Cheap Blogging Crutch 07.01

Gregg Peltz's Victorian Star Wars portraits

Health care overlord Comrade Obama has unleashed his health care scheme on us. Now he has informed us of the exact schedule of and options we will have under the oppressive bootheel of his socialist scheme. Healthcare.gov gives people the rundown on the new health care policy, from the exact time the spirit of Lenin will possess your youngest child, to the brainwashing camp schedule, to when you can schedule the shock troops to kick in your door and stick grandma with a Bowie knife.

Talking Points Memo recounts the saga and details of the Russian spy ring and finds them lacking. Almost comically inept. From not actually getting any useful information, handing over their equipment to undercover FBI agents, to stating their address as 99 Fake Street, they weren't struggling to make the Russian espionage hall of fame. Not that any of this matters, this is all a viral marketing scheme for Salt... OPENING JULY 23RD!

All throughout this massive global financial crisis, we have been able to say one thing: we may have a government rife with banking shills and financial conglomerate insiders, but at least they're working for us. Like, putting us on the hook for billions of dollars worth of worthless Bear-Stearns assets... and then lied to Congress about it. So lets see, that makes it Bernanke, Geithner, most of the White House, every elected Republican, significant chunks of House Democrats, and every key Democrat in the Senate working to largely look out for the interests of the financial industry over citizens. Goddamn, Boehner was right... that's not nearly enough protection for the financial industry.

Soccer is taking hold, America. Sure, the US National Team, as is typical, shit itself about a round before it should have to realistically maximize this World Cup, but it's making inroads. How do we know? Landycakes' winner against Algeria broke the intarwebs and all associated internetting tubes. It was officially the biggest driver of internet traffic ever. Socialized medicine, liberals in charge, and gay no hands/no hitting sports taking over our consciousness? We're almost Europe, people. Or, alternately, a third world country if you follow John Oliver's math. If we don't eat sufficient amounts of red meat and blow up large chunks of this country over the weekend, we're essentially indistinguishable from Portugal.

We would like to join the world in wishing legendary effects maestro Ray Harryhausen a happy 90th birthday. Your Clash of the Titans still looked more real than this summer's Clash of the Titans. In honor of the man, here are fighting skeletons.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 06.30

Ron English on the Kellog's cereal drama. I know Apple Jacks usually gives you diarrhea, but it wasn't supposed to this time.

Matt Taibbi takes out his well worn indignation bat to beat Lara Logan, the establishment media, and the notion of today's media that it is their job to protect our political betters lest the peasants learn what they really think. It's over the Rolling Stone McChrystal piece. Taibbi nicely sums up everything that is wrong with most of our media, from their subservience to power to their galling contempt for people who aren't as cravenly sycophantic as they are. Glenn Greenwald also jumps in and throws a few elbows.

#374B in Things I Am Disappointed With the Obama Administration Over: An Ongoing Series. In this episode, the White House goes out of it's way to help banking sycophant Scott Brown insert loopholes into financial reform so that they could lighten the minuscule financial burden on large banks, remove it from hedge funds, and shift it onto small banks and the taxpayer. As one does. Funny, when it comes to something like a public option or, soon, cap-and-trade, the White House can never seem to muster the energy to make even the tiniest effort to push for it. But shift reform burdens from hedge funds to taxpayers? They'll work up a sweat for that. Bang up job.

The 4th of July is almost upon us and thus it is our duty as Americans to use cheaply made Chinese explosives to light up our skies, blow up frogs that couldn't get away fast enough, and remove fingers and/or hands. Except that due to the budget crisis that many communities are going through, firework celebrations are being cut. I hope you'll join us here at TB in celebrating the first annual Imagination Independence Day! It'll help us all work out the kinks so that Imagination Christmas will go off without a hitch.

With a hurricane bearing down on the Gulf oil spill, one asks God "Jesus fucking Christ, what else can you do to make this worse you bearded son of a bitch?" Would you be interested in a tsunami... caused by BP? That's right, the relief well that they're drilling that will totally fix everything for honests, may set of a "supersonic tsunami" by igniting all the trapped underground methane. Nice. After that, the BP Board will go door to door for face macing and groin kicks. It's the only way they know.

We've been a little hard on Barry recently, but we will commend him on one thing: before arresting a bunch of deep cover Russian spies, our President went out munching burgers with Russian President Medvedev as those commie spies were being rounded up. It takes a stone cold motherfucker to have burgers with the man whose spies you are about to have exposed and incarcerated in a massive international incident. More please.

The important questions

As asked by our friends at CNN


I'm going to go with spy. Clearly a spy. Hiding in plain sight on a stripper pole.

Actually, what with womens having all the new rights and privileges and stuff in this the 21st Century, I'm going to say she could very well be both. She's a multi-tasker.

Just a reminder, American Muslims: no there is nothing you can do in this country without large scale accusations of you being a terrorist, a terrorist-sympathizer, or symbolizing "teh choking of teh freedomz by teh encroaching moozlam menace!" Not even beauty pageants. Sorry.

Bipartisanship

Some lament the current tone in Washington and how the legislative process has been dominated by so much political bickering that it seems impossible to pass even the most simple bills. Filibusters are invoked, cloture votes forced, and harsh 60 vote thresholds that have to be met with strict party line votes are required for bills that often finally pass with near universal support of both parties. Just look at health care, or the jobs bills, or economic packages, or anything really.

But there is hope. There is one area of action where our elected betters come together to pass bills with true bipartisan support, warming our hearts with their commitment to bettering this country: when the legislation involves stripping Americans of privacy protections and giving the government greater surveillance powers. That's right, the Patriot Act!

Democrats have retreated from adding new privacy protections to the primary U.S counterterrorism law, stymied by Senate Republicans who argued the changes would weaken terror investigations.

The proposed protections were cast aside when Senate Democrats lacked the necessary 60-vote supermajority to pass them. Dashing the hopes of liberals, the Senate Wednesday night instead passed — by voice vote without debate — a one-year extension of key parts of the USA Patriot Act that would have expired on Sunday.

Thrown away were restrictions and greater scrutiny on the government's authority to spy on Americans and seize their records.

That's right, we can't pass an extension to unemployment insurance and transportation funding by a voice vote because of Jim Bunning, but the Patriot Act? No problem. And forget all those little thingy dingies about improving privacy protections and curbing the numerous stories of abuse we've heard about the Patriot Act provisions that were able to get through committee with bipartisan support. No, as Pat Leahy said "some Republican senators objected to passing the carefully crafted national security, oversight and judicial review provisions in this legislation." So, best not try it or force a public fight over something like rights.

So let's recap. If a bill can be marginally seen as to benefit a section of the American public: filibustered to death, partisan gridlock. If a bill gives our lawmakers a freedom boner and allows them to think of themselves as macho manly men waging the war on terror in a manly way: no need to even press a button to vote for it, we'll just pass it based off the loudness of grunts and then move on to post-vote drinks in the coat room. Ain't this country great?

Legalese

A recent decision was made on another series of lawsuits making the crazy claim that since the government and telecommunications companies illegally spied on us, someone somewhere should maybe face a criminal case, jail time, a large fine, a stern talking to, or a stern finger wag because of it. Of course this nonsense was thrown out of court. But we knew this would happen. The rule of law clearly states that those who rule must be protected from the consequences of the law.

But what is of interest is not so much the fact that the case was thrown out of court, but the reason why. We've moved beyond mere "The government did it so it's legal" and "Unless you can get the government or the telcoms to willingly give you information specifying that your were spied on, you can't sue" to merely stating that everyone got fucked over equally, so you should just take it like a man.

He noted that the plaintiffs include most every American connected to the internet or to have used a telephone — meaning the lawsuits boil down to a “general grievance” and are barred. The decision came days after a government audit showed the telecom companies and FBI collaborated for four years, between 2003 and 2007, to violate federal wiretapping laws.

Judge Walker said that the lawsuits, in essence, cannot be brought because they are “citizen suits seeking to employ judicial remedies to punish and bring to heel high-level government officials for the allegedly illegal and unconstitutional warrantless electronic surveillance program or programs now widely, if incompletely, aired in the public forum.”

Unfortunately the government and telcoms just spied on and wiretapped too many goddamn people, otherwise the courts would totally be able to do something. But since these spying thingy-dingys happened to essentially everyone with a phone or internet they get bussed down from Constitutional violations to general grievances. Your concerns are now legally like the buzzing of flies to Lord Vigo the US government.

And where was the Obama Administration on this case? They were busy trying to get it dismissed based on the "state secrets" privilege and arguing that the US government should not be allowed to be sued unless it has given consent, aka "sovereign immunity." Well at least they're vigorously fighting for one principle they hold dear.

So remember, if you think your Constitutional rights have been violated, you totally have legal recourse.... as long as Congress doesn't pass a retroactive law absolving those who have violated your rights, a company and the government wishes to willingly incriminate itself in said rights violation, the government doesn't claim a "state secrets" privilege, and also doesn't claim the rights of a 12th century Prussian monarch. Wonderful.

...and the home of the braaaave.

Congress brings the funny

Ahh, the Google "I can't believe the information suppressing and spying government of China tried to suppress information and spy after we built them a system to help them suppress information and spy" hissy fit. How could Google have ever foreseen a future in which China wouldn't be content to merely partake in the OK kind of spying and censorship that Google was fine with and move into the bad kind of spying and censorship that Google doesn't like?

But there is much humor to be mined from the situation. Much of it gallows humor over freedom and the ridiculously naive praise Google seems to be getting for standing up to China... after spending years enabling and helping China. But in an article about the Google-China showdown, our own government decided to bring the irony with all the subtlety of a knee to the groin.

The Google-China flap has already reignited the debate over global censorship, reinvigorating human rights groups drawing attention to abuses in the country and prompting U.S. politicians to take a hard look at trade relations. The Obama administration issued statements of support for Google, and members of Congress are pushing to revive a bill banning U.S. tech companies from working with governments that digitally spy on their citizens.

So... Google can't work with the US government? Ah well, it's for the best. Google needs to be affiliated with as few shady governments as possible. There's been too much bad press already.

Who could have foreseen?

I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that illegal spying activities might have taken place in America... in the name of fighting terrorism! New ones, I mean. Not the old ones you already knew about. No, now you have more illegal wiretapping to get mad about, then get madders still when nothing is done about it, before you finally just accept the realities of the country you live in and try to block out the shame with gin and back episodes of Lost. Good times!

The FBI illegally collected more than 2,000 U.S. telephone call records between 2002 and 2006 by invoking terrorism emergencies that did not exist or simply persuading phone companies to provide records, according to internal bureau memos and interviews. FBI officials issued approvals after the fact to justify their actions.

E-mails obtained by The Washington Post detail how counterterrorism officials inside FBI headquarters did not follow their own procedures that were put in place to protect civil liberties. The stream of urgent requests for phone records also overwhelmed the FBI communications analysis unit with work that ultimately was not connected to imminent threats.

Using a shroud of terror fear to break laws, molest civil liberties, spy, and rummage through the last remnants of America's privacy that it hadn't posted on Facebook or drunk texted to an ex? Here, let me drag over this fainting couch and dramatically swoon onto it. The appearance of shock is important, people are watching.

So add "more FBI wiretapping and spying abuses" along with "3 Gitmo murders plus a cover-up" to the ever expanding list of things titled Shit That Will Never Ever Be Prosecuted. Actually, it's not so much a list as it is a short novel. Because going after this stuff would be "looking backwards, not forwards" and besides, these were just one time events and although these one time events seem to happen repeatedly we assume the one time lapses that allowed these one time abuses have been probably fixed. Nothing to worry your pretty little head over.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 12.09

Yahoo, Verizon: Our Spy Capabilities Would ‘Shock’, ‘Confuse’ Consumers
We already know our government isn't really interested in curbing all that spying and wiretapping monkey business, but we now get to learn exactly why telcom companies are so eager to join up and comply: they make a pretty penny off of it. $3500 for a month long wiretap with a $1000 price break if you want more moths after that. Trap-and-traces are $2500, and a month's worth of records comes in at a thrifty $40. Now that you think about it, that data/text plan isn't as much of a gouge as you thought it was.

Yahoo Issues Takedown Notice for Spying Price List
In a follow up to the above link, Yahoo and Verizon kind of got mad that all that information got out after they tried to block a FOIA request and is sending out fresh batches of new lawsuits. And they should be pissed off, how can Verizon charge that much to the feds and still have such spotty 3G coverage? Luke Wilson ain't gonna get you out of explaining that one, Verizon.

Feds ‘Pinged’ Sprint GPS Data 8 Million Times Over a Year
Because it's "Telcoms are scumfucks" day on the Crutch, the good people at Wired's Threat Level inform us that if you're essentially a Sprint customer that means you're basically subject to GPS surveillance by the police at any time. Don't worry, they have to get a court order...unless it's an emergency. Now sure, that might seem like an excessive and easily exploitable rights violation, but then again, the Blackberry Curve and the Treo are pretty fucking sweet and if you want a great PDA you are going to have to sacrifice some rights. But hey, NFL Mobile Live is worth it.

Pork meat grown in the laboratory
Love pork, but just aren't comfortable with the ethical quandary surrounding butchering Babe up like, well, a pig? Thanks to unholy science, your troubles are at an end. With just a few myoblast cells and an animal fetus based nutrient solution and you've got vat grown pork lumps that even PETA says you can eat guilt free. Fuckin' science, man, growing pig meat in the lab. I guess I butchered and buried all those pigs in my back yard for nothing. Now I'm not even interested to see if a bacon tree grows.

U.S. Will Settle Indian Lawsuit for $3.4 Billion
Reversing a longstanding US government policy of fucking over Native Americans at all costs, the Feds settled a longstanding case over mismanagement of land trust accounts dating back to 1887. They're going to divvy up all the money between the remaining Indians, so it's going to mean a haul of about $200 million per person. Also as a consequence of the lawsuit: the US Government recognizes Indians as people. Just a warning to all the tribes out there: the white man is still an untrustworthy devil. If they give you the money in cash, handle it with gloves and surgical masks because it might have the pig flu on it. If it's an electronic transfer, watch out for a computer virus. Don't fall for the same mistakes as your ancestors.

Cheap Blogging Crutch 09.24

Inside the Apocalyptic Soviet Doomsday Machine
Just in case you were worried that the global financial apocalypse, wayward asteroids, the swine flu, or zombies weren't going to effectively wipe out all of humanity, rest assured, the Cold War still might be able to. That's right a Dr. Strangelove-esque Russian nuclear doomsday machine called Perimeter, is still active. If there's one silver lining, it's that the system isn't completely autonomous. So...sleep tight!

Prosecutors say half of Bernie Madoff's investors lost nothing in Ponzi scheme
Awww. Let's get him out of prison early then. And people try to say Ponzi schemes don't work. Hell, 50% of Madoff's clients were able to withdraw more money than they "invested" so I have to say Madoff's scheming worked out pretty well for them. Truly these are people who can say the glass was half full.

Newly Declassified Files Detail Massive FBI Data-Mining Project
I don't want to alarm you, but the government probably knows exactly how many socket wrenches you bought with your Sears card. Not to mention how many Days Inn travel points you have. That's right, because everyone loved data mining when it was applied to phone calls and e-mails, the feddy gov has decided to expand that to hotels, car rentals, corporate databases, and retail chains. Because why shouldn't we open up all areas of privacy to repeated government abuse?

Poll Begs Question: Is Extremism Mainstream?
Far be it from us not to take a free cheap shot at left wing lunatics when the opportunity arises. According to a Public Policy Polling...poll, nearly a quarter of Democrats are part of the 9/11 Truther movement and 14% believe G-Dub was the anti-Christ. Go fuck yourselves and take the PETA people and the bridge protesting banner people with you. George Bush was not some Bloefeld type terrorist mastermind. Everyone smart knows it was Dick Cheney and the Bilderburg Group that caused 9/11. Ron Paul 2012!

Beck attacks 14th Amendment, complete with picture of man, baby in sombreros
God, this new Glenn Beck book is going to be like ten Christmases. Not only does he have an entire section where he criticizes all the Amendments to the Constitution, he attempts a scholarly critique of how judges have misread them....by re-writing them in the most racist terms possible replete with stereotypical cartoons of Mexicans.Then he goes off to praise provisions that protected and incentivized the slave trade. I stand corrected: twenty Christmases. Never let this man stop talking or writing.

Thanks telcoms!

Hey were you wondering how come it was so easy for Iran's Wizened Council of religious Scolds and Vote Riggers was so easily able to shut down citizens access to the internet and all its vast informational tubes? A system that is described as "better than China's"? Siemens and Nokia built it for them! Why? Cause integrity don't pay.

Two European companies — a major contractor to the U.S. government and a top cell-phone equipment maker — last year installed an electronic surveillance system for Iran that human rights advocates and intelligence experts say can help Iran target dissidents.

Nokia Siemens Networks (NSN), a joint venture between the Finnish cell-phone giant Nokia and German powerhouse Siemens, delivered what is known as a monitoring center to Irantelecom, Iran's state-owned telephone company.

A spokesman for NSN said the servers were sold for "lawful intercept functionality," a technical term used by the cell-phone industry to refer to law enforcement's ability to tap phones, read e-mails and surveil electronic data on communications networks.

Here's some more good news: Germany, the UK, Austria, and the US all have similar technology to Iran....they just don't use it or use it in a limited amount! Freedom marches on!

So if you're keeping track at home, when factoring in the US domestic wiretapping and spying scandal, installing freedom smashing protocols in dictatorships, and the ones that help fuel African wars through dirty dealings for materials needed in cell phones, that places the exact number of decent telecommunications companies at....zero. One if you count your ability to tie two tin cans and some string together as making you a part of the telcom industry. And that's only if you used fair trade tin and string in the construction of the only ethical form of long distance communication left. Besides shouting, that is. Writing on paper with a pen involves tree murder and squid molesting.

Now try using a phone without feeling a little bit of shame today. Hopefully I ruined the experience for you.

Broken News: Paranoid anti-totalitarian employs online social networking

SEATTLE—Today the greater Seattle area was shocked to learn that area man Nick Scofield, who came to local prominence after his arrest for a nude protest of what he termed “the pervasive surveillance police state” and illegal wiretapping during the 5th inning of a Mariners/Indians baseball game last year, was keeping anyone with computer access updated of his whereabouts through the popular web application Twitter.

"Going down to shop at Standish’s Market before lunch with members of EarthFirst at Mary’s All Organic Café" was the timestamped message that greeted followers of his feed mid-morning. This was the sixth in what would eventually be 17 updates of Scofield's itinerary, location, activities, and lists of people he was meeting with, as well as references to discussions in which he'd engaged.

“I just think that this is an important tool that can be used to keep friends and family updated as to one’s daily goings-on in a way that e-mails and blogging simply can’t do,” Mr. Schofield said as he left his home to a protest against the immunity given to telecoms for conducting illegal surveillance on the American people. “I think these tools are becoming increasingly important to help people organize and speak out against the overbearing surveillance state foisted upon them by an unsympathetic government. What better way to keep your fellow freedom fighters informed than through hourly updates describing your every righteous move and detailing your next step towards liberation?"

Dr. Aaron Harrington, lead ACLU counsel on electronic privacy matters, was unavailable for comment. According to his Facebook status, Dr. Harrington had left his Washington DC offices early for a weekend family retreat to Vermont, where his wife and two high school-aged children would be staying at the Humble Inn Bed & Breakfast, thirteen miles northeast of Burlington, in rooms 7 and 8.

Fears over government surveillance and wiretapping have increased over the past few weeks as news stories have revealed governmental abuses of wiretapping within the NSA, the inadequacy of laws to prevent such measures, and even a sitting US Congresswoman being wiretapped.

“I just can’t believe the abuses,” remarked US Congresswoman Jane Harman (D-CA), who was caught up in a shady NSA probe. “I just think that if it can happen to me, it can happen to any American citizen. Actually, I don’t think that, I know that. Mostly because I helped authorize and support these spying measures and only got outraged when I found out they betrayed me and used the law I helped use to gut legal oversights to wiretap me. They only stopped spying on me because they thought it would harm any chance of my supporting new and even more invasive wiretap legislation. I fear that other Americans need to take heed, because they won’t be given this colossally hypocritical opportunity. Strike that: I know they won’t.”

Such concerns have only driven Mr. Scofield to expand the scope of his efforts. Since his arrest, Scofield has started a wordpress blog, youcantseeme, and a LiveJournal account to keep a diary of his daily life. Scofield has also joined Facebook, where he lists all his friends and acquaintances, expanded his Flickr site to include more photo documentation of his daily life, added a Google maps application to his Blackberry so friends can see where he is on a city map at any given second of the day, and has moved his Twittering beyond simple flashes of what he is doing to his exact “of the moment” thoughts.

“If the Feds want to come and take me in for opposing their Big Brother moves, then I want the world to know where I was and what I was thinking, with clear notation of most of my activities, thoughts, meeting places and known accomplices for the preceding months. So people know exactly who I am and what I stood for,” Scofield said in the midst of Twittering ‘interviewing with reporter about the oppressive nature of constant monitoring’ from his Blackberry.

When asked to reconcile his opposition to government wiretapping with the sheer volume of information he provides to anyone willing to look, whether a phonetap could ever glean as much information as any of the methods he was freely providing, and to address the whole semi-hypocritical premise of this satirical article, Mr. Scofield paused. As his eyes widened and his mouth stood agape, the full brunt of the irony hitting him, he could only remark “Oh, yeah... This whole web 2.0 thing doesn’t seem as smart or helpful in retrospect, does it?”

Quote of the day

Jane Harman (D-CA) on voting to authorize and cover up illegal warrantless wiretapping and the sense of betrayal she feels because they decided to use it to illegally wiretap against her.

HARMAN: I'm just very disappointed that my country -- I'm an American citizen just like you are -- could have permitted what I think is a gross abuse of power in recent years. I'm one member of Congress who may be caught up in it, but I have a bully pulpit and I can fight back. I'm thinking about others who have no bully pulpit and may not be aware, as I was not, that right now somewhere, someone's listening in on their conversations, and they're innocent Americans.

And off in the distance we hear the violent explosion of the world's first machine that measures irony. This woman didn't give two shits when she thought the government was just going to illegally spy on the peasant class, but when she finds out they used it to investigate her shady dealings on behalf of AIPAC: OUTRAGE!!!!!!!! at the betrayal of American values and gross abuse of power that she was totally aware of and supported wholeheartedly.

Don't like them wiretapping you? Well, I guess you shouldn't have voted to allow them to. Now you'll have to excuse me Jane, my sides are starting to hurt from laughing too hard.

Who could have foreseen?: Spying

Officials Say U.S. Wiretaps Exceeded Law

The National Security Agency intercepted private e-mail messages and phone calls of Americans in recent months on a scale that went beyond the broad legal limits established by Congress last year, government officials said in recent interviews.

Several intelligence officials, as well as lawyers briefed about the matter, said the N.S.A. had been engaged in “overcollection” of domestic communications of Americans. They described the practice as significant and systemic, although one official said it was believed to have been unintentional.
...
As part of that investigation, a senior F.B.I. agent recently came forward with what the inspector general’s office described as accusations of “significant misconduct” in the surveillance program, people with knowledge of the investigation said. Those accusations are said to involve whether the N.S.A. made Americans targets in eavesdropping operations based on insufficient evidence tying them to terrorism.

And in one previously undisclosed episode, the N.S.A. tried to wiretap a member of Congress without a warrant, an intelligence official with direct knowledge of the matter said.

Hey Congress and Justice Department, give a shit yet? A member of Congress was getting spied on illegally, surely that's enough to make you stand up and take notice. It wasn't just one of the random faceless millions getting their Constitutional rights violated, it was our precious privileged elected betters suffering the indignity. Surely this will spur some action, enforcement of law, or at least a stern talking to, right? No? Fine, we'll just wait for Spain to get around to fixing it.

It's hard to even find the anger/disgust any more, since this was such an obvious, foreseeable, and predictable outcome. The whole purpose of that new FISA law all our buddies in Congress passed was to completely gut FISA and provide legal cover for everyone doing it, so who's really surprised that a lack of oversight and enforcement resulted in "overcollection." Which is just a fancy word for "extensive massive rights violations of the American public". But hey, I'm sure these abuses were just a few bad apples who didn't....oh, it says abuses were "significant and systemic".

But hey, I'm sure everything is all right now and just pointing out that these things happened and doing nothing to correct the total gutting of FISA that allowed this will mean that this sort of thing will never ever ever happen again. Hey, the Obama JD says everything is alright and they totally fixed things and there's no need to worry. Which is so relaxing, just like it was so relaxing to hear then Senator Obama tell us, back when it was up for vote, that the new FISA law would strengthen civil liberties protection and improve oversight. That worked out so well, I totally believe him this time.

The NSA knows your sex euphemisms

Exclusive: Inside Account of U.S. Eavesdropping on Americans

Despite pledges by President George W. Bush and American intelligence officials to the contrary, hundreds of US citizens overseas have been eavesdropped on as they called friends and family back home, according to two former military intercept operators who worked at the giant National Security Agency (NSA) center in Fort Gordon, Georgia....

She said US military officers, American journalists and American aid workers were routinely intercepted and "collected on" as they called their offices or homes in the United States....

Faulk says he and others in his section of the NSA facility at Fort Gordon routinely shared salacious or tantalizing phone calls that had been intercepted, alerting office mates to certain time codes of "cuts" that were available on each operator's computer.

Who could ever have foreseen that unfettered access to American's phones would result in abuse by the government and invasion of privacy? Though I'm sure it was beneficial to US homeland security efforts. Knowing how to differentiate Red Cross cock talk from soldier's verbal dongsmanship and Doctors Without Borders themed audio cosplay is critical to catching and prosecuting terrorists. Surely the database of fucking metaphors and vagina codewords will prove invaluable.

Rest assured though, this is only happening with people overseas who use satellite phones. Honest. There is no way that this exact same thing is happening within the US. Take their word for it, because there's no way you can actually sue for it or have any legal recourse or do anything other than take their word for it. So next time you tell your girlfriend over the phone that you want her to put her mouth on your Michael Hayden before you telcom immunity her ECHELON, some hayseed at Fort Gordon is making a tape of it. So try to make it entertaining for him.

Bush decides spying is bad

Sleep easy America. The Bush administration is worried about the dangers of unchecked spying. They have seen the danger of a government with the power to spy on anybody and everybody's communications. Not only that, but they are taking steps to curb the government's ability to spy on American citizens......the Chinese government that is.

A senior White House official says staffers accompanying President Bush to China have been told to leave their BlackBerries at home, reports CBS News White House correspondent Peter Maer.

The mobile e-mail blackout is the latest sign of U.S. concerns over Chinese cyber-spying. Sensitive presidential communications are always encrypted, but government cyber-security experts are worried about electronic eavesdropping on the BlackBerries, which are difficult to protect from snooping.

BlackBerries have been banned on other presidential foreign trips but the order underscores specific concerns about Chinese spying during the Olympics, reports Maer.

Ahhh a solution so quintessentially Bush. Don't fix the security holes in your communications, don't give some sort of warning to the Chinese not to do it, don't threaten to boycott the games if the Chinese continue to spy, just tell everyone to leave their shit at home so Bush can go watch the shot put in peace without fear of the Chinese intercepting junior staffers coded messages "OMG Bayjing sooo booring. Smog :( KTHNXBAI!"

The Chinese can never be allowed to crack our LOLspeak.

Official TB Shit List (the first of many, we assure you)

These Bastards strongly suggests you mail many, many bags of shit directly to the offices and/or residences of the following United States Senators, all of whom voted in favor of Measure H.R. 6304, entitled, "A bill to amend the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978 to establish a procedure for authorizing certain acquisitions of foreign intelligence, and for other purposes." [emphasis mine]

Or, as we've taken to calling it around the office, "The Official Death Of The 4th Amendment To The Constitution Of The United States Of America My God How Can You People Fucking Sleep At Night You Dickless Fascist Lunatics"

Alexander (R-TN)
Allard (R-CO)
Barrasso (R-WY)
Baucus (D-MT)
Bayh (D-IN)
Bennett (R-UT)
Bond (R-MO)
Brownback (R-KS)
Bunning (R-KY)
Burr (R-NC)
Carper (D-DE)
Casey (D-PA)
Chambliss (R-GA)
Coburn (R-OK)
Cochran (R-MS)
Coleman (R-MN)
Collins (R-ME)
Conrad (D-ND)
Corker (R-TN)
Cornyn (R-TX)
Craig (R-ID)
Crapo (R-ID)
DeMint (R-SC)
Dole (R-NC)
Domenici (R-NM)
Ensign (R-NV)
Enzi (R-WY)
Feinstein (D-CA)
Graham (R-SC)
Grassley (R-IA)
Gregg (R-NH)
Hagel (R-NE)
Hatch (R-UT)
Hutchison (R-TX)
Inhofe (R-OK)
Inouye (D-HI)
Isakson (R-GA)
Johnson (D-SD)
Kohl (D-WI)
Kyl (R-AZ)
Landrieu (D-LA)
Lieberman (ID-CT)
Lincoln (D-AR)
Lugar (R-IN)
Martinez (R-FL)
McCaskill (D-MO)
McConnell (R-KY)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murkowski (R-AK)
Nelson (D-FL)
Nelson (D-NE)
Obama (D-IL)
Pryor (D-AR)
Roberts (R-KS)
Rockefeller (D-WV)
Salazar (D-CO)
Shelby (R-AL)
Smith (R-OR)
Snowe (R-ME)
Specter (R-PA)
Stevens (R-AK)
Sununu (R-NH)
Thune (R-SD)
Vitter (R-LA)
Voinovich (R-OH)
Warner (R-VA)
Webb (D-VA)
Whitehouse (D-RI)
Wicker (R-MS)

Spying is legal now

Senate Approves Telecom Immunity and New Eavesdropping Rules

WASHINGTON (AP) --The Senate has approved a bill overhauling the rules on secret government eavesdropping and granting immunity to telecom companies that helped listen in on Americans after Sept. 11.

The Senate passed the bill Wednesday, 69-28. It turned back three amendments that would have watered down, delayed or stripped away the immunity provision demanded by President Bush.

Every Republican voted for it. They were joined by Democrats Bayh - Carper - Casey - Conrad - Dorgan - Feinstein - Innuoye - Kohl - Landrieu - Lincoln - McCaskill - Mukulski - Nelson (Neb.) - Nelson (Fla.) - Obama - Pryor - Rockefeller - Salazar - Webb - Whitehouse.

Things we learned: the Constitution was more of a list of suggestions not any binding laws or anything. No one was using the 4th Amendment anyway. What's Rule of Law? As long as someone tells you it's legal, you can do it and get away with it. Corporations have rights, you do not. When everyone admits you flagrantly broke the law and commited a felony, the best thing to do is cover it up and let you off without so much as a warning. When Republicans get everything they want and more, that's called a compromise. Humping the Hope & Change pony doesn't really mean shit when you don't have the stones to back it up. Jay Rockefeller, Steny Hoyer and a bunch of other Democrats need to be beaten with a sack full of oranges and buried in a swamp.

EDIT: Go thank the ACLU.

“Once again, Congress blinked and succumbed to the president’s fear-mongering. With today’s vote, the government has been given a green light to expand its power to spy on Americans and run roughshod over the Constitution,” said Anthony D. Romero, Executive Director of the American Civil Liberties Union. “This legislation will give the government unfettered and unchecked access to innocent Americans’ international communications without a warrant. This is not only unconstitutional, but absolutely un-American.”

Shortsighted judge dooms country to another terror attack

Judge Rejects Bush’s View on Wiretaps

A federal judge in California said Wednesday that the wiretapping law established by Congress was the “exclusive” means for the president to eavesdrop on Americans, and he rejected the government’s claim that the president’s constitutional authority as commander in chief trumped that law.

Apparently this rogue judge, handing out his shortsighted decrees from his bejeweled throne, didn't get the message. Laws are only suggestions that the President might want to consider following, if that's alright with him. They aren't God's Law, which the President is required to follow only if there's a 2/3 majority in the trinity on said issue. But now we're vulnerable to islamofascists because some judge says even classified information can be considered by a court and the President's powers cannot override the FISA statute.

I do like how this lawsuit started, it's really fit for the highlight reel of Bush's own "Bloopers, Boners and Massive Constitutional Overreaches." The meatheads in the Justice Department gave the suspected terrorist documents revealing the existence of the secret wiretap program.

But thanks anyway Judge, it only took 7 years for someone to stand up on this issue and say "Shut the fuck up and follow FISA you tit-clutching moaners." Only 7 years to reject the Bush administration's legalese excuses for breaking the law. FISA is the law and by some Constitutional fluke the President is required to follow the law.

Unfortunately there's still a loophole: because the spying is secrecy and with no oversight, no one can prove they were illegally spied on and therefore can't challenge the spying in court. Oh yeah, Congress is also going to make it all retroactively legal so no charges can ever be brought up and no one will ever do time for it. There's that problem too. But small victories are victories. You got a little freedom back today, that's more than can be said for most days over the past few years.