It's a deal, it's a steal

In this economy and with the cash for clunkers program having ended, one might find it hard to procure a vehicle to drive oneself for your daily trips to the bar and weekly trips to the unemployment office. But thankfully eBay and the City of Proctor, Minnesota have come forward to help you out. What if I told you you could have a vehicle with comfort, the green power of an electric motor, and a top speed of 40 MPH all for the low, low price of $39,310...so far. Doesn't sound great, does it? What if I told you it was used in a crime and was being auctioned by the police? No, still not worth 40 g's? Oh yeah, it's also a motorized La-Z-Boy. Now have I got your attention?

Vehicle Description
Known as the world famous DWI Motorized La-Z-Boy style Chair, year built unknown. This is a unique vehicle located in Proctor Minnesota. The vehicle has been obtained from a DWI forfeiture and has not been restored. Engine: Briggs and Stratton Model # 19070 Type: 5641 with electric start. Transmission type unknown and is sloppy. The vehicle has front lights, rear tag light, radio, cup holder, rear roll bars and other custom options, missing the seat cushion. Curb weight of vehicle is unknown, length is 52” and width is 45”. This is a great parade vehicle or a terrific business draw. Be the only one in town with a unique vehicle like this. This is not a street legal vehicle.

Q: Would you know if this chair could beat a Segway in the 1/4 mile ? My best friend is a Mall Cop and says that his Segway can spank this Chair in the 1/4 ... I intend to bid to win.
A: Was told it could reach close to 40 mph. It also has a wheelie bar in the rear for poppin wheelies. Unknown what max speed is and we will not be running any test runs.

Auction is only open for a little while longer, so if you want it you'll have to act fast...you're going against a guy who's bidding to win!

We've changed our minds

Perhaps, in our quest for world domination, we made a request in too much haste. Oh sure, we really need a naval fleet, that much is certain. But I think we've give too little consideration to our land based God-chariots. That's why Sean and I would like you to consider buying us The $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armoured car.


Need me to sell you? How about it's made by the same company, RussoBaltique, that built armoured vehicles for Tsar Nicholas, Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky. Yeah, two people who were brutally murdered and another who was hit by numerous assassination attempts. I think it's important to note that all these things happened outside their RussoBaltiques, not inside. I'm sold on the protection. But what about the luxury?

The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.

The car also comes with three bottles of the world’s most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
...
Dartz’s armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are “rocket grenade-proof” according to the website.

But what about something for a discerning and classy individual, like myself?

The Russian armoured-car builder is boasting that its latest vehicle has seats covered with “whale-penis leather”

I'll take ten.

Fancy shoes, John

John McCain has extra fancy tastes, in case you cared. $520 Ferragamo calfskin loafers, to be precise. These are totally from Ferragamo's "Man of the People" line of expensive loafers.

McCain doesn't really understand taxes, social security, or the economy, but he understands style and fancy kicks. Wait, he married a heiress, buys large houses, jets around on his private plane, and buys expensive clothes. He does understand something about economics, at least economies of scale. He's got it, flaunt it.

But he's not an elitist. Christ no. He's knows his gardener's name and everything. She comes from one of the Southern Americas. Paragzil or something.