Friday, July 2, 2010

Must the government infringe on a man's right to be orange?

Cheap humor. Sweet, sweet, cheap humor.

We like to make fun of John Boehner for his tanning regimen. Why, because it's easy and we don't like to sweat for a joke. Besides, have you seen him? Motherfucker's orange. Thankfully, John likes easy humor as well, because he's serving up a nice opportunity for everyone to mock him for being a vain, self-obsessed Oompa Loompa.

What's he up to this time
? Why he's decrying the abominable health reform bill by blasting out a press release knocking an onerous tax on... tanning beds.
The new tax adds 10 percent to the cost of tanning services businesses provide. Some 30 million Americans visit a tanning salon at least once a year and 75 percent of the employees and customers are women, according to industry sources.
According to this Wall Street Journal article, ObamaCare’s tanning tax is causing all kinds of problems for business owners who provide tanning services as well as other products or those who include tanning services as part of a gym membership.
And they call this America? Can't a man be uncommonly orange without the government trying to make him pay and extra buck for it? Is there an uncommonly weepy metaphor the GOP can use to complain about a tanning tax?
Unfortunately, no amount of sunscreen or Aloe will relieve the pain of the Democrats’ impending 10 percent tax on indoor tanning beds
The pain. The pain. Oh the pain. Does perhaps the former standard bearner and Presidential candidate of the Republicans have a Jersey Shore related pun he could unleash to complain about the tanning tax? Perhaps in a Tweet to Snooki?
@Sn00ki u r right, I would never tax your tanning bed! Pres Obama's tax/spend policy is quite The Situation. but I do rec wearing sunscreen!

This is serious business, people! I mean, the outrage! People engaging in a luxury activity that increases their likelyhood of cancer by 74% should not be expected to pay minuscule taxes on that activity in order to pay for health care. Also, why would a Senator with a history of face tumors not want to get outraged over a tax that might decrease the amount of people who develop skin cancer?

Look, GOP... I know your minority leader is a tanning addict, but can't you let his unnatural obsession with looking like a citrus fruit be a personal thing? I mean you seemed to have organized a full court press from your leadership on this and even got the conservative media to go after it. Aren't you supposed to be a serious party concerned about serious issues? Isn't this supposed to be a serious country with adult leaders concerned about important business?

Oh, that's right, it isn't. Carry on then. OOOH THAT TANNING TAX! *shakes fist at sky*

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