The coveted These Bastards endorsement

Today are the GOP and Democratic primaries for the Texas Governorship. If you happen to be from Texas, well, FUCK YOU!! Sorry, that just come rushing out of me, I don't know why. Actually, I do. You deserve it.

Irregardless, if you happen to be one of those Texas rarities we call a Democrat and you have not been driven out of the state like so much cattle, then we would like to demand you vote for someone. That man is Farouk.

I don't know if that's his last name or his first name. I don't know if he's an insane person, an average candidate, or Jesus incarnate. I don't know any belief he holds, policy he supports, or anything other than this one single fact: he authorized an autotuned rap/R&B song to remind people to get out and vote for him.

I don't need to hear a second thing.



FAROUK! FAROUK! FAROUK! is on fi-ah!

Serving the community: his numba one des-i-yah!

Please Texas, elect this man to something.

Because I hate you

Here's a rap video about the hardscrabble life of a teabaggin', Ron Paul supportin', conservative OG. It's a serious rap video about the teabaggers.

No, thank you Internet. You're too kind.

Headline of the day

Tupac song selected for Vatican playlist

The song in question was the Bruce Hornsby-sampling Changes, released posthumously. I personally would have gone with California Love but Pope Benedict likes what Pope Benedict likes.

You can check out the Vatican's playlist on MySpace.

Art of the day

"Reminders" by Erin Hanson. Once again the wisdom of Biggie Smalls enlightens us all.

You should hear Neil Armstrong's prog-metal album

Buzz Aldrin's Rocket Experience from Buzz Aldrin

Actual moon walkin', aviatin', astronautin', sometimes cantankerous, dares you to call the moon landing fake to his face, space God Buzz Aldrin, aka Doc Rendezvous (that is not a joke), drops his newest rap hit "Rocket Experience". I'm assuming it's about his actual rocket/lunar module/space experience and not just a metaphor for the considerable amount tail he must have pulled back in the day.

You can buy the song on iTunes and the proceeds go to the ShareSpace Foundation, to further benefit and support the work of the National Space Society, the Planetary Society and the Astronaut Scholarship Foundation. There is also a "making of" video with with Snoop Dogg, Talib Kweli, Quincy Jones, and Soulja Boy.

Quote of the day

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, taking Michael Steele's "Hip-Hop GOP" strategy and running with it.

Opening his remarks with a reference to NBC's "Inside the Obama White House" special, Pawlenty told the gathering of about 200 students, "I haven't seen something that staged since that half-naked Austrian fell onto the face of Eminem at the MTV music awards."

"Eminem was mad," he continued, to laughter and applause. "And so, just like Eminem getting dumped on, we've got to kind of regroup. We've got to continue to fight. And we've got some things worth fighting for."

Yes, you've got to be just like Eminem during a staged bit at an awards show. I was going to say you needed to show basic competence, come up with a strategy other than "no" or outright dishonesty, and stick to a set of principles for more than a week, but this is almost as good.

Come to think of it the GOP is past its prime, out of new ideas, and is dependent on references to people and events that were barely relevant when they happened, let alone now. Actually, you guys are exactly like Eminem.

Whither the hip-hop GOP?

It's bee a good run for Michael Steele as head of the RNC. He promised a hip-hop GOP, handed out "slum love" to Bobby Jindal, spent fifteen whole minutes opposed to Rush Limbaugh before begging for forgiveness, seemingly shorted campaign committees money, can't decide if he's for or against the stimulus, been criticized by practically every member of his party, and seemingly has no clue how to run a national committee. Somehow this hasn't seemed to inspire confidence in him among his peers and defeated enemies.

Republican insiders tell Political Wire that a no confidence vote on RNC Chairman Michael Steele is likely to be called after the NY-20 special election on March 31 -- regardless of whether Republicans win the seat or not.

Katon Dawson, who came in second in the January RNC vote, is said to be quietly organizing a vote and is getting the support of several state party chairmen who want to dump Steele.

Who is the guy planning to unseat the first black head of the Republican Party and perhaps it's only black member? A guy from South Carolina who belongs to a whites only country club. They can't even attempt to triage their initial foot shooting without shooting the other foot. God loves us all so much that he might arrange this sideshow for public viewing.

I think they ought to give Steele a chance. I mean it's not like after rumors of and uprising against him went public he decided to go out and declare he was pro-choice, right? He did? Then he immediately remembered what party he was in and walked it back, making him seem deeply confused and nonsensical? Oh yeah, keep him around. The man makes Harry Reid look like Alexander the Great.

Hip-hop GOP in full swing

The following transcription is in no way a parody or fabrication of any kind. It's has been unchanged and unedited and is not one of our funny 'make-em-ups" or satire related activities. The names have not been changed and this is all horribly real.

"Tonight, we tell America: we know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad," said Steele. "But we go forward in appreciation of the values that brought us to this point.
...
"Michele Bachmann praised Steele's speech: "Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man."

Steele on Bobby Jindal

SLIWA: Now, using a little bit of that street terminology, are you giving him any Slum love, Michael?

STEELE: (laughter)

SLIWA: Because he is — when guys look at him and young women look at him — they say oh, that's the slumdog millionaire, governor. So, give me some slum love.

STEELE: I love it. (inaudible) ... some slum love out to my buddy. Gov. Bobby Jindal is doing a friggin' awesome job in his state. He's really turned around on some core principles — like hey, government ought not be corrupt. The good stuff ... the easy stuff.

The GOP....ain't nothin' but a gangsta party. They're speaking to the youths of America, Democrats! Be afraid!

The Republican makeover

There are times when you hate the Republican party, scientists call those "most times", but then there are times when you are glad for their very existence. Such as the times they say stuff like this with a straight face:

"We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings."
...
Steele recently said that President Obama's stimulus was just "bling bling."

As to applying GOP principles to "hip-hop settings", what else can you do? Your members are rich, flaunt wealth, horde guns, and are always in trouble with the law. That's a rhyming couplet away from being T.I. I know it's tough being unliked and unhip and reduced to trumpeting uniform opposition as an achievement. But for the love of God don't go down this path:

No one wins when political parties try to "rap" with "the kids".

Your childish Saturday afternoon diversion

via Unreality, Kids show/Rap mash-ups. Scrooge McDuck, pimp of the nation, skeet skeet skeet.

Teen youths love Obama and the loud music

McCain as viewed by the youth of America

According to a Gallup/USA Today/MTV poll "the kids", as we call them, love Obama somethin' fierce. Nearly 2/3rds are planning to vote Obama, with the other third voting for McCain purely in an ironic manner. They view Obama 71% to 12% as understanding the "problems of people your age" and being a "strong and decisive leader," 46% to 36%. Furthermore the view Obama as more inspiring 67% to 18% and that he "shows good judgment" 54% to 29%. Even more surprising is that if the Senate gets a divorce, nearly 48% want to live with Obama with only 12% wanting to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas at McCain's.

On the positive front for Diamond J, more kids want to read his diary over Obama's, think Palin is way more unqualified than Biden to be President, and could totally fuck up their old man in a fight. Wait, that second one was bad.

So good news abounds for Barack. Because unlike every other election, the kids are for Democrats this time. Not only that, but they're really going to turn out in large numbers this time too, like the youth vote always does. So if I were the Obama campaign I'd totally place all of my electoral prospects on large youth turnout. What could go wrong? Wait, why is John Kerry raising his hand?

If we're all going out, let's go out with a beat

Seriously, how bad can our impending doom really be if a bunch of physicists are willing to take the time to compose, perform and record a rap explaining what the LHC aims to accomplish?



See you all at the singularity.

Pharrell has too much money

Pharrell Cleans Up

The NERD frontman - who last month played an exclusive set at Harvey Nichols to launch his latest collections - has revealed that he is trying a revolutionary new removal procedure, which involves applying new skin over old body art.

"It's basically like getting a skin graft, but you're not taking skin from your ass or your legs. These guys actually grow the skin for you," he explains. "First you have to give them a sample of your skin, which they then replicate. Once that's been done, they sew it on - and it's seamless."

This man is blazing into the unblazed trails of science because simple lasers are too boring for him. Peasants get laser tattoo removal. Ballers get skin grown in a vat and organs from cloned orphans. Just remember, next time you listen to "Pass The Courvoisier", you're the reason Pharrell has mechanical laser eyes and Chad Hugo is able to bite through steel girders.