Picture of the day

A protester urinates in front of a row of policemen during riots following the death of a 15-year-old boy in San Carlos de Bariloche on June 18, 2010. According to local media, provincial government officials have confirmed that four police officers, involved in the incident which left the boy dead during an alleged robbery, have been removed from their posts. Three people have died and at least 12 have been injured during the clashes.

Pissing on police to protest an event where police killed some suspects. Yeah, 'm not thinking this worked out to well for our urinating protester. Still, one does appreciate the spirit.

(h/t Internet Jesus)

Cheap Blogging Crutch - 5.11.10

If you're wondering about the picture above, I've got nothing for you. An image with that much Awesome packed into it requires no explanation whatsoever. To the links!

Last month a Seattle police officer detained an innocent Latino man and allegedly threatened to “beat the [expletive] Mexican piss out” of him. As much as I hope that justice is served and the cop is tossed in jail, where I'm sure he'll be very popular, I have to ask: why "Mexican piss"? Brevity suggests the universal shorthand "Corona" would be more appropriate.

While we're on the subject of criminal behavior on the part of the authorities, the Chicago Police Department will not press charges against a CVS employee who chased down and strangled to death a man who had shoplifted a tube of toothpaste. While an officer was on the scene, no less. One can only presume the predictably black suspect would have escaped with his life had he opted for the Extra Whitening.

Not content with war profiteering and murder abroad, Satan's cock wart defense contractor Blackwater/Xe has launched SnapScouts, a mobile phone application that enables America's youth to spy on on neighbors. I applaud this, as kids need to learn about mercenary armies and lawless international behavior as soon as possible. Actually, it turns out that this is fake, but you have to admire the satire, especially when it involves so many 1984 references.

The lovely and intrepid Daniela Perdomo points out that in the three weeks since Deepwater Horizon asploded, the American government hasn't exactly taken up the mantle of disciplinarian. In fact, while pistol-whipping the petroleum industry in the press and at pointless congressional finger-pointing sessions hearings, the Interior Department has quietly approved 27 new permits for offshore drilling. In similar news, Glenn Beck is PETA's new spokesperson.

We end, as always, with The Funny, today taking the form of the most epic Hipster text message break-up of all time. Ladies, when are you going to learn that you can't text message breakup?

Picture of the day

Who is this? Why it's Craig Lynch, a September escapee from England’s Suffolk’s Hollesley Bay Prison who is using Facebook to taunt the UK police who have been searching for him for months.

Let me just check to make sure he isn't a rapist or murderer... check done. It's burglary. Alright. Well done, Craig.

If you'd like to become friends with Craig and follow his updates as he evades the police, his Facebook page is here.

Pictures of the day

The various police beatings, country targeted protests, Greenpeace demonstrations, an dirty, dirty hippies that are in Copenhagen to watch the world fail. 230 people were arrested yesterday as clashes got serious and an attempt was made to rush the summit and occupy the floor of the negotiations. How is that Pittsburgh was the one city that was able to handle a major world summit without shit getting too emotional?

But as we learn at all climate summits: a consensus on action may be hard, but everyone can always agrees that beating up hippies is carbon neutral.

People who will be waiting a very, very, very long time

Coming soon to a rapture near you. God will have a little higher production values though.

America paying it's debts. Hilarious joke, protesters, hilarious joke.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 12.09

Yahoo, Verizon: Our Spy Capabilities Would ‘Shock’, ‘Confuse’ Consumers
We already know our government isn't really interested in curbing all that spying and wiretapping monkey business, but we now get to learn exactly why telcom companies are so eager to join up and comply: they make a pretty penny off of it. $3500 for a month long wiretap with a $1000 price break if you want more moths after that. Trap-and-traces are $2500, and a month's worth of records comes in at a thrifty $40. Now that you think about it, that data/text plan isn't as much of a gouge as you thought it was.

Yahoo Issues Takedown Notice for Spying Price List
In a follow up to the above link, Yahoo and Verizon kind of got mad that all that information got out after they tried to block a FOIA request and is sending out fresh batches of new lawsuits. And they should be pissed off, how can Verizon charge that much to the feds and still have such spotty 3G coverage? Luke Wilson ain't gonna get you out of explaining that one, Verizon.

Feds ‘Pinged’ Sprint GPS Data 8 Million Times Over a Year
Because it's "Telcoms are scumfucks" day on the Crutch, the good people at Wired's Threat Level inform us that if you're essentially a Sprint customer that means you're basically subject to GPS surveillance by the police at any time. Don't worry, they have to get a court order...unless it's an emergency. Now sure, that might seem like an excessive and easily exploitable rights violation, but then again, the Blackberry Curve and the Treo are pretty fucking sweet and if you want a great PDA you are going to have to sacrifice some rights. But hey, NFL Mobile Live is worth it.

Pork meat grown in the laboratory
Love pork, but just aren't comfortable with the ethical quandary surrounding butchering Babe up like, well, a pig? Thanks to unholy science, your troubles are at an end. With just a few myoblast cells and an animal fetus based nutrient solution and you've got vat grown pork lumps that even PETA says you can eat guilt free. Fuckin' science, man, growing pig meat in the lab. I guess I butchered and buried all those pigs in my back yard for nothing. Now I'm not even interested to see if a bacon tree grows.

U.S. Will Settle Indian Lawsuit for $3.4 Billion
Reversing a longstanding US government policy of fucking over Native Americans at all costs, the Feds settled a longstanding case over mismanagement of land trust accounts dating back to 1887. They're going to divvy up all the money between the remaining Indians, so it's going to mean a haul of about $200 million per person. Also as a consequence of the lawsuit: the US Government recognizes Indians as people. Just a warning to all the tribes out there: the white man is still an untrustworthy devil. If they give you the money in cash, handle it with gloves and surgical masks because it might have the pig flu on it. If it's an electronic transfer, watch out for a computer virus. Don't fall for the same mistakes as your ancestors.

A proportionate response

Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.27

O'S WATCHDOG SNIFFING OUT RICH PAY PACKAGES
Finally. I mean haven't we been all waiting for weeks for a powerless compensation czar to look at financial industry pay structure for those receiving bailout money, decree which ones are ridiculous (hint: all of them), and then hope that with enough whining and media attention (hint: there won't be any) that he'll be able to chisel a few bucks out of the greediest fuckers on earth? I have.

Palin Steps Down As Alaska Governor
America's dumb rural aunt pretends to fade off into the pretend sunset. Yes it was replete with bullshit accusations, attempts to pretend scrutiny of her was disrespect to the American soldier, a litany of bizarre grammar, stories, anecdotes, and analogies, and all spit-shined with the pretend polish that she isn't dumping Alaska to immediately going to go out whoring for money she thinks the governorship is preventing her from hoarding. She will never go away.

David Vitter's "Serious Sin": GOP Eyes Fate Senator In Louisiana
A GOP hooker-banger runs for re-election. Eliot Spitzer weeps a little inside. Unsurprisingly he has the support of the GOP establishment and the religious powers, who have been moved by his attempts to pretend it never happened, that he doesn't know what you're talking about, and thank the baby Jesus that chased all the poor blacks out of the state with that hurricane. On the bright side: a porn star is running against him, so: intentional and unintentional comedy abounds.

The Petition to Make Obama Apologize
The NRSC comes out with their petition to try to make President Obama apologize for correctly identifying that police may have acted stupidly for arresting Professor Henry Louis Gates in front of his house the other day. Because when the charges are immediately dropped that's how you know police are completely in the right.

An Incoherent Truth
The ECON7-KRUGBOT MK-3000 opines on health care and the incomprehensible demands of the eternally retarded Blue Dogs Caucus, the caucus most likely to fuck it all up, are making on the bill. It turns out when you group hypocrite morons together, they just get louder and dumber, in addition to more powerful.

Forget Aloof, Bernanke Goes Barnstorming
Ben "Bitches love my rate cuts" Bernanke hits the road to stump for the Fed, trying to convince everyone that the central bank is helpful and not mysterious or menacing in any way. And if you don't believe that he'll leverage billions against you and destroy you in ways he will neither reveal nor could you hope to ever understand.

Jupiter: Our Cosmic Protector?
You want to know why God's attempts to murder us with asteroids have turned out so feebly? Is God a bitch? Have we found and worshiped a better God that protects us from the old jealous one? No, it turn out that Jupiter, friend that he is, is just using its massive size and gravitational pull to take the brunt of the damage for the solar system. So give it up for the Big J. The dinosaurs didn't and you see what mighty Jupiter did to them. Worship our new celestial master.

Rewarding creativity, America style

Above: Nefarious Criminal Activity

The above picture might look familiar if you are one of the degenerate readers we share with fukung. I'm fairly certain it has also made the rounds on Digg and reddit, bestowing upon it the status of "internet hit," as the kids often say.

This is a brainchild of North Carolina State student Joe Carnevale, 22, a history major who stole three construction barrels and turned them into a fairly complex and hilarious work of art. The result?

Though Raleigh police seized the barrel statue on May 31 as evidence, they didn't arrest Carnevale until Wednesday, according to Laura Hourigan, a police spokeswoman. Carnevale is now facing misdemeanor charges of damage to property and larceny. He'll be in court on July 21.

I guess he should have instead been throwing back whiskey like it was going out of style and embracing the if she doesn't say "no," she must mean "yes" philosophy of campus courtship. Presumably, that would have been acceptable behavior for an undergraduate.