Plea of the day

A sign you'll see popping up at local BPs... if you'd even bother to buy gas from one now.


This was the final draft of the placard. There were many earlier drafts and through the magic of making shit up and lying to you, we at These Bastards is able to bring a few of them to you.

Thanks for not caring about anything other than the price of a gallon of gas.

Like you were ever going to see a Roseate Spoonbill or Red Egret in person. And Pacific Bluefin Tuna taste just as good as the Gulf ones. I dare anyone to say we've made the Brown Pelican browner.

Fuck birds, man. Anyway, thanks.

Then there's this one.

What the fuck don't you people understand about "Independently owned and operated?" Do I sound like I have a British accent? I didn't spill anything in your ocean.

These signs are being made in bulk, so we're just going to assume the accent you're hearing is Pakistani or possibly Russian, because odds are it is.

We hate the Brits just as much as you. Colony having motherfuckers. Please don't take it out on us.

Third try.

I'm fine with it if you don't want to buy gas from me. I wouldn't want to support BP if I were in your position either.

Can I tell you a secret? *moves in closely*

*whispers* We make more from the snacks and pop than we do from the gas. So really, fuck BP and their oil. But could you buy a Coke and some Twizzlers?

Thanks.

Also.

Like you've never made a mistake in your life!! OH, MR. AND MISSUS FUCKING PERFECT SITTING THERE IN THEIR CAR GETTING SO FUCKING JUDGMENTAL!!!

Buy gas, don't buy gas. We don't care. We're all rich British lords and at the end of the day we'll all still be rich British lords. You'll still be some Yank asshole.

Fuck it, FUCK OFF! We don't event want to sell you any gas anyway. Get stuffed, tosser. Jog on.

Finally.

Why does everyone think we're the ones that spilled oil in the Gulf?

Nah man, that was Sunoco. You must have heard wrong.

We won't hold it against you, though. BP is cool like that.

BP is cool like that.