Daily Show on the Afghanistan leaks

Jon Stewart turns his eye to Wikileaks, BradAss87, Lady Gaga, and media apathy towards what should be a much bigger story.



In case you were worrying whether even something as damaging and enlightening as the document leak could spur our media into functioning again and maybe covering this war on terror thing, it hasn't. If you thought this might spur our elected betters into acting as if war was to be anything other than a outward projection of macho manliness and something that can never end, it didn't. The House approved and extra $59 billion to fund the wars yesterday.

Nothing changed? We learned nothing? Nicely done, America. At least we got a couple of good jokes out of it.

My favorite space show after Pigs In Space

8th time is the charm

The Daily Show on how we're all totally going to be weaned off of our foreign dependency on oil... this time for certain.

I can't believe he said it either

John Oliver interviews airport bathroom toe tapping former Senator Larry Craig, WHO IS NOT GAY!!! The best part is when Oliver asks him what Senate "perks" he misses. Given what caused him to "retire" from the Senate, I think it's a rather amusing answer.

Muslimification

The Daily Show on how the Obama Administration may or may not be sending coded message to its Muslim brethren through summit logo designs and how Fox News is either SS or kamikaze sympathizers. Also, as a bonus: John Oliver converts weights from metric to Americanese.



That's convincing and all, but we've already seen how Obama morphed a missile defense logo into a combo Muslim crescent/Obama campaign logo signaling that this country would soon be under Shariah Law, what's to stop us from baselessly thinking this is all also Muslim conspiracy related? I mean, have you seen this?


What about this?

Do I need to put you in a burka and then honor kill you or are you starting to get it yet? OBAMA IS SENDING MESSAGES OF IMMINENT ISLAMIC OVERTHROW THROUGH THE LOGO DESIGNS OF MINOR GOVERNMENT AGENCIES AND SUMMIT MEETINGS! It's so obvious!

Look, when we're all praying five times a day towards Mecca and flying our own planes into our own buildings to teach us a lesson, don't say I didn't give you clear warnings that it was going to happen. It was in the logos!

Thanks for keeping us updated

Serial liar and toad-like goon Dick Morris had a busy morning on Fox News warning American about it's imminent death. And not the symbolic "death of freedom and liberty" type stuff either. Real death. Two separate predictions. That's a pretty good streak. Most completely unreliable liars can only get off one completely misinformed proclamation of imminent doom during an appearance.

Let's get to his first. You may have thought that health care was only going to gank your grandparents and yoke you to a system where tribunals decided whether or not you were fit to live or die based on a loyalty oath you'll take to the disembodied spirit of Vladimir Lenin. Nope, it' only the end of medicine... that is unless you vote for the GOP.

"If we are unable to defeat Obama in 2010... there will be permanent harms in the country and one of the big ones is a nation without doctors."

Clearly. That's the step after "cover everyone", "2. eliminate all doctors". It all makes so much sense now that's it's put in such clear terms. Uninsured insured -> elimination of practiced medicine.

Now tell us how we're all going to die a biological death from a snickering Kim Jong-Il because the President hates the country.

It's the most outrageous thing, I think, I've ever heard a president of the United States say. He's literally saying that if an American city were gassed or hit with a biological weapon and millions were dying in the streets coughing their lungs out, or in hospital wards dying of an incurable disease, we would not use nuclear weapons to reply? It is totally absurd. It's beyond belief that a president of the United States would say that and it shows that Barack Obama might be, might be the first anti-American president we've ever had.

He isn't literally saying that. Not in the slightest. If only there were a nightly comedy news show that tackled this.



But Dick can't be expected to do things like read treaties or watch comedy programming. So I pass on his warnings to you: elect Republicans or medical knowledge will vanish from the earth just like it did in every other country with socialismed medicine... which won't matter much anyway because we'll all be dead of nuclear anthrax because the President is anti-American. Clear? Ok.

Fare thee well, teabaggers

Ah teabaggers, your time in our political discourse was too short. It seems only yesterday you were getting angry about taxes you didn't understand, then morphed into hating a health care bill you didn't understand, filling your protests with racist signs, misspelled placards, Hitler caricatures, and messages about socialism, the Constitution, the founding fathers, and communism that showed you didn't understand any of those concepts either. Who can forget how you were completely co-opted by the Republican, right wing media, and corporate establishment?

Then there was the whole part where you seemed to embrace every weird birth certificate and ACORN conspiracy that could be conceived and then dragged the Republican party into a frothy rage of hate, obstruction, and insanity that might terminally harm the party. We aren't so miffed about that last one.

And how can we forget the entire industry of scrotal and ball dipping jokes that the unfortunate moniker you chose opened up? Truly it was the golden age of testicle jokes.

But now you're dead, having utterly failed at your mission to stop health care and complain about the tax cuts Obama gave you. You're left to go home, rage about government in private, and reap the benefits of cheaper more accessible health care that you didn't want. Maybe we'll see you co-opted again and used to oppose regulatory reform, climate action, or a jobs bill, but it just won't be the same.

So until some of your loopier members stockpile enough guns to stage another Ruby Ridge or go back to Minnesota's 6th District to run for re-election, we'd just like to salute you. The way you made it seem like the only opposition to health care was lacking sanity and the way you made it so no one who wanted reform had to ever enter into a real health care debate, just rebut crazy shit like death panels, was a tremendous boon to reform.

Farewell and adieu, teabaggers. We'll see you on the rainbow bridge. In memoriam the Daily Show has put up a greatest hits of your exploits and their mocking of your exploits.

Required viewing

As we sometime amateurishly attempt satire here on this blog it is also our duty to point out when the masters do it so effectively. Such was the case last night when Jon Stewart turned the Daily Show into a 15 minute parody of Glenn Beck, his paranoia, and the cancer of the liberalism that Jon finds himself afflicted with.

The only thing you need to watch on the health care summit

Festval of Whites

The Daily Show looks at the recently completed national convention of pissed off old white males that is otherwise known as CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference.

Video of the day

In a Daily Show piece on the decision to roll back Don't Ask Don't Tell, John Oliver offers up his own suggestions for who should and should not be allowed to serve.

Get fucked, Maine

The Daily Show response to Maine's rejection of the radical social agenda allowing same-sex couples to be happy. Choice quote: "If we can't slander gay people then all we have left are Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Muslims, Greeks, Eskimos and... ... ... I'm gonna go with the Irish."

Pretty much

Afternoon video

The Daily Show shows us that while our news media just doesn't have the time in a 24 hour news cycle to fact check leaders, know anything of substance, invite worthwhile guests on to inform the public, or really justify their constant droning stream of "information", they do have time for one thing: fact checking moderately funny sketches from SNL.

It's such a shame that the wrong part of our news media is dying. Craigslist, why couldn't you have smote 24 hour news?

Milestones

Take down the date and time, fellow citizens. Not only are we less enlightened about science than Bulgaria, we're now less tolerant towards gays in the military than Uruguay.

On Thursday, Uruguayan President Tabare Vazquez announced that his government will “allow gays to join the armed forces by scrapping military rules that define homosexuality as a disorder.” Vazquez explained his decision saying, “The Uruguayan government does not discriminate against citizens based on their political, ethnic or sexual identity.” Urugquay’s Deputy Defense Minister elaborated, “There were a series of rules … regarding the psycho-physical requirements (for entry into the armed forces) in which homosexuality was seen as a sexual identity disorder, and this is what is being repealed.”

Meanwhile we struggle not to laugh at the fact that Uruguay sounds like "You're a gay". Don't even get us started on the childishness associated with Paraguay, Lake Titicaca, or Homonesia.

But hey, Obama's totally on it. He'll just drag his feet for a while longer, fire a few more Arabic translators, say "oh what a shame", and then put action off onto the group of people in Congress who could be barely shaken awake when the impending collapse of the world economy was at stake. If Uruguay's military (which is what....30-40 people?) can handle the "problem" of gays wanting to join relatively easily, can't we? I thought not.

We don't torture

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On tyranny

John Oliver, whose Bugle podcast on the Times Online you should be listening to, on humiliating teabaggers, mocking their word usage, delivering another shot to the state of New Jersey, and good old fashioned British tyranny.

Tyranny on our shores

So, we're about a week out from Hannity, Beck, and Bachmann hooting like howler monkeys, jumping up and down, and throwing their feces at pictures of Obama and Stalin....right? Or is that already happening? If this is their state of mind less than three months in, what's year 4 going to look like? Pace yourselves.

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Baracknophobia - Obey
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Broken In Brief: Search continues for Jim Cramer's testicles

NEW YORK--Less than a week after being reduced to a transparently inept, sniveling apologist by a man whose film credits include the Enhancement Smoker in "Half Baked", bestselling author and host of CNBC's "Mad Money," Jim Cramer, is still frantically searching for his testicles.

Police seem to think that Cramer was separated from his manhood at approximately 5:15 pm on Thursday, March 12, during the taping of an extended segment in which "The Daily Show" host Jon Stewart excoriated Cramer and his network for, among other things, failing to see the economic collapse on the horizon, acting as the public relations arm of the financial industry, and generally being wrong most of the time.

"The odd thing about the patient is that there is absolutely no evidence of physical trauma," noted Dr. Raymond Friedberg, a trauma surgeon at New York Presbyterian Hospital. "Beyond elevated blood and increased colon elasticity common amongst professional liars who are embarrassed on national television, Mr. Cramer is a picture of health."

In a press conference held earlier today, Jeff Zucker, the Chief Executive of NBC Universal, reassured Cramer's six remaining fans. "The search continues for Mr. Cramer's baby batter sacs. We at NBC are committed to the health and well-being of our employees and we will not rest until Mr. Cramer's berries are back beneath the twig where they belong."

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a source close to the investigation revealed that NBC Universal is urging police to obtain a search warrant for Mr. Stewart's New York City apartment, where Cramer's testicles are believed to be displayed in an ornate glass jar atop the fireplace mantle, next to those of Tucker Carlson and Rick Santelli.

The horror.....

Because no one else seems to have commented on it (sarcasm) I decided to post up the Jim Cramer/Jon Stewart interview from last night. I like it not for the sheer level of discomfort/glee it fills you with to see Stewart gut this man in front of a live studio audience, or the seeming stupidity of a man going on a show to ostensibly defend his honor despite the hours of videotape and the economic situation graphically exposing his ignorance and then backing down into a timid yes man as the sheer weight of his stupidity is slammed into his skull minute after minute, nor is it the shiv it sticks in the side of the bank humping financial press who regurgitate corporate press releases while sneering at anyone who makes less than $250,000, that Cramer dropped all his press appearances after the interview and CNBC has been begging MSNBC not to show clips from it, or the skill with which a comedian once again performs the role our media won't, it's because of today's press conference with Robert Gibbs and the sheer glee he took in the interview.



Yes, he is hiding a boner behind that podium. Gibbs has been waging his own mini-war with CNBC and Rick "Will no one think of the poor hedge fund managers" Santelli and must have really appreciated seeing one of their network toads get squashed on the TV, or really, just seeing anyone having to take questions from someone who won't accept pat platitudes about the failure that will consume his bosses' first term.

I'd be careful to note this interview, for it will be the last time anyone tangentially connected to the crisis will be deign to be quizzed by anyone competent enough to make them look bad. No more comedians, we'll have to rely on the...*shudder*...real media now.

Full verbal castration below...