John Boehner cares

A lot has been made of the seeming lack of empathy that the GOP Congressional Caucus seems to have for anyone making under half a million a year or who became unemployed during this recession. And by "seeming lack of empathy" I do mean "complete and total lack of empathy".

But Republicans have feelings too. Seriously. John Boehner wants you to know that he's not some uncaring, orange monster lumbering around the halls of Congress ripping poor people in two. No, he's an elected leader with feelings. Here, he'll even tell you a personal anecdote about how he cares and junk.

“I’ve got real empathy for those who are unemployed, as most of you know I’ve got 11 brothers and sisters. I know that three of my brothers lost their jobs, I’m not sure whether they’ve found jobs, yet, so I’ve got a lot of empathy for those caught in this economic downturn,” Boehner said.

Isn't that, in fact, the textbook definition of empathy?

em·pa·thy (ěm'pə-thē) n.

1. Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. See: Synonyms at pity.

2. Knowing something that has happened to a family member, but not bothering to care enough to help or even learn enough information to know whether their status in life has changed. See: pretending to care.

3. Saying you care, despite all evidence to the contrary proving that you don't. See: fibbing.

4. Having the power to read the feelings of others through telepathy, touch, or some extra-sensory mutant power, like in a fucking sci-fi movie or a comic book. See: motherfucking cool shit.

See? The man's in the clear. He cares. And too the Boehner brothers who have unfortunately lost their jobs, I hope that you find some or that at least your ultra-powerful brother deigns to call up mom to see if you're even still alive, eating catfood, unemployed, or otherwise different. You know, show that he cares.

Unless childhood prankery and bullying by you three is the reason that John Boehner is the way he is. If that's the reason, then you three can just get stuffed.