This post was written by one of our unpaid interns

There is no secret that Sean and I love unpaid interns. They're what makes TB Industries go. They shovel coal into the blast furnaces during their 19 hour shifts, they mine coal for the blast furnace, they burn as an acceptable form of fuel failing a timely delivery of coal or mine cave-in, they are excellent cannon fodder for our top-secret assaults on small island nations we need to control before we can enact Plan Beta, they go good with a white wine vinaigrette and provide an excellent source of protein, they seem to fight the genetic abominations our science department cranks out with a certain pluckiness and aplomb when they're armored up and forced into the Hellpit, and, most importantly, they're easily replaceable, their bodies are easily dumpable, and their causes of death are easy to cover up.

But for most recent grads, becoming an unpaid intern isn't a choice one makes just to become part of the greater glory of These Bastards. No, for most it is an opportunity, any opportunity, to grab some form of job experience during the worst job market ever. For most companies they offer unpaid internships for one reason: slavery is a good business model. But now it seems that old man socialism and the feddy government want to stick their noses into this racket and make sure it conforms to "laws" and "accepted labor practices". Fascists.

Convinced that many unpaid internships violate minimum wage laws, officials in Oregon, California and other states have begun investigations and fined employers. Last year, M. Patricia Smith, then New York’s labor commissioner, ordered investigations into several firms’ internships. Now, as the federal Labor Department’s top law enforcement official, she and the wage and hour division are stepping up enforcement nationwide.
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The Labor Department says it is cracking down on firms that fail to pay interns properly and expanding efforts to educate companies, colleges and students on the law regarding internships.
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Ms. Leppink said many employers failed to pay even though their internships did not comply with the six federal legal criteria that must be satisfied for internships to be unpaid. Among those criteria are that the internship should be similar to the training given in a vocational school or academic institution, that the intern does not displace regular paid workers and that the employer “derives no immediate advantage” from the intern’s activities — in other words, it’s largely a benevolent contribution to the intern.

It goes without saying that the "six federal legal criteria", or "The Forbidden Restraints" as we call them here, are not allowed to be written or spoken of. Punishment for this industry killing knowledge is the filling in of the perpetrator's mouth with cement.

But our industry (blogging/the Onion wake swimming/megalomaniacal world domination/pointless furnace maintenance) is not like other industries. So for those recent graduates who do not wish to become part of the TB Killer Elite, this might be relevant information to have.

I mean sure the rise in de facto slavery and skirting labor, harassment, and discrimination laws through internships is a troubling response to a massive economic crisis, but how did you expect America to get back on top? By employing people, using sound business practices, and enacting laws, regulations, and programs that promote sensible growth and prevent this kind of thing from happening again? No, of course not. This is America after all.

So best of wishes to the new unpaid interns out there. Good news, in addition to the job experience you'll be able to put on a resume, this also qualifies as "Studying the labor and economic policies of Dubai". Congratulations, you just got a Social Sciences minor!

Republicans, we have found your teabag king

With Sarah Palin roaming the countryside promoting her book in a hellstorm of lies, ignorant policy statements, lies, softball interviews, lies, and petty gamesmanship, we are left with no doubt that she is the charming dainty Queen of the Grand Duchy of Teabaggery. Ahh, but who will rule alongside her in political irrelevance? Many suitors have tried to claim the crown, but few have succeeded, letting the taint of rationality and moderation scuttle their ascension. Thankfully, Doug Hoffman has stepped up to the plate.

Oh, you thought he went away when his carpetbagging maelstrom of teabagging wisdom and local ignorance cause the people of NY-23 to elect the first Democrat there since whites owned blacks? Nope! On the advice of Glenn Beck (bonus points~!), Hoffman has not only unconceded the race he already lost and for which the winner, Bill Owns, has already been sworn in for and is casting votes in the House for, but has unveiled a conspiracy so deep and so nefarious that it will no doubt shake the very core of teabagger society.

“As evidence surfaces, we find out that reported results from election night were far from accurate. ACORN and the unions did their best to try and sway the results to Obamacare supporter Bill Owens," Hoffman wrote on his campaign site. "Rest assured, they will not succeed, and I am therefore revoking my statement of concession.”
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"The people of NY-23 deserve to have their ballots counted properly, but we can't let ACORN or the unions keep that from happening. They have more lawyers and more experience tampering with democracy," he wrote.

"We need to make sure that fair elections are a reality in NY-23, just like our Founding Fathers envisioned. So long as we remain the "land of the free," we MUST ensure every vote is counted. Help us today so we may be the first of many conservative victories during the Obama Regime."

Dougy, Dougy, Dougy, aren't we forgetting the black hand of...well.....blacks, illegal immigrants and abortion doctors that helped steal this election from your deserving hands? Surely ACORN and labor unions alone couldn't derail this Hoffman juggernaut, could it? No, it was a conspiracy. ACORN has even gotten to Oswego County GOP Chairman George Williams and made him deny the truth. To the beverage aisle of your local supermarket, teabaggers! Your new king is going to need a lot of visible tea bag support and birth certificate analysis. Good luck. Expose this fraud for what it is.

Labor Day CBC

Labor Day by the numbers
The Economic Policy Institute gives us the lowdown on the state of the economy as of this Labor Day. Maybe you don't want to look at it. Sure there are negative things, like the fact that we've lost jobs over the past decade and out future is shaping up to be bleaker than the Road, but hey, it might be a nice day out where you are.

Stiglitz: Odds of Robust US Rebound 'Very, Very Weak'
Yeah...always gotta love it when a Nobel laureate who saw the housing crisis coming, warned about the size of the bailout not being enough, fights crime in tandem with Paul Krugman, and has generally been right every step of the way warns that there's a greater chance for a double-dip recession than a robust recovery. But what does he know, he's only a genius economist? I saw everyone on CNBC and they seemed optimistic.

New Fee on Health Insurance Companies Is Proposed to Help Expand Coverage
Max Baucus has released his last ditch plan to get Republicans who will never vote for it...to vote for it. It's an immense shit sandwich that provides no public option, taxes insurance companies, involves weaker subsidies to get health insurance which might just burden the poor even more, and costs a lot of money to not do what its supposed to do. In other words: it pisses everyone while providing the added benefit of not fixing problems. But it does cost a lot. So at least it has that going for it.

Points of Comparison
TPM looks at what Baucus proposed as a comparison to other health care systems in the world. It sort of looks like Baucus is trying to create some sort of bastardized version of the Swiss system, which is the second most expensive health care system in the world behind the good ole United States of Freedom. This totally doesn't sound like a complete catastrophe for Democrats.

The Spreading Scandal In Jai Alai
In honor of the Mad Men episode from last night, I give you Sport's Illustrated's 1979 story on a Jai Alai gambling scandal. Mobsters, Connecticut, and Jai ALai, you try to stay away. This is the biggest reason Jai Alai isn't the most popular sport in America right now, I'm sure of it.

Unions are teh devilz!

Know how I know the Employee Free Choice Act, which makes it easier for people to join, form, or support labor organizations while penalizing companies that force unfair labor practices, is a good thing? All the right people are complaining and not just complaining, but screaming bloody incoherent murder about it.

"This is the demise of a civilization," said Bernie Marcus, co-founder of Home Depot. "This is how a civilization disappears. I am sitting here as an elder statesman and I'm watching this happen and I don't believe it."

Donations of hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars to Republican senatorial campaigns were needed, they argued, to prevent America from turning "into France."
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"This bill may be one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life," he said, explaining that he could have been on "a 350-foot boat out in the Mediterranean," but felt it was more important to engage on this fight. "It is incredible to me that anybody could have the chutzpah to try and pass this bill in this election year, especially when we have an economy that is a disaster, a total absolute disaster."

As an added bonus, fresh off of getting a big fat government bailout, Bank of America has decided to step up and try and make it harder for people to join unions. Unions are socialism, you know.

So I just wanted to tell you that if you feel like civilization is ending and that the world is about to explode into a fiery ball of magma, it's not gay marriage this time, or even electing Democrats (not completely). It's making it easier for people to join a union. That's why we're all going to die. Socialism. Wait, no: Communism.