In which I blow your mind with a statistic about the differences between the rich and the poor and the different races

Are you ready? It involves marijuana too. OK, prepare to have your world shaken.

No city in the world arrests more of its citizens for using pot than New York, according to statistics compiled by Harry G. Levine, a Queens College sociologist.

Nearly nine out of ten people charged with violating the law are black or Latino, although national surveys have shown that whites are the heaviest users of pot. Mr. Bloomberg himself acknowledged in 2001 that he had used it, and enjoyed it.

On the Upper East Side of Manhattan where the mayor lives, an average of 20 people for every 100,000 residents were arrested on the lowest-level misdemeanor pot charge in 2007, 2008 and 2009.

During those same years, the marijuana arrest rate in Brownsville, Brooklyn, was 3,109 for every 100,000 residents.

That means the chances of getting arrested on pot charges in Brownsville — and nothing else — were 150 times greater than on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

GOLLY! More rich white people get away with shit than poor brown people? Oh me oh my, I never expected this. I bet there are more poor black people in our prisons than rich white people too and a massive sentencing disparity too! And there's a hypocrisy and staggering difference in enforcement with our drug laws? Next you'll be telling me the kind of cocaine a black person does is subject to a much harsher prison sentence that the type of cocaine a white person does.

Where's the fainting couch? I'm... I'm going to need to sit down. This is too much to handle.

I am so surprised

Another day, another couple of stories that make you wish you could punch a physical representation of BP right in the sack. First was the story that the rig was damaged and leaking for weeks before the final, catastrophic explosion/mega-leak occurred.

An oil worker who survived the BP Deepwater Horizon explosion has claimed that the oil rig's safety equipment was leaking several weeks before it exploded, triggering the huge spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Tyrone Benton says that he spotted a leak on the rig's Blowout Preventer (BOP), the device that is meant to shut the well down if there is an accident. He told the BBC's Panorama programme that both BP and Transocean, who owned the rig, were informed of the leak, and the faulty part – a control pod – was switched off rather than being repaired.

Wonderful. It's not like the blowout preventer failure and leaks were a major part of the problem, were they? Oh, they were. Super.

But that wasn't all.

BP has been accused by a senior US politician of lying to Congress to reduce its liabilities, after an internal company document showed that the oil giant's own worst-case assessment of the size of the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico was 20 times its public estimate.

In the document, BP attempts to put a figure on the rate of oil spewing into the ocean. It notes that if the condition of the well bore deteriorates to the extent that crucial parts fall off, the rate could reach 100,000 barrels a day.

When the company handed the document to Congress, it was claiming the leak was only 5,000 barrels a day, and that at very worst the figure could rise to 60,000.

The document was circulated by Ed Markey, the Democratic head of the House sub-committee on energy and the environment.

Nice. Well, it's not like accurate numbers on the size of the oil leak is something that would have been useful.

Look, I'm just going to advise you all on a tactic that I've undertook in order to preserve some level of sanity during this whole mess. It'll help you and it'll also help BP. I'm generous like that.

In all circumstances and under all conditions: assume the worst. Right now your working thesis on the entire disaster is that BP, in conjunction with Hitler's robot brain and the Anti-Christ, purposefully exploded their own well and caused this leak in an effort to drive up the price of gas, ruin seafood restaurants, kill cute animals, destroy the world's oceans, and end all life as we know it. In an effort to conceal this fact, they have engaged in the systematic murder of anyone who has figured this out and are in the process of bribing every elected official and law enforcement agency everywhere in order to do their bidding and cover this up. Also, at some point, they drowned a burlap sack full of kittens in the Gulf for fun.

Now how does this benefit you or BP? Well, whenever you hear some new horrifying fact, some awful scientific study on the environmental impact, some new revelation about BP's lax safety records or their naked pursuit of money, or another story about dishonesty, lying, and cover-ups following the spill, you can look at your loved ones and say ''Whew!, Well at least that isn't as bad as the whole global conspiracy, Hitler robot, destroy the earth , murder cover-up plan I heard about. I am relieved.'' You'll feel better in no time.

You're welcome.

Shocking findings

As it is April 15th, Evil Government Stealing Your Money To Give It To The Blacks Day as some know it, there is of course a great deal more attention placed on the Tea Party and the Teabaggers. Because, after all, in addition to being an amateur society of birth certificate experts who could eyeball a man who was born in Mombasa at 100 paces, their movement is ostensibly about taxes or something. That's what the TEA stands for... Taxed Enough Already.

Sure sure, fine fine, they don't actually know anything about taxes or tax cuts they've gotten from Hussein Obama X or really... anything, but they do loudly claim that this is all about taxes... somewhere in between several rants about fascism, how that chubby Glenn Beck boy is right, and how they're holding out hope for that Palin/Bachmann ticket.

But what of the Teabaggers? Who are they? If the immediate thought running through your head was whitewhitewhiteoooohsweetjesusfuckingwhitepeople well... you were right. As a New York Times/CBS News poll explains.

The 18 percent of Americans who identify themselves as Tea Party supporters tend to be Republican, white, male, married and older than 45.

They hold more conservative views on a range of issues than Republicans generally. They are also more likely to describe themselves as “very conservative” and President Obama as “very liberal.”

And while most Republicans say they are “dissatisfied” with Washington, Tea Party supporters are more likely to classify themselves as “angry.”

I am Jack's utter lack of surprise. But only if there was some way this poll also quantified their seeming large scale racial resentment and white victimhood persecution complexes.

Tea Party supporters’ fierce animosity toward Washington, and the president in particular, is rooted in deep pessimism about the direction of the country and the conviction that the policies of the Obama administration are disproportionately directed at helping the poor rather than the middle class or the rich.

The overwhelming majority of supporters say Mr. Obama does not share the values most Americans live by and that he does not understand the problems of people like themselves. More than half say the policies of the administration favor the poor, and 25 percent think that the administration favors blacks over whites — compared with 11 percent of the general public. They are more likely than the general public, and Republicans, to say that too much has been made of the problems facing black people.

No! You don't say!

Lest you think this article and poll is merely there to state the obvious, there is a treasure trove of interviews with Teabaggers who aside from divulging their thought on how Obama is a Kenyan, a Muslim who dishonors this country by not picking a DC church to go to, general rage at "spending" and "waste", blah blah socialism, accusations that Obama is taking America away from what it used to be, how Obama is making the country not great, they are also filled with rage over socialist government programs... which they then reveal they're for when, like with Medicare or Social Security, they are in them.

To quoth Steve Benen at the Washington Monthly

If you were to make a Venn Diagram of the issues Tea Party members care about, and the issues Tea Party members are confused about, you'd only see one circle.

But these are an important group of Americans that it is important we listen to and they will get incessant coverage even though about 4% of the country is a Teabagger and blah blah blah.

At least we now officially know that the Tea Party is comprised of old, rich, ultra-conservative white people who don't know anything about what they claim they're most interested in. At least that's nice to have it finally made official.

21st Century Milgram

Remakes are popular in Hollywood nowadays. God help you if you have an original idea and can't find a way to tie it to a board game, comic book, or movie everyone like, remembers and agrees shouldn't be remade. Well it seems that science is in a similar mood, but this time the abject creative bankruptcy has a useful point. And footage of it is going to be more watchable than most films released this year.

French researchers have reenacted the famous Stanley Milgram's social psychology experiments at Yale. The ones that let people think they were administering lethal shocks to an unseen person at the behest of a teacher and measured societal obedience to authority. The test was conducted in relation to the then recent capture and trial of Adolf Eichmann and was intended to look at whether or not something like the holocaust happened because all the people perpetrating it shared the same goals or were people just following orders no matter how much those orders violated their moral beliefs.

This time the experiment is attempting to measure what people would be willing to do for the promise of money and fame on a TV game show.

A French TV documentary features people in a spoof game show administering what they are told are near lethal electric shocks to rival contestants.
...
They say the documentary shows how many participants in the setting of a TV show will agree to act against their own principles or moral codes when ordered to do something extreme.

The Game of Death has all the trappings of a traditional TV quiz show, with a roaring crowd chanting "punishment" and a glamorous hostess urging the players on.

And you want to know the chilling part? In Milgram's experiments only 62% of the people would end up administering lethal shocks. In the game show experiment, with people thinking they were on TV and winning money? 80% doled out lethal shocks.

Stay classy, society. On the BBC website they have footage of the 'gameshow'. It's essentially Who Wants to Be A Millionaire with a torture chamber. Which is to say it's a less painful version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire.

Not that there's anything wrong wth that

In what is likely a crushing blow to Sean, myself, and our large Chinese gay readership, we have some unfortunate news to report. The first annual Mr. Gay China pageant? The one we were all eagerly awaiting? It's shockingly been canceled. I know, I can't believe that a gay pageant wasn't allowed to be held in China either.

Now while the first impulse is to blame China's communist police state for it's bigotry and hostility towards anyone who is different or expresses a unique thought, that would be mistaken. It was just a wacky mix-up.

"They said the content, meaning homosexuality, there's nothing wrong with that, but you did not do things according to procedures," Zhang said.

He said police told him he needed official approval for events that included performances, in this case a stage show.

I didn't know they had translated the "Not that there's anything wrong with that" episode of Seinfeld into Mandarin. Good to know that it's not part of the Chinese government's long practice of shunning and intimidating gays, it's just a minor permit snafu. Like all the permit snafus that I bet public gay events run into. I'm sure they'll get this problem sorted out never and we'll be able to provide the sort of coverage of Mr. Gay China that we were going to provide as the world's #3 web destination for the Chinese gay community.

On the bright side, the irreverent comic stylings of classic American sitcoms are beginning to take hold across the Chinese mainland. They're up to Season 4 of Seinfeld now, soon we'll be able to crack Soup Nazi jokes together under total government surveillance. I can't wait until they start showing Curb Your Enthusiasm there.

My God, what a stunner

Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that lawmakers and aides in one of the elected branches of the United States Government would be rife with crooks under investigation for various ethics violations and accusations of scumfuckery? I'm a little floored here at the revelation. I mean sure, breach of the public trust, throws a pall over the actions of government, rabble rabble rabble. But I'm talking about the real shockers here: the investigations aren't happening in the Senate and it's only 30 representatives.

House ethics investigators have been scrutinizing the activities of more than 30 lawmakers and several aides in inquiries about issues including defense lobbying and corporate influence peddling, according to a confidential House ethics committee report prepared in July.
...
The 22-page "Committee on Standards Weekly Summary Report" gives brief summaries of ethics panel investigations of the conduct of 19 lawmakers and a few staff members. It also outlines the work of the new Office of Congressional Ethics, a quasi-independent body that initiates investigations and provides recommendations to the ethics committee. The document indicated that the office was reviewing the activities of 14 other lawmakers. Some were under review by both ethics bodies.

Christ, corruption stemming from the defense industry? I mean who would have ever thought that the goal of every military contractor to try to get every military piece of hardware built across as many Congressional districts as humanly possible, would result in undue influence and corruption? Seriously, what was it, like one guy? If you have Lockheed-Martin building something in your district you should be thrown in jail as a precautionary measure. But the defense industry money whores are easy pickens and low hanging fruit, just think of all the extra investigations the House panel can do because of this health care fight. Think of all the investigations the Senate panel can do. Evan Bayh and Joe Lieberman are already giving them plenty of material.

Those who are being investigated include nearly half the House Appropriations defense subcommittee, Charlie Rangel for "inconsistencies" with his and his family's finances, Jane Harman for "shenanigans" relating to Israeli "lobbyists", Maxine Waters for accidentally making sure that a small bank her husband owned stock in got a lucrative federal bailout. I mean sure, like all other ethics investigations, these will probably end with nothing happening or at best a mild censure. Because the basic function of the House and Senate ethics panels isn't to investigate and prosecute members, that would make things awkward in caucus meetings, the point is to have the appearance of looking into the matters that are so egregiously obvious that Congress is forced to act. Like basically everything John Murtha does.

Sorry for the inconvenience, leaked House crooks, I know this is supposed to end with a private words of consternation and the panel clearing you, not having this all pointed out in public by the Washington Post. Here's hoping you learn to keep your crookedness better hidden for the upcoming climate change debate.

Crisis averted....for now

Health Insurance Stocks Rise After Defeat Of Public Option Amendments

Shares of companies that operate private health plans turned higher or trimmed losses in afternoon trading Tuesday after a Senate committee rejected an amendment that would have created a government-run insurance option. Humana Inc. (HUM) shares, which had been down earlier, were recently up 1% at $38.41. UnitedHealth Group Inc. (UNH) shares gained 3 cents to $25.83.

Private health insurers have bitterly fought the creation of a public insurance option, fearing that such an option would cut into their profits. Yesterday, Life And Health Insurance News reported that the insurance industry has responded positively to the defeat of the public option amendments. “We are pleased by the rejection of both the Rockefeller and Schumer amendments,” said Tom Currey, president of the National Association of Insurance and Financial Advisors. Janet Trautwein, president of the National Association of Health Underwriters, also told the press that her organization is pleased by the failure of the Schumer and Rockefeller amendments.

Whew, that's a relief to hear. We have averted the looming crisis of middling stock growth for insurance companies. I'm glad. I wouldn't want our precious health insurance industry to be unable to grub every dime it has coming to it. I'm just sad the stocks grew so little. 1%? 3 cents? For shame, Wall Street. I can only hope that the stocks went up in the previous days knowing that the amendments were almost 100% likely to be defeated. Still, we're not out of the woods yet. Chuck Schumer still seems optimistic and there's still a danger that a public option could come out of the House/Senate conference committee.

Stay vigilant, otherwise our health care system might have to suffer the indignity of lower quarterly dividend payments, creating insurance options that don't vacuum money out of people's pockets in return for nothing, and *shudder* covering sick people. Hopefully we can still avoid that nightmare dystopian future.

Good sign

via ThinkProgress comes this helpful little chart looking at what the stock for several Health Insurance companies did right after Max Baucus announced his health care plan. They rose. I wonder why?

Following Baucus’ announcement, HealthNet shares increased by 3%, United Health Group Inc shares rose by 2.7%, Humana Inc. grew by 2.6%, Wellpoint stock gained 1.7% and Aetna Inc rose 1.6%:

Good to see everything working out for them. I was worried for a while that health care reform wasn't going to go far enough in benefiting the poor, put upon insurance companies. But Wall Street is certain that is does benefit the insurance companies, to the tune of 38% stock growth over the past couple months. Whew! Bullet dodged. Kick up your feet, Max. Mission accomplished, the check is in the mail.

Shocking

Former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge has just written a book he's out there hawking. In the rush to promote the book there are many shocking and stunning revelations that are coming out....that aren't really that stunning or shocking.

Among the headlines promoted by publisher Thomas Dunne Books: Ridge was never invited to sit in on National Security Council meetings; was “blindsided” by the FBI in morning Oval Office meetings because the agency withheld critical information from him; found his urgings to block Michael Brown from being named head of the emergency agency blamed for the Hurricane Katrina disaster ignored; and was pushed to raise the security alert on the eve of President Bush’s re-election, something he saw as politically motivated and worth resigning over.

Oh my, he was pushed to raise those security alerts as part of a politically motivated fear campaign? Thanks for pointing out the blindingly obvious. Nice that you're trying to claim some sort of integrity and spine in this revelation. I mean you "almost resigned" over the complete politicization of terror alerts. Hey, isn't using the threat of terror, real or imagined, to advance your goals...uhh terrorism?

Still you can learn this, plus what I'm sure are some hoary old chestnuts about freedom, vigilance, and the majesty of the bald eagle, in Ridge's new book The Test of Our Times: America Under Siege…and How We Can Be Safe Again. It turns out fake terror alerts are one of those ways to be safe and failing to say anything or do anything about it until a buck can be made counts as passing said test.

I am shocked to hear this

According to a study published by Media Matters, Fox News is putting on health care opponents six times as much as health care supporters. My God, next you'll be telling me that they have multiple shows hosted by deranged right wing pundits who traffic in deluded conspiracy theories, fear mongering, lies, rabble rousing, and unseemly aardvark affections.

All I can say to this dramatic revelations is....really? Only 6 to 1? It isn't more? Because really, when you turn on Fox News it doesn't look like they would even put on one person who supported health care reform. I guess that's just because every show on Fox News where these 63 guests have talked on is hosted by a talking head who is also against the creeping grandma murdering death of Obama's socialist health care wasteland. I'd really like to see a "minutes spent attacking health care reform vs. minutes spent defending health care reform" graph. I can already imagine it: one number bar dwarfing another, the way the Sears Tower dwarfs an ant.

I am shocked to hear this

Sweet baby Jesus, I am surprised at the actions of the health industry. No not fucking with people's health in order to turn a profit, that's to be expected when the only way to make money is to deny people coverage. I mean lying to citizens and lawmakers about polls. That's just uncalled for.

Indeed, the leader of the insurance lobby has sent lawmakers a message: Be careful what you change, because "77 percent of Americans are satisfied with their existing health insurance coverage."
...
The poll Ignagni was citing actually undercuts her position: By 72 to 20 percent, Americans favor the creation of a public plan, the June survey by the New York Times and CBS News found. People also said that they thought government would do a better job than private insurers of holding down health-care costs and providing coverage.

In addition, data from a Kaiser Family Foundation poll last year, compiled at the request of The Washington Post, suggest that the people who like their health plans the most are the people who use them the least.

What? People trust the government over the insurance companies? They prefer a public option? Get the fainting couch, I'm feeling lightheaded. Sure we all know how a public insurance option unlocks Satan from his cage and allows him to walk the earth once more, ravaging insurance corporations and destroying the free market. That soon we'll be in an unending hell hole of British and *shudder* French care, what with their cheaper coverage, better access, and better care.

But what about the "rationing", where we'll only get three squares of chocolate, a packet of sugar, and no surgery? Well they have a former health plan executive in there saying that's exactly what private insurers already do: ration care. So let's see: the public prefers it, the public trusts the government to do it better than private companies, it'll drive down prices, it'll cover everyone, it'll provide better access to care, and at its worst case scenario it'll ration care exactly like insurance companies do. I can see why our elected betters need to stand in the way of this. No wonder the insurance companies have to cherry pick stats.

Money

Hey, you know what the difference is between Senators who oppose new health care measures and those who support them? Well, on average, it's about $1.1 million per year in donations from the health sector according to OpenSecrets. Is your mind blown yet? Politicians getting money from an industry in return for opposing popular legislation. I know, it's unthinkable, but that's what OpenSecrets says is going on with the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, which approved a health care bill yesterday. From the OS report:

* Those members who voted "no" today have received $1.1 million more on average from the health sector since 1989 than those who voted "yes" ($2.2 million versus $1.1 million). This includes contributions from the employees and political action committees of health companies to the lawmakers' candidate committees and leadership PACs.

* Those members who voted "no" have received $118, 227 more on average from insurance companies than those who voted "yes" -- $250,000 compared to $131,800. This includes health and accident insurers, HMOs and health services.

* Those members who voted "no" have received $266,182 more on average from pharmaceutical and health product companies than those who voted "yes" -- $520,100 compared to $253,950.

Shocking. John McCain has been hoarding the most cash, tripling the second place runner up in health sector donations. It has something to do with how mavericky he is. I mean normally someone who gets face cancer every other month would appreciate the need for quality health care and access to it. But McCain's maverick streak (and rich wife paying the bills) allows him to not care about all the medical concerns of the peasant class.

In any event, the bill that passed the Senate Committee 13-10 is remarkably similar to the House bill and includes a public plan. I don't know what's more shocking: money losing out in the Senate or a good idea beating bullshit compromise in the Senate. Surely there must have been some mass hostage taking or bombing threat to cause this sort of deviation from the Senate norm. We can only hope the hostages won't be released until the final vote takes place.

EDIT: Spoke too soon. There's the "centrists" standing up to fuck everyone. Whew! I thought I was going crazy there for a minute when I saw the Senate actually functioning.

You don't say

Lost among the wreckage of Sarah Palin's resignation, confusing basketball metaphors, "quitting is winning", and no less than five appearances gutting carp in hip waders, was the ex-Governor's suggestion that, amongst the many things she's freed up to do politically now she not tethered to the anchors known as "the Alaskan populace", she'd be willing to campaign for conservative Democrats. By actually doing rallies with them. No one really gave much thought to it, because frankly they were still laughing at all the "winners quit" stuff. But now some enterprising reporter remembered that she said and went around asking Democrats about it. They didn't seem thrilled.

Interviews with a number of the most conservative Democrats in the House and Senate induced an awkward, stare-at-your-shoes unease when the prospect of appearing with Palin was posed.

Some of the members lunged for elevators, others moved to get into meetings (or at least behind closed doors), and a few just chuckled nervously and replied in a clipped fashion that reflected an immense desire to not discuss the topic at any length.

What? They weren't thrilled about the idea of campaigning with some one who is not only deeply unpopular within their own party, but is also a toxic electoral poison to independents? I'm surprised. What the article is good for is all the ways conservative Democrats try to phrase their answers without saying "fuck no" or intimate that they'd rather be in an industrial acid accident and have to campaign as some sort of malformed nightmare creature. Or the lame excuses whereby they try to act confused to even the very notion of campaigning with someone. Taking great pains to point out (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary) that they not only dance with themselves, but they campaign by themselves as well.

Oh well, so goes Sarah Palin's attempts to transcend all political borders. Still, she can use all the time she'll have now that she won't be campaigning for Democrats to come up with all new confusing sports metaphors and ways in which ducking your responsibilities is the highest calling anyone can aspire to.

Broken News: A-Rod accused of using steroids on his tongue so he can lie better

Photo excerpt from the new book, picturing Mr. Rodriguez checking his tongue for any needle marks

NEW YORK—With a tumultuous off-season that included the release of a book rife with credible allegations of steroid use, as well as a hip injury requiring surgery and the continuing scorn of the sporting public, Alex Rodriguez is preparing for the media circus to begin anew.

A new book by Selena Roberts, entitled Back For Seconds: I Found Another Corner of A-Rod’s Life That Wasn’t Completely Tarnished Yet, is set to unveil that in the months since the steroid and performance-enhancing drug story went public, A-Rod has taken up a regimen of HGH injected straight into his tongue and prefrontal cortex in an attempt to improve his ability to lie.

Sources close to Mr. Rodriguez feel that the 12-time All-Star and all-time total douchebag, felled by a series of poor interviews and press releases leading to his eventual admittance of having used steroids, thought that his ability to get away with years of steroid use scot-free had been hampered by his poor ability to brazenly lie to fans, reporters, and interviewers all at the same time.

Those same sources state that since the book revealing his steroid use had been released A-Rod has been on an intensive HGH cycle combined with supervised lying exercises to improve his ability to hide a litany of dark secrets, terrible truths and embarrassing anecdotes.

“I would just like to take this opportunity to categorically deny these new allegations,” said Scott Boras, agent of the 3 time AL MVP and perennial fuckwad, during a conference call this morning. “Any and all improvement my client has seen in his ability to lie has come about through hard work and dedication. The man is a world-class athlete and his commitment to living in utter fantasy should not be questioned in any way. He has worked very hard at rigidly repeating the same falsehoods over and over and I shudder to think of people trusting scurrilous accusations about tongue steroids over this man’s commitment to complete mental discipline in the service of dishonesty.”

But baseball statisticians are quick to point out that since A-Rod was rumored to have started his HGH fueled schedule of deceit his lying stats have skyrocketed. Whereas before when no one would believe his declarations that he tried in the postseason, knew the names of his teammates, and had never used steroids, people haven’t been able to stop themselves from believing his recent proclamations that he was sorry he took the steroids, it was a onetime thing, that he was in fact in possession of a discernible human soul, that he had not known the carnal touch of Madonna’s ancient, leathery hide, and that there was more to him than the image of a self-absorbed narcissist who only played baseball for an overwhelming love of money and fame.

Further complicating matters for the rotten shit is that current MLB regulations do not treat illegal drugs taken for improvement of baseball skills any differently than illegal drugs taken for personal reasons, as Manny Ramirez’s recent 50-game suspension for simply trying to stimulate the egg production of his withered uterus clearly shows.

If there is one silver lining for the man millions simply know as A-Roid, it’s that Major League Baseball currently has no comprehensive test to detect HGH. In fact MLB Commissioner Bud Selig already intimated that there was little he could do.

“Unless the players union agrees to more comprehensive testing, my hands are tied,” said Mr. Selig, while taking questions at the league offices in New York. “Besides, I already had a nice conversation with the young man over the phone this morning. He wanted to assure me that not only were these allegations untrue, but that I was also a ‘great, handsome, and virile man’, whose wrath he would be 'foolish to incur’. I think we ended in a good place and I’m glad he called to clear things up. Next question?”

When the assembled press pointed out that Mr. Selig’s looks were “a cruel joke on the human form” and that his haircut resembled that of a dead possum that had been Flowbee’d and placed upon his skull, Selig paused, the realization slowly creeping across his face. “That dirty motherfucker,” he was heard to mutter as he left the room.

For their part, fans have promised to be outraged at this new revelation until Rodriguez hits a few towering home runs in the late innings of one-sided games. From then on, they will return to hating him solely for sports related reasons, only bringing up the steroids in an attempt to inflict mental harm and shame on Yankees fans who have long since stopped caring about anything other than winning.

Picture of the day - 11.14.08

Shocking.

Deadspin's coverage of this landmark moment in presidential history is not to be missed.