic destruction, and pointless deaths wrapped up in almost every film cliche and tied off with a bow of the most meanspirited deaths and worldview that might have ever made it into a major blockbuster release.
Speaking of those cliches, Mike Russell of CulturePulp is kind enough to give you the "Make Your Own Disaster Movie" cliche rundown. Does 2012 follow this exact layout? Almost to the letter. But poor Mr. Russell seems to have forgotten about a hundred other disaster cliches that also applied. Perhaps his arm would have fallen off if he attempted to draw them. It doesn't matter, Roland Emmerich didn't forget a single one.
Speaking of those cliches, Mike Russell of CulturePulp is kind enough to give you the "Make Your Own Disaster Movie" cliche rundown. Does 2012 follow this exact layout? Almost to the letter. But poor Mr. Russell seems to have forgotten about a hundred other disaster cliches that also applied. Perhaps his arm would have fallen off if he attempted to draw them. It doesn't matter, Roland Emmerich didn't forget a single one.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Cheap Blogging Crutch 11.13
Making Health Care Better
The New York Times' David Leonhardt provides us with an exhaustive story on doctors, administrators, and public policy dorks who are doing the hard work of trying to hold down costs and make health care more effective in the current broken system. You may know them by their other title: people who aren't as smart as our elected betters in the Senate. He focuses specifically on the work of Brent James, who probably wakes up every morning, reads about the health care debate, and then has to spend 15 minutes talking himself out of suicide. It's an article that's worth your time.
How the US Funds the Taliban
I bet you're thinking "I'm sure it's just some labyrinthine trail where we find out that things we buy and things we do eventually flow back to the Taliban and terrorist organizations in Afghanistan, meant to teach us a lesson about the complexities of war." Nope! We're just straight up paying them. In cash. Sometimes just to not do anything, sometimes we pay them for protection. Often it's just huge, corrupt payments to Hamid Karzai's family. It's all very sordid and is definitely one of the many, many things your shouldn't think about when we decide to send a bunch more troops over there.
CDC Estimates 22 Million H1N1 Cases In US Between April And October
Oh, you forgot about Porcine AIDS, didn't you? Well it didn't forget about you, infecting maybe as many as 36 million and killing 4,000. Ok, that doesn't sound frightening, but what if I pointed out it was Friday the 13th and said it in a spooooky voice? No? Fuck you anyway, we're all going to die. Might want to think about getting that flu shot.
Al-Qa'ida prefers U.S. to stick around
What would you say if I told you that the United States military and political establishment didn't really understand Al Qaeda or it's political and military goals in reference to Afghanistan. Would you say 'no shit' or 'no fucking shit'? Well, anyway, it basically boils down to how they really, really, really, want us to stay and keep sending troops in. Boy, good thing we're not going to do anything stupid like that. By the way, this is also one of the many, many things your shouldn't think about when we decide to send a bunch more troops over there.
China proves to be an aggressive foe in cyberspace
Hey, while the US is spending trillions on not having health care, building super duper fighter planes, missiles, and various things that Michael Bay totally beats off to, you know what China is spending their money on? Well, infrastructure, energy, and wrapping its tentacles around the world. But militarily? Mostly they're watching Hackers over and over again and taking notes. Aaaand they're pretty much countering any intelligence imbalances and could do major damage to us if we ever started a war with them. In fact they're pretty much already running an undeclared war on us. I'm sure this is a problem a few more F-22's that are built the districts of every congressman on an appropriations committee will solve.
The New York Times' David Leonhardt provides us with an exhaustive story on doctors, administrators, and public policy dorks who are doing the hard work of trying to hold down costs and make health care more effective in the current broken system. You may know them by their other title: people who aren't as smart as our elected betters in the Senate. He focuses specifically on the work of Brent James, who probably wakes up every morning, reads about the health care debate, and then has to spend 15 minutes talking himself out of suicide. It's an article that's worth your time.
How the US Funds the Taliban
I bet you're thinking "I'm sure it's just some labyrinthine trail where we find out that things we buy and things we do eventually flow back to the Taliban and terrorist organizations in Afghanistan, meant to teach us a lesson about the complexities of war." Nope! We're just straight up paying them. In cash. Sometimes just to not do anything, sometimes we pay them for protection. Often it's just huge, corrupt payments to Hamid Karzai's family. It's all very sordid and is definitely one of the many, many things your shouldn't think about when we decide to send a bunch more troops over there.
CDC Estimates 22 Million H1N1 Cases In US Between April And October
Oh, you forgot about Porcine AIDS, didn't you? Well it didn't forget about you, infecting maybe as many as 36 million and killing 4,000. Ok, that doesn't sound frightening, but what if I pointed out it was Friday the 13th and said it in a spooooky voice? No? Fuck you anyway, we're all going to die. Might want to think about getting that flu shot.
Al-Qa'ida prefers U.S. to stick around
What would you say if I told you that the United States military and political establishment didn't really understand Al Qaeda or it's political and military goals in reference to Afghanistan. Would you say 'no shit' or 'no fucking shit'? Well, anyway, it basically boils down to how they really, really, really, want us to stay and keep sending troops in. Boy, good thing we're not going to do anything stupid like that. By the way, this is also one of the many, many things your shouldn't think about when we decide to send a bunch more troops over there.
China proves to be an aggressive foe in cyberspace
Hey, while the US is spending trillions on not having health care, building super duper fighter planes, missiles, and various things that Michael Bay totally beats off to, you know what China is spending their money on? Well, infrastructure, energy, and wrapping its tentacles around the world. But militarily? Mostly they're watching Hackers over and over again and taking notes. Aaaand they're pretty much countering any intelligence imbalances and could do major damage to us if we ever started a war with them. In fact they're pretty much already running an undeclared war on us. I'm sure this is a problem a few more F-22's that are built the districts of every congressman on an appropriations committee will solve.
Time for me to blow your fucking minds
Pew (pew pew) has a new poll out on Obama's popularity numbers. All in all what we come to expect, in the low fifties, more popular with women and youth, blah blah blah. But get ready for some surprising shit. Guess who Obama is really unpopular with:
I'm not saying your poll is useless, Pew. It is nice to have popularity numbers as a whole. I'm just saying don't bother to tabulate certain numbers. Just put "You're kidding, right? Take a fucking guess" where the white, southern evangelical numbers should be and let your polsters skip out of work a few minutes early feeling good that they didn't waste precious time coming to an obvious conclusion.
With independents over the age of 50 -- just 37%.Sweet Jesus, who would have ever guessed? He's not popular with rich, old, white, male evangelicals from the South! Next you're going to tell me that he's popular with blacks and Democrats.
Among whites in the South -- 33%
Among white independents -- 39%
Among white evangelicals -- 28%
Among everyone over 65 -- 44%
Among those earning more than $75,000 -- 44%
I'm not saying your poll is useless, Pew. It is nice to have popularity numbers as a whole. I'm just saying don't bother to tabulate certain numbers. Just put "You're kidding, right? Take a fucking guess" where the white, southern evangelical numbers should be and let your polsters skip out of work a few minutes early feeling good that they didn't waste precious time coming to an obvious conclusion.
Broken News: Area man not sure if it was the drugs, but is pretty certain he invented teleportation, time travel
FLAGSTAFF—Not long after Phish’s three-day Festival 8 in Indio, California, reports are emerging that in addition to epic, improvisational music jams, the event was also host to one of the greatest scientific discoveries in human history.
“Dude, I’m not sure if it’s the drugs I was taking or what. But I’m pretty sure I figured out how to time travel and teleport,” announced a haggard and disheveled Dave Burman, a freelance parking lot grilled cheese salesman from Denver, to the assembled press shortly after waking up in a cactus patch just outside of Flagstaff, Arizona.
“All I know is that, last I knew I was at the show, noodling and bumping into people while I danced, then WHAM, blackness! When I woke up I was draped across a saguaro, it was two weeks later, and I had teleported close to 400 miles. Ladies and gentlemen, I think this is the scientific breakthrough we have been waiting for.”
The announcement that solid matter teleportation and time travel had been achieved sent shock-waves throughout the scientific community, but Burman was cautious to note that he’s not sure if he can repeat the process that enabled these breakthroughs.
“Sure I’ll be able to consume the massive quantities of peyote, hash brownies, blotter acid, and ether that prepared my body to shunt through what I’m assuming was a Einstein-Rosen bridge or perhaps a wormhole,” Burman observed.
“But, scientifically, I feel the festival setting was critical. Plus with Phish’s noted improvisational tendencies, how can one ever hope to have them repeat the exact guitar solo 10 minutes into The Divided Sky that provided the correct audio matrix to allow my mind to interface with cosmic forces and shoot myself two weeks into the future?”
While scientists are applauding Burman’s breakthrough, they know that this last phase of creating a testable, repeatable process is one that has perplexed and confused many of the PhD’s and weekend scientists who have ventured into the teleportation and time travel fields.
I’m reminded of the case of Mike Yawkey, a third-year communications major at Boston University,” warned Dr. Paul Vesey of the National Academy of Science.
“Five years ago he was telling us he had perfected short distance teleporting from his neighborhood bar back to his apartment. But he was unable to find a way to counteract the negative side effects of the process, which either involved unexplained damage to his car and Mr. Yawkey waking up pantsless in the urine-soaked foyer of his home. Eventually, he had to stop trying.”
Dr. Vesey sighed, “Hell, we even sent some scientists to replicate his process of drinking the cheapest vodkas available while hitting on coeds from around the area, but our experts weren’t able to travel any further than the alley next to the bar. The urine problems also presented themselves in this case. A repeatable, testable hypothesis is key here and we don't seem to have uncovered one.”
Those who have studied the matter also note that despite Burman’s initial success, meddling with time travel can have devastating consequences.
“We all remember what happened to Enrico Fermi,” intoned Dr. Ronald Mallett, time travel expert and University of Connecticut professor.
“Buoyed by an experiment where he claimed to have not only blacked out and time traveled two days in the future, but also resulted in the teleportation into the bed of a woman he swore was a ‘9-9.5 at least’, he devoted himself to studying time travel. In recreating the experiment he soon was caught in a time loop where every day he was forced to repeat the experiment, downing shot after shot of whisky like they were nothing. Eventually the strain of this time loop took its toll when his liver failed, probably as a result of the dimensional shifting.”
Then Mallet leaned in and whispered, “Some say he might have even changed his own timeline. For some reason people seem to think he was an alcoholic, whereas they used to think of him as a respected scientist. Man, time travel can be a dangerous thing. I’m just glad to hear the kid is staying away from alcohol-based time travel and teleportation, a scientific road that has claimed too many of us....”
But despite these warnings, Burman has said he’ll soldier on to further unlock the mysteries of the universe, provided the upcoming winter tour schedule gives him enough time.
“I vow to endeavor to unlock these mysteries, so that everyone can use these gifts I have discovered. It is my duty, as a scientist” he finished, before stumbling out of the cactus patch in search of breakfast or a cheap taco stand.
“Dude, I’m not sure if it’s the drugs I was taking or what. But I’m pretty sure I figured out how to time travel and teleport,” announced a haggard and disheveled Dave Burman, a freelance parking lot grilled cheese salesman from Denver, to the assembled press shortly after waking up in a cactus patch just outside of Flagstaff, Arizona.
“All I know is that, last I knew I was at the show, noodling and bumping into people while I danced, then WHAM, blackness! When I woke up I was draped across a saguaro, it was two weeks later, and I had teleported close to 400 miles. Ladies and gentlemen, I think this is the scientific breakthrough we have been waiting for.”
The announcement that solid matter teleportation and time travel had been achieved sent shock-waves throughout the scientific community, but Burman was cautious to note that he’s not sure if he can repeat the process that enabled these breakthroughs.
“Sure I’ll be able to consume the massive quantities of peyote, hash brownies, blotter acid, and ether that prepared my body to shunt through what I’m assuming was a Einstein-Rosen bridge or perhaps a wormhole,” Burman observed.
“But, scientifically, I feel the festival setting was critical. Plus with Phish’s noted improvisational tendencies, how can one ever hope to have them repeat the exact guitar solo 10 minutes into The Divided Sky that provided the correct audio matrix to allow my mind to interface with cosmic forces and shoot myself two weeks into the future?”
While scientists are applauding Burman’s breakthrough, they know that this last phase of creating a testable, repeatable process is one that has perplexed and confused many of the PhD’s and weekend scientists who have ventured into the teleportation and time travel fields.
I’m reminded of the case of Mike Yawkey, a third-year communications major at Boston University,” warned Dr. Paul Vesey of the National Academy of Science.
“Five years ago he was telling us he had perfected short distance teleporting from his neighborhood bar back to his apartment. But he was unable to find a way to counteract the negative side effects of the process, which either involved unexplained damage to his car and Mr. Yawkey waking up pantsless in the urine-soaked foyer of his home. Eventually, he had to stop trying.”
Dr. Vesey sighed, “Hell, we even sent some scientists to replicate his process of drinking the cheapest vodkas available while hitting on coeds from around the area, but our experts weren’t able to travel any further than the alley next to the bar. The urine problems also presented themselves in this case. A repeatable, testable hypothesis is key here and we don't seem to have uncovered one.”
Those who have studied the matter also note that despite Burman’s initial success, meddling with time travel can have devastating consequences.
“We all remember what happened to Enrico Fermi,” intoned Dr. Ronald Mallett, time travel expert and University of Connecticut professor.
“Buoyed by an experiment where he claimed to have not only blacked out and time traveled two days in the future, but also resulted in the teleportation into the bed of a woman he swore was a ‘9-9.5 at least’, he devoted himself to studying time travel. In recreating the experiment he soon was caught in a time loop where every day he was forced to repeat the experiment, downing shot after shot of whisky like they were nothing. Eventually the strain of this time loop took its toll when his liver failed, probably as a result of the dimensional shifting.”
Then Mallet leaned in and whispered, “Some say he might have even changed his own timeline. For some reason people seem to think he was an alcoholic, whereas they used to think of him as a respected scientist. Man, time travel can be a dangerous thing. I’m just glad to hear the kid is staying away from alcohol-based time travel and teleportation, a scientific road that has claimed too many of us....”
But despite these warnings, Burman has said he’ll soldier on to further unlock the mysteries of the universe, provided the upcoming winter tour schedule gives him enough time.
“I vow to endeavor to unlock these mysteries, so that everyone can use these gifts I have discovered. It is my duty, as a scientist” he finished, before stumbling out of the cactus patch in search of breakfast or a cheap taco stand.
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