Oh, do you think you should do something?

The Obama Administration has looked at the economy and found, much to their surprise, that they might have to do something about the job market. Sure, when it was the financial sector in trouble, our elected betters swept in and threw out money like halloween candy. But when it's workers, they need months and months of evidence before they decide that maybe someone should do something. The epiphany came when economic adviser Paul Volcker explained to the White House that the 9.8 number they kept hearing in relation to jobs was not a positivity rating on a scale of 10, but the percentage of people unemployed. It was then everyone knew action was needed.

President Obama’s economic team discussed a wide range of ideas at a meeting on Monday, following his Saturday radio address in which he said it would “explore additional options to promote job creation.” But officials emphasized that a decision was still far off and that in any event the effort would not add up to a second economic stimulus package, only an extension of the first.
...
Among the options for additional steps is some variation on Mr. Obama’s proposal during the stimulus debate to give employers a $3,000 tax credit for each new hire, which Congress rejected last winter partly out of concern that businesses would manipulate their payrolls to claim the credit. Another option would allow more businesses to deduct their net operating losses going back five years instead of the usual two; Congress limited the break to small businesses as part of the economic stimulus law.

The search for further remedies is part of a two-track effort in the White House and Congress. Democrats are also considering plans to continue through 2010 the extra unemployment assistance and health benefits available to people who are out of work for long periods.

Oooh, tax credits, deducting losses, extending unemployment benefits....these all sound exactly like things that were in the original stimulus bill and would have to be extended soon. You know, the stimulus bill that was too small and didn't actually stimulate job growth as much as it made sure the job numbers only crashed into the ground at an insane speed instead of a mindbogglingly insane speed? Of course they're just going to extend old non-working plans instead of creating better new ones. That's because Washington is a stupid place and no one is capable of learning anything or doing anything productive while the prospect of electoral gains are on the horizon in 2010....or 2012...or anytime really. Let's just say incapable.

What's funny is that when you read a comprehensive piece on the Obama team's stimulus efforts, like Ryan Lizza's in the New Yorker, you see that the Administration didn't really think that they'd be at this point despite warnings from people on that team that what they were doing was too small and too focused on tax cuts. Did I say funny? I meant horrifying. Ah well, I guess the solution is to extend everything. I'm sure that'll fix everything in amazing ways that didn't happen the first time around.

Picture of the Day

5,00 farmers with 1,000 tractors and at least 1 cow were out in force to protest the European Union's inaction on low dairy prices and monetary losses for dairy farmers that could reach 14 billion euros. Those G20 anarchists are amateurs, European dairy farmers know how to take it to the man: with teat based attacks.

I'm so sorry. I really am.

Matthew and I have a lot of fun here at the expense of religious people because, well, they're religious. Now, adults talking to imaginary friends is one thing but the indoctrination of children is a whole different mess, one I consider to be a form of child abuse.

That said, the process is hardly surprising, especially for natives of one of the world's most religious countries. Faith-based hustlers have been telling people how to think, who in turn tell their offspring what to think, since about the time our species noticed that big ball of light in the sky.

But every once in a while, we come across something so distasteful and unnerving that we're compelled, nay, honor-bound, to share it with you. Today's entry, courtesy of theinternetisterrible, is footage of The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson. I almost never do this, but I have to warn you: what follows is not pleasant. Watch only if you can deal with substantially less sleep than normal for the balance of the week/month/your lifetime.

The Bible (Expurgated version)

Have you ever picked up your Bible (the one you have steadying a wobbly end table or the one you're hiding your rock hammer in) and just thought to yourself "Christ almighty, this Christ almighty guy won't stop with the liberal bullshit!"? You aren't alone, the folks at Conservapedia think so too.

Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations.
...
As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
...
4.Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms
...
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
...
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness
...
Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians.

*stands up and applauds* Truly this is the final stupid culmination of the meshing of evangelicals with right wing Republicans. God is too much of a liberal socialist pussy for them, so they must "edit" Him.

Now far be it from me to criticize selective belief of the Bible. I was raised Catholic and we are notorious pickers and choosers of our faith. As part of my belief system I have chosen not to follow the parts of the Bible where the words are put onto paper and then bound in between a front cover and a back cover. But if the holy Jeebus has failed you as a Conservative icon, why not just worship a new deity? May I suggest money and Reagan. Hell, they already tell plenty of horseshit stories about Dutch ending communism, just add in a leper getting healed, trickle down economics working, and one where Ronnie casts Jimmy Carter from the temple.

It just seems to me that would be easier than trying to hammer a 2000 year old text into conforming with whatever it is the far right believes in this week.

Broken In Brief: Steelers D decides to stop letting local high school teams play 4th quarter for them

PITTSBURGH—After a 38-28 Steelers victory against the Chargers Sunday night, notable for the 21 points the Steelers defense yielded in the 4th quarter after having posted despicable game-ending performances the previous two weeks, team officials announced their decision to suspend the practice of letting local high schools teams take the field in place of last year’s #1 ranked defense.

“It is what it is,” said Head Coach Mike Tomlin during the Monday morning press conference. “We thought it a natural extension of our tradition of letting high school teams play their divisional championships at Heinz Field. But it seems these kids can’t handle the pressure and we’re starting to lose games while letting others get closer than they should. Our defense will have to resume playing the entire game. We accept that. We welcome the challenge. We don’t shy away from it.”

Unknown at press time was whether the other Steelers tradition, consisting of visiting local soup kitchens an hour before kickoff to pick out an assortment of drifters, hobos, and tramps to install as an offensive line, will also be curtailed. But those within the organization note that this policy is likely to continue, especially given the coaching staff's surprise at the performance of the malignant social tumors who comprised this week's line.

Singled out for praise were the deranged sex criminal cast to play the part of “Left Guard Chris Kemoeatu” and the bus depot-dwelling former loan officer who took on the personage of “Right Tackle Willie Colon”, a Latin American salsa trombonist whose identity the Steelers purchased four years ago for an undisclosed sum.

Added Tomlin, a hint of regret in his voice, “I just feel sorry for the kids from Pine-Richland. They were supposed to get the 4th quarter of the Detroit game.”

Sweet Jesus

A man decides to document some skiing, an avalanche, a snow burial, and dramatic rescue.....accidentally....from his own helmet cam. This brought up an interesting question between Sean and myself: does the inevitable pants shitting that occurs when you realize what is happening in any way aid in the survival/discovery process, by perhaps providing extra warmth or a smell to lock into? Our conclusion: it couldn't hurt.

Congratulations to the poor bastard for surviving and, given his luck, I wouldn't recommend he try to use a helmet cam to document his next trip: hiking along the mouth of an active volcano.

Picture of the Day

China had it's 60th birthday party the other day and they certainly got their money's worth. By which I mean our money's worth. No, their massive numbers, bright colors, military precision, and highly organized co-ordination...it isn't frightening at all. Certainly not terrifying.

One wonders where they'll be in another 60 years. Probably running everything and posting up signs in our country telling us that we should "be disturbed at not understanding." See you in the work camps! Click to embiggen.

We'll get back to you on that

Harry Reid, in an baffling display of balls and a peculiar interest in Democratic priorities, took it upon himself to ask the Obama Administration when they'd like to get a start on that whole 'no gays in the military' thing that we like to use to make sure we have no Arabic translators. National Security Adviser Jim Jones (BALLIN'!) decided that hemming and hawing was the best way to answer the question.

JONES: The President has an awful lot on his desk. I know this is an issue that he intends to take on at the appropriate time.
...
KING: No idea when the right time is?

JONES: Um, I don’t think it’s going to be — it’s not years, but I think it will be teed up appropriately.

Missing from the transcript is the part where Jim Jones (Na Na NaNa Na Na!) nervously tugs at his collar, then throws a bunch of papers into the air and runs out of the studio yelling about how "something important came up." I forget, is it a positive sign when instead of saying something will happen on gay rights issues, someone starts talking about the "right time"? Especially when everyone knows the "right time" to take on any type of gay rights issue in Washington is never? Very courageous, especially since it came on the heels of a Pentagon report saying that repealing DADA would have no effect on the morale of effectiveness of troops. But how would Jones have known that? I mean it's not like the National Security Adviser deals with the Pentagon or that he ever dealt with the Pentagon in his previous job as a 4 star Marine General.

Still though, getting outflanked by Harry Reid...is there no lower place to sink?

Praise/retraction of the day

Glenn Beck, on his new favorite band:

New MUSE CD. Amazing. These guys are right on the money. Lyrics on target, talent off the charts. They 'get it'. Libertarian!

Muse, on their new #1 fan (paraphrased):

Jesus fucking shit Christ. Stop associating yourselves with us. Retract! Retract it! Never mention our names again! You are decency and popularity poison! Can't...scrub off...filth. So unclean, so unclean.

Is it surprising that Glenn Beck would decide to idolize a band whose lyrics sound like what an 8th grader would write about "the man" and "all the oppression going on" after a class assigned reading of 1984? No. Is it surprising that Muse would know enough about America to know that they don't want the Beck albatross hung around their neck? Yes, and top form on responding to Beck's praise within the hour to get him to stop mentioning the band. You can't have a thing like that hang around until the afternoon, you have to nip that shit in the bud before people start negatively associated you with Beck, instead of just negatively associating you as "the guys who ape Radiohead and Queen."

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.05

Buyout Firms Profited as a Company’s Debt Soared
Doesn't it warm the cockles of all our hearts when we see a venerated and popular American company bankrupted? Yes, it does. But I think it always leaves us with one question: were financial companies, private equity firms, and investment firms able to rape close to a billion out of the company as they essentially overburdened it with debt and ran it out of business? In this case? Yes. It's a heartwarming tale of greed and quality mattresses in our new financial apocalypse.

Goldman to be paid $1bn if CIT fails
God bless Goldman-Sachs. When they aren't giving Matt Taibbi an aneurysm, stocking the government with cronies, and working the financial apocalypse to their benefit, they get to do things like take out credit default swaps on companies like CIT and make a billion dollars while sticking the government for a $2.3 billion dollar bill. I'm sure Tim Geithener will get right on this, provided any deferred compensation he's owed by Goldman isn't affected by it.

Obama's Meeting With the Dalai Lama Is Delayed
There are a multitude of reasons you don't want to meet the Dalai Lama. His drinking, the racist jokes he tells, the expensive items he orders off the menu and sticks you with the tab for, and lets not forget the constant droning bullshit about "spiritual enlightenment" and how to achieve it. But probably the best reason to snub the Lama is to placate your biggest creditor, China. I'm glad we've chosen that track, along with soft pedaling criticism of their human rights, financial, and trade policies. It just feels right, you know?

Gov. Perry replaces head of agency investigating Texas arson findings
What do you do when clear evidence shows you that you're about to execute an innocent man based on witnesses that are proven to have lied and deeply flawed scientific evidence that everyone in the scientific community now recognizes as wrong? If you're Texas? Execute the guy anyway, and then, as a coda, start firing people who are set to investigate the case and your seriously flawed arson investigations. I'm surprised at this, I thought Texas Governor Rick Perry, what with his calls for secession and his cries against the tyranny of government...and his calls for more government assistance and money, seemed like such a stable and honest fellow.

Mysterious Private Security Firm Gets Control Of Empty Jail In Small Montana Town
This feels right. Isn't it about time a shadowy unregistered private security firm took over a small rural town after they take over the town's jail and unilaterally declare themselves the town's police force? We had Blackwater run rampant in Iraq (among other places) and private security firms already served as a villain in 24, isn't about time we imported that fun here? I think we can sacrifice the 3,400 people of Hardin for what will almost certainly inspire an awesome season of 24 or at least a great sequel to Red Dawn.

Can I see this movie ten times already?

An "exclusive scene" from Roland Emmerich's new disaster porn masterpiece 2012 that was put on the YouTubes. You didn't think Emmerich could top the scene in Day After Tomorrow where Jake Gyllenhaal outruns the cold? How do you like the sound of John Cusack calling his wife to tell her that Governor Fake Arnold is lying about the crisis....and then California explodes and he has to outwit the earth with a limo? Yeah, I thought so. We may be looking at the Citizen Kane of terrible disaster movies.

Chart of the day

via the New York Times Economix blog comes this chart from recent census data on the economic disparity gaps between men and women. As a whole, women make 77.9% of what men make. In the 21st Century. C+ equality! I guess that means we probably don't have to do anything else besides making it easier to sue after income disparity is discovered. Dust off those hands boys, our work is done.

Good news though, if you're a woman and lucky enough to live in DC, you get to make 88% of what a man does, with NY, California, Arizona, and Maryland close behind. If you want to live where women make more than men, you either need furtive imaginations or a desire to live in Puerto Rico, where women make 101.1% of what men make.

Unfortunately, if you're a woman living in Wyoming then you have to deal with the fact that you live in Wyoming. But in addition to that, you suffer the worst pay disparity at 64.3% and you are also subject to regulations that state that Dick Cheney can hunt you for sport if he is displeased with the meal he is legally authorized to demand from any of age woman in the state. That's just adding insult to injury.

Picture of the Day

And the third part of the Win Trifecta, the Stanley Cup Champions banner, get's raised tonight against the Rangers. Whooo! And might I add, Hooo! Hopefully there won't be any G20 protesters coming out to try and humorously counter protest the Penguins game with chants and sign about economic fairness and freeing Tibet. Lets go Pens.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.02

Kalashnikov Manufacturer Faces Bankruptcy
And it was the preferred weapon of every paramilitary organization, freedom fights, pirate, and child army in existence! It's a surprise to say the least. I guess old man Kalashnikov should have learned the phrase "planned obsolescence" and not made guns that would work forever in any type of poor condition. Ah well, if new one aren't flooding the market this might make the AK's you can buy for $20 in Africa go up in price. How's a child army going to afford that? Will no one think of the children?

Special Health Care for Congress: Lawmakers' Health Care Perks
While our elected betters debate whether to make a small or large leap from the shittiest health care system in the developed world towards the second shittiest, ABC News decides to take a look at the health care they give themselves. In addition to great health insurance they also get access to a medical clinic which also serves as an addition comprehensive health care plan that is good for anything short of major surgery. But the peasants can't be allowed to engage in some form of health care that causes too much undue competition to the industry that rips us off. I try not to hate you with every fiber of my being, government, but you make it too easy.

Dwarves found 'theme park' commune to escape bullying
As a white Christian male in the key 25-54 ad demo, I'm not one who much understands the plights of those who aren't. But if you're a group of dwarves trying to avoid bullying and mockery from the public at large, wouldn't the last thing you do is start up a theme park where those people can pay money to watch you engage in "It's a Small World" performance tropes? I'm just sayin' is all.

A grand unifying theory for Superman
Finally, someone has decided to address the scientific concerns I've always had with superhero superpowers in regards to Newtonian theory. And all the better that it's done by someone affiliated with Ryan North's Dinosaur Comics and done in a serious manner. Now you don't need to read Superman comics and be annoyed by the fact he can fly, now you have a scientifically consistent explanation and the possibility of further study in a journal quality paper. Now if only someone would tackle the seeming genetic impossibilities present in the X-Men.

George Will Believes The Hottest Decade In History Shows An ‘Absence Of Significant Warming’
The Wonk Room decides to take on George Will's seeming propensity to look at hard facts, measurements, and statistics about global warming, then lie about them. As well as the fact that the Washington Post doesn't seem to care that he does it time and time again. I guess if you let Charles Krauthammer, David Broder, Richard Cohen, Robert Kagan, and Bill Kristol spew bullshit ranging from vapid to dishonest to actively damaging the country all over your column pages, one more guy doesn't really make a difference.

Hey wonderful

Finally some good news. Senate Democrats have come out and stated, definitively, that there will be a public option in any final bill that comes out of Congress. Alright boys, way to show some conviction!

Senate Democratic leaders signaled Thursday that their version of health care overhaul will include some form of a public option,

Wonderful to hear. This is apropos of nothing, but I wonder why Politico used a comma to end that sentence up there. That was weird. Hmmm.

, but it may be limited in scope so they can secure 60 votes to break a Republican filibuster.

Ahhh! You rotten sons of bitches. You're doing it again. You're failing again. You see...wait, what? You have something to say Harry Reid?

"We are going to have a public option before this bill goes to the president's desk," Reid said in a conference call with constituents, referring to some kind of government plan.

"I believe the public option is so vitally important to create a level playing field and prevent the insurance companies from taking advantage of us," he said.

Oh good, because earlier it seemed like you were loading up statements like that with tons of caveats and...

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) called the public option a "relative term," and Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) said, "There is not one way to Rome; there are lots of ways to Rome."

"Remember, a public option is a relative term," Reid said. "There's a public option, there's a public option, and there's a public option. And we're going to look at each of them."

Oh Jesus Christ, stop talking! Nothing you say is good, nothing you do is good. I choose to understand these statements the way I would understand statements from a suave Gruber-esque German terrorist who tells me that he will let me and my family go......if I just give him the codes to the mainframe. I know what's he's saying should sound good, but I just can't shake the feeling that the second I listen, we'll all be murdered violently.

So when Reid says "relative term" and starts trying to parse out degrees of public options, that just means something terrible is on the horizon. In fact, that might mean health care isn't even going to happen at all. The only way to rectify this is to throw Harry Reid off the top of Nakatomi Tower before he kills us all. You know I'm right.

Get a job

The hits just keep on coming. Sure, the economy is super great, what with profits on the rise, GDP shrinkage stopped, and banks and financial institutions feeling free to return to deeply dangerous and arcane financial instruments that they don't understand and leverage them into economy killing ways in an attempt to gain short term profits again. But one tiny, niggling little indicator refuses to make any improvements, despite the economy being both being radical and tubular: the assholes in the economy. They're all still jobless.

The American economy lost 263,000 jobs in September — far more than expected — and the unemployment rate rose to 9.8 percent, the government reported on Friday, dimming prospects of any meaningful job growth by the end of the year.

The Labor Department’s monthly snapshot of unemployment dashed hopes that the pace of job losses would continue to slow as the economy clawed its way back from a deep recession. Economists had expected 175,000 monthly job losses.

“People have been celebrating that we’re through the financial crisis, but the underlying issues are all still there,” said Dean Baker, co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research. “We’ve lost trillions of dollars in housing wealth, and consumption’s going to be weak. It’s not the ’30s, but there’s really nothing to boost the economy.”

What's that, the 900th straight month economists haven't predicted job losses/gains correctly? Don't make any trips to Vegas, fellas. But if that wasn't bad enough, it seems we're back to that problem we had earlier where America is trying to enjoy its lovely Victorian garden party and some asshole economists are trying to point out the corpse pile near the cucumber sandwiches. If Dean Baker's gainsaying wasn't bad enough, Paul Krugman's back at it again, wearing his Nobel around his neck and blabbing on an on about "don't get cocky kid", "mission not accomplished", "the wolves of complacency will feast on the guts of the lamb of recovery", and "isn't my beard so great." It is, but that's beside the point.

Their solution? More stimulus, because spending the money now will cost us less in the long run. Yeah, I'm sure the Congress that couldn't get it right the first time when things were worse will get around to forming a competent new stimulus plan any day now. Right. Besides, the first one took care of their corporate masters, why would they need to do one to shore up the job market? Everyone else just has to muddle through 10% unemployment, while pundits talk about no one having jobs as "the one black mark on an otherwise great recovery." Not even a black mark, light gray at worst.

Video of the day

Time lapse photography of Typhoon Nangka hitting Hong Kong in rain walls (at 0:50, 1:10, 1:45, 4:10, lights going up at 4:30) over the course of one day.

Cheap health care scaremongering of the day

Minnesota's shame, Michelle Bachmann, decided to repeat some stuff she hallucinated this morning after she started up her car, forgot to open the garage door, and sat in the driver's seat for a good 45 minutes or so:

"The bill goes on to say what's going to go on -- comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care -- is that abortion? Does that mean that someone's 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser."

Well yeah, if me and Roman Polanski have our way that will be the law. But unfortunately those assholes in Washington haven't written anything like that into any health care bill. It's a complete fabrication. In fact Pulitzer Prize winning non-partisan fact check site Politifact broke out it's rarely used "Pants on Fire" Lie-o-Meter graphic.

Really Minnesota, how much longer are you going to make us put up with her? Her repeated re-elections are beginning to look like an aggressive act of hostility towards the other 49 states.

For the love of God go away

Rick Santorum is back and for the love of God I don't have any clue why. Is America clamoring for the leadership of a man who got his head caved in by 18 points to a charisma vacuum like Bob Casey? Does the Republican party need yet another orthodox Christian conservative with a lot of shady lobbying ties who wishes to take the party further out into the wilderness? I guess he's convinced so, because he's going to Iowa to start stumping for 2012.

“I have to tell you I was surprised by the response, just invitations…If you Googled ‘Santorum in Iowa’ before I did that Politico interview, there were 350 items would come up, entries that would come up on the search. I Googled it this morning. You know how many came up? Guess….1,360,000 entries! That surprised me, you know, when I see that and when I saw the reaction out there. It’s a little, it makes you step back and think when I actually wasn’t thinking about it.

“You say I should have been thinking about this long ago. Well, I wasn’t. Am I thinking about it seriously now? Well, I’m here.

That's funny, you know what the first thing that came up for me when I Googled Santorum? Oh, nothing.

But then Big Bird showed up

Yes, Conan. Yes.

Monkey news

Yo ugly ass momma, evolutionarily speaking

Oldest "Human" Skeleton Found--Disproves "Missing Link"

Scientists today announced the discovery of the oldest fossil skeleton of a humanLucy, the iconic early human ancestor specimen that walked the Earth 3.2 million years ago (interactive time line: how the new discovery changes human evolutionary theory).
...
The fossil puts to rest the notion, popular since Darwin's time, that a chimpanzee-like missing link—resembling something between humans and today's apes—would eventually be found at the root of the human family tree. Indeed, the new evidence suggests that the study of chimpanzee anatomy and behavior—long used to infer the nature of the earliest human ancestors—is largely irrelevant to understanding our beginnings.

I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that God, in conjunction with the baby Jesus, has decided to up his game in regards to providing convincingly plausibly lies to get heretics to believe in evolution and not in the Bible. He's getting serious. Not content just to bury dinosaur bones, God has upped his game: burying evidence He faked that purportedly shows Man's earliest known, 4.4 million year old evolutionary fore-bearer and also scientifically disproves the "missing link" theory, knocking out the notion that we somehow branched off from chimps.

I think we all know what to do now. I'll bury myself in Bible studies, you call Fred Phelps, and we'll go to Tim White and Berhane Asfaw's labs (the two who made the "discovery" and worked out the "science") to laugh at how the scientific community has once again fallen for one of His practical jokes. The punchline is: everyone burns in hell. So believe in your precious fossils, carbon dating, and beloved maths and sciences. We enlightened types know that the earth is 6,000 years old, Jesus rode a Triceratops into Jerusalem, this "evidence" of "evolution" is a hilarious practical joke, and the only good use for math is adding up the ages of everyone in the Bible to provide a timeline of the Earth. Meet me at the creation museum if you want to further discuss how hilarious this is or Kirk Cameron's own scientific work into disproving evolution.

Recession's still over

We even beat the upwardly revised numbers. Take that, realistically adjusted unemployment figures! Don't you ever fucking condescend to tell us how well we're failing.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- The number of first-time filers for unemployment insurance jumped last week, according to a government report issued Thursday, with the increase exceeding economists' forecasts.

There were 551,000 initial jobless claims filed in the week ended Sept. 26, up 17,000 from an upwardly revised 534,000 the previous week, the Labor Department said in a weekly report.

As you were.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 10.01

E.P.A. Moves to Curtail Greenhouse Gas Emissions
Tired of waiting for Congress to get off its fat asses and make an attempt to bungle climate legislation while it's bungling health care legislation, President Obama decided that "Hey, maybe I should use the agencies and laws I already have to do it." Brilliant stroke of genius, Barry. And so he did, enabling the EPA to menace free enterprise and business with the application of its dirty laws and legally mandated oversight. Hopefully soon, Congress will come up with a terrible climate change bill so that we can circumvent all this nastiness and get back to what's important: letting industry pollute without any enforcement of actual laws.

Reality Check: Trying to Turn a Point of Pride into a Moment of Shame
Ahh, the White House has finally snapped and started using its web-based blog bully pulpit to go after professional liars like Glenn Beck. What was it that set the White House off? Death panels? FEMA re-education camps? Was Beck trying to blame his 1990 rape and murder of a young girl on the Administration? No....*sighs*, Beck complained about efforts to win the Olympics for the US. And he used lies so minor, they basically count as Beck attempting to tell the truth. Yeah, this was the one you really needed to combat, White House.

Credit Rating Agency Analysts Covering AIG, Lehman Brothers Never Disciplined
Oh my star and garters. You're telling me that the concept of accountability that doesn't exist in banks or financial markets, doesn't exist in the businesses that rate them? But really, one does have to be shocked that the Government is mad at the A and AA ratings that Moody's Standard and Poor's, and Fitch's handed out. I mean an A or AA rating, in the fantasy financial world where everything is rated AAA, is the equivalent of a D- or F+ in the real world. Why should anyone be fired over not seeing the imminent collapse of some of the the largest financial institutions in the world? That's why pencils have trillion dollar erasers.

Tamiflu in Rivers Could Breed Drug-Resistant Flu Strains
OK, want to make sure that flu carrying animals aren't exposed to anti-virals flu medications and drug resistant flu strains aren't created? One simple step: if you take Tamiflu, afterward...never urinate. And especially don't urinate into a river. Tamiflu is expelled by urine, it gets into the water through sewage treatment plants, then into the rivers, then exposed to birds, then Captain Trips is created, then we're all caught up in an apocalyptic morality play as Boulder, Colorado and Las Vegas engage in the final battle of good and evil after a superflu wipes out 99.9% of the world's population. Is this what you want? No? Good, don't pee.

Iran Meets U.S. and Allies for Nuclear Talks in Geneva
And so begins the long process in which the world tells Iran that it shouldn't try to make nukes "Because" and Iran looks at open threats of destruction coming at it from large and influential sectors of the US political establishment, threats of preemptive strikes from Israel, continued Middle Eastern conflict, the fact that it just suppressed it's own population and rigged an election, and the fact that back water shit states with deep terrorist ties, like Pakistan for instance, are immediately treated with respect, dignity, and showered with billions just because they developed a nuke, and says "Wait, why should I listen to you guys?" It'll be great.

Quote of the day

Tennessee Senator Bob Corker (R-eally? Do I actually need to tell you what party he's from?), stating his well reasoned and logical opposition to why Chris Dodd's plan, to roll up the myriad of financial and banking regulatory agencies spread across different government departments into one regulatory agency, is a bad idea proposed by a bad man:

You mentioned having an alphabet soup of [regulators] coming to talk to us, and it’s not unlike witnesses coming before our committee with differing points of view in many ways. I have to tell you, I have enjoyed that. Each of the regulators — sometimes gleefully, sometimes not — points out the deficiencies of the other regulators. And I have to tell you, there’s some merit in that, just for what it’s worth. To have a captive regulator, much like we had with the GSE’s, which would be the case with all banks, to me, could be very problematic.

That's right, we can't have what sounds like a good idea because Bob Corker likes it when the small agencies squabble in front of him for his amusement. I mean sure, that system of patchwork regulators was unable to to avert that financial meltdown thingy dingy and our regulatory structure is deeply harmed by shoddy structure of small regulators with limited range, turf battles, and poor funding, but Bob Corker does like a good inter-regulatory fight go down in front of him. You see, he doesn't have cable. It's the only entertainment he gets.

And never mind the fact that the financial service industry is virulently opposed to Dodd's plan and that they think the current system "works good", we certainly don't need better regulation. I mean the total collapse of the markets already happened, it's not like it's gonna happen again. Why improve what doesn't work?

Art of the day

"What You See Might Not Be Real", artist Chen Wen Ling's sculptural representation of the financial crisis. The bull represents the markets, the man being speared in the rectum is Bernie Madoff.